All Comments on 'My Sister Anastasia Pt. 01'

Let me start by saying that this has the makings of a good series of stories...

Now to what 'sadden's' me about chapter 1, At the top of page one you give a mention to someone for there help in making this a better story as you put it!!

Shame this person didn't pick up on your 'typo'!!

You say:

(Quote) {It's a few minutes before 4:00 and Annie walks into the office. Wow, she is never early. Oh my, she is sexy today. A thin white blouse, no bra. She probably took it off in the car. No way she goes to work like that, I can see her nipples. It's easier since they are so hard. A short black skirt, above the knees.}

Then in no time at all you go on to say.....

(Quote) {She slowly unzips the skirt and allows it to drop to the floor. She is biting her lower lip. Damn, she is sexy. Laura came up behind her and unclasps her bra. Annie is holding the cups to her breasts. She massages the breast before moving on. Laura slowly slips the straps off her shoulders, one by one.}

Which is it??

I do try not too pick apart other people's work because I don't have the skill myself to be able to write. I failed in school due to dyslexia not being addressed and treated correctly, so thing's that may slip past some, stand out a 'country mile' to me and that then spoil's the rest of the story.

Please take my comments in the spirit in which they meant, trying to be helpful

Simon

Thanks for another rousing story, you never let me down. You had a lot happen in this first part and I'm excited to see where you go from here, if you continue.

Why write in present tense? It's just dumb.

i made a mistake. re-reading it, i wish i had caught it. but i have an excuse - with the bra that scene is sooooo damn sexy that i probably just got lost in the moment. Sorry!

Enjoyed the great read. Looking forward to reading many more chapters of this story. Thanks

I should have stopped when you asked me to check reality at the door. A whimsical fantasy story such as this, you should gave given the brother the power of flight, without an explanation of how that power was acquired. Realism, who needs it?

I might have been able to overlook the undeniably unrealistic aspects of the story, if it weren't for the rabid use of sentence fragments and run-on sentences. The second half of the story had me feeling like I was ready the transcript of the testimony of an ADHD patient on meth. You do realize, more than five words can fit between periods, right?

I know you're panicking because you are a decent person.

If that’s the case, why was he sharing a bed with his sister and playing with her tits? Why did he do what he did in the restaurant? Why did he fuck his sister? Doesn’t seem very decent to me.

I actually quite liked part one.