Nerdy Shit

Note: This is in 2nd person POV with a reader of intentionally vague gender/appearance. There's no coprophagia, but there is shit near someone's face; bail now if that's not the kind of circus you clown for.

Sharing an apartment with Gale has been an interesting experience from the jump, but it seems like every so often, she does something to up the ante all over again, just to keep you on your toes.

Meeting through a friend of a friend meant you knew she wasn't a murderer, at least, but you could tell right off she was a little crazy. It makes for fun times mostly, her tendency towards unrepentant oversharing with no sort of shame about the things she did in college. And Gale did a lot of wild things in college, up to an including no less than three TAs and one of her thesis professors.

You learn this about her on day one.

It should've been enough to give you pause, probably, but she's nice. You actually have a lot in common apart from her being... a bit more adventurous than you on all fronts. She likes nerd shit. Enough that she lets you talk about it at length and actually knows what you're saying. She even has interesting things to say back!

Sometimes at particularly inopportune moments, because you didn't think you'd need to lock the bathroom door in your own room, but there she is. Standing bold as anything on the other side of the shower curtain, talking about Blood of Elves while you're trying to soap up.

A week into your lease and she starts striding out of the bathroom completely naked to get to her room, greeting you cheerfully like you aren't visibly shellshocked.

...You don't say anything about it, though. This is her apartment, too, and if she was uncomfortable being seen like that, she... well, she'd wear clothes. She certainly has nothing to be ashamed of, soft all over from her breasts, to her stomach, to her hips. The snatch of hair at her crotch looks plenty soft, too, but you try--really, really hard--not to blatantly ogle her too much.

Even when she moves from "just walking from the bathroom" to "just hanging out around the apartment" completely fucking nude.

You are Not a Pervert and you are doing Fine.

(If you're masturbating more than usual, that's just a coincidence.)

Things go wildly off script a month or so later.

Gale is in a game of League which--good for her for having the patience, you surrendered several seasons ago--and you're half laughing at the shit she's saying to her teammates. It's Friday night and neither of you are expecting company, so she's not wearing anything but her headphones. You're on the couch poking around on Steam, half-dressed because you're not bold enough to go around bare assed, but keeping your shirt off makes her giggle and try to pinch your nipples. It's admittedly pretty freeing.

You notice her when she starts squirming, but you don't think too much of it at first. The chairs at the kitchen table are alright, but they're not great for extended hours of gaming. Her ass probably hurts; you've seen it with the little indents from the patterns on the cushions more times than you'll let yourself count.

Then you notice her spread her legs, scooting down in the chair.

'Don't look,' you tell yourself, because seeing her naked is temptation enough, you don't need to see her actual holes.

You fail in your goal literally five seconds later when you hear a splattering sound.

Whipping around, you get a full view of Gale's pussy on display, pissing nosily all over the kitchen floor, not even pausing her conversation with her teammates.

"Gale!" you exclaim, somewhat appalled and alarmingly turned on. "Are you kidding me?"

Gale leans around the glowing back of her gaming laptop to look at you. "Don't worry, I'll clean it up after!" she says, rolling her eyes before going back to the screen, still pissing away, only to lean back a second later. "Unless--do you want to clean me up?"

"Are you kidding me?" you repeat in disbelief. The smell of piss reaches your nose and your arousal throbs.

"I'm talking to my roommate, shut up," she says to the screen, settling back into the chair with her legs still spread wide. "No, I'm not kidding, dude. You look like you're into it, so like..." she lets out a tiny, squeaking fart, "hurry up unless you're into shit."

Heat pours down your insides, pooling right in your crotch at the words. This isn't a kink you've shared with anyone before and you have a terrifying moment of wondering if she's clocked you and is just making fun, but... no. Her piss is dribbling to a stop and you can see her slick dripping stickily from the edge of the chair, too. She's turned on. And she needs to shit.

"You wouldn't," you say, breathlessly.

"Don't have a choice, we're not done with this match," she replies carelessly. "And I had a milkshake with dinner. It's got my tummy fucked up." As if her stomach is agreeing, she lets out another rippling fart, wetter this time.

