All Comments on 'My Return to Hell'

Yeah, yeah, I know it's a typo, but, really, in a story with only four names it's not hard to keep track of their names.

And the pharmacist says, I didn’t know you had a prescription

Unusual plot, a real barn burner ;-) I would never snitch on Gail.

Not a fan of dragging out a "funny" scene until it becomes tedious. Overall funny, but the looooooong portion where she drops one hint at a time in regards to what happened bored me.

Another sad story written by a bitter man. Way worse than a man who enjoys sharing his wife.

A good woman, she saved poor old Richard a lot of trouble ;-)

For such a short story it was long winded and boring.

and the Bastard too.

"way better than" wife sharing stories (for the benefit of the cuck who wrote the last comment). Gail did a bang up job taking care of the adulterers.

Very funny!

For decades, gas stoves have had pilot lights, which are small flames that are lit 24/7. When the valve is opened to send gas to a burner, the pilot light ignites the new flow of gas.

Pouring water on a burner wouldn't put out the flame permanently. The gas is still flowing and the pilot light is still lit. As soon as the water drains away to a level below the burner's gas outlets, a matter of seconds, it will reignite.

Gail needed to turn off the pilot light (by closing the valve that feeds gas to it) then turn on the burners. With no pilot light, the gas to the burners won't ignite.

If there was an ongoing investigation; I would think the police would have met him at the airport? To at least notify him and, he would have an airtight alibi. His neighbor on the other hand would've probably already been questioned.

Otherwise, entertaining story.

decent story.

a lot of the safety features on gas appliances have very little to do with the gas being on. high limit temp. switches, flame roll-out switches, even low pressure switches.

i'm not so sure about ovens. i'm mostly in the know about gas furnaces, gas pacs, heat strips. they all share the same gas line though...

Well done Just_Words.

I liked the delivery of the bad news by Gail.

Along the lines of an old joke .... start with the least bad news first, then build it up.

To those Anonymous comment writers...get some intestinal fortitude and put your name to the comments. It's not that difficult to register and/or login.

FFS

Maybe it's because I never got the joke. I'm not sure what this was supposed to be. It certainly wasn't believable, it wasn't satire, I don't know what it was.

The story is funny. I know they feel threatened by it, but for real men, it's funny as.....I guess....Hell

...burned the bitch, and the bastard...literally. 5 stars. Thanx!

Loklie

Enjoyed your story, as I always do. I have no sense of humor so I didn't catch the joke, but I like a betrayed wife who isn't afraid to light a fire. For the Annon who thinks any thing is worse than a man who shares his wife. You are the joke to me.

I seem to vaguely remember that he told the joke on his TV show. The guy came back from a trip and was met by the butler who told him that the guy's favorite horse had died. How? The barn caught on fire and burned down and the horse died. How? Must have happened from the sparks from the house . . . etc.

Aren't we all so glad its just fiction? No one getting screwed over like that would ever really want anything bad to happen to the cheating fuckheads.

I just hope they didn't die from the blast, but suffocated from the lack of oxygen. Wow, she fucked them both to death, and didn't even have to take her clothes off.

Neat.

This is a play on Vaudeville joke goes back to the 1920s.

Your dog Died.

How did my dog die?

Is dog house caught on fire

How did his doghouse catch on fire?

The fire came over from the garage

Calling her the sweetest and one of the sexiest women he knew was too much. Up until then, he thought his wife was faithful and to go from that to flattering another woman to bust his nuts off in was unbelievable.

Call the cops, sure. Hell, don’t call the cops, fine....but he went from madly in love with his wife to believing she disrespected and denigrated him to her lover.

Reality is always more entertaining.

Such a piece of hateful filth... Take your bile and go elsewhere... Such a waste...

For the read.

i think is good short story

I like it enough to give it ****. Short and to the point.

Loved your beginning of the "shaggy dog" joke. When it comes to cheating and the husband or wife, in this case, since it wasn't in his face, scorched earth policy. If he had walked in and seen it himself, nuclear response. He didn't get to do either, Gail did. Apparently she had the same policy. If they died in the fire, I have no problem with that. She got hers, him not so much, but then again it saved him a lot of trouble and effort.

