My Willing Transformation Surgery

Growing up the only child of a single mother I was born with male sex organs. But ever other physical characteristic I had was female. My penis was very tiny. I had sloped shoulders, not squared. My lips were naturally larger, just like a female. I had no scrotum "sack" just a round mound under my little penis that had even smaller testicles inside. I had trouble growing any kind of facial hair and needed only to shave once a week to stay soft and smooth. My skin was very soft and smooth and I had very little muscle tone to my body. Physically I was classified as a boy, but to the eye, my naked body looked very female.

Growing up I had many "wet dreams" but by the time I had graduated from college at the age of 21 I had yet to have a male ejaculation. I had difficulty trying to masturbate because of my tiny penis. All I was able to do was pull on it with a thumb and one finger. This produced a half soft "erection" and never resulted in a climax and ejaculation.

I had told my mother about this and she told me not to be concerned. In time everything would work. I had also told my mother at an early age that I wanted to wear pretty underwear like she wore. My mother owned a large amount of vintage lingerie and I was always imagining it was me putting on a pair of panties and a bra and a slip each morning.

When I turned 18 my mother grew tired of me using her panties for fun and bought me my own set of lingerie. Panties, training bras, slips, garter belts and stockings. She even selected dresses for me that complimented my figure.

When I graduated from college at 21 years old I had still never been on a date with a female. I had a job, but had little to no prospects of finding a girlfriend. I still lived at home and one day, out of the blue, my mother suggested to me that I might be more comfortable and happier wearing my panties, training bra, and a slip everyday under my male clothing.

"How can that hurt you?" She asked.

"It can't, I guess, and I think it would really be fun to try." I answered.

So two days after my 21st birthday I began wearing my lingerie full time and I have not stopped to this day.

By the age of 25 I had still not ever gone on a date with a female, nor had I ever had sexual intercourse with a female. And to top things off I still had never ejaculated out of my tiny penis. It was becoming fairly obvious to me I was just not going to be able to experience sex as a male. My male sex organs just did not function properly.

I confided in my mother about my inability to have sex as a male and about my severely undersized penis and testicles. She suggested I go to the doctor and have my hormone levels checked with a simple blood test. I did this, and the results came back that my estrogen levels were 150% of normal for a male, while my testosterone levels were 50% below normal for a biological male. My doctor told me it was unlikely my testicles were producing sperm and being undersized he advise me they probably never will.

"What about your erections? Do you have erections on a regular basis?" Asked my doctor.

"I do get hard sometimes, but I would not call it "regular." I replied.

"What do you mean?" He asked.

"Most of the time my penis is small and limp. I've measured it and it is barely over one inch long. When it does get hard it only expands to about three inches."

"And when was the last time that happened?" Asked the doctor.

"It's been more than three months since it was hard." I softly answered.

"Well, I see nothing in your test results that says you are not completely healthy in every other way. I've checked everything at least twice. You are not suffering from any other kind of disease."

"So I'm okay?" I asked.

"You're okay physically, and maybe you are a late bloomer. At this time I wouldn't be that concerned about your sexual challenges. They could easily start for you at any time." Assured my doctor.

I thanked my doctor for his information and continued my life as before. I continued lingerie wearing full time and no dating or sexual intercourse with females of any kind.

When I shared my medical results with my mother she had an interesting response.

"Since your health is good overall, why don't you allow me to teach you how to apply make-up." She said.

"Make-up?" I asked.

"Yes. It would let you see for yourself how much of a natural female you might be. I'll also get you some wigs and we can select one that compliments your face." She said with confidence.

"I guess I might as well try." I said. "I've worn lingerie full time for four years. I might as well take things to the limit."

The next two weekends my mother spent teaching me the finer points of applying make-up. We put false eyelashes on me and nail polish on my fingers and toes. When an appropriate wig was put in place the image in the mirror was very convincing. I looked like the most normal and natural girl one had ever seen. There was no trace of any male feature in my look. Seeing this convinced me beyond a doubt I was, and should have been, a girl.

"You are so pretty!" Said my mom.

