All Comments on 'Nephilim's Bliss Ch. 01'

I love this! Please keep writing!

It seems that you did not adjust names in several places

Your lovely story loses much of its power when the wrong tense is used. Tell it in the past tense and stick with it. The past tense will become the now of the story and it will work for you.

You switch the names around which, in theory, is good, but the lack of an article preceding the nouns that are not proper is distracting. Man, boy, thug, and so on need an article.

All these things count to enhance the story. You've set up a world rich in history and geography, make the most of it.

Lovely...had me worried for a minute. I hate jerks.

This is a good story that is marred by missing pronouns and articles. Why did you decide to remove them?

Probably because English is not my first language and it's not going to change anytime soon.