That happened to me yrs ago with my 2nd wife. Not in the exact order, but it happened. I think what Gail did was pretty trick. People get emotional with issues like this. Once upon a time dueling was an acceptable; Future President Andrew Jackson dueled because the other guy insulted Jackson's wife. Jackson Was hit hard but not mortal and was able to return fire kill the other guy. Arron Burr (really a very interesting guy) and Alexander Hamilton dueled. Hamilton lost and paid the price. Dueling became illegal and that, over a time, changed people and society in general. Now, when somebody commits a crime of passion, they usually go toe prison. But sometimes I think the old ways are better, it depends. Just because Gail initiated it act, I presume she was very angry but it was premeditated. So she skated. So what? "Be sure you're right, then go ahead". So she did.

If you unplug my gas stove and turn the gas on, the gas will flow into

the room. you can turn the gas on and not turn it to gas light and not

unplug the stove and make A gas leak.

Then it became a silly bit of nonsense. I realize it was a joke, but it missed the punch line.

KB

Don't listen to people like that Two... something crap, you done well.

You should write part two where he gets involved with her, in a good way.

It would shit Twopull and assholes like him.

PS: i know that in real life law looks badly at people like her, but (and, yes there is a BUT) because not long ago they would be stoned to dead for the crime.

When you think that more then half world's population pretends to follow The Book

that promotes it, comments like that are really funny. 5

Couldn't she have moved the car.

Those were some "No Reply" Apple Trees ? If so , then they deserved it ! lmao .

Always like your stuff .

I believe the joke is "The cat on the roof" joke?

I enjoyed it. Not that crazy about apples though.

chuckle

Who's heard "Walking from Georgetown to Hell"?

Harryin VA knows the original joke I had in mind, although Anonymous remembers the Flip Wilson version. sbrooks103X knows the (I think) newer version of the joke that ends with "Your mother is on the roof".

Sorry for those who do not enjoy the joke. I did my best to do it justice, but it was a BTB story in the end.

That was a very happy ending

ones loss is someones gain. TK U MLJ LV NV

just fine! Thanks for your efforts!

Thanks! Enjoyable little story!

As one poster stated 'joke' was used frequently on Vaudeville acts, if not before. My favorite version is Flip Wilson's The Gardener as another poster mentioned.

Killian

This belongs in Readers Digest, not Literotica.........sigh

His apple trees will take years to replace, years!!

Nice twisted little short slight shift from the norm and so much better than some of the drivel that's been posted recently.

Hubby returns home and to find his wife and her lover murdered and his house burned to the ground. Naturally, he shacks up with the murderess.

It isn't all all confusing.

He came home to find out a friend had taken care of a pest problem she discovered. Of course he's grateful. Why wouldn't he show his appreciation?

Was that "burn the bitch" or "blowup the bitch"? Pretty harsh ending for a couple of cheaters. But dead is dead. I'm not sure about your mechanism though. In an old gas stove there are pilot lights that are burning all the time and allow the burner to light when you turn it on. You'd really have to flood a LOT of water onto the stove top to put out all those pilot lights. The gas would then be flowing from the pilot lights and the burners. On new stoves, the pilot lights are electronic. Turn on the burner and an electronic spark sets the gas on fire on the burner. Water would have no effect on those. She turns on the burners and she has 4 or 5 burners burning. Even if she had an old stove and the pilot lights were out and the gas was flowing out, you'd STILL need a flame to ignite the gas. A candle would work. If the hot water heater was nearby and had a pilot light on it, that would work. But it would take a LOT of time for the gas to flow out and find a source like that. In the meantime the lovers are done, get dressed, go out, smell the gas and leave. This plot doesn't work. Try again.

It was nice to read that women are also humiliated by cheating husbands. So much for the “male ego” excuse so prevalent in our current feminist literature.

....in Hell, Michigan where, between Thanksgiving and St. Valentine's Day, the average temperature is 23 or 24 deg F!

Turn on the stove, don't allow the electronic pilot enough time to light burner, and the gas still comes out, and begins to fill the room... no water necessary, though she might not know that. They live on the outskirts of Hell (Hell's anteroom? ha ha!) and they use propane. Propane's density is about half again that of air so it sinks down into the basement, where it will find, relatively quickly, the pilot for the Domestic Hot Water heater, or the Furnace, for the home. This is a no brainer.....