"I am. I truly am." I replied.

"This is probably why your male sex organs are not doing what males do. They're not functioning because you truly are a female. And there is nothing wrong with that." My mom reassured me.

"Mom, on evenings and weekends I think it would be a good idea for me if I fully dress and act the part of a female. I'll put on make-up and always wear a dress. I'm sure I'll feel most happy doing this and it will be something I will enjoy."

"I think so too honey. I'll do everything I can to help you display and feel the most female you can." Said mom.

I still lived at home and for the next five years I lived my life as much as I could as a girl. My mother began calling me "Tammy" and I felt most at ease when I was presenting myself fully as a female.

I had slept every night, since the age of 18, wearing a training bra and panties under a long nylon and lace nightgown. One night when I was 30 years old I woke up abruptly in the middle of the night with what felt like a strong urge to pee and to do it immediately. I jumped out of bed to get to the bathroom but the instant my feet touched the floor I felt myself start to pee in a way I could not stop. Only it wasn't pee that was coming out of my tiny limp penis.

As I stood frozen next to my bed in the dark I felt a very steady flow of a warm, cream like, substance coming from the head of my penis. I wasn't having any muscle contractions as this was happening and the fluid did not flow out of my panties onto the floor. Instead it kept piling up inside the crotch of my panties and I could feel it covering the little helmet of my penis. I could feel the cream like substance was a little bit sticky. I could not control or stop the discharge as it gently, but deliberately continued to flow out of me.

Finally, after about a full minute, the discharge ended. Nothing was dripping down my legs and nothing had hit the floor. My little penis was totally engulfed in this warm, sticky, cream in my panties. I slowly walked into the bathroom and turned on the light. I lifted my nightgown and looked down at my panties. There was a wet spot in the front but nothing had come out of my panties. I pulled my waistband forward and looked down and I saw a huge mound of bright white cream surrounding my penis and mounded in the crotch of my panties.

I have no idea why I did this, but I lowered two fingers into the cream to get a scoop full and then put the fingers up to my lips. I extended my tongue into the warm, sticky lotion and I immediately enjoyed the feel and taste. I quickly inserted my fingers into my mouth and licked them clean. The taste was very pleasant and I swallowed the small mass.

Seeing the bulk of my discharge still in the crotch of my panties, I slowly removed them, being careful not to spill any of the mound, and I placed the panties flat on the countertop with the crotch in the center fully showing what I had done. I did not hesitate; I put my face into the panties and immediate started licking and sucking all of the very warm white cream into my mouth. It was a little sticky against my lips and I enjoyed the sensation. I had so much cream licked up it filled my mouth. I swirled it around in my mouth and then finished by swallowing it slowly so I could savor ever sensation and taste as I did this. The crotch of my panties was completely cleared of my discharge when I finished. I loved the feel and taste of swallowing what I knew was my semen.

This was the first time in my life I had discharged semen from my body. It was not an ejaculation as my tiny penis remained limp and I really felt no sexual climax. Only the relief of letting go of what had built up my entire life, and the joy of swallowing it as any good girl would love to do.

After this episode I at least knew I could try and make myself ejaculate. I still struggled to have my tiny erections. Then one day a month or so later when I was stroking my little penis with my two fingers I felt a male orgasm for the first time followed by the squirting of white cream from my cock. I was lying naked on my back when this happened and the cum landed on my tummy. I scooped it up with my fingers and put my fingers in my mouth to complete my enjoyment.

For the next five years I ejaculated exactly ten times. I only averaged twice a year. I never had another nighttime discharge like the one that started it all, but living basically as a girl, I was content with my sexual releases.

When I was 36 years old a routine blood test showed I had the beginnings of prostate cancer. I was assured it was totally curable if I had my entire prostate removed. There was really no decision in the matter and I had the surgery. I was completely recovered and cancer free 90 days after surgery. I did however have a couple of side effects. My already tiny penis shrunk by half. I was only one inch flaccid. A second side effect was the loss of my ability to have any form of erection. And, of course, with no prostate I was not capable of producing semen or ejaculating.

