All Comments on 'Neighborhood Moms and Daughters'

Pregnancy

good story overall

did notice you need a spellcheck or an editor mostly in the beginning.

Girls dont have Frats they have sororities which just bugged me personally, not sure about others.

dont forget being in this catagory, you can add Ray's Daughter if you so choose to the above thoughts.

Look forward to the next chapter!

Well you got a fan ,keep going it can only get better 👊🏽

I’m glad to see you figured out the difference between fraternity and sorority. (Chuckle)

Great job. I can hardly wait for part 2.

5*

Tc

Most sex story authors

Most adult story authors forget chapter 1. Don't be one of those.

What about poor Angela?

liked the story, hope you continue. you should add more of the neighborhood wives to the story, as well as maybe some mothers of the wives. thanks for asking for input. cant wait til the next chapter.

YOU HAVE SOME GOOD IDEAS, I AM GLAD THAT YOU DO KNOW THAT GIRLS ARE NOT FRATERNITY MEMBERS. DO GIRLS HAVE PROSTATES? I THINK NOT!

This is your first attempt at submitting a story ? I wish I could give you 6 stars as this is one of the best stories I have read lately. For your next story I vote for options 1-4 and 5.

Nice beginning need to add to the story and spread out more encounters

Loved the story. Girls have sororities not fraternities also prostrates are in men only. Otherwise nice story. Looking forward to more chapters.

Proof Read!!

Far too many silly mistakes!

And, why is it that all male participants have to have extra long/thick cocks?

I WAS going to send this 'Private' but apparently I'd have had to Login!!

Ditto for the fraternity issue. And dont keep going on about his monstrous cock please. Most readers prefer it a bit more realistic. Average is 5, so even 7-8 is quite large. If you must mention it, keep it infrequent. There are some grammar and format issues, which I don't usually care about, unless there are other issues, like I just mentioned . Then the grammar tends to stand out more. A good editor would clean most of this up. It was a nice general idea though, which you could make great with a few changes. And your future ides all look like winners to me. 4 for this because of the few issues, but you could easily make this a consistent 5 story.

Jedd

I enjoyed reading this very much. I hope you continue to write this in a series. Plus to get Ray more involved with the other neighbors as well, and a little more private time with him and Teena.

4* knocked down to 3* for the prostate /fraternity ignorance.

Thanks for the feedback so far. Sorry about the miss on Frats vs. Sororities. My bad. Will also ensure I include chapter 1 😀. I have some of the next adventure done but need to proof read it and edit it.

Please have someone else proofread your story before posting next time......I found the grammatical errors frustrating.

Other than that, it was an awesome story, well written . Also, ladies join sororities, guys are in fraternity.

Pretty good story, aside from the aforementioned prostate and fraternity mis-slips. There are a few coed fraternities, if you wish to keep in that route. They accept both male and female members. I would avoid mentioning actual letters (which you did avoid), as their nationals can take that personally. Over-all, pretty good stuff.

See if you can get a volunteer editor here at Lit. I know from experience that you will not see all of your mistakes but a fresh set of eyes will. It will help enormously.

Toro1 / re:editing: Perhaps reach out for a volunteer editor either on the forum, or here in the comments. You might be lucky and find a second set of eyes that way :)

2 too many #1 stories on here but if you do #2 you always have Rays kids that could come home the daughter who turns out to be the queen and son to add another log on this fire, Good job looking forward to the next one

I enjoyed this story. I like the order of your ideas. Wondering if Rays daughter, and/or som, come visit and figure things out, and get involved, not necessarily with Ray. Just my 2¢.

Don't listen to the nay sayer on the mention of the monstrous cock point. Absolutely DO mention that, but maybe make it even more scary for Samantha to contemplate trying to take that in her ass. You touched on that initially with how difficult it was for Teena to take it when she was blind folded in the beginning - and she was only able to take 3/4 of his cock. Maybe continue with that serious challenge of her trying t take it all and then pass that on to Samantha; warning her it is NOT going to be easy in the slightest.

and I see that others have pointed out that Fraternity is for males and Sorority is for females.

also it is extremely hard to proof read your own writing as the bad sounds and looks OK to the original writer. You will get some but not all.

your grammar mistakes are mostly missing words that might sound OK in your own dialect but make the story hard to read for the rest of us.

