Ned McGee


"Like books from ages ago and what makes poetry tick and all that stuff?"

"Oh indeed and what a refreshing way of explaining it."

"Well you're too brainy for me Kate. I reckon I've caught the wrong train."

"Nonsense Ned. You fascinate me is so many ways like you knew instantly this was a Cadillac and you knew the model and were almost spot on with the year. I bet none of my professors would know things like that."

"You might be surprised. Some guys know all kinds of stuff."

"Yes I suppose you are right. We take a left here. Remember to turn on to the right side of the road."


"No right. Oh god Ned."

"It's okay. I was just testing if you had your mind on the job."

Ned said he liked the style of the house and boggled when he saw the other three cars in the garage, a new Lexus saloon, 2006 Porsche Boxster 987 that had been Arnold's business car and a near-new Range Rover.

"The Porsche is yours to use for as long as you stay with me," Kate said.

Ned practically panted and said, "Oh thanks. Um is there a bike?"

"Yes and His and Hers in the storeroom. I cycle for fitness."

"Me too."

Kate showed him through the house and said he could sleep with her if her wished.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes and I'll be a bit miffed if you decide to sleep elsewhere."

"I like being told that Kate. Tell it to me straight and I know where I stand. Some women find it hard to do that.

Kate said, "I'll really work on that to get it right for you Ned."

She asked what did he wish to do. He'd had a 12-hour flight so she wouldn't mind if he wished to sleep.

"No. What I'd really like is a juice and then the invitation to lick your body."

"Oh god, it's only mid morning."

"Okay if that's..."

"No go out to the pool and I'll get the juice. It's reasonably private and I swim naked and it's very private on the recliners under the gazebo."

Ned stripped and jumped into the pool and swam a few lengths before Kate arrived poolside with his juice. She bent down to hand it to him and he stood and looked down into her sundress.

"I can see tits."

Kate said nervously, "Lucky boy."

"Get you gear off and get in here with me."

She did that and hugged him, saying she was a little embarrassed because her breasts had began to droop a bit.

"Only big breasts droop. I love biggish breasts."

That made Kate better and she began to work up his erection.

"Changed you mind eh?"

"Yes," she said staring at him. "I no longer feel nervous and am getting used to the rough way you speak to a woman."

"With me what you see and hear is what you get."

"I rather gather that. Push it into me now."

"What in the water and with no foreplay?"

"Yes. I desire to be fucked you hard-nosed Aussie. You were the last guy I had."

"Gee then you've had a bit of a drought. Um a rubber?"

"No I'll take the rise if you a confident you are clean."

"I am baby."

Ned lifted her until she was resting on her upper arms over the pool coping and her legs were floating.

"I love watching a dick pushing in," she confided.

"Me too. A cunt taking a dick really does something to me. I guess that has something to do with the process of procreation."

"God that's deep Ned."

"I'm only about an inch in."

"No I meant the way in which you just expressed yourself."

Ned laughed and said, "I like you baby. You talk decent stuff rather than just twitter."

"Thank you Ned. Oooh, there is goes."

Ned began banging and panting he asked, "Are the discharges okay in the pool?"

"Yes Ned. You little bit and my little bit will be diluted to approximately 35,000 gallons of chemically treated water."

"Oh yeah. Even if I could pump in a gallon of semen it would be just a drop in the bucket."

"I'm not sure I'd like a bucket of cum up me Ned."

Ned bellowed in laughter and then cried "Shit" and ejaculated.

He got going again and time shot his next load only when Kate's eyes rolled up, her face turned purple and she screamed.

"Oh god, the neighbors," she panted.

"The women will calm things down in their houses. They'll know what that kind of scream equates to."

"Oooh you are so knowledgeable Ned."

"Kate are you okay?" called a women's voice from behind the high fence.

"Yes thanks Mrs Rice. I've just been... oh god... um you know."

Kate whispered to Ned Mrs Rice was in her mid-sixties.

"But it's only just gone 11:00."

"My houseguest is Australian Mrs Rice."

"Oh that explains it. Time difference. They're ahead of us aren't they?"

"Yes by almost fifteen hours I think but we didn't get round to discussing that."

"Well I don't blame you Kate. Oh don't adjust your time to his and then you'll have fun at least twice daily."

"That's good advice, thank you Mrs Rice. Bye."

