My [Task] Master

This piece is a loving tribute to my ultimate celebrity crush. It needs a little suspension of reality but know that I know where the inaccuracies are and please know they were intentional for the flow of the story. I wrote this story as a way to release my own pent up feelings for The TaskMaster but I share it here on the chance that others feel the same way about the Magnificent Beast. Enjoy!

*****

Prologue

"Now let's see. What have we learned tonight? We've learned that Americans are just as horrible as we Brits have been saying all along. But most importantly we've learned that Morgan Campbell is tonight's winner!" Greg Davies threw his arm back as the curtain revealed comedian Morgan Campbell approaching the week's prizes.

The audience roared with applause and the familiar music of the TaskMaster theme played loud over the auditorium speakers. The production manager announced that it was a wrap on episode one of the first American series of TaskMaster- the show that had been a wild success for over half a decade in the United Kingdom was finally coming to the States. The big wigs at NBC had wanted to buy the production out, restructure and recast the show with their own hand picked hosts, but Alex Horne, the show's creator and the genius behind all the tasks had refused to give up any creative control. In fact he had charmed the Americans into giving him and Greg Davies five year contracts at triple the pay that they'd had at Channel 4. And to no one's surprise the excitement for the new series was high. The tickets to the live show tapings had been grabbed up in record time by the hundreds of Americans who had been watching online for years.

Now the first episode had wrapped and the audience in the theatre was hurried out and the hosts and contestants filed back to the green room for drinks. The first season talent was Donald Glover, Eugene Mirman, Fortune Feimster, Kumail Nanjiani, and that night's winner, Morgan Campbell.

Morgan Campbell, an up and coming comedian, had just finished her first headlining national tour when the call came to be on the show. With the buzz around TaskMaster, she'd just signed contracts for her first recorded comedy special with Netflix and was working on material for a new world tour. She was the youngest and freshest comedian in the group but she didn't let that hold her back. The others congratulated her as they came backstage with laughs and hugs and the drinks started flowing. Morgan was handed two glasses of prosecco before she could even sit down.

Morgan found a seat next to Donald Glover just as Alex Horne and Greg Davies appeared in the doorway. Davies towered over Alex who at 6' 2" was by no means a short man, but Greg was basically a giant at 6'8" with solid, broad shoulders and eyes that commanded a room. The comedians and the production team halted their own conversations for a round of applause for the Brits.

Alex waved his hands to quiet them and gave a small speech of thanks and congratulations to the group and then the mingling continued. Greg Davies, with his own drink in hand, approached Morgan with a smile.

"Quite an impressive first episode for you Miss Campbell," he said holding his glass up in a feigned toast to Morgan.

Morgan laughed and raised her own glass, "Thank you very much."

"I can tell you're really taking this competition seriously and giving a full effort to the tasks" Greg continued.

"Yeah, I'll admit I'd really, really like to win the series."

"Of course," Greg nodded. "I'm sure you want to show yourself in this group of comedians. Forgive me for saying it, but you're probably the least well known of the bunch."

"Oh, I'm well aware," Morgan agreed. "And yeah, the win would probably be a good boost for my career- I mean it already has been, but honestly I want to win that trophy!"

She was of course referring to the gold painted trophy of Greg Davies' head that was given to each season winner. Greg looked puzzled, "You do realize that's an absolutely ridiculous trophy? It's not even worth anything; it's made of plastic."

"Oh, I know! I want to win it for my PA."

"Your PA?"

"Well she's a lot more than my personal assistant. She's my best friend and basically the person who is responsible for every good thing that has happened to me since college."

"High praise indeed," Greg raised his dramatic eyebrows as he took a sip of his drink.

"Her name is Laura and we were roommates in college where we both studied theatre. After graduation we moved to Chicago and got an apartment together and when my stand up started getting traction, Laura managed my schedule on top of her auditions and work and eventually it made more sense for me to hire her to do everything she was already doing...I suppose you could say I'm Bette Midler and she is 'the wind beneath my wings'."

They both laughed at that.

"But seriously, Laura is a huge fan of yours. I'm pretty sure you're her favorite comedian...and she literally works for me," Morgan explained.

"Is she here?" Greg glanced around the room.

"No. I couldn't talk her into it tonight. She wanted to come meet you of course, but she got too nervous at the last minute."