This is still a good submission which can be better.

Dr beulahthebrit; I really enjoyed this story, an excellent start, as for the errors, well British universities don't have Frats or Sororities, so I'm not bothered. As for the suggestions for further chapters, oh yes. all of them, but you could lose Grace, who is an unpleasant bitch, a suitable ending for her made `airtight' with strap=on's and dieing from shock. Like the idea of mum and daughter moving in though. Keep up the good work, 4* just for the spelling and anatomical errors.

First. I generally do not like “Big Magic Cock” stories. But, this story was more than that.

This was loving, sexy, and nasty. The incest portions were generally well done. I’m not looking forward to the giant Dom/sub Lesbian Orgy. That will likely involve to much degradation and not enough character development or romance.

Ray has two kids at college. What will they think of Dad’s Incest Parties? Will they be disgusted? Will they feel jealous? What if Ray’s son is bisexual? He wouldn’t need to do anything directly WITH Ray, except maybe eat his dad’s cream pies, after spit-roasting or DPing one of the Ladies. What if Ray’s kids had already been fucking, and want to change colleges, so they can be together?

Finally, nobody talked about VD or pregnancy. The group should get tested and talk about birth control. And I think Ray should get Sam pregnant, and maybe marry her. She is so sweet. If you want to explore the possibility of a group marriage, that would be cool too, just not as romantic.

Can't wait for the next chapter

Rated 5 Stars, fantastic story! There were a few times when parentheses were missing or used incorrectly, but these things can be fixed with an editor. Excellent experience, looking forward to whatever comes next.

go for it

I loved the story, especially the mommy/daughter threesomes. In future chapters, I'd like to see Marnie get involved with his games. Fun and games at work would be great, too. Five stars and a favorite point!

I stopped reading at the mention of the ten inch dick. Why do you guys feel the need to write this crap? Small dick I guess, inferiority complex.

You’ve obviously turned off the ratings, as I’m unable to rate. Comments already point out the difference between frat and sorority. It immaterial where the author is from, only the majority of the audience and their idiosyncrasies of wording. Boils down to if you use a fucking word widely used by yanks, the for pete’s sake, use it properly.

Sorry, pet peeve of mine as a English Minor in college - proper word usage: you, your, you’re, yours (NOT your’s) and their, there, they’re. Now, Frat and Sorority

Read this before, yeah 10 inch so passe

Options 5 6 4 3

I agree with opklompen's option order (5643)...thanks for an enjoyable story, hope it moves forward...just not too far...lol

Thanks for all the feedback. I will use an editor for the next story. I thought I had caught it with a spell checker. Ratings are turned on.

I will like you continue in all possible situation you propose, but also his daughter will discover and shall be helped by these women in the neighborhood

Women don’t have prostates.

Absolutely love the story, please write lots more with all your potential follow ups.

Ray's children could join in.

Women don’t have a prostate.

It seemed to start out well but got into impossible-to-suspend-disbelief territory very quickly. Practical tips: your dialogue is going too much into explicit motivation rather than realism; the dialogue can be reduced a lot. The story would flow better without character A learning that character B is horny; that dialogue slows down the action. Instead let all the characters know that they're all ready for action and see where it takes you. You can add realism to your subsequent story series. For this, go with the plot without character exposition via dialogue.

Great, especially for a first story. You've read the comments so please take them on board. You can always correct and republish this story as well. All the ideas for future chapters are good.

It's erotic and it's fantasy so a lot goes. Some authors start with note saying STDS, etc don't exist in this world but probably better to include in your narrative that any newcomers to any future adventures are clean, take tests or use condoms, especially st the sorority party.

5 stars

I'd love for this to continue. Most all your suggestions are great but not really the power struggle between

Grace and Samantha.

Bring it on!!

i dont usually like long stories but this one held my interest with little short stories inside the big one thanks and keep up the good work

You're trying to pack too much in the same story, so it goes from angst to one-on-one to FFM threesome to dom-sub all within a short distance. Break up the stories thematically. Think of James Bond films. Some are serious and angsty and some are goofy and over the top, but if the same movie tries both then it can't be enjoyed by either party. Segregate by theme.

I enjoyed it very much and would love to read further installments.

