All Comments on 'Naked Portraits Pt. 01'

I like Gwen the main character. I guess I have a thing for neurotic art chicks too. Ran into some typos but just minor stuff. This is just part 1? Where is this going? How much more is there? What's up with Betty? I'm reading this on company time...have to go. I hope there's more.

Long and wonderful, I really hope fro more.

This story is insanely long so I'm glad I found a fan. As soon as I hear from my wonderful volunteer editor part 2 will be up soon.

Good characters and Gwen is quite realistic.

Thanks.

These are not my tags usually - but I don't regret reading this long, long story and am even looking forward to the continuation. The characters, espexiaööy Gwen's, are so very well described, so many details that make their feelings likely.

I have not completely understood why the (quite long itself) story about Misty and Shelly is being told, but I have some idea how it might become important in the plot. Curious ...

So well ... at least I want you to know that there are readers who are not abhorred by the length of the tale. Somebody said "Good porn hits you if you have the fetish, great porn hits you if you don't" ... Even if this is not precisely porn: It hit this woman who is usually only into Lesbian stories (as far as erotica is concerned).

Thanks for the insightful comments. This story has taken on a life of it's own and there is a lot more to come. I'm surprised at the paths some of the characters have taken. I hope I can keep you and and other engaged to the end.

Yeah, I know that title reeks of insight, but it's true! You're natural affinity for your characters comes through in a lovely fashion, and what mistakes there were never really broke up the flow of the story. I've got nothing more to add really, just wanted to register my strong support.

A wonderful, intricate read. I look forward to more.

Great writing -- that's the part to focus on, the sex will take care of itself, and seems to be. (Can't believe I'm on LIterotica and skimming through the sexy parts to get to more plot exposition. That's a first.) Really liking this a lot, and am now moving on to the rest of the series.

That said, two lines jump out because they clash so much with the rest of the quality:

"My heart soared like a sea turtle." Really?

"Over big bowels of ramen noodles..." Ewww.

Both page 8. Don't know if you can edit in Lit, as I don't publish here, but if you can, please, please do.

Thanks for the comments. The story is over two years old. Great that you stumbled across it. The stupid 'soared like a sea turtle' was a joke that went nowhere. I was referencing a line from the movie Little Big Man ... 'my heart soars like an eagle.' Big bowels of noodles? How did that that get by everybody!!! Gotta edit that! I'm leaving in the sea turtle though.

I wince after reading several pages of excellent writing and am then brought up by a simple subject/object error!

to Betty and ME!

for Betty and ME!

Extraneous typos and misspelling are easy to read past, but ...

Thanks for the to honest and helpful comment. Writing is new and fun ... and really hard! I muddle along as best I can with my art school education. If I had a chance to do it all again I'd take more writing and reading courses.

You have the Pigeon and geography down and the neurotic Japanese girl is almost Jewish sounding. Maybe expressing less neurotic thoughts would make the story a little less wordy. Thanks for all da kine references to life in Hawai'i.

Thanks for the comment. I miss manapua, saimin and gaudy Maui sunsets. If you spend any time in a major university's art department you run into a lot of neurotic people ... I would know, I'm one of them. Anyway, Gwen is based on a handful of real neurotic Japanese women I've known. Makes me think that neurotic behavior holds no boundaries. I've spent so much time inside Gwen's head that I get lost sometimes. Perhaps I could maybe back off on some of the neuroses ... but that's what I love about her.

I wish there was a higher rating to give, you deserve it. This is not just a "stroke story", but a well written tale. One thing that made it even better for me, is that I lived on Oahu, on the windward side, in Kailua. I must get back to reading!

Glad you liked the story. Your encouragement is wonderfully timed. I just had one of those phenomenally awful days at work. Thanks for turning my day around. I lived on Oahu while going to school but I'm from Maui. I just posted part 14 last night. Hope you keep reading to the end. .... thanks again.