All Comments on 'My Valentine'

Thanks for reading, everyone, and my apologies for the typos and the odd continuity error. What with work and other commitments, I was a bit pushed for time and I ended up writing up until (almost) the last minute, and submitting it seven minutes before the competition deadline in a last Tuesday evening rush. The editing suffered as a result. There was no editing, sadly, so more than a few little things didn't get caught, but I hope you enjoyed the story all the same.

And for those who I KNOW will ask (lol), Jeong 11 is next. Absolutely. I had a bit of a block on Jeong and was churning on the story, but thru that now, its coming along fast.

An excellent and heartfelt story, Chloe, nicely illustrating that bigotry knows no borders. Your writing is so good that the reader can feel and empathise with Kiyome's pain. I'll happily give this five stars and wish you well in the competition.

Stunning. It's hard to imagine parents so clueless that they think years of emotional, and finally, physical abuse will somehow restore what they have destroyed. Unless you have seen it yourself - the countless kids who are not allowed to live their own lives until they simply come of age and walk away from their families. I don't give a rap about the occasional typo. I know you worked hard to finish this, and that is what shows. Best of luck.

Erotically tame by chloe standards, but not complaining. Very nice romantic piece. The family tension very revealing; nice part of the story. Liked it.

“High school tomorrow for Cindy and I…”

I thought high school tomorrow was for me and not for I.

In spite of this and several other errors, you write quite well. Fortunately, you’ve mostly moved away from constantly repeating yourself as you were more prone to do in your earlier stories.

My overriding complaint is your return to your old shtick: put upon, anxious, misunderstood, parentally dominated little Asian girl trying to and eventually overcoming these issues. It has become rather boring and I would hope you can expand your repertoire beyond that. I certainly don’t have issues with your portraying Asian women but how about a strong one in charge of her life for a change?

Nice story 😊

Once again, a mesmerizingly beautiful story from Chloe. Fantastic story, and I am sure it will be a winner.

Good story, great reading if a little on the dark side. I was so afraid something bad was going to happen to Kiyomi but all's well that ends well as they say. You have a flair for love stories. Hope no one you know is prejudice like her family seems to be.

Loved the Morgan! Always wanted one, the nearest I ever got to it was that other 'Wooden Wonder' a Marcos, powered by the Volvo P1800 engine.

Well written, plenty of scope for much more from Kiyomi and Nicholas.

Ms Tzang,

Hi Chloe, once again you write superbly, great characters, wonderful story and such warmth and love. I read all your stories over and over again and never get bored with them.

Thank you for the hard work you put in.

Terry

Love it. A true Valentine's Day story. I still don't know how to vote in these contest stories unless it's simply the stars we choose or don't choose to give them, and this one gets a perfect 5. If I finr another means of voting with an equivalency I'll be on it.

Great story, but you need a good proofreader to catch the little writing errors.

Five star story! You need a good proofreader to catch little writing errors.

sweet and well told ! thanks chloe

Needs a proofreader.

If this story does not get a 5.0000 rating an injustice has been done.

Editing, frediting, shmediting. Ms. Tzang, what you do so well, you did again in this story. May it be a very satisfying thing for you to write.

I'll note this, and it deducts nothing from my enjoyment of your words:

“Nicholas said it was business,” I added. “Between his dad and mine, but I din’t have any idea what.”

“My dad said your dad’s shorting some tech company bigtime,” Gord said.

If Gord is Nicholas' father, he is not present. I think. If he isn't, I'm just confused.

Beautifully done. I have to say though that, "Maybe I’m being melodramatic," is the biggest understatement ever made. I kept thinking, "Romeo, Romeo, where for art thou?" For some reason, I can't rate your story, but if I could, I would definitely give it five stars.

While I'm not exactly the king of the romantics, I thought this was a beautiful story placed around a heartbreaking one. Five stars for a gripping tale.

Hooked

Another enjoyable story!

5

Thank you everyone for all the comments and feedback. And yes, Romeo Romeo wherefore are thou Romeo was sort of in the back of my mind. It was a bit rushed, I finished it and submitted it 7 minutes before the deadline so there was no editing of the final sections I wrote, which is where those typos, spelling errors, and continuity mistakes slipped in. My editor had no chance to catch me on all these either - he didn't even get to see this before I hit submit. I'll go back and fix those retrospectively, after the contest is over.

And again, thx for all the comments. Really appreciate that and good luck to all the other entries in Literotica's 2023 Valentine's Day contest.

Oh, and as far as that comment about returning to my "....old shtick: put upon, anxious, misunderstood, parentally dominated little Asian girl trying to and eventually overcoming these issues.....how about a strong one in charge of her life for a change?" Your lucky year lol. Apart from another chapter of Jeong, my Geek Day story has a very different heroine..... and so does my "Hammered" story. This snippets from my Geek Day one....

"“Let’s do the new one, that slant-eyed geek bitch,” I heard one of them say.

“Her turn today?” the one on the far side said. Fake blondie two. She probably had a name, but who cared? She was looking my way and smiling.

I smiled back.

“Let’s get her,” the blonde alpha bitch said. I heard her snicker. “Show the little bitch she’s not so smart.”

Well, that was gonna be a challenge for them to show me, but I did enjoy a challenge.

I waited until that last second, just as fake blondie two was about to make full contact, and I turned, sliding around her, watching her lose her balance when the resistance she expected wasn’t there. Off balance, and when I slipped one foot forward and hooked her foot from under her, she toppled into the lockers, clutching at my strategically half-opened steel locker door for support just as I slammed it closed. Hard. As hard as I could, and that was really <i>really</i> hard.

On her fingers.