Hey Man great story. Yeah there are some technical things mentioned by some of the commenters. No worries there, that gets better with writing.

There are many many possible future sequels the way you wrote this. So there's a great foundation here. The character internal struggles introducing the back story of some of them was well done. The power exchange in the kink dynamic - again well done. It's almost like you wrote it as into for future possibilities of more adventures.

I'm not usually into the incest thing but this had me hooked.i had a hard on the whole read and took care of that in the last page hahaha

great story. Hope you go along with the chapters you have outlined.

Thoroughly enjoyed the story; sincerely hope it is just the beginning of a series. Really good jobfor your first story.

As for future direction:

#1 (frat gangbang) is a bad idea becuse too many people involved so the three families involved will probably be known about by their friends and neighbors. If done at all, it should be just Denise and Grace.

#2 (Power struggle) why create unnecessary drama and conflict? There could be some

interesting things about Grace, her sister, and Sam competing for Ray and younger men without the hate.

#3 (work and/or in the gym) is also a bad idea because workplace affairs are almost always hurtful to those involved and both are hard to maintain privacy at.

#4 (Teena's sister) unnecessary

#5 (Denise's other daughter) lots of possibilities

#6 (Teena and Samantha move) lots of possibilities, especially with competition between Teena and Denise never mind their daughters.

What happens with Ray's twins when all this is discovered?

When the summary said young widower I was thinking 20s maybe early 30s at most.not old enough to have kids in college that's more middle ageish.

Please continue with the story, especially with Denise and her daughter at the sorority house!! Everything you mentioned as stories are great!

So many grammatical errors )as pointed out in almost all of the previous comments! I see that you have posted a new segment. Hopefully you found a proof-reader and also used a grammar/spell checking routine. If I find that you did not use one, than I plan to terminate reading and scratch your name off of my list!

Enjoyed the story overall but various errors were distracting. Collegiate "Greek" organizations are based on gender and use the Latin words for "brother" and "sister," "frater" and "soror," respectively as the nominal classification root. Thus Grace would be a member (sister) in a sorority not a fraternity.

Pro Anatomy Tip: Females don't have Prostates!

Not bad, dialogue a bit stilted. Also as mentioned previously, spelling and grammatical errors. Oh, and women don’t have a prostate.

all i can say is if all you are looking at is for grammar errors yall lead a very dull life!!

i loved the story was well written and had great content please keep writing!!

Women don't have a prostate, they a gland analogous to the prostate. This allows some women to "squirt."

"She grunted and started cumming as I pushed on her prostate." ... seriously?

at least I'd change "her prostate" for "her g-spot" ... lol

I was going to comment on your wording and sentence structure until I read your biography and saw that you reside in Canada. America has long lost the Queen's English eons ago so I won't comment.

I love reading books, all kinds of stories including erotica. As I read things come alive in my head and as long as the story keeps flowing smoothly I take enjoyment from what I read.

I would suggest for authors to re-read their stories and make changes before posting them.

great story but does get repetitive

Great story. keep writing all your proposed lines

Women are in sororities not frats. Also, women do not have a prostrate.

I want to hear about Denise at the sorority. I want to hear how her and her daughter got fucked by a bunch of lesbians.

Darn good story. As for what to include in your next story (or stories), Let your imagination run wild. You're doing a great job so far.

Good story telling for your first one. However try to get a lecturer or a friend/pal to read over your stories, the small grammer mistakes and missing articles make it a bit bumpy to read at places.

Also a suggestion for your next stories, try a more "realistic down to earth" approach for your characters. I personally prefer a more subtle character build, a succesfull middleaged-man with a 10 inch cock (average in the US 5,5 inches - just saying - 7 inches would be enough ;) ) who lost his wife to cancer is close to depression but achievs to beef up in quite a short time, in a neighborhood of promiscuous stunning "models" with hot daughters which all care about him is just a bit too much for my taste. Almost reads like s script of a hardcore porno.

Nevertheless its your story and your fantasy, the story is well developed, i just would like to see what you could do with a more subtle approach. Make the characters a bit more imperfect, just a bit more average and at places a little bit insecure. However keep up writing, my taste is not everybodys taste, i am sure you will have fans!

i like number 6 they both care for him

Excellent! It is hard to believe that this is your first story. It is better than some that are written by people who have been here for years. Proofreading and an editor would help. Keep it up and keep us up.