Greg chuckled, "Well you make sure to tell her I'm not as scary as I look and I can't wait to meet her!"

"I'll tell her and then when she wakes up from fainting I'll tell her again!" They both laughed and clinked glasses again.

Chapter 1

**Five Months Earlier**

Morgan turned the key in the lock and pushed open the door of the Chicago apartment she shared with her best friend and personal assistant/manager Laura Whittmann. She was surprised to hear the television on and upon entering the living room she found Laura was there and not in Iowa visiting her family like Morgan thought she was.

"You're back early?" Morgan observed.

"No. I'm back right on time," she pointed to the calendar which did indeed have a note on today's date that said 'Laura back from Vacation.'

"See this is what happens when you go away; I have absolutely no idea what is happening with my schedule!" Morgan laughed.

Laura muted the TV and looked at Morgan.

"What?"

"There was a voicemail left on your business line this morning..."

"Okay, and?" Morgan was confused.

"It was your Los Angeles agent saying you'd gotten an offer from NBC...for Taskmaster?!"

"Oh shit! I told Alan to call my personal phone with that!"

Laura jumped up from the couch, "So it's real? You have an offer to be on the American version of TaskMaster?"

"Uh...yeah?"

"Oh My God!!" Laura ran to Morgan with a scream of delight. "Why didn't you tell me you got an audition? I sent your reel in ages ago but hadn't heard anything!"

"I didn't want to tell you I got an audition because I didn't want you to get your hopes up and then me not get it," Morgan admitted.

"But how did you keep it a secret??"

"Oh it was very very hard! Thankfully my audition was here in Chicago and it was while you were back home so you didn't have my schedule memorized for the week."

Laura flopped on the sofa in a daze, "Wow! You're going to be on TaskMaster!"

"Well if I accept the offer," Morgan said.

Laura shot her daggers, "Oh you're doing it! And I am going to meet Greg Davies and my life will be complete!"

"Of course I'm going to do it!" Morgan laughed and collapsed down next to Laura.

"Let's watch an episode now and start your training!" Laura exclaimed.

Morgan rolled her eyes but agreed.

Morgan signed her TaskMaster contract and in October she spent two weeks in Los Angeles filming her tasks with Alex Horne and some team tasks with Eugene Mirman and Donald Glover. The TaskMaster production team had rented a little villa in Culver City and decorated it as the 'Taskmaster's Holiday home' complete with photos of Greg Davies on all the walls and a silhouette weathervane atop the roof. Laura went along every day as Morgan's one person entourage. They had been told that the tasks were under the strictest secrecy and if they revealed what was coming on the show Morgan would be disqualified.

Laura was over the moon to be on the TaskMaster set. She helped the crew with set up whenever she could and during breaks she spent as much time talking to Alex Horne-who was one of her personal heros-as possible.

One day during a lunch break Laura was seated with Alex and they were discussing food based tasks.

"We don't do an overabundance of food tasks," Alex said. "They don't go over well with the contestants."

Laura nodded, chewing her turkey sandwich, "You know, I bet they would work better in America. Food is a big deal here. And I think Americans will go for the 'Fear Factor' type gross-out challenges more readily."

"I'll keep that in mind for next season," Alex said. "You know Laura, you're really good with task ideas and set up."

"Thanks!" She smiled. "I think I'm a lot like you, Alex. I have a mind for administration...and an overwhelming adoration for the TaskMaster."

Alex chortled, "Have you met Greg yet?"

"No. I keep vacillating between excitement and dread on that."

"Oh, he's a really nice guy. You shouldn't be nervous," Alex said.

"Easier said than done!"

Alex laughed. "Well I'll be sure to put in a good word for you, Laura."

"Thank you, Alex," Laura beamed.

Studio show filming began in February at a small theatre in Burbank. Morgan, while becoming more well known, didn't have the kind of funds to be able to fly back and forth between LA and Chicago every week so she and Laura had gotten suites at an extended stay motel. Morgan did gigs at well known LA comedy clubs during the week and did some pilot reads for new sitcoms.

The morning of the second studio show taping, Morgan was still trying to convince Laura to come along.

"Laura, you will absolutely kick yourself if you don't come again! This is your favorite show. I mean, I know you're an introvert, but I've never seen you be this nervous about meeting someone!"