Of course I stumbled, shocked and very startled, accidentally kicking both her feet out from under her. <i> Of course</i> it was accidental. I would never do something like that intentionally. <i>Never!</i> I would never have spent an hour a couple of mornings ago discreetly sharpening the edge of that steel locker door either. Well, maybe I did, but not so anyone else knew.

“Owwwwwwww.” She screamed and fell, skin tearing on the metal as her weight crashing to the floor dragged her fingers free. They really did drag, and I knew that, because I was holding that door closed against that drag. Rather firmly closed. I’d always thought those steel lockers were just so dangerous. It was good to know I was right. Not so good for fake blondie two though, because I had one foot on the back of one of her legs, forcing her down towards the floor.

I bet her fingers being dragged downwards hurt like a bitch. The edges of that steel locker door weren’t the smoothest. I’d roughed them up with a little hacksaw blade yesterday morning. Sort of taking precautions and being prepared, and yeah, a little sharp and then a little jagged. I was careful myself now, those jagged edges were a bit on the sharp side. Blondie two was finding that out and she <i>really</i> wasn’t enjoying the experience, educational as I hoped it would be for her and her friends.

Okay, so it wasn’t an accident. You going to do anything about it?

No?

Didn’t think so.

......"

The absolute best story I’ve read in a long time. Keep up the great work. I’m going to look for some of your other pieces. Thank you Jim bones

Wonderful. It's always a joy to read your work ... even rushed, it's always a well-crafted story.

About that song at the beginning…..

My wife and I are huge Jim Brickman fans. I recommend that you go to one of his concerts, where you will hear it sung by his dear friend and live show vocalist, the incomparable Anne Cochran. I think you’ll be impressed.

A heartwarming romantic love story for Valentine's Day! The endless love endures almost 4 years of separation but never stops. I hope their parents finally learned what they have done to these 2 young lovers.

a wonderfully romantic story - pure romeo and juliet but with a happier ending - thank you for this x

A huge contrast with last year’s story, and it shows your ability to get fully within the personalities of your women characters. 5 stars!

A reasonable story. The 4 year break was way to long.

Great story

I am in awe of your talent.

That was the most searing story of love and loss I have read on this site. It was also a searing description of depression, I know, as I was clinically depressed for 5 years following the breakdown of my marriage when I was 30.

I am now 2 years into a relationship with a wonderful Chinese woman. She is 60 and I am 83. She is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

Thank you.

Very beautiful story

Love the story, love the ideal of true love conquering a 4 year hiatus!

Great work, loved the story. Please keep them coming.

Haven't read one of your stories in a while, as for whatever reason none of them grabbed me and kept my interest--until this one.

No doubt Kiyomi fell hard for Nicholas and that Nicholas fell hard for her. Seeing their interest, attraction and love grow evolved so well, although we knew they played with fire by having to hide meetings and dates...but it was the right match each time. I noticed a few posters thought the story punished Kiyomi for too long but you know what? It was her only possible response, to lock them out of her life, her thoughts and her emotions; the best way I thought of expressing what her so-called "parents" did to her equaled mental rape--but they didn't care--because it was the "haole" guy's fault. Just a pathetic justification instead of deciding to do what made their daughter happy, instead of insisting on something when it wasn't THEIR life and happiness on the line. Loved how she hung on against hope, and how Nicholas found her. The only chink in the story was she and Nicholas didn't give the finger to their disrespectful families and get married without their blessing. About the only other thing I could think of would have been to insert a comical element where John Cena shows up and gives every one of those louts an Attitude Adjustment. Would have been the cherry on top!

Despite having to rush to make the deadline, a no-holds-barred 5. One of your best I've read in a long time. :)

Love your stories, but can we get more of the Asian loving wives/cheat/reluctant stories.

Thank you ever so much for this epic tale, Chloe. I consider it a mix of tragedy and romance, of the blessings of growing up with a wealthy family, and being dominated by a controlling family. I wish that I could have bern so fortunate to have grown with wealth, but even more fortunate to never have had to deal with family control and set out at age 12 to start working every day, paying my own way through private HS, college and grad school, never having to ask for family support, never being dependent upon it, but also never having fond a true romantic love. My heart was breaking at reading of Kiyomi's tragic denial of her love by her parental bigotry. I knew that Chole would reunite the pair, and I thank you ever so much for not delivering a Romeo/Juliet tragic ending. I can forego any and all of these typos, in fact I was surprised by how very well it appeared to be edited, and the most blatant I recall was once Lester appeared to be misnamed Roger; a few switches between to and too and even v-v. But I loved the story and think you have a very realistic embrace of the classic Asian family dominance. Yet, I would gladly read every romance you write, and still look forward to the sequels to Jeong and Baby Blue. I hope you will never lapse into horror stories because I am sure you would do a horrific job with their delivery, but they would still be appalling to me. My very best wishes to you for a lifelong love in your own relationship.

I have to say that this story was very painful for me to read. That's about me, not Chloe. My now wife and I faced strong hostility from both sets of parents when we revealed our engagement. Not to the level in this story but very overt. [White male, Japanese female] It led to years of clinical depression in my wife, which eventually lifted, gradually. The perhaps ironic thing is that, years later, I became my mother in law's favorite, even over her daughter, her son and my sister in law. And my father backed down, without ever saying anything, when he discovered that my father in law had out ranked him in the Army, had received higher medals and had gone to a higher level law school.

Can I give six stars, please?

I gave the story five stars but it would have been even better if you had just balanced all of the loneliness and misery with more information on how the hereafter unfolded. I often shy away from stories that go on for page after page after page. This one was worthy of the time. I frequently check your list of stories for new ones and read the shorter ones first.

Amazing story. A tragedy with a happy ending. I fear the description of family forced isolation may be happening to real people. Racism has many ugly faces.

I really liked the story but also feel that further resolution of the family angst would be a positive addition! Please continue.