* * *

As with many relationships without strong anchor points apart from sex, the cracks of this relationship began to show.

The first thing Ned noticed was Kate resumed going out with her girlfriends and they gradually received priority over him.

Kate noticed that Ned would continue reading the newspaper when she came into the room unless she spoke to him.

Ned later noticed Kate had twice recently yawned and said would he mind if they didn't have sex that evening and yet he calculated she was midway between her monthly.

She was miffed on another occasion when she bit his cock and he said, "Don't do that, it irritates me."

"But you used to like me being playful like that."

"Well that was then; this is now."


Then they had a couple of rows. The first was over in fifteen minutes but the second left Kate in a mood all day and she slept in another bedroom that night.

Ned awoke refreshed and went into where Kate was and banged her until she was flopping like jelly and almost unable to talk. She slept till almost 3:00 and then took him out to a bar and they went to dinner drunk and came home and she passed out on the lounge floor. Ned carried her to bed and he went to sleep watching TV and awoke in the morning delighted to find that same football game being repeated and so he ended up seeing the full game.

If they knew their liaison was coming to an end they avoided speaking about it.

One evening Kate's parents called her from their ranch in Arizona to complain they hadn't seen her since the funeral.

"We don't like the big city," said her mom.

"Well I don't any longer like the wide open space of much of Arizona."

"You father's broken a toe and I'm tired of having to drive him everywhere."

"Do you want a relief driver?"

"But you don't like being here?"

Kate said excitedly, 'But I have a guy staying here with me who'll think he's back in heaven being in wide-open space. He's acting cooped up here."

"What are you doing with a man in your house?"

"He's here for the sex mom."

"Christ don't let your father hear you talking like that. Who is he?"

"That Australian hero I told you about who drove me across 110 miles of very rugged terrain to allow me to rejoin my cruise ship."

"Oh that guy. Get him down here baby."

"I'll call him mom. You say hello and then invite him down to help out. He won't refuse because Ned is a hero."

"Ned eh? He sounds um appealing."

Two mornings later Kate handed Ned five thousand bucks over his protests and he was told to shut up, she could afford it. He drove off in the Range Rover, waving. Kate staggered back to bed because the oaf that morning had fucked her almost legless.

The drive gave Ned a good look of a dry part of America and he stayed the night at Phoenix. Not caring much for big cities left early and went through Tucson and at Benson turned off Interstate 10 on to State Route 80 and followed Kate's hand-drawn map to find the ranch, by then aware he was not too far from the Mexico border.

Kate King's mom Beryl Hayes rushed out to greet him, her husband Sam hobbling after her.

"Oh darling, you're my first Australian visitor ever," Beryl said, kissing him warmly and whispering, "God you're all man."

Ned opened the rear door and pulled out a big container of fresh greens and a big box of chocolates.

"With my compliments ma'am. I thought you might be isolated out here."

"We are indeed son," said Sam who held out a hand to be shaken.

They shook hands warmly and Ned reached into the back and placed a large bottle of Scotch whiskey into Sam's hand.

"I was advised this medicinal preparation takes the pain out of a sore toe."

Sam broke into a tirade of Spanish that left Ned floundering but Beryl said to take no notice of her husband; Sam was just showing off. Their occasional housekeeper had taught the fool to speak reasonable Spanish and what he didn't know he made up.

Ned was about to lift out the big box of fresh fruit when he looked across to the garages and gaped.

"Oh those old things. God the money they chew up keeping them going," Beryl snorted.

"B-but that's a restored 1945 Willys MB," Ned said with as much reverence he'd use if meeting the President. "And beside it is a CJ-8 Scrambler (pickup)."

"Produced in 1985," Sam said proudly. "You know your jeeps."

"I began devouring articles about them since I was eleven," Ned said. "My dad was a redneck enthusiast. He taught me to go where no horse could go with extreme rock crawling."

"Yeah well my older daughter told me about her big adventure of you taking her on that partly terrifying journey across that island to rejoin her boat to escape being jailed as an illegal immigrant," Beryl said. "We thank you for that. Now are you two going to keep on jawing or are you coming in for coffee?"

"Older daughter?" Ned said, grabbing the box of fruit. "I assumed you were are family of three?"

Beryl sniffed. "Jess is a theatre nurse in Phoenix. You'll meet her because she comes home weekends and randy young guys from around here appear out of the dust and mesquite when she's home."