"I don't want to eat your shit," you blurt out, because that's as far as your brain gets.

"No, but you want to eat my pussy," she counters. "Come on, getting shat on is worth it, right? Get your tongue on me. I like coming when I shit."

What the fuck even is your life?

Your pride doesn't like how quickly you give in, but your pride isn't going to get your mouth on her cunt. Setting your laptop aside, you quickly get to your knees and go crawling across the room to get under the table. Your hands splatter in the massive puddle she's left on the floor, her piss soaking into the knees of your pajama pants, but all that is secondary to the musk you can smell coming off her this close. She's dripping wet.

Better check with your tongue to be sure, though.

Gale sighs above you when you settle your hands on her thighs and lick into her folds, getting a mouthful of her natural salty slick. She tastes so fucking good.

"Ooh, good, just like that," she says, lifting her legs to rest over your shoulders. "Clean me up and get to my clit, I gotta shit so bad."

You refuse to call the sound you make a whimper. Licking all around her pussy, her hair tickling your tongue and lips, you clean her up as best you can before licking right into her core, up to take her clit in your mouth.

"Yes!" she pants, fucking up into your tongue. You groan at the motion, at the fart it pushes out of her. The rancid smell clouds up around your face and you feel your eyes try to roll up. She wraps her shins around your back, spreading her knees wide. "Fuck, stay there if you don't want shit on your face!"

Focusing on sucking her clit, you hold onto her thighs, face burning as a loud, crackling sound fills your ears. You can feel her body straining just below your bottom lip before you feel a splatter of hot shit against your throat, sliding stickily down your bare chest. The smell is horrific.

Fucking hell, you're so turned on you're sticking to your underwear.

Shoving a hand into your pants, you stroke yourself, groaning around her at the sensation.

Gale moans back. "Are you touching yourself?"

"Mmhm," you reply around her clit making her twitch into your mouth and let out another runny spurt of shit. It catches the back of your arm this time. You could come so quickly, but you try to focus on her, the way she's gotten breathy and is faintly shaking.

"Fuck!" she exclaims, before her hands reach under the table to cradle your head. "I died, fuck, make me come before I respawn, I'm so close!"

Sucking and licking her consistently as a drum beat, you listen intently to her as she gets louder and louder, cursing and calling your name. Her body tenses when she finally comes, legs squeezing tighter around your shoulders as she squirts creamy slick against your chin, as she pushes out a noisy river of shit into your lap.

Your hand is flying between your legs, a blur of motion as you bask in the taste of her on your tongue, the smell of her arousal and shit. The thought that you are covered in her piss and shit is what pushes you over the edge.

"Oh, Gale!!" you shout, hiding your face in the thick snatch of her pubic hair as you spasm and come, flooding your underwear.

"Good, you're so fuckin' good," she pants. "Fuck, I needed that. I was so full, let me--" Lowering her legs, she pushes back from the table to look at you, face sweaty and flush. "Fuck... You look so good like that."

You look a mess. Diarrhea dripping down from your collarbones to your lap and kneeling in a puddle of piss. You can hardly imagine the come-drunk look on your face; you can feel how her slick is still all over your mouth. It should be disgusting.

Gale reaches towards you, though, smearing her shit further around your chest. Your blood is pounding in your ears as you let her touch you how she likes.

"Don't worry, baby," she says, tweaking your nipple through the mess. You shudder. "I'll get you and the floor all cleaned up." She leaves her hand on your chest as she glances up. "Oh, we won, haha!" She presses at her keyboard with her clean hand. "GG, guys, I gotta go!" Ripping her headphones off, she curls her shitty hand around your wrist. "Come on, let's shower. Not gonna lie, I've been wanting to see your goodies for a long time," she admits, patting your crotch. You flinch into the touch.

"This is insane," you say, a little dumbstruck as you get out from under the table to stand. It makes the mess worse, so you shove your shit covered pants down so they don't drip any worse as you make your way down the hall.

Gale stares shamelessly, licking her lips. "Next time you can use my mouth, okay?"

"Next time," you agree, nodding like a bobble head.

Rooming with Gale is apparently the best--and shittiest--decision you've ever made.