Nazanin

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"Gross, Naz," I spanked Dad again. "But fine. Let me taste how awful it is."

I opened wide, and Naz half spilled, half smeared Dad's cum onto my tongue. I didn't swallow. I swished the cum around. It tasted like cum alright. But the fact of what it was sent me for a loop. This was the temperature of Dad's cum, the texture, the weight it had. I could chew it. I could lick some onto my lips, and then lick it off again. I could gargle it, if I so chose.

I tried. It came out more of a gurgle.

"You had better swallow Daddy's cum," Naz pouted. "That's a special treat." She lapped at her own palmful of Dad's still oozing spunk.

When I'd finished swallowing mine, I burped loudly, and spanked him yet again.

"FUCK!" Dad yelped, causing Naz and I to exchange looks of otherworldly surprise. The only person in our family who swore less than Mom was Dad. "S-sorry, sorry, sorry," Dad pleaded. He could barely speak without whimpering.

I knew from recent personal experience, or at least from what I had felt like a real experience at the time, that it was taxing to have someone continue to fuck your ass after you had already cum. But so sue me, I enjoyed knowing that I was taxing the sexual limits of a man twice my size, and who'd raised me no less.

"Alllllriiight," I moaned. "Open wide!"

My core and back muscles seized up. Almost involuntarily, I thrust myself as deep as I could go inside of Dad, mashed his sweaty pink cheeks flat to my pelvis, and poured buckets into him.

"Th-there's my baby boy!" Dad laughed, exhausted, and reached back for a shaky-armed mid-orgasm low-five. "M-my Colossus."

I went to reciprocate the low-five, but wound up resting my hand in his as my orgasm continued to ripple up my spine and down my legs. We curled our fingers together and squeezed each other tight. I only let go after I'd reached the slow surreal end of the oxytocin rush, as the cold reality of what Dad and I had just done kicked on like an A/C unit in summertime.

I didn't have regret. I just had that weird post-butt sex reality check.

"And now, we feast!" Naz gave my butt a ticklish scritch.

"Oh, right," I muttered dreadfully, wiping sweat from my brow.

Naz shot me a wounded look of surprise.

"Here, you first," I sighed as I withdrew my dick from Dad's puffy pink slimehole. It was remarkably clean. He had cleaned up before we started today. A little of my cum was already dribbling out.

"Mine?" her disappointment sublimating to delight.

"We share," I frowned, knowing it's what she wanted to hear.

She squeed, dropped to her knees, and shoved me aside. With a quick mid-air lick, she caught the dangling strand of cum making a break for it out of Dad's ass. She followed it up like a spaghetti noodle to his asshole. She kissed the rosy pink bud.

She giggle-moaned reflexively as she felt his asshole clench and pucker on her lips. Dad did too. A little more cum came sneaking out of him. She sucked this up, then hurriedly gestured at me to kneel down beside her.

"How muth did you cum in thehe?" she asked carefully, ready to split her already generous winnings, and trying not to spill. She ushered my face toward her mouth, then held me by the nape of my neck as we kissed with Dad's asshole cum.

"Well," my eyebrows shot up after we'd parted and swallowed, "that's a flavor."

"I love it," Naz roared. She pried his fat cheeks apart and licked his entire sweaty, cummy crack.

"There's moooore where that came from!" Dad chuckled.

Sure enough, another surge of my cum spurtled out. Naz slapped at me in almost a panic. This time, I was catcher. She kept her hand to the small of my back, drumming in excited little circles, and as I licked and suckled up another mouthful of particularly stinky jizm for us to share, she sang my name over and over.

"Leeeeoooo, Leeeeoooo, save some for meeeeoooo!"

I wasn't even particularly horny after blowing my load inside Dad's ass. I was just doing this for my adorable sister. And I guess Dad seemed to be enjoying it, too.

"Iiii," he sighed dreamily, "could get used to this."

He gazed back at his sexy little daughter, who he was pleased to find beaming up at him from the kitchen floor. She drooled a little on her tit, on purpose, and made sure he was watching as she squeezed her tit up to her tongue and licked the drool back off. His son appeared beside her a second later, messy-faced and waving.

Dad smiled and let his mind wander to dinner plans as the two of us locked lips where he could see.

Epilogue II

Gallery visitors milled about, admiring each other more than the various local works on display. Naz shuffled around in comfy shoes on swollen feet, holding her smarting back and wincing politely at strangers.