Ned didn't quite know how to reply to that and so remained quiet. He went to bed that night thinking Sam was a good guy but he wasn't so sure about Beryl. She was a bit too aggressive for comfort and was one of those people who insisted she was always right. Just some little things like when Ned said they farmed 50,000 acres she said 47,700 of which one-third was public land on which they paid grazing rights and he said they had five wells and thirty-four stock ponds and no rivers but she said thirty-three stock ponds, two more abandoned wells and water courses appeared after rare periods of heavy rain.

Picky, that's what it was. Stan's comments had been reasonable enough for anyone but an insurance or census assessor or to someone looking to buy the ranch.

Sam said they had approximately 350 head of mature cattle plus offspring. Beryl failed to dispute that, probably satisfied Sam had mentioned 'approximately' or else she didn't know how many cattle they were presently running. He said they'd received adequate rain over the past three months and she scoffed that and said they'd not had nearly enough rain. Well perhaps they were both right on that one. She then declared they scratched out a living whereas Sam muttered they made a darn good living and most years had money to spare. Ned thought it was of no business to a visitor to be told whether or not the ranch was profitable.

However he had to admit Beryl appeared correct when Ned asked what kind of cattle did they run and Sam said Hereford.

"Rubbish," Beryl snorted. "There are at least ten bulls out there within our fence lines that are crossbreds. That's why we have so many crossbred young cattle."

Sam conceded that and said with more than seventy square miles of ranch to cover with just two ranch hands and most of it 'wild country' bisected by hills it was difficult to know clearly what was going on.

"Those maverick bulls should be cut," he grumbled.

"Let's go after some of them tomorrow," Ned said. "I'll drive the Scrambler and you stand on the box and shoot them over the roof of the cab."

"What's the use of that? We make extra work for ourselves having to bury them."

"Who says? We slash the carcasses to accelerate natural deterioration under this hot sun and poof, they are bones before you know it."

Sam conceded that wasn't a bad idea. "When they die naturally they are left to rot."

Offering a compromise Ned said, "Toss a chain aboard and we can tow the carcass to the nearest ravine and nose it over the side with the Scrambler."

Sam rubbed his chin thoughtfully and said now Ned was talking sense.

"God you bloodthirsty men," Beryl said.

"Well it's either that or stick with those damn bulls," Sam said sounding exasperated and Beryl switched and said to do it. "Just look after that big toe. I'm sick of you grumbling."

Ned thought those two needed a vacation. Well he was capable of looking after the spread, having being raised on a cattle station in the Northern Territory of Australia and then his dad bought a rundown station (ranch) in western Queensland with a near-crippling mortgage. Ned worked for his dad building up its carrying capacity by improving water supplies and worked on livestock improvement until he left home when he turned twenty-eight. He became a minority partner in an Outback Adventure Tourism venture that collapsed five years later after the principal sold all the vehicles during the high summer closure (due to extreme heat) and fled to Bali with all the business's money.

Sometime during the night Ned found Beryl, who was at least sixty, in bed with him.

"Hi," she said. "I'd like to jerk you off. You can make a fuss and tell me to go or allow me to do it quietly. After all that whisky Sam is sleeping heavily."

Ned knew he must tell her to fuck off but she said, "You must understand I'm lonely out here with just Ned had he refuses to go to a doctor with that broken toe and..."

"All right but I'm not fucking you."

"But you'll get me off with your fingers won't you?" she whined.

Ned felt repulsed but then thought of how some younger women probably felt when he'd unsuccessfully hit on them.

"Okay," he sighed.

To his astonishment Beryl was first-class. She teased his cock with her tongue and lips while rolling her hand gently round his shaft and then when he was jerking his hips and breathing heavily, really bubbling, she scrapped along his shaft with her teeth a little painfully and then dug in those teeth at the collar of the head and he blew voluminously.

It was dark so he couldn't see her expression but heard her smacking her lips and probably wearing a very fat smile.

He lay on his back, she beside him with her legs wide apart. With a forearm across his eyes Ned dug his fingers in and gave Beryl what she'd wanted from his fingers until she heaved and bellowed. She then padded off without saying a word. It was a new experience for Ned to feel how he thought some women must feel after submitting to unwelcome attention. He believed he'd always been careful when hitting on women but he now resolved to always pull back from applying unreasonable pressure. It was necessary to apply some pressure because some females needed to be pushed and would later admit that had been the case. It was like walking on a rope. In Beryl's case he'd felt exploited and yet hadn't said no. Well he only had himself to blame.

