My White Trash Life Motherfucker Ch. 01

Fucked up fuck parody series alert

WARNING : The most offensive and depraved fuck parody series ever written... Read at your own risk... If you're not offended then you're one of my fans motherfucker... I approved this fucking message... Read on motherfuckers...

This series replaces the White Trash For Life series...

Pussy + Moonshine = Life... FUCK YEAH MOTHERFUCKERS!!

"FUCK THAT BITCH... FUCK THAT BITCH... FUCK THAT BITCH!!" My crew chants. The horny motherfuckers are in my backyard, watching me fuck my granny Betty (Betty White). They're circled around us, leering at us... and it fucking turns me one. I'm James... otherwise known as The Redneck Caligula. I'm all about pleasure... mine mostly. Sex drugs and moonshine bitches. Everyday of my life is about me doing what... and who... I want motherfuckers. I'm the horniest redneck ever and my 12 inch cock is always ready to rock and roll... up a bitch's hot holes. I'm big, fat, got a big ass blonde afro and blonde mutton chops. I'm always fuckin' and the bitches be suckin'... on big daddy's foot long pleasure stick.

I'm offensive, crude, gluttonous and horny as fucking horny gets. I'm also laid back, easy going, lovable, adorable... and a drug crazed, moonshine fueled sex maniac. I'm living the white trash dream life. I'm the definition of an alpha male... and the unquestioned, undisputed sex king... the redneck sex king. I have a sex empire that's made me one very happy... and very rich... sex fiend. I'm the King of Porn... The King Pimp... and a Playa like no other. I'll fuck your bitch... and you... if you get in the way... sometimes even if you don't. My dick is all about my pleasure, so I have male and female bitches... and a bunch of wives too. More about that later.

Anyway, back to granny. My granny Betty is a sweetheart... and a horny piece of old ass too. Hey... I'll fuck an old slut... granny gotta eat. I got granny drunk and we ran a train on her... 6 guys and four girls. I always fuck first... but I'm going in on granny for the third time. She loves my huge cock and I love fucking the old whore. Granny Betty was the second piece of ass I ever had... my mama Kathie Lee (Kathie Lee Gifford) was first.

"YES... YES... YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS... DO ME JAMES... POUND THAT COOCHIE GOOD BABY!!" Betty urges me on. My 12 inch meat missile wrecks that old cunt, plunging so fucking deep, stretching it so damn wide. Granny's old, but still tight, bushy, gray haired cunt wraps super tight around my plunging giant cock, as I drill up it, with horny as fuck redneck aggression. In and out, like a supercharged drill, my cock works granny Betty's well used, gilf cunt.

"HOLY SHIT... FUCK MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!" Betty screams and squirts... as the crowd cheers us on. I work blazing fast, drilling up her old pussy faster faster faster faster faster faster faster faster faster faster faster!! (GIGANTIC CUM BLAST)... My giant cock, bazooka blasts my granny's bushy ass pussy with a ton of thick cream. I smile and fart... It feels so fucking good. "YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS... FILL ME BABYYYYYYYYYY!!" Granny Betty is a jizz freak. She's drank so much of my dick cream, she's gotta be like a big ass, cream filled egg.

"OK bitches... who's next... granny needs some more dick." Granny Betty puttin' my crew on notice.

A little later...

I'm upstairs, in my bedroom, kicked back in my favorite recliner, watching my first and main wife, Kim Kardashian get her pussy eaten by my chubby, nerdy cousin/assistant Spence (from The King of Queens). I love watching my women with others. I get hard as fuck from it.

Kim only fucks me... but she'll flash others... maybe let em cop a feel or something like that. She's sprawled out on our pimped out gold sheets, watching Spence go to town on her world famous pussy. He's licking her pink insides, sucking her pussy greedily, smacking her hard clit, finger fucking her pussy nice and fast. He shakes his chubby face all over Kim's labia. She digs it... moaning, writhing on the bed, biting her lips, licking them, pinching and pulling her rock hard nipples.

I'm smoking a big ass blunt, chopping up some yayo. I point my hard ass cock at Kim and start pissing all over her. "YEAHHHHHHHH!" Kim writes uncontrollably on the bed, loving my piss storm. She opens her mouth and laps up my piss, as I point my dick at her oh so beautiful face.