"Jesus," Naz grumbled at all the folks pretending to interpret her brother's painting, not particularly caring who might hear. "I feel like I'm in a fucking epilogue."

"Well, you did get pregnant," tsk'ed a familiar voice. "So then I suppose your character arc is complete?"

Naz didn't quite spin about, more sort of just turned, and blushed at the pretty smirk Miss Kidman was giving her.

"Hey you," Naz rolled her eyes.

"Hi Naz." She held her arms out for a hug, asking permission with a look.

"No," Naz stood still and opened her arms wide, "you come to me."

They hugged.

"So, you seem to be having fun," Miss Kidman teased.

"I am now," Naz smiled. "Thank God you're here. I mean, I suppose I knew you would be. But Jesus. You hang out with these people on the regular?"

"I exist among them," Miss Kidman nodded soberly. "Nazanin, my sweet, how are you?"

"Pregnant."

"Sympathies. Are you good, though?"

"I suppose. I'm off work starting next week." Naz's eyes went a little wide as she heard herself say these words.

"Scary," Miss Kidman nodded.

"Yeah. Nah. I'm into it."

"That you are." Miss Kidman humored a brief pause while Naz disappeared into a quick text. "So, what have you been doing for work?"

"I sit and read at the library. Occasionally people come up to me and check out books."

"Aww," Miss Kidman beamed. "I never took you for a book nerd!"

"Welp," Naz shrugged. "I'm not supposed to be on my phone when I'm there. So."

"Weren't you ... at ...?"

"Harvard."

"That's right."

"And? They finally figured out you were an impostor? Kicked you out?"

"Shh!" Naz glanced around conspiratorially. "They might be listening."

"But what happened? Is it alright that I'm curious?"

"Nothing really. I'm just momming out for a year. Maybe two. You see, after the road trip," Naz gestured flippantly at my big beautiful drawing that was the, if I can just toot my own horn for a second, centerpiece of the whole showing, but anyway, back to Naz, "I let them know I was planning on starting a family. They were all like weirdly, like weirdly, supportive. So I'm chilling at my local library, writing a little when I can, and waiting for my belly to explode."

"We're doing that," Shan chimed in, looping an elbow through Naz's arm and squinting politely at this beautiful art teacher in whose presence Naz had always been uncomfortably comfortable. "Hello. Hi."

"Ah yes, Shan, welcome to the epilogue," Miss Kidman smiled.

Shan nodded and laughed like she understood.

"Naz, you know there's seriously no rush. With the whole college thing, I mean." Miss Kidman sighed as she looked around at all the strangers she called peers.

"I know. I mean. Look at me."

"Us," Shan corrected.

"But I'm not one of those dorks who doesn't know what they're doing, who's just at college because it's what dorks who don't know what they're doing do. I'm writing a lot. Especially nowadays," she patted her pregnant belly. "And especially now that I'm reading so much, too. I feel like I can be at least as good as some of the dinguses people come in and check out all the time."

"You always did aspire to dingus-level work," Kidman nodded knowingly. "And it sounds like you've turned your passion for texting into a promising career path."

"She's actually really good," Shan beamed a little too brightly, and squeezed Naz's arm. "She's being modest."

Miss Kidman narrowed her gaze.

"You know, I always wondered when you two would get serious," she smirked. "Shan, I know you don't like me, and to be honest, I still don't see what Naz sees in you. But!" She paused for effect. "I respect that you have somehow duped her into loving you. Nevermind my cynicism: you clearly contain multitudes."

"Thank you," Shan squinted.

"Okay, okay," Naz patted at her girlfriend's claw-like grip. "Quit flirting, you two. Let's just do the part where we tear up and say 'It was really good to see you' and get this over with."

Epilogue III

"Hey."

"Hm?"

"Can I just finally ask? What does it taste like to you?"

"What? This? Oh. Ummm. Well, let me just-. Hm. Mmm."

"You seem to be enjoying it?"

"Yes. I am. It's good, it's really good. It doesn't taste remotely like it smells."

"Ah."

"I mean. Sorry. Come on. It smells fine."

"Got it. Thanks."

"Fuck me, I said it smells fine. You're stupid hot, okay? You're allowed to have one flaw. You're allowed to have a pussy that smells merely fine. And real talk, where I come from 'fine' is a good thing. I like how fine your pussy smells! Now, to answer your question: I don't know. I guess it tastes like ... maybe like tomato soup?"

"Tomato soup."