* * *

Next morning Stan introduced Ned to the two Mexican ranch hands that he called vaqueros and said they didn't speak much English but understood a lot. He pointed to Ned and said 'boss' and they nodded.

"They like cattle and get the job done," said Sam, who was wearing boots and had his \injured toe swaddled in toilet paper to help cushion it. He was carrying a Remington Model 600 with scope.

Sam spoke to the ranch hands and said they were going out to cull bulls, the ones that shouldn't be there.

The older Mexican spoke to him in Spanish and Sam nodded.

"He says get the two native bulls on what we call the plateau pasture, that's if we can find them. They'll be wild bastards and are likely to charge at anything so be ready to accelerate away. I'll attempt to shoot both those bastards at distance so we might have to close in to finish them off."

"Okay but you hold on. I don't want you falling off and being gored."

"You just drive," Sam snorted.

It took two hours to reach the plateau pasture.

"It's 11,000 acres in size so don't be disappointed if we don't see cattle."

But they did and Sam climbed on to the back and he shot a brindle crossbred bull as it stood staring at them. It dropped like a stone, shot through the top center of the forehead from almost 150 yards. Ned was impressed.

The other cattle had scattered. They dragged the carcass to the bank of an ancient riverbed where Sam sliced the hide in several places while Ned checked the edge of the bank.

"The edge is unstable. I'll tow the carcass in at speed and turn off sharply and the momentum ought to sling the carcass over the edge."

"Okay I go along with that. The pickup should hold with the brakes on but tell me how do you intend freeing the chain?"

"Oh shit."

"Let's just tow it as close to the rim as is safe and we leave it there."

"Yeah, great idea Sam."

They dispatched another bull in similar fashion and the dying third bull, not shot as cleanly, assisted by charging over the rim of a dry gulch.

They were about to head for home when they came across two bulls fighting alongside a herd of about forty two-year-old heifers and were ignored.

"Jesus the native bulls, both of them," Sam said delightedly as Ned stopped the vehicle. "Well let them fight to a near standstill and then we go in and I'll shoot them."

When both bulls were standing still and looking exhausted Ned drove in towards them. As the animals turned to confront the intruders Sam peeled off two shots and brought both to the ground. One was dead and the other was dispatched with a second bullet. When Sam had slashed the carcasses Ned arrived alongside him with the chain but Sam said, "Nah it's quite some ways to a suitable dumping place. We'll leave them here to rot if varmints don't finish the job. This is part of ranching that city folk who can only imagine fat cattle in knee-high grass beside burbling streams would find possible to comprehend, eh?"

"Too right Sam. Good shooting. We've had a better day than we expected. That's five out of a possible ten culled."

"Yeah right. Let's return and hit the beer. That was a great idea of yours going on the big hunt. We'll continue tomorrow and thereafter till we get the other five eh?"

"Yeah. Oh how's the toe?"

"What toe? Oh yeah. Christ it's painful."

When Sam was soaking in a bath Beryl passed Ned another beer and took one into Sam. When she returned Beryl said, "Thanks for attending to me last night. It's better than me doing it myself.

"Will you be satisfied if we limit it to me fingering you and then only when we are alone?"

"Yes," Beryl said, hauling up her dress. "We are alone now. Come on Mr Fingers."

Ned groaned to himself. He'd overlooked imposing a frequency rate such as once a week!


"Let's see how much of your hand you can force in," Ned's graying hair sex partner simpered.

The next evening was Friday and they waited to have dinner around 9:00 when the youngest daughter Jess was expected to arrive home for the weekend from Phoenix.

"Jess is unmarried and thirty-five, just right for you," Beryl said as she, Sam and Ned were at the table sipping a fruit drink she'd made from some of the fruit Ned had given her.

"She'll have a steady," Ned said defensively.

"Not that I know of. Being a nurse she has a soft nature and will have sex with almost any guy who pushes her for it."

"That's a cartload of crap," Sam said.

"Well she does like having sex."

"Yes she's admitted that to us but it's not saying she'll have sex with anyone who wants it."

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