I fill Kim's mouth from several feet away. I have pinpoint accuracy with my urine. I have a strong blast too. I can hit a bitch's open mouth from 20 feet away. I cover my woman's face with piss, then point at her big titties and down to her pussy, hitting my cousin in the face. Spence gulps down a mouthful, then gets back to getting my wife off. "YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS... PISS ON ME BABYYYYYYYYYYY!!" Kim screams out, as she squirts into Spence's mouth.

Kim and Spence come over to me and we snort several lines of coke. I do four... I get Kim up to three... and Spence does two... he's delicate (laughing). We enjoy the high. Kim and I kiss, while Spence goes bonkers from the yayo... the motherfucker can never do more than one line without flippin' out.

I shake my head and head to the bathroom. I ate a few burritos easier and they need to come out. I let out a big fart at Spence. Kim giggles and fans the air. "Babe..." She blows me a hot kiss and I head to the toilet, to handle my business. Kim tries to get Spence to calm down, but he won't listen.

I sit down and drop a deuce. I hear Spence flippin' out. It goes on for a few more minutes, then it gets quiet. Finally. Kim figured out a way to shut him up. I was gonna just slap him around to shut him up. I hear moaning and get curious. The moaning gets louder, so I go ahead and finish, then clean up.

I walk back in the bedroom and I see Kim squatting over Spence's body on the floor. She pissing all over his cock and balls, stomach, chest and face. I smirk. Kim sees me. "Hey babe... It's the only way I could get him to calm down." She smiles at me and keeps pissing all over Spence. I walk over to her and jam my huge cock down her throat. Kim loves rough sex and so the fuck do I...it's my favorite kind.

I grab Kim's head and throat fuck her like there's no tomorrow. She looks up at me, with those gorgeous, dark eyes and opens her throat for me to use. She gives herself to me... As she always does. Her saliva pours out of the corners of her mouth, as I pummel her throat. My bitch can take my entire 12, really thick inches, down her throat.

Kim licks all over my massive cock, as I use her throat. My crotch bangs against her luscious lips, as I roughly molest her sucking mouth and throat. My throbbing meat missile flies down her throat harder, faster, every rock hard inch, slamming down that sucking throat.

Kim's saliva runs down her body, as I hold her head, pummeling that throat harder and harder. "Mmmmmmmm... Use me daddy!!" Kim mumbles around my throat molesting cock. I'm so fucking turned on. My cock twitches, as it drives faster down Kim's throat. "MMMMMMMMMMMM!! Kim squirts all over Spence's face, as i pound her throat.

"FUCK!! YEAHHHHH BITCH!!" I blast Kim's sucking throat with a huge wave of jizz. It pumps down her throat at hyper speed, I hold her head, her lips rubbing my crotch, and just cum. I smile a fucking happy ass smile and pump my load down my mega hot wife's throat. My massive cock twitches hard and shoots my wad right into Kim's stomach. She gulps it down quickly, swallowing hard, sucking every last drop down her throat.

Kim sucks me clean, squeezing my ass, then pulling me as far down her throat as possible. I can feel her throat swallowing my manmeat, clinching down tight on it. It feels fucking awesome. I smile and lean my head back.

Spence licks Kim's pussy clean. She moans around my cock and bobs her head on head, shaking it too. Spence starts to snake his tongue up Kim's booty, but she smacks his face... the horny little bastard. I pull out of Kim's throat and start pissing on Spence... his punishment... even though I'm sure the little bastard enjoys it.

I cover his chubby face with my warm piss. Kim grabs my super thick cock and points it at Spence's mouth. "Open up Spencie Wencie... Kim smacks his face again and he opens up. Kim pulls Spence's head to my cock and shoves my pissing cock in his mouth. "Suck it bitch!" Kim orders him. Damn, she's hot being a boss bitch.

Spence starts sucking my pissing cock... half gulping down my load of urine. The other half pours out of his mouth. It's messy as fuck and I fucking love it. Kim tickles my balls and slowly licks my neck, as Spence tries to keep up with my piss avalanche.