I'm afraid you have thought about this a bit too much. (joke)

Thanks for your comments.

And after a respectable amount of time, they lived happily ever after.

Absolutely love your stories...about time some of these damn cheaters get theirs for deal...lol

Certainly a good story but I just can't feel good at anyone being murdered. Some of the revenge scenarios here ,including this authors', are doozies and are more enjoyable so 4of5 instead of 5/5..

Killing cheaters is too rough for real life, but then, this is fiction. Thank for providing a twist that surprised both the hubby and This Reader.

Five stars!

... but I agree with the overall consensus that it's a bit too short. In my opinion it stopped right when it was getting interesting. I'm probably taking the storyline too seriously for what it was meant to be but I find the idea fascinating. He clearly likes Gail and she seemed to like him quite a bit more than he knew but they've both had a tremendous shock and are experiencing a huge loss, the MC especially after losing literally everything but what he'd brought with him. It makes sense after all he just witnessed and heard that he'd go to bed with Gail that night.

What intrigues me is what might happen afterwards. I don't think for a second that he'd turn Gail over to the police but what does he do with her? They like one another and share a bond of mutual betrayal and hurt but deep down he now knows what exactly she's capable of. Can you trust someone who would kill two people, even though she was experiencing the worst emotional pain they can imagine? Imagine what else she's capable of if she could flush the MC's entire life down the toilet in a moment of passion without even thinking of him. Maybe it was a reaction from her that stemmed from devotion, and more precisely the betrayal of that devotion and she wasn't thinking at all. What would it be like to be the focus of that kind of devotion after she healed her heart?

Regardless, I'd like to read a story where these two face the police, fire department and insurance companies together and try to make a life from the ashes of their old one. Even if they didn't make it, it'd be a really interesting, emotionally charged story. It's a really interesting premise and I enjoyed what was written already, it's just a shame it was more of a joke story than anything else.

u are really bad with names lol. u should write down or type a list of the names that ur going to put into ur stories. i didnt get the joke sorry. there were a lot of things in the story that could have been a joke. and then there is what u think a joke is. some ppl think a "saying" can be a joke but is not. for example "hell freezing over" is a saying not a joke

A new spin on BTB! Do they still have signs up coming into town that say "Welcome To Pure Hell" and "You Are Now Entering Hell"? I know all about average temps in lower and upper Michigan, no matter the average it gets cold. When you can freeze Lake Michigan over that's cold. Pennsylvania also has Intercourse and Bird In Hand in Dutch country no less. Only have one question, how did Gail know when to meet him at Metro? Shame about the pony and the apple trees. Signed: BTW

Best story about Hell I've ever read. I enjoy cheaters going out with a bang. Been to Pa Dutch country. Intercourse is right between Blue Balls and Paradise. Those Amish are big jokers.

Sacré bleu!

Intercourse really is between Blue Ball (6 miles NE) and Paradise (2 1/2 miles SW). robroy's comment was even better than this funny little tale.

U missed the c in Auckland. T Kiwi

Another goodie. Thanks for the chuckle.

And yes, I got the joke. ...well, more of a pun, really.

Who's Janet?

Nice. Very nice. Brrrrrrr....

this was OK, buy death is too good for cheaters. The consequences of their actions needs to sink into their brains in some way.

I lived in Michigan for a year - there is nothing like coming up on a sign at the edge of a community that says "WELCOME TO HELL". You ponder whether to keep going or change your route! The community was good just like the story.

Obviously, I'm a Michigander and have heard all the jokes about Hell and it's Welcome sign. What most people don't know is that you can actually drive from Hell to Paradise in a few hours; Paradise is in the UP about an hour northwest of Sault Ste. Marie.

I know that has nothing to do with this great little story, but I'm a sucker for stupid trivia like that. Great little story with only the one significant gaff, Janet?

detroitdave

PS I was born in Michigan and it is hell in the Winter, five to six months worth!

I've always liked this story, makes me smile. It sucks you in until the punch line...yes the punch line. JW said up front this was based on a joke, so criticism about this detail or that law are superfulous. I especially loved how Gail told him by starting with the apple trees 😂😂😂. 5*

Well she sent them all to Hell....

/

I've actually be to 'Hell and back' many times. Hell MI has a darn good paintball course! But MI Hell cannot top Vietnam's hell.

