All Comments on 'Natalie - The Body Builder Ch. 01'

Glad you labeled it in the correct category. The story itself has many pros. The whips descriptions are spot on to what I own. The taking control part was not over the top or outlandishly unreal like other trash I've read. Good definition of a switch. Although in the kink community it is harder to a find a switch let alone have 2 find each other. You explain the BDSM aspects very well through your stories. The only negative I see is you don't draw out the scene as much as you could.

Good story, work on your editing.

Very nice start, I do agree with the others who commented that this comes across as a little rushed.

Try describing the locations, appearance as well as the physical and emotional responses of the characters.

Thanks for sharing

Tess (uk)

Pros

The way the Master is in control is very distinct and feels real.

Excellent Master and sub dialogue.

Great detail on the BDSM gear.

Fun scene in the garage.

Cons

A few grammatical errors.

Too short.

I like the story very much. I am hoping for much more. More descriptions of the bodybuilder would be nice. This story series had peaked my interest.

I was enjoying it but the grammar issues put me off. Lots of strange tense changes for example. Shame.

I have fixed the grammar issues, enjoy.