All Comments on 'Naamah'

I truly enjoyed this unexpected tale of romance and redemption.

I just finished reading this fabulous story. In search of another great read I checked for another of your submissions to be shocked that this is the only one. Please keep writing! Saving you on my favorites in hopes that your muse will strike again. Love your work!!

This was awful. Convoluted story that doesn't flow well and that has pea-brained characters acting in such inane, implausible ways that I have to wonder if they could even walk in a straight line. In an attempt to be clever, you failed miserably, especially with the expected ending.

Give up rugby! You have wonderful writing talent along with an amazing imagination. I look forward to many more.

Some excitement, some nice sex and a neat twist.

What more could a reader want?

Apart from a reliable spelling/grammar checker:

YOU'RE no your.

Thank You

HP

Worth the time to read - thanks for your time and talent

Top marks old son, loved it. You left just enough doubt in the hero's mind that things could still go all pear shaped to leave him worried for himself and his sister. Well done.

Why would anyone want to eat a desert?

(an extremely dry sandy or rocky region)

I'd much rather have dessert.

The best compliment I can give - too short! I wanted it to last much, much longer!

In all seriousness, you've got a publishable short story in this form, with a sufficiently deep concept and timeline that it could well serve as the basis for a novel.

Please, please keep writing.

This is a great story. Some wording errors but I gave it 5 stars.

Would like to see his first love reaction to his success the way she left him.

I think you could go another chapter to tie up lose ends here and there but it was a great read. I'll be looking for more of your stories in the future.

Ridiculous and offensive.

Most amazing story. Smooth flow and understanding as to what was going on. You just jotted this off for your daughter, eh? Brave soul building back on the original site of the hall, tempting fate a little. Hope Sandi enjoys her lawyer husband, but a later meeting with her in additional chapters could prove interesting. You really should add to this, the story deserves it and so do we the readers. Thanks for a class act. GP

Loved this story. Everything flowed smoothly. Keep up the great work. I can't wait for the next chapter.

great story; could be a series with Naamah possibly interacting with other succubi. And, Anonymous, it was rather Jewish.

I am glad I read the story. It was enjoyable, and I love happy endings. I might have fleshed out the battle with the demon lord a bit, but all around a good tale. Keep up the good work.

Still trying to get my head around a story written by a Rugby dad. Now as most know, "Rugby is the Game Played in Heaven", but this is written about a fallen angel..Could it have something to do with a very disgruntled English Rugby fan having watched England lose out badly in the recent World Cup.

Sorry, couldn't help myself.

Very glad it turned out the way it did. I almost stopped reading when I started seeing a satanic movement in it. But I am very glad I didn't.

most enjoyable.

not often do you find a story that is so engaging & interesting

and that you have absolutely no idea where it is leading to or what is going to occur

truly delightful ...

I never saw something similar to that fantastic Story. 5 stars for the hot and sexy demon.:)

Poorly written, full of grammatical errors, and racist undertones. No thank you!

"Jewishness"? Really? And I thought you English were supposed to be better than the Americans.

Loved it. Great story line.

A bit dark at the start but that is what made the ending even better.

Yes there were a few errors, as pointed out by others, i.e. desert instead of dessert, but the storyline flowed nicely. The "battle" with Samael was quite minimalist for such an important event in her life and the change to mortal status for Enn. It would also have helped to know what kicked his abilities as an artist up to the next level.

What happened to the book? Pages were copied, drawings were made, samples were faxed, and offers were received. Then nothing. Seemed like an unfinished thread.

I too agree that the remark made in response to the offer from Israel was out of order. I have been fortunate to travel to many regions of the world and it is standard practice in many parts of the world for a buyer to start low while the seller responds high, but they eventually reach a price they can both agree on.

Thank you for an enjoyable read.

Was simply fantastic. I truly enjoyed it and see why you won. Congratulations😊😆😄

please sir, can we have more?

Yes, I agree, it is a good read. Some - I believe anonymus - commentators have said some harsh things. While I would agree that the line with the jewishness was way out of order, I mostly enjoyed the plot. But this story has so much more than just this installment in it! What happens with the sister? Do the children have some otherworldly capabilities? What happens, if the chain to the necklace breaks?

Please, Rugby Dad, continue writing, I am truly looking forward to read new great stories from you.

getting better with each transition.

It would be interesting to read the version you wrote for your daughter.

It is because his previous girlfriend was Sandi.

At first, I was a bit disconcerted, what does a demon succubus have to do with romance? But as I progressed in reading, I understood the story. Fantasy, yes, but very pleasant romance, with a disturbing touch in the end, perhaps there will be a continuation?

5 * for you.

I apologize for my English (yet), is not my native language.

You really need to remove the line about Jewish stinginess. Really. Your right to have that opinion, but you're not doing yourself any favours by keeping that anti Semitic bullshit in.

A well-told tale and a bloody good read.

Thank you

HP

Absolutely perfect, one of the best i've read so far. If you ever feel like making a sequel please please Go for it.

Wonderful read beginning to end. I almost wish it was illustrated with the paintings of the girls, I got hungry to see them. Five stars, and thank you for it!

I love this about Literotica and stories like yours. I'll be on here, looking for some good porn, and then get sucked into a great story with hardly any sex in it. And absolutely no regrets, an excellent read! Keep up the good work.

You have the perfect talent for this type of writing. Life is full of twists and turns.

Good luck.

This is truly a fantastic story!!! Thank you for sharing!

Excellent! This is the third time I’ve read this. Thanks for sharing.

Damn that was awesome, 1 hit wonder though I guess

Great effort, enjoyed it very much

Excellent story, tbh I can’t think of much I’d change about it, other than possibly a follow up on the mercenary Ex whom, we hope, had not prospered, but then that might leave a bad taste at the end of an otherwise enjoyable story and a pretty good HEA. Many thanks for writing and posting, cheers Ppfzz. 5⭐️

Wonderful story, well worth 5/5 and into my favourites it goes.

Keep writing please

Very well done. You should write more

Plenty weird and disturbing to read explicit anti-Semitic statement ("one from The University of Jerusalem. It professed interest in purchasing the book the pages came from, mentioning a rather small price, certainly less than you would expect for an ancient text. Well, stereotypical Jewishness for you!"). There's no irony, and it comes from the hero, presumably the sentiment of the author. Given the author's sophistication and talent, this boorish nastiness can't be written off as a simple mis-statement.

<quote from Anonymous>

Plenty weird and disturbing to read explicit anti-Semitic statement ("one from The University of Jerusalem. It professed interest in purchasing the book the pages came from, mentioning a rather small price, certainly less than you would expect for an ancient text. Well, stereotypical Jewishness for you!").

</quote>

<p>

I want to thank the anonymous poster for pointing to this odd antisemitic statement that the author offers up, in the story, through the narrator's voice. I did look through the story to find some contextual reason for such an out of place comment, but could not find one. It is with great disappointment, therefore, that I feel compelled to attribute its inclusion to the ignorance and intolerance of David, the narrator, and by extension, to that of the author.

<p>

The author is, of course, welcome to their ignorant stereotypes and bigotry, but such sentiments leave me disappointed and rather disgusted. As a result, I will skip this story despite other positive reviews. I also find myself unable to recommend this story to others because of this author's lapse in judgment.

<p>

Some may see this as an overreaction on my part, but there seems to be a growing acceptance of this type of ignorance and casual intolerance on the part of too many. As a result, I believe it is now, more than ever, necessary to take a stand against its normalization.