My Sister's Love

***

Other than the normal household chores and sewing with Ma, the other thing that occupied a lot of my time was writing letters to Mary and reading her replies to me. As my 17th birthday approached in May, her letter arrived with a birthday present and an invitation. The invite was to join her and Leo in Columbus for the summer and the present was the train ticket to get there as well as a pair of pretty gold earrings.

Mary and I had a wonderful time that summer, and I wore my little earrings practically every day. She worked four days a week as a nurse at St. Clair Hospital, near their home in the Olde Towne East district, while Leo worked in an office downtown near the state capitol. While she was at work, I often toured the city, sometimes sketching pictures of what I saw, and spending the evenings with Mary and Leo. Some afternoons, I helped Mrs. Myers, their elderly cook, in the kitchen, where she taught me dishes that Ma had never made, and I taught her a few Irish dishes that Ma had taught me over the years.

The other person I saw with some frequency that summer was Leo's brother, Alex Walsh, who came by at times and may have even taken a liking to me. However, the younger Walsh was not his brother. We were often teamed together by Mary and Leo to play bridge, but it wasn't by choice on my part. After a rather raucous Saturday evening near the end of the summer where Alex and I finally came within one trick of knocking off the traditional champions, Alex asked me to walk with him the following afternoon. I politely declined but the lovebirds, attempting to play matchmakers, claimed to be going out on Sunday afternoon and felt that a quiet stroll would do me good. I stared daggers at my sister and gave Leo a look of disbelief that he would treat me so, but neither effort worked and on Sunday afternoon, I found myself walking beside Alex.

"What do you think of our fair city?"

"Ahhhemm...it's not Philadelphia?" I replied, hoping he wouldn't be too offended at my snub but not too worried about it if he did.

Alex, however, was too enamored with Columbus to even notice, pointing out historic features, then a property owned by a distant cousin, a building built by another relative years earlier, and finally, an ice cream shop. Sadly, the latter was the only one that really interested me, but we walked on past, with me looking over my shoulder as it disappeared around a corner behind us. Again, Alex didn't notice.

However, he did try to hold my hand as we walked, but I pointedly crossed my arms over my chest, serving to cover myself to prevent his perusal, and tucked my hands under my arms, effectively blocking his advances. When he tried to slip an arm through mine, I turned away to "look" at something else, though in truth, there was absolutely nothing there worth seeing.

When we returned to Leo and Mary's home, I politely thanked Alex for the tour and ran inside without letting him kiss my hand or without inviting him in. Maybe he got the hint, for he didn't try to follow me, or perhaps it was because I'd locked the door and he didn't have a key.

After dinner that evening, Mary came up to my room. "Clara, how did you enjoy your walk with Alex today?"

Still angry at her for setting me up, I couldn't look into her eyes as I said, "I, ah, really didn't care for it."

She nodded, knowingly. "Clara, you've only recently turned 17, but the time will come when walks become romantic and the gentle touch of a man's hand thrills you. Alex is a good fellow, so some day, your opinion of him may change, too."

I stared at my feet, not knowing how to tell her that my opinion of Alex would never change, whether I was 17 or 70. He would never interest me, for he would never be his brother.

***

I'd received a position at a small neighborhood school, so that fall, I started my teaching career with early elementary students. It was good, challenging work, and I enjoyed my students, for the most part. I learned to appreciate the effect of the flick of a ruler, though I tried to use discipline sparingly in comparison to what I recalled when I was that age.

Billy Briggs started calling on me during the Fall of 1920, too.

"Clara, would you like to ride with me?" he asked, pointing to his recently acquired Ames Coupe parked down the street in front of his home. It looked old and it clanged and smoked when he drove it, always announcing his arrivals and departures to the neighborhood.

"Thank you, Billy, but I best decline," I replied, as much from not wanting to find myself on the side of the road far from home, either from breaking down or from declining his amorous advances, as thoughts of what my father would say to such an idea.

Still, Billy called on me frequently that fall and during the winter of 1921, and we would occasionally sit on the front porch talking while Ma knitted or Pa read his newspapers. Billy had grown into a strapping young man, about 6-foot-three and about 210 pounds, but he still tended to act as he had when he was thirteen or fourteen. It was after one of his visits that I told Pa in no uncertain terms that he wasn't to agree to allowing Billy to see me on a courting basis.