"Well not like tomato soup. But you know how tomato soup-sorry, I need to sit up for a second-how tomato soup has ... a certain flavor? That sort of rich, smooth, tomatoey flavor? I'd say it's at least sort of like that. It's tangy. It's heartwarming. Like, I would eat a bowl of it."

"Wow, you're killing it with the compliments."

"I sincerely enjoy it."

"That is apparent."

"You should try it!"

"I'm good. I've tried it."

"Oh? You didn't care for it?"

"It wasn't my favorite."

"Well, what did you think it tasted like?"

"Ha! Well. To be fair. I can't say I'd do any better than you at explaining it. But I guess I felt like it just kinda tasted ... like ... me? I don't know. To be honest. I mean. Well, okay. I mean it obviously tastes like something. I don't know. Ugh, fine. Here. Kiss me real quick?"

"Yes please."

"Myap. That's me. Eesh. You like that?"

"I love it. But you're getting it second-hand! It isn't the same! It isn't the same. It's like ... getting carryout french fries. Freshness is essential. Eat them carryout, and they're all limp and mealy. It doesn't count."

"Uh-huh. Right. Well I can still comment on the overall bouquet can't I? And in my humble opinion: pussy stinks. It's what I would describe as: bad. Buuuut okay, if you're going to look at me all adorable like that, then I will concede that, terrible odor aside, it tastes just kind of, um ... bland? Not super gross. Just. A little tart. A little tangy. I don't like it. I don't hate it.

"But now hear me out," she continued to hold forth. "Like, a lot of things don't taste how they smell, right? And yet we still kind of judge them by their smell? Like take Durian for instance. Or Jackfruit. Or like, I think even coffee tastes different than it smells. Coffee smells AMAZING, but it tastes ... like good, not amazing. But people lose their goddamn minds over coffee! Me included. Even though it's like 85% smell. Right?"

I shrugged, contemplating the smell of her steaming up from between her legs. I was so close to her. I was so close to my sister.

"So, like. I'd say. My pussy smells. Or tastes, or whatever. Like um. Well I'd rank it below a cup of coffee. But like, above jackfruit? Maybe. I haven't actually had jackfruit. I hear it's good. It is the stinky one right? Or is that durian?"

"I think jackfruit is the same thing as durian."

"Is it?"

"I think so? Google it."

"You want me to google jackfruit?"

"Yeah."

"While-? Are ... you done eating me out?"

"No!"

"Then I will google jackfruit. And you will eat me out?"

"I will eat you out until you pry my cold, dead lips away from your delicious, stinky pussy."

"Ooo, yeah. Hot. I'm going to google jackfruit so hard for you right now."

"I feel like it's got to be the same thing. Right? Have you ever seen durian and jackfruit in the same place at the same time?"

"Eat. I'm googling it."

-;-

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countdowntolov3countdowntolov36 months ago

Well. I finished it.

First off, 5 stars. Was it perfect? No. Was it very good? Yes. Am I impressed by the quality to length ratio? Highly.

Incest isn't really a fantasy for me. But I found my way here from one of your forum posts. Clicked on a random snippet around page 3 or 4, where Naz was itchy, and ended up starting from the beginning to read the whole thing.

This story is the kind of thing a I like in amateur long form erotica. In fact, I'll go a little harder. This story is the kind of thing amateur long form erotica should be. Let me elaborate...

The plot is insane.

The pacing is all over the place.

And it's incredibly smutty.

All of this is good. If I want formula, clean three act structures, and tasteful sex scenes I'll go read something broadly published, with mass appeal. Authors doing it for the money have to drive between the lines. Amateurs can take risks. And so, it's right to do so. This story takes risks. Some of them pay off. And I love it for that.

I think there are two things you did really really well that work in harmony here.

First, the Naz and Leo relationship is drawn well, and serves as an anchor. Whenever Naz and Leo were dialoguing, I was enjoying myself. The few parts of the story that didn't work for me; I endured them because I wanted to see more Naz and Leo.

Blunt women are hard to write. Society generally encourages women to communicate agreeably and circumspect. Now, we all know women who break this mold. But, let me assure you, those women have learned the steps to a very delicate social dance. A dance with enough subtle complexity that it's hard to capture on the written page. So, women written with these traits often fall into the Madonna/Whore phenomenon.

Naz, to me, does not entirely avoid this trap. But with Leo, her familiar little brother, her straightforwardness seems more natural and believable. The older sibling relationship smooths over a lot of the hard edges that otherwise poke through when the social dance is not perfectly captured.