I finally finish pissing and Spence let's my half hard cock plop out of his mouth. "Good bitch Spence. You did well. Open up." Spence opens his mouth. Kim leans over seductively, wonks at me, holding Spence's face, and spits in his mouth. I love my woman. She's so God damn hot. I smack her extra phat booty and rub it... then smack it again and squeeze it. "Mmmmmmmmmmm." Kim smiles at me... with such a beautiful smile, slowly licking her luscious lips.

I kiss her deeply, squeezing that booty, smacking it hard, squeezing it hard. Kim's arms are around my neck, as I play with her booty cheeks, roughly groping them. She moans her sexiest moan into my mouth.

"JAMES... CAN YOU PLEASE TAKE YOUR SISTER TAMMY TO THE DOCTOR? PLEASE BABY." My mom yells up the stairs to me.

"YES MAMA. I'LL BE RIGHT THERE." I answer back.

"Sorry babe, duty calls." I tell Kim. We kiss for another minute... My tongue, rough molesting hers. I smack her perfect ass again and head downstairs.

Before I leave the room, I hear Kim tell Spence, "OK bitch... time to serve your mistress." I smile... wishing I could stay and watch Kim smack Spence around.

It's only fair that I take my sister Tammy (WWE Hall of Fame Diva Sunny) to her OB/GYN appointment... I knocked her up. Yeah, I got my sister pregnant. I've gotten all of my sisters pregnant, so it's no big deal. I get off on getting bitches pregnant... so why not my own sisters.

About twenty minutes later, in my pimped out, super charged, cherry red van, on the side of the road...

"FUCKKKKKKK MEEEEEEEEEE BROTHERRRRRRRRR!!" Tammy screams out. She laid out on my plush, bed/back seat, her legs on my shoulders, looking up at me, rubbing my face and chest. I'm pounding the fuck outta her pregnant, blonde pussy. I rub her thick, super sensitive clit fasterrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr... She squirts... I thump her twat harder, my cock pistoning in and out, stretching that already stretched out cunt insanely wide. I'm squeezing those big titties of hers, as I destroy her cunt. I pull and squeeze those beautiful tits, squirting her milk into the air. I lap it up and spit some into Tammy's mouth.

"YEAHHHHHHHHHH... FUCK ME BITCH!!" My sister is horny as shit... so... I ravish her super soaked, glistening cunt, fucking it fasterrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr... Thumping it harderrrrrrrrrr... Tammy squirts again... I keep pounding my sister's cunt harderrrrrrrrrr... rubbing that throbbing clit fasterrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr... Tammy squirts one more time and I... bazooka blast her pregnant, landing strip topped snatch full of creamy jizz. I smile at her and spit in her face. Tammy licks it up and wiggles her eyebrows at me.

I thought I'd leave a little surprise for your fucking doctor... maybe she's hungry." We laugh.

"You don't leave a little anything big bro... I love your creamy jizz baby." Tammy gives me a super slutty smile and pulls my cock out of her twat. She moves around to it, looks up at me and sucks me bone dry, licking the huge head and sucking the top half of my insanely thick cock hard. I let out a huge fart. Tammy fans the air and says, with my cock in her mouth, "ewww... James, gross... but I love your beautiful cock." She kisses the head, then she comes up to my lips. We kiss... as dirty a kiss as possible. I smack her thick ass and squeeze it roughly. I love my sister... I love all of them... they're all cool chicks and they're family... so we're close... and they're all hot... so I fuck the shit outta them... (Big Smile).

A little later, I'm in my van... I have two. My red one I'm in now is my casual everyday fuck and suck van and fun times van. My green and gold pimp van is for pimpin' hoes and fucking and sucking also... depends on my mood, as to which one I drive. Oh yeah, I've got a pimped out, top of the line Bentley, and a $700,000 custom black Ferrari too. I'm livin' extra large and in complete charge motherfuckers.

Anyway... I'm in my van, waiting for my sister and Kim texts me some domination pictures. Her sister Kourtney came over... she's got the hots, big time, for yours truly... and the two of them are nude in the pic. Kim has a strapon on and she's pegging Spence in his chubby ass, while he eats out Kourtney. Kim is waving at me. Kourtney is taking the picture.

The next picture is Kourtney squirting all over Spence's face... and slapping his face... while he sits on Kim's fake cock in his ass. The third picture is Kim squatting over Spence's face and pissing on it while Kourtney has his chubby legs on her shoulders and is pegging his ass and jerking his cock.