I was surprised when Pa smiled and gave me a hug. "I always knew you were a smart one, Clara, and you proved it again today. You keep being Billy's friend, if you wish, but if you don't want more, I can't say as I blame you."

Billy Briggs was a pest for the rest of the winter and through the spring, but I was glad as summer neared that I'd be escaping from him and, once again, be going to spend the summer in relative solitude with my sister and her love.

***

My 18th birthday was near the end of the school year and I received two lovely cards in the mail. The first was from Mary and Leo, with Mary including a long letter of our usual sort, but Leo including a short script on the card itself.

Happy Birthday, little sister! Love, Leo

I probably spent as much time ruminating on and then pining away about Leo's short nothing as I did at Mary's four pages. Little sister, indeed! But he used "Love" as his closing! Of course, I knew he didn't mean it like that, but still...

The second card gave me a great deal of pause as it was from Alex, Leo's younger brother.

Happy Birthday, Clara. I hope that this card finds you well and looking forward to returning to our great city. I've missed you since our time together last summer and hope that we might get together again in the coming weeks to defeat our foes at the table and to see if there might be more between us than it first seemed. I look forward to seeing you with bated breath and high hopes for what may follow.

Sincerely yours,

Alex

I groaned aloud, leading Ma to come over and put her arm around me.

"Man troubles, Clara?"

I nodded. "He's nice but I don't think I like him like that."

"Be certain before you go too far, dearie. You're young so I'll tell you that it's much easier to correct a mistake from the start rather than to spend your entire life wishing you had."

***

The changes that started soon after the end of the war were quite obvious by the summer of 1921. Prohibition was in full force, women had achieved the right to vote, and there was a general laxness in what had previously been the established social order. Speakeasies, so called because their names should not be spoken aloud among strangers or those who might inform to the federal police charged with enforcing the restrictions, were established in most cities and many towns. Drinking and dancing became common among their patrons.

Alex Walsh showed up at Mary and Leo's the night I arrived and promptly, without asking Mary or Leo, asked if I wished to go dancing with him.

"It'll be fun, Clara, you'll see! Come!"

"I don't know, Alex. I'm really not into that."

"You won't know until you try it," he said forcefully. "Saturday night, I'll be here at 8 to pick you up."

Mary, the ninny, encouraged me on Saturday afternoon, and even gave me a new dress she said would be stylish. I blanched on seeing it, barely covering my knees!

"Clara, it's a new day," Mary said excitedly. "Women have the right to vote and we must take more responsibility for ourselves, particularly where it comes to courting." She leaned in, whispering to add, "Some people aren't even calling it courting anymore, but rather dating, and a lot of young women are making their own choices without input of their parents or elders. You're eighteen now and deserve that same right, so Leo and I are going to let you make your own choices this summer as long as you exercise proper care. Agreed?"

I readily agreed, suddenly feeling grown up for the first time until I was faced with the choice and the expectations of Mary and Leo staring at me. Making my own choice would have been to say "No!" repeatedly and emphatically, but I finally went along with Alex's request and that evening, we went downtown, flitting from watchman to watchman before secretly making our way into a dark building that looked to have seen better days.

Down the spiral stair we went, with me wearing that all-too-short dress, all the while fearing someone would be looking up to see my underpants. I needn't have worried, though, for we entered a dark, smoky room where music played (but not so loud as to be heard by those upstairs out on the street) and drinks flowed.

He took me by the hand and led me onto the dance floor, where we danced two quick songs where I attempted to imitate the other female dancers while Alex stepped perfectly in time with the men. Then, on the third, he took me in his arms as the music slowed and couples danced, touching. I tried my best to stay separated from him, at least by inches, but soon, my midriff brushed his and I felt his hardness rub against my mound, causing me to tingle in excitement and embarrassment. Holding me even tighter, my breasts were trapped against him, as only our lower torsos seemed to be moving together in time.

As the dance continued, the touching did as well, exciting me more than I realized possible, before his hand slipped down from my waist to my buttock.