You wrote their dialogue heavy scenes very well. Witty and believable sibling banter that kept the tension up with their mutual rudeness. To my mind, you have just the right amount of action interspersing the dialogue. Which is, a lot. There is a good bit of scenery chewing and the characters talk in circles sometimes. But I think that works, both for your prose style, and the nature of your story. I'm reading because I'm enjoying Naz and Leo interacting. So I'm happy when you give me that. Even if a traditional interpretation would probably be that the you're lingering.

Here's the second thing I think you did well...

So you've written a pair of characters that the reader wants to see interact. Bam! You've done the hard part. Lots of options from here. You chose to plunk them in a totally bonkers plotline. And I don't just mean content wise. The pacing is crazy too. Half way through the story we transition comparatively rapidly from a steady when-will-they escalation to a full family sex orgy. Hell, I'd practically forgotten the Dad and Mom and then they're naked on the page. And, this isn't really treated as the climax of the story. If anything it's the second act complication.

This madness is all good. I like it.

Again, you've got two characters I'm enjoying spending time with. How do you maximise my enjoyment? By letting me spend time with them in interesting situations of course!

If your fever dream unexplained-mysticism plotline the most elegant way to do this? Honestly, no. It leaves a lot of unanswered questions. And not the satisfying kind. The kind that feel like they probably don't have answers. But that's okay. Small potatoes. Because while it's not elegant, it's effective.

Naz and Leo need something to react to. Something to push their dynamic in a new direction each scene. Something to recontextualize them. And you're doing that. Plus, you're doing it in a way that makes it clear to the reader that the next backdrop could be anything. That's fun. Sure, you sacrifice some of the satisfying anticipation and engagement a saner plot might bring. But I'll make that trade here. Your style lends well to it.

Phew. Okay. I figured your novella deserved a lengthy comment. Hopefully I delivered.

A few minor notes that didn't fit cleanly above. Some of them quite subjective:

- I liked the way you played with "ick" as a running theme. Sweaty/smelly bodies. Incest. Cum. Even just the natural biological ick of sex. For me, it was usually the right balance of gross and sexy to be interesting.

- I thought Naz and Leo's transition into their physical relationship was reasonably paced. That many pages it I appreciated that the last few steps happened rapidly. However, I struggled a little bit when they started really playing with the incest kink in their mid-sex dialogue. Its not that I didn't believe Naz would address that particular elephant, but I think I would have believed it more if it had been more of a she's-teasing-Leo-about-it and less of a it's-hot-that-I'm-you'r-sister. At least initially.

- Loved all the cum play. Big kink for me. Not much else to say there.

- Vaginas being described as having rings kept throwing me off. As a vagina haver I think of it more tunnel or tube like (though tube in particular is not such a sexy word). Yes accepting a wide penetration is more of an exercise for the first few inches. But when compared to like anal play, where "ring" is commonly employed as a descriptor, there's a lot less of a once-it's-in-it's in reality.

- I thought the anal penetrations happened too easily. A lot of just slipping digits into butts. I dunno, a pet peeve of mine I think. Probably purely a preference thing.

- Loved Naz inspecting her nipple and trying to figure out if/where the bug bite was on it. Can relate.

- I saw you on the forums getting into some debates on unusual formatting and dialogue tags. I have this feedback to give: I noticed some of that in this story, bit it was not distracting. You're heavily reliant on italics, but it's working well. They're adding a lot of punch to some key dialogue. I would not suggest leaning any heavier into creative formatting than you're doing here. But also, I think what you're doing is adding to your prose. I'm trying to say that I think you're right on the line and should stay here.

- I should probably mention I'm a woman (in my 30s). I imagine that fairly may color how you view my critiques.

That's all I've got tome for. Thanks for the fun read. Keep writing!

burgwadburgwadover 1 year agoAuthor

It's an imperfect piece, Wargamer, to be sure. I intend to pull it, polish it, and republish it. Thank you for following up. If you want to go more in-depth with some of your criticisms/disappointments/hopes for revision, please know you're welcome to reach out to me via the Lit forums. I might take a sec to respond, but I always appreciate earnest feedback.

WargamerWargamerover 1 year ago

Sorry you removed my comment. I do like your work, just not this story. As l said Ingrid is a far better tale and l sincerely hope you complete it.

AnonymousAnonymousover 1 year ago

I was almost put off by the length, but I’m glad I persevered. Hard to put into a few words.

Engaging. Deep. Funny, yet horrific. Definitely not an easy read, but we’ll worth five stars.

Tc

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