All Comments on 'My Sister Takes Care of Us'

I was going to suggest getting an editor but no editor worth his salt would want to get involved with this story. The theme is worn out, been done a thousand times before but not quite as badly as this.

You said Richard is 40, Alex is 30. A 10 year age gap. also that he always had the hots for her and they were close growing up, and had seen each other naked often. with a 10 year gap, it's extremely unlikely that any of these things would have been true. When Richard was reaching puberty at age 13 or so, Alex would still have been a toddler. when he began college, she would have been in primary school. Unless he's a pedophile, he never had the hots for her. Realistically, they would not have been emotionally close at those ages either. You can only stretch suspension of disbelief so far.

So you're 40 and your sister is 30. Growing up you saw each other naked many times, and you always felt you had the host for each other. So when you headed off for college at 18, you had the hots for your 8 year old sister? I know it's fiction, but you're a sick bastard.

More sister in laws desire each other than they let on.

The story isn't too bad, but could use a little work. It's hard to get past the 10 year age gap, which would've precluded all the nakedness during childhood and teen years. It's very short with too little description of sexual events, part of the fun of erotic stories is hearing how people have sex not just hearing that they humped. There's a few spelling errors as well that distracts the reader from the story, many of which can be cleared up with a spell check. In short, you really should use a proofreader/editor before publishing. I'm not saying stop the work, just a little more effort will make it so much better.

between 'stayed' and 'staid'?

How about all the other errors?

It definitely has potential. You need to slow down, and add more detail. You glossed over some great sex scenes. Grammarly helps with editing. Get an editor. It's not easy finding one, but they are a huge help.

So he’s 40 and the sister’s 30 and he “had the hots for her” when they were kids. Is that just me or does it sound a little sick, considering the 10-year age gap?

It's just not very good. You need an editor very badly. Well it started off pretty unlikely and got worse. I didn't like the characters at all, what there was of character development was not fun.

I tripped over the word "staid" (which "is" a work but not in the context of the story), but I soon got over it. Until I encountered another "staid" used in the place of "stayed".

So, call it curiosity, but I'd like to know if that's an error, or do you really believe it's correct?

That escalated quickly!

Like what others said, you had the hots for your sister as kids.. your 10yr older than her.. so when you were a kid I.e 15 she was 5... hmmmm

I think you got carried away with yourself, you let your imagination go all over tha place..

Delete and try again

If I could I would be minus 5 stars

Everyone has mostly covered it - this is BAD!

By your own example, ("She helped the *doctor's* put a cast on"), if you were consistent, this is how your piece would read...

I don't like getting sick and I especially don't like hospital's.

One day I was working around the house doing odd repair's when I tripped and broke my right wrist.

My wife, Connie, had just flown out of town for a conference so I called my friend who took me to the emergency room where they took great care of me. When we got there, my younger sister, who is an ER nurse wound up attending to me.

After she gave me a lecture on taking care of myself, she got me ready to go home. She helped the doctor's put a cast on my wrist and gave me my instruction's.

A few hour's later, they were ready to release me.

However, while I was still in the ER, my sister, Alexandra or Alex for short, and who did excellent job with me, told me she would stop by to check up on me since my wife was out of town.

I told her I would appreciate it since I am right handed and couldn't do much, including any driving.

Smiling, I asked her if she would like a job taking care of me until my wife came home, about a week.

She laughed and said she would be able to stop by after work. We made arrangement's for her to... etc.