All Comments on 'Naked About Town'

Babe . . . who told you that you needed that giant chunk of disclaimer blocking the way to your story? Rethink that one. And, rethink your editor, because this one doesn't know grammar, nor best online posting practices, and did you more harm than good. If you really want to improve and make your way to e-publishing, I'd consider begging for a critique on the Story Discussion Circle if I were you as a starting place. You've got the imagination. That's the hardest part. Now you just need to get some tools to best present it. Good luck. You'll get enough 1-bombs in the contest, so I won't harm you with anything less than a 5. My comments are rough enough.

I am not sure what story the first commenter read, but it wasn't this one. The ONLY negative is your paragraphs were a bit long for online readability. Now on to the good stuff: Holly and Amy were extremely likable... no, lovable and very believable which was important to get the reader to buy into their actions in the situations they were in. You succeeded well. I also think it was great how Amy pushed Holly at first but it was Holly who pushed the envelope at the end. They are very equal partners. This is a very promising start. Nice job

That could have gone much worse for Holly, IMO--I've seen the deaths of the skinny-dipper in Jaws and Bay of Blood, for instance...