I smile... my wife knows how to turn me the fuck on. GOD DAMN, she makes me horny! My cousin Braun (WWE Superstar Braun Strowman) calls me... I answer. "Yeah, what's up?"

"Sorry to bother you James, but Cletus (Another cousin) is having problems with the still. He can't figure out what's wrong."

I hear Cletus cussing in the background. "God damn, fucking still... damn sum bitch... WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU!!"

"Tell him to keep trying to fix it, or I'm gonna pimp slap him into next week." I tell Braun.

"OK boss... James said keep trying to fix it, or he's gonna pimp slap you into next week jackass." Braun's my right hand man and problem fixer... he's 6'8 380 pounds. "I'll me sure he fixes it boss. I'll beat his ass myself, if he doesn't get it fixed."

"Ok." I hang up... and get another picture from Kim. It's Kourtney biting Spence's balls while Kim fucks his mouth with her strapon. I love it. Kim writes me, "love you baby... I've got this bitch under control, big daddy." I smirk in agreement... I know she does... I know she fucking does.

Later at home...

Our housekeeper Wanda (Wanda Sykes) is doing one of her normal duties... bathing me. Sometimes, she showers me... other times she bathes me. I decided on the bathtub because I wanted to kick back, relax and smoke a little smack. I took a hit and closed my eyes... riding out the slow wave.

Wanda washes my 12 inches slowly... the bitch knows how to please her boss man. She wraps the wash cloth around my very thick, half hard cock, squeezes it and slowly strokes it. Fuck, I'm in pleasure heaven. The smack is doin' its thing and I'm licking my lips. Wanda sees my high kicking in and knows what to do. She jerks me faster, squeezing my cock hard as she does.

I reach my right hand over and squeeze her chocolate titties through her thin, white and blue tee shirt. She's not wearing a bra, cause I make her take it off before she bathes me. Wanda has great tits, still perky and full, soft, and so much fun to play with.

I lick my lips faster... the smack is really kicking in... while I molest Wanda's big black tits. I rub her thick ass nipples. Through her shirt. "Mmmmmmmm... You know what you're doing whiteboy...get them nipples hard bitch. I smile. I dig Wanda. She's a smart-ass bitch... but a sexy one. We have a fun relationship. We bust each other's "balls" all the time.

"Hurry up and get me off bitch, so you can get me some friend chicken and watermelon." I laugh.

"Bitch... I got your fried chicken and watermelon right here motherfucker!" Wanda snaps back. I kiss her cheek. We do that shit all the time. She plays along. Wanda is a great ball buster... and ball sucker. "You better be glad you got to this big ol' white dick... or I'd whip yo ass!" Wanda winks at me and leans down, sucking my entire 12 thick inches down her fucking throat. I grab her frizzy hair and hold her mouth down on my cock.

I fuck up into Wanda's mouth faster faster faster faster faster faster fasterrrrrrrr! Wanda vomits all over my cock and balls in the tub. I keep pounding her throat... her saliva poured out... and she pukes again. I pull her head up and kiss her.

I rip Wanda's shirt off and violently suck her big, chocolate titties. I suck them so fucking hard, Wanda squirts just from the titty sucking. She rides my cock for an hour... taking a pop shot in her bushy, black pussy... Then rides my huge cock in her ass for another hour... taking a cum shot in it. I roughly squeeze those big beautiful tits, as. Wanda bounces ridiculously hard on my cock, slamming it up her ass.

My cum, from before, flys out of Wanda's thick ass. "SLAM THAT BIG FUCKING WHITE DICK UP MY BLACK ASS BITCH... DO IT MOTHERFUCKER!!" Wanda is sexy as fuck when she's horny. I thump her phat, black, lesbian booty, then pump another load of jizz up it. My cum launches out of my throbbing meat missile and propels up her sexy ass, at record breaking speed. Wanda hugs me and we kiss, as I overflow her tight ass.

"Damn, you can fuck, you white motherfucker... best part of my damn job." Wanda smirks.

"Fucking your colored ass is the best part of taking my bath." I wink back.

"Colored? Listen whiteboy...my ass is colored white, from all that fucking jizz you pumped up it. White motherfucker!" We laugh and make out.

Join us next time for As The Wor--... I mean, join us next time for... My White Trash Life Motherfucker.