Since my "erections" were only three inches in size anyway, I did not lose that much. Also since I rarely ejaculated, again my loss was minimal. And, my penis shrinking was to me a delight as I now could wear my panties with little to no bulge in the front. What for a real male would have been a sad loss, was for me, a secret thrill. I was physically one step closer to being a girl.

Another result of the surgery was a really strong increase in my desire to live full time as a girl. My male sex organs were physically incapable of functioning. I was basically sterile, and I was not physically capable of having sexual intercourse as a male. My nipples gained even more sensitivity than before and a very slight hint of breast growth began to appear.

I was still living at home and I shared my feelings with my mother who made a suggestion to me that changed my life in a profound way.

"Why don't you stop fighting it and live full time as a girl?" She asked.

"You think I can do it?" I asked.

"Of course. You are almost half way there. Get rid of all your male clothing and wear only dresses, skirts and blouses over your pretty lingerie. I'll help you get rid of your small amount of body hair that is left. Your middle name is now Julia, and I will help you get new legal ID as Tamera Julia. It's the logical thing for you to do." She said in her most convincing way.

"I know you're right. I'm really ready to embrace the girl I am. I have lost all male sexual urges. I no longer find females sexually stimulating." I said in a confident way.

"Then honey, it's the right thing to do. I'm sure you'll be happy. I'll be happy for you." Said mom.

With the help of my mother we did everything we could and I began my full time life as a girl. No male sexual thoughts or actions to distract me. But I did begin to grow my female sexual thoughts. I grew to have a strong desire to find and meet a man with whom I could develop a relationship that I hoped would result in me becoming a bride and full time wife. I had a strong fantasy of being a bride at my own wedding.

My mother suggested I post my photo and profile on dating web sites that showcased "special" girls like me. I did this and was surprised at how quickly I had a handful of males wanting to date me. I struck up email correspondence with them and then narrowed my list down to a very handsome man who was divorced from a biological female. He was also a general practice doctor. He was very interested in meeting me and beginning a dating relationship.

I agreed to a date and asked him to pick me up at my home. My mother helped me prepare for the evening and help me select a beautiful dress. My make-up was applied flawlessly and I looked very pretty. My heart was pounding almost out of my chest as I waited for him to arrive. My mother helped calm me down as we waited.

There was a knock at the door and I answered it to find the most handsome man I had ever seen standing there. I felt totally feminine in his presence.

"Hi. I'm Jason." He said in a calm soothing voice.

"Hi Jason, I'm Tammy. Please come in." I replied.

Jason stepped into the living room where my mom was, and introduced himself to her.

"My mom said; "You two better get going. Don't hang around with me."

Jason opened the door for me and I was off on my first ever date at the age of 36. We went to a very nice restaurant down by the beach and after dinner we walked along the ocean. As we talked we found we liked many of the same things. We were a good match as a couple. Jason told me he loved the idea of dating a special girl like me and he hoped we could see each other again.

Our date ended with Jason bringing me back home and kissing me goodnight with a gentle tongue kiss that sent a shiver of delight through my body. It fully convinced me I was sexually attracted to males and I wanted my male partner to desire me as a woman. Jason was such a gentleman I quickly agreed to his request for me to have a second date at his home in a couple of days. I was in heaven as a girl usually is on her first date.

A couple of days later Jason picked me up and took me to his beautiful home. He had a catered dinner prepared for us and we enjoyed more than one cocktail before dinner. At the end of dinner we moved to the sofa and sat next to one another. I was in a dress which was below the knee with a large amount of fabric. I had on a medium weight petticoat underneath which filled out the dress.

As we came closer to each other Jason leaned in to kiss me and I responded by putting my lips to his and pushing my tongue into his mouth. He responded and in no time had his hand up under my dress touching my panties. I had my hand on the crotch of his pants and felt a thick, throbbing, man sized cock behind his zipper. I felt him pulling at the waist band of my panties and then he just stood up and held out his hand for me to follow him into the bedroom.