"Alex! Stop it!" I cried, leading him to grin as he dutifully returned it to its somewhat less offensive position. We finished the dance with his grin being nonstop from our illicit contact.

I breathed a sigh of relief as the song ended and he relaxed his hold on me, but I was, at the same time, strangely excited despite him.

Leaning in, he asked, "Clara, would you like a drink? Soda, orange or apple juice, gin?"

Nervous at the scene all around me, I nodded. "A juice would be good. Orange, if they have it, please."

"Be right back, dear. You stay right there."

I looked around, coughing at the smoke from little fags and bigger stubs. Women, wearing dresses even shorter than my own, smoked and danced around, sidling up to men and shaking their bosoms at the men when not shaking their backsides. I almost felt faint from the combination, and started to look around for somewhere to sit down when someone took hold of my arm.

"Hello, chickadee," said a woman in one of those short skirts with fringes and a deep cut in the front that made me think I'd see her navel if she tipped forward in the least. "What's your name?"

"Clara O'Grady," I replied before I thought it through.

"Clara O'Grady! Why, you're the little missy that Alex's been harping on! Ladies, come! This is Clara, Alex's girl, and such a sweet young thing she is! Come! Meet her!"

I met at least six women before Alex returned, but Melly, the one who'd taken great interest in meeting me and great pains in introducing me was the only one whose name I could remember. When Alex returned with drinks in hand, I was sitting in a chair that I didn't remember seeing before.

"She got hot, Alex, hotter than she already is," explained Melly with a look that made me uncomfortable. "Here, give us that drink."

The girls were surrounding me, keeping Alex back, so the glass went through several hands before it reached Melly, who was grinning. It looked awfully full to me, but she held onto me and put it to my lips so I could drink. The orange juice was bad, with a funny taste. I tried to push it away but Melly resisted and made me drink. "No, you're dehydrated after the dancing, girl. Drink, but don't gulp, Clara," she said, even as she herself was the one pouring it too quickly.

I finally broke away. "It tastes bad," I complained, but Melly shook her head.

"That's orange juice in Columbus for you. Never tastes as good as what you can get in Florida. Just a little more, okay?"

That didn't taste any better than the ones before but I took a few more sips to placate her before saying, "I feel better now. Thank you." The glass, I saw, was almost empty.

The ladies surrounding me stepped back then to let Alex get close to us. "Alex, she's a sweet young tart that would have been eaten alive by most of the other guys here if we hadn't been here to help. You best remember that next time, lover."

It was brazen how she pinched his cheek lightly and kissed him, full on the lips, before giving my hand a squeeze and leading her little entourage away.

Alex led me back to the dance floor where we did another set, but by the time the third song was done, I was feeling worse than before.

"Alex, I think I need to go home," I whispered, barely loud enough for him to hear, but he nodded and was soon leading me on my way.

Perhaps it was the smoke from the cigs and cigars, but I felt dizzy as we left, and Alex ended up picking me up in his arms and carrying me to his car. As he did, I looked down to see his left hand holding my side, almost as if using my left breast as a handle to keep me from falling from his arms, and I thought I felt his right on the outside of my left thigh, up the bottom of my dress. I scolded him, but don't remember his response. I felt flush and disoriented as he sat me in the seat and my eyes drifted closed as he started the engine of his car.

"Goodnight, Clara," he said as I squeezed and tried to open my eyes at the front door. I was in his arms, pressed tight against him. "Do you need me to help you inside?" he whispered, his breath and then lips hot against my neck, causing me to shiver.

"No, no, I'll get it," I replied, struggling to get the key in the lock. He helped and then pulled me close again, his lips connecting with mine, crushing against me as he kissed me on my lips for the first time, my first time. Even in my unsteady state, I felt a tingle unlike anything I'd ever felt, but I pushed him away, telling him goodnight as I went inside and quickly locked the door behind me.

My shoes went flying along the way and I slowly weaved my way up the stairs and down the hall.