"I just don't want to make a fool of myself!" Laura called behind the closed door of her bathroom in her suite.

"I think you're putting too much pressure on yourself! Now get out here!"

The bathroom door slowly creaked open and Laura stepped out. She always looked professional when out with Morgan on jobs, but she had definitely stepped up the sex appeal. Morgan sat, a bit shocked.

"How do I look?"

Laura had obviously been at work a lot longer than she'd let on because her hair was perfectly curled and she'd done her makeup with precision. She wore a pair of flared jeans over peep-toe heels and a wrap around top. Morgan recognized the blouse that Laura usually wore over a modest tank top, but today she had opted for a far lower cut camisole.

"Oh my God...are you wearing a push up bra?" Morgan asked.

"Eh, yeah," Laura admitted.

Morgan looked at her friend with a new realization, "Oh. My. God. You want to fuck Greg Davies?!"

Laura's mouth dropped open in surprise, but she didn't have anything to say to defend herself.

"You have been watching his comedy for as long as I've known you and obviously I've known you've had a bit of a crush on him... but you like really want him, don't you?"

"I, well-I...I mean he's- it's like" Laura stumbled over her words very uncharacteristically. "What do you think if I did want that?"

Morgan broke into a smile, "I'd say, 'Get some girl! It about time you went for what you want!'"

"Really? You don't think I'm totally out of my league here?"

"Okay, we have to get a few things straight here, Laura. Greg Davies is an overweight comedian in his early fifties. Yeah, he's super well known in the UK but he's not a household name here. You are a thirty-two year old, ridiculously smart woman with amazing tits and a massive career ahead of you. If anything you're out of his league."

Laura laughed a bit and seemed a little more relaxed then Morgan continued.

"I know you've seen everything he's like ever done so you know he's got both a fragile ego and an overwhelming desire to be liked. You play up your love of his work while also showing off how awesome you are."

Laura smiled and grabbed her purse and they grabbed an Uber to the theatre. Morgan went straight to hair and makeup and Laura made her way to the greenroom where she sat with Eugene Mirman and chatted. Laura had met Eugene when Morgan did some guest voicework on Bob's Burgers and again when he'd been doing team tasks with Morgan. The greenroom began to fill up as the contestants finished in hair and makeup and sat waiting for their call to head to the stage.

Laura's phone vibrated and she looked to see Morgan had sent her a text asking for a water. Laura went to the craft services table and grabbed a bottle of water and a small plate of sliced veggies. She delivered them to Morgan, still getting her hair done, and headed back to the greenroom. She noticed a door with the name Alex Horne and she smiled to herself looking forward to seeing Alex again that night. She failed to see the next dressing room door open until it was too late to stop and she ran right into an arm that had appeared in the doorway holding a full cup of piping hot tea.

Laura's face made full contact with the hand holding the tea which poured all down her chest.

"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry!" Laura said frantically fanning her slightly burnt breasts.

"No, I'm sorry! I just spilled tea all over your tits!"

Laura's face shot up at hearing that British voice she knew so well. Greg Davies towered over her in his signature all black three piece suit. Greg turned back into the dressing room and grabbed the first cloth thing he could find and re-emerged. He awkwardly pressed the cloth-which happened to be the t-shirt he'd worn into the theatre that day-to Laura's chest which made Laura squirm.

"OoooOooo," she let out a pained gasp when the cloth hit her reddening skin.

"Oh my God, I've hurt you more!" He realized pulling the t-shirt away.

They both looked over at the sound of the next dressing room door opening. Alex Horne stepped out into the hallway. He glanced at Greg, holding a wadded up t-shirt and then at Laura, making a quick sweep of his eyes over her chest. His eyebrows furrowed assessing the situation before he spoke in his completely deadpan manner.

"Hello Laura. I see you've finally had a chance to meet Greg."

Laura and Greg both stood speechless at Alex's amazing ability to understate any predicament. Then a call came over the PA system, "Places for top of show. Places for top of show."

"Oh God," Greg said again.

"Don't worry about it!" Laura said quickly, taking the t-shirt and very gently dabbing her wet skin. "You need to go onstage. I can handle this."