/

5*, just rewards..... Hooyah, salutes...

I like the story, it has a good ending. AAA++

So sad about the Mustang. Let's hope that Stangstar never finds out.

Is everyone here from Michigan or Texas? Good little story, very funny and kind of sweet. If I were this man, I'd be shrugging too: he got a trade-up, from the sounds of things, as did she.

The BTB was “very hot”! Lmao. Guess what, no splitting of assets, no alimony, no give up the house (he gets the insurance money), no verbal abuse from the ex-wife, no ridiculing by his former best friend about screwing his wife. Ahhhh, that is the best way to separate from a Cum slut wife!

Great story that is much easier to understand the second time through. I share your pain about the apple trees, but replace the mustang with a Jeep Wrangler. It's great when Hell freezes over. I used to think, based on places like Detroit and Flint, that all of Michigan was Hell, but a friend of my wife's invited us to a summer vacation on the Upper Peninsula. It was incredibly beautiful, and changed my opinion on Michigan completely.

If the MC decides to try a long term relationship with Gail, I'd suggest an all electric home if they have those in Michigan. If not, oil heat and electric appliances would still be safer than gas if he ever pissed her off.

"If my Taylormade Fujikura Ventus Blue 6 Graphite Shaft Driver is damaged, there will be hell to pay."

Yes, short and sweet "divorce", no negotiations, no debates, no recriminations, just done and well done.

And that my friends is the way to do it.

Death is too good for cheaters. They need to live a long life of regrets.

Great fun read. I DID get the old joke BTW. Just a slightly different outcome.

I did enjoy the and then and then

5 stars - a new meaning for ONE&DONE

Works for me - the slut and the ASSHOLE had it coming and no one went to jail.

The cat is on the roof… Yup!

I kept expecting, "I'm furious! Why couldn't you save my Mustang??" But then I remembered that's a different author. :-)

Kudos to you, Gail

2nd time for me and its still a good one!

Good one.

Ed

I liked it. Sorry about the mustang, but living in Hell MI you might want something with four wheel drive anyway.

Jajaja, me encantó sobre todo la descripción de Gail del accidente empezando por los manzanos 5estrellas

Gas stoves don't need a flame for the gas to flow. Just someone to operate the stove!!

In your afterwards, you commented about about new gas ranges, yet in the story all you called it was a fancy gas range. Fancy doesn't mean new. We had a 1948 Tappan Deluxe range for quite a few years and my wife was so proud of it. A lot of the older ranges were quite fancy and wouldn't have had any shutoff safety features like you mentioned. I know our Tappan didn't.

Bleak..

I don’t condone the murder of cheating spouses, but I love to read about it. Great story.

Very poor. JW, you are so, so, so much better than this. What the Hell (pun intended) were you even thinking when you came up with this?

I really liked this. I'm not exactly sad about Karen and Jack's fate. Cheating on someone is mentally murdering them, Gail just made it physical.

5 stars

A great idea for a story.

Such a pity the writer seemed to loose interest in it

at the end.

I see it as making yourself a really good meal

and not clean up after it.

I've heard of many writer putting stories on hold

and visit them later to finish them.

Might have been a good idea here.

But an idea as good as this one

deserves positive thoughts.

So I'm going to imagine Just_Words put this story on hold

and finished it the way he started it.

And give it top ratings.

Yes. I know the joke. I think. There are a bunch with a common theme where there are a listed series of ascending reasons or events, leading to a usually violent conclusion, but the clincher is some throw-away thing. (Captain! They called the Enterprise a garbage scow!). So ... maybe I don't have your exact joke in mind.

Tough to get any closure to a lot of questions.

Works for me, J_W, thanks for sharing. I believe that Gail walking into that house at that time and seeing what she did was just serendipity. Just good fortune that came together and gave her the ability to get her pound of flesh, no pun intended, for being insulted by those two cheating, backstabbing A-holes. Okay, maybe her idea of punishment was a bit extreme but that’s kinda the chance you take when you screw people over. And unlike some people, a little fictional violence doesn’t bother me a bit.

Thanks for an entertaining story, J_W.

5 stars.

Being in Antarctica, New Zealand, Hawaii or San Francisco for the last 3 weeks seems like a •really• hard alibi to break, at least for him.

Her, less so