"Tammy. I want to make love with you tonight. You are so beautiful I can't hold back."

"Jason, I would really like to do that too, but as we have discussed. I am a virgin. I'll need your guidance and I am not ready for anal intercourse. I would however love to put your huge penis in my mouth and enjoy you that way."

Jason was fine with my request and he stripped completely naked in front of me. His penis was at least eight inches long and hard as a rock. I was fully sexually excited by the site of it as he helped me take off my dress. I kept my extra feminine lingerie on as the two of us enjoyed each other sexually for the next two hours. With his help, I managed to get him to ejaculate a full load of semen into my mouth. I loved the feel and taste of his orgasm in my mouth. I was convinced more than ever that being a girl was right for me.

Jason and I continued dating on a regular basis for the next three months. We learned about each other and as we did we grew closer and closer. Our lovemaking sessions grew more and more intimate and Jason was a complete gentleman not forcing me into anal intercourse, but I could feel my desire for it starting to build.

It was almost four months into our relationship when Jason came to me with this request;

"Tammy, I'd like you to move into my home and live with me full time as my girlfriend."

"Oh Jason, I so enjoy our time together and I've grown so fond of you. I'm more than a little sure I'm falling in love with you. I'd love to move in with you." I said.

"That's great!" said Jason. "I have some conditions for you that you should know before you really commit."

"What are they?" I asked.

"First, I want you in female clothing 24/7. You are to move no male clothing of any kind into the house. I want you wearing only dresses or skirts and blouses at all times. No pants of any kind."

"Honey, I almost do that now, so that's not a problem for me."

"Second, I'm going to introduce you to my friends and family as my girlfriend. Only you and I will ever know about the tiny penis between your legs."

"I will never say a word. And honey, I'm so limp and tiny now, even I forget it is there until I pee."

"Third, you will keep our home as any housewife would do while I continue my work as a doctor. You'll have an allowance for clothing and food and it will be up to you to keep our home running."

"I've already thought about that and my mother has trained me to cook and clean so I would love to do this for us as a couple."

"And forth, I am a doctor, so it will be easy for me to get the proper hormones, I want you to sign an agreement for me that will allow me to begin a deep feminization process on you. I'll be giving you daily injections of estrogen. Your penis will shrink even more and will become totally limp and your balls will also shrink to almost nothing."

"You want me to physically become a girl?" I asked.

"Yes. I want you to consent to begin the process. Your current estrogen levels are very high anyway. I'm guessing we will start to see the effects much quicker on you when I begin the injections. I would expect you to grow a very natural pair of A cup breasts within the first three months."

"Well, I can't ejaculate any semen. My penis is shrunken to a miniscule size. I can't ever have an erection. And I'm sterile as a male, so submitting to your plan seems like something I am destined to do. I'll sign your agreement." I said.

"Oh that's wonderful honey! I love you so much." Said Jason.

Jason leaned over to kiss me and we hugged and tongue kissed in a deeply passionate way for more than a few minutes.

"I have a few conditions of my own for you too." I said as we pulled apart.

"Okay, what are they?" Said Jason.

"If after six months of living together we both learn that we are meant to be together as a couple, I want your promise that you will ask me to marry you and become your wife." I said with conviction.

"Baby, I would do that in a heartbeat." Replied Jason.

"But honey, I want a fully traditional wedding. You can invite your family and friends and I want to walk down the isle of the church with my mother and have her give me away to you. I will want a full satin and lace white wedding gown and I want us to recite our vows in front of a minister."

"If that's what you want." Said Jason.

"I've dreamed and fantasized about being the bride at my own wedding and being given to my husband, and that's what I want." I replied.

"I'm excited to see what the next six months brings!" Said Jason. "And I'm thrilled to see the effects of estrogen on your already naturally feminized body. I'd be thrilled to ask you to marry me when the time comes."

The next day I moved out of the only house I had ever known and into the home of a man I hoped to marry one day. I had no male clothing of any kind in my new home. I had a complete dresser for my lingerie and my own bathroom off of our master bedroom. I settled into the role of live-in girlfriend very easily.