She gave him a quick smile and shuffled around him, ducking back into the greenroom as quickly as possible.

Greg and Alex stood in the hallway watching her go.

"Lovely girl, Laura," Alex said matter-of-factly. "She was rather nervous about meeting you."

"Well I'm sure that was exactly how she imagined it going," Greg replied sarcastically.

"Perhaps not."

Greg gave Alex a dirty look, "Thanks, mate."

Alex straightened his jacket, "Shall we head up to the stage?"

Laura got into the greenroom as all five contestants were standing to head to places where they would walk on when Greg announced their names.

"Holy shit, Laura! What happened?" Morgan said.

"I ran into Greg in the hallway and he was holding hot tea," Laura said trying to hold back a couple tears of embarrassment that sat at the corners of her eyes.

Morgan gave Laura an awkward half hug, attempting to avoid the wet spots.

"Final call: places for top of show," came the voice over the PA again.

"I have to go, but are you gonna be okay?" Morgan asked.

Laura nodded emphatically, "Yeah, go! I'll be fine."

The comedians filed out the door and Laura sat on one overstuffed armchair and took a few deep breaths. A couple tears did slide down her face and she brushed them away with the t-shirt she held before realizing she now smeared mascara and foundation onto Greg's t-shirt.

After a couple minutes she was composed enough to think clearly and she went in search of a stage manager. She found a low level producer who had offered her an extra t-shirt. It was at least two sizes too big but it was clean and dry so she couldn't complain. The tea had splashed up onto the right side of her hair which had ruined the curls that she had worked so meticulously on that afternoon and she found a hair tie in her purse to pull back her half curled/half tea soaked hair. She snagged a makeup wipe from Morgan's makeup station and salvaged what she could of her makeup-most of which had disappeared with the tea and the tears. She looked at herself in the lightbulb surrounded mirror and saw the messy bun hair, the patchy makeup, and the oversized black t-shirt with the little red TaskMaster logo and the massive white letters spelling out "CREW" across the back."

"Ugh," she thought, looking at her less than impressive look. 'Oh well, that's how it goes. Maybe Morgan can work it into a bit for a future show.'

She made her way back to the greenroom where a live stream of the action from onstage was playing on a large TV. The contestants were still presenting their prize task submissions which this week had been the "best gift to give to a parent."

Morgan had commissioned a shop to make adorable matching t-shirts that said "World's Best Grandma" and "World's Best Grandpa." Her argument for the prizes was that it was every parent's dream to be a grandparent. The TaskMaster agreed that was an excellent parent gift and Morgan landed in second place for four points behind Fortune Feimster who brought in a $100 gift card to Hooters citing that her mother loved Hooters more than anything else in the world which made Greg giggle.

Laura settled in to watch the show progressing. She was surprised to see that there wasn't a lot of reshooting and the report between Greg and Alex was so tight after years of working off each other that their first takes were usually exactly what the director was hoping for. Laura watched as the Alex played clips of the five comedians attempting to catch butterflies in the park, make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches (made more difficult by the peanut butter and jelly being in separate, pitch-black rooms), and build a boat that can support the most rubber ducks using the given supplies (mostly candy and grains which are notorious for soaking up water). Morgan had done well in the butterfly and the PB&J challenges, but she had made her boat out of bread and Jolly Ranchers and it had sunk to the bottom of the pool after Alex set the very first duck on it and she'd received zero points.

In the live task Morgan did well again but it wasn't enough to catch up with Donald Glover who won the episode. Laura took note of the final scores and knew that Morgan was still ahead in the running total. Greg gave the wrap-up speech and the theme music blarred through all the speakers. The live feed from the stage cut out as Laura heard the cast coming down the stairs.

Morgan ran in and threw her arms around Laura, "Oh my God, are you okay? I was thinking about you the entire time I was up there!"

Laura laughed, "Of course I'm okay. I got cleaned up and caught most of the show from here."

"But how did your, eh, decolletage turn out?" Came a low, British voice from behind her.

Laura felt her cheeks flush scarlet and saw the gleeful look on Morgan's face.

Laura turned slowly to face Greg who towered almost a foot higher than her even while wearing her three inch heels.

"My chest will recover. Right now it just feels like a bad sunburn," Laura replied, trying to keep her heart from beating out her sore chest.