4,5,6 keep it in the Taboo category. Involving outsiders will kill it. Good story so far but it really is edging towards erotic couplings rather than this category as he is not related to any of these women.

Overall I enjoyed the story, but I do have a few critiques that dropped it to a 4 star from me...

1) I understand it's a fantasy, but the timeline seemed to be very rushed with everything. The quick jump from normal mother/daughter interactions to extreme acts and ridiculous dirty talk (Mommyslut? Cumbucket? Really?) was jarring and definitely took me out of the moment. There should be more of a transition before that switch flips to flow the characters and the reader into it.

2) Some aspects of the story seemed to be cut and paste as it went along. (Nearly every time Ray went down on one of the ladies it started with the same phrase "long lick from her rosebud to her clit". It made it feel like you were experiencing dejavu each time. Using different phrasing of a different action altogether would improve the overall flow.

3) Female clubs in college are called Sororities not Frats.

4) Women do not have prostates, only men do. If Samantha has a prostate for Ray to push down on then "Samantha" used to be "Samuel"...

Not a bad story but the author needs to know that a woman does not have a prostate. No matter how far you get up her ass you will never find one. Only men have a prostate.

Absolutely loved it for your first very good

Girls are in a Sorority not a Fraternity. Other than that, great job

Your kids need to be involved as well.

Quite frankly, I'm only halfway through the first chapter, and I'm throwing in the towel. So many grammatical, spelling and sentence structure errors that make it too painful to continue reading. The only question I have is you've had almost a full year since you published it. With the multitude of comments about these errors, why haven't you gone back and corrected the errors?

4 stars,Lost one for thinking a woman has a prostate.{They don't have a penis either}.Bio 101.

Please read the suggestions in the comments and correct the errors in your story. As others have pointed out, females join a sorority in college and males join a fraternity. Very distracting that this was presented incorrectly in your story.

Not too much to add here, BUT, the humongus cock thing gets a little silly. Why do some writers think that women want the biggest tool available. I have never heard a women say that she enjoyed having a cock knocking at her cervix; I have heard the opposite though. I know bisexual and gay men can be size queens so maybe it's more of a male thing, especially if he isn't that well endowed.

Thanks that was fantastic love the synopsis of the next chapters.

Enjoyed the story quite lengthy tho.

This view of all about women wanting huge cocks is mostly just a fantasy and on first sight scares them off.

For some tho it is sheer ecstasy.

My man has 7" and pleasures me immensely..i had all ways visualized if tge chance came by in wanting and to enjoy a bigger cock..

On this occasion when with another couple my desires did come true..The husband of this couple had my wishes in that I was going to enjoy a huge fat cock..He measured close to 8.5" ..

His wife was one lucky lady with what he had and that I was able to share with her some amazing times of pure satisfaction.

Fortunately my man and I shared many on going times with that couple, so I was able to enjoy that huge cock he had..

Jacqui of willjreedy@outlook.com

Nope, sorry...the writing is really bad, I tried to finish...AND THEN...

You had to say they Ray pushed on Samantha's "prostate"!! As an author, you REALLY should do more research before stepping of into an area you OBVIOUSLY KNOW NOT MUCH ABOUT!!

LADIES DO NOT HAVE A PROSTATE!!!! That is a gland unique to the male of the species, which produces seminal fluid, etc that carries semen from the testicles!!

Female anatomy is not one of your strengths; neither is writing, as your form is really poor!! The premise was good, but you really gotta work on your abilities before you continue on.

Two Stars...could have been a one, but I do not "hate" anything, really...too bad I have to do this...👿👿👿👿👿😱😱😱😱😱😵😵😵😵😵

Well done sir.

Solid story.

You may not have written a lot but what wrote had some honest facts. My wife for years sent me to her girlfriends that were single, I was like deer caught in the headligts.

This is OK for a first effort. No problems with the cliche situations (it's porn after all) but concentrating on the dialogue a bit more would make things more believable and realistic. Like learning to use quotes and paragraphs to set off the characters' speech would make it more enjoyable for your readers. Thanks for your efforts; I know writing is a lot of hard work. Keep going.