I was almost to my room when I heard it, the sound of the bed shaking and Mary moaning in the throes of love. Mary, it seemed, moaned a lot, and, as a result as I stood in that hallway just down from their door, I tingled more and more down there, finally scratching myself to make it stop. Ma had lectured me over and over on being a good girl and never, ever doing that in order, according to the priest, to keep from burning in the fires of eternal damnation. It may have been a minor point but I wasn't a girl any longer, or at least a little one, anyway, so my scratching shifted from above my dress to below it, through my knickers.

My breathing grews short as I scratched for some seconds, only to soon find it wasn't my nails but my fingertips doing the bulk of the work over my underpants. As I did, I think I discovered the yearning my mother and the priest had apparently been trying to shield me from to protect me from God's wrath. Quickly overcome with the sensations unlike any I'd ever known, I decided to let God and Satan work it out between themselves, and I was soon rubbing myself frantically in time with my sister's moans, pretending that it was Leo's fingers or, taking my admittedly skimpy and incomplete knowledge of the act of sexual congress and of men in general, perhaps his cock doing it to me.

Still feeling bad from my experience at the bar, I leaned against the wall as I rubbed, soon finding that little focal point that ignited me so thoroughly. The thin cotton first rubbed against it and then my fingers slid around and around it, even as I slipped and slid down the wall to the floor. My breathing caught for a moment, fearful that Leo and Mary had heard, but Mary's moans were louder still and Leo's pants and thrusts were such that I feared the house would shake down.

When they didn't stop to investigate, I resumed my finger play with a vengeance, running over my spot with the fingers of one hand while slipping two fingers of my other into my slit and running them back and forth. The knickers were soon sopping as Mary screamed out, Leo grunted with a cry for the ages, and I felt myself burst inside with something akin to fireworks of a hundred Independence Day celebrations outside Independence Hall.

I sat there against the wainscot, the bottom of my dress pulled up almost to my waist, as I tried to regain control of my breathing. Mary and Leo were professing their love, but something about that made me realize that they were done and might come out to see me sitting in the hall like a twisted debauchee. I quietly rose, rather unsteadily, and scrambled the few feet down the hall to my room before quietly closing the door.

***

Chapter 4

It was after 10 AM when I awoke on Sunday morning, with Mary sitting on the edge of my bed looking at me.

"Good morning, Clara," she said quietly. "Did you have a nice time last evening?"

My head pounding, I started to shake it, but that hurt too much, so I mumbled something approximating "No."

"What time did you get in last night?"

"Don't know," I said. "Don't remember."

"Well," she said slowly, fidgeting, "we got up at 11:00 PM to wait up for you since Leo and I both recall you and Alex agreeing that you'd be home by midnight. We waited...and waited...and then we found a shoe in the front hall."

"A shoe?"

"Your shoe, Clara, one at first, and then the other in the kitchen. On the counter. Would you know anything about that?"

"No," I said, fearing what was coming more than what she'd related so far, but she got right to it anyway, this time whispering as she did.

"Thank God I told Leo I'd check on you alone for I found you on the bed with your party dress still on, at least partially, anyway...and wet bloomers on the floor instead of covering you as they should have been. Clara, what on God's green earth did you do last night?"

The truth, of how I surreptitiously joined them in their lovemaking, would have likely resulted in me being tossed on my behind, or worse, out on the street, so I decided to admit to the lesser of my failures, as terrible as they were. "Alex took me to a speakeasy where we danced too closely. Then, I think somebody put something in my drink—some kind of alcohol that made it taste funny. It made me feel queasy, so he brought me home."

"Did he bring you inside?"

"No, I closed the door and locked it to keep him out."

She breathed what sounded to be a sigh of relief. "Clara, do you know when you came home?"

"No, no idea," I replied, hoping against hope that she wouldn't continue that line of questioning and make me lie to her about not hearing them in their conjugal activities.

Fortunately, she spared me. "I'm glad you're safe, and I hope you'll learn from this. Men, and, yes, women, sometimes spike drinks for women in hopes of letting down their guard, but it's a cruel sport, and can end terribly for the woman."

Alex did it, I thought, or possible those girls, but didn't say it aloud, similarly wanting to spare her and not cause trouble between Mary and her brother-in-law. However, that didn't mean that I wouldn't cause my own trouble with him.