New Frontier

I thought about it on those Saturday mornings I took the pregnancy tests. I remembered what Val and Grant told me. I had to keep faith. I had to keep trying.

Still, I felt such a confusing mix of emotions when the test turned blue again six weeks later. I was excited, but also tried my best to remain calm.

"Val," I called. "It's positive."

"Really?" he walked over and saw the test in my hands. "That's wonderful, baby." He kissed me. There was an awkward pause.

"Is something wrong, Shannon?"

"I'm thinking about the miscarriage. I don't want to set my hopes up yet."

"You shouldn't harden your heart like that, babe. There's no reason you should ever try to make yourself less happy."

I sighed. "I guess, but I've been on the other side of this already."

He cupped my face and made me look at him.

"We're breaking through this time, Shannon. I can feel it."

I tried to smile, but wasn't sure if I believed him.

I did my best to keep the big picture in mind when we went to the facility and Grant confirmed that I was indeed pregnant again. The ultimate fate of my unborn child was still unknown.

Then a week passed.

Then another week.

Then a month.

I was still pregnant. My baby was alive and well.

My body was changing. I was peeing what felt like a hundred times a day. I experienced morning sickness and fatigue. My nipples became tender, more sensitive. These symptoms kept happening, and one day it sort of hit me all at once. This wasn't a drill. This was really happening.

I broke down crying and Val came running when he heard my sobs.

"Babe, what's wrong? Are you hurt?"

I shook my head. "No, Val. These are tears of joy. This is happening, isn't it? I'm really having a baby."

He hugged me.

"I already told you. We're doing this, Shannon. Together."

I cried some more. Yes, the possibility of disaster was always looming, but there was no point in just spending my days waiting for everything to fall apart. We only have today, after all, so we need to live life to the fullest.

That night I lay in bed, staying awake until I could tell Val was fast asleep.

I held my stomach, where underneath a human life was forming.

"Thank you so much," I whispered. "I can't wait to meet you."

*****

Every morning I had to take a moment to marvel at the fact that my husband was pregnant. It was incredible, but true, and harder to ignore with every passing day.

The bump got bigger and bigger as time went on, but the way his body was carrying it was different than a woman's. It was noticeably lower, closer to his waist. I never was able to fully appreciate the term "pear-shaped" until now, but that described it perfectly. His hips got thicker and wider, I guess to balance out the weight, and his ass filled out more and more. I thought it was incredibly sexy in a weird way.

He also definitely grew breasts. They weren't huge, only an A or B cup at most, but they were unmistakable. As a gay man, it made me feel conflicting emotions, but eventually I concluded that I liked them. I could suck and nurse on them during sex and he would purr like a kitten.

We had been warned ahead of time that this pregnancy would be a mild form of hormonal transition for Shannon, his body feminizing a bit to adapt. It wasn't anything drastic, but there were a few noticeable aspects to it.

The biggest change was that he stopped getting erections. No matter how aroused he got, and I was still able to turn him into a panting bitch in heat, his dick would only fill out, never hardening. His penis was sensitive to the touch, he could ejaculate, we even got a sperm test and confirmed he was still fertile, but he would always be soft.

Conversely, his hole changed to be a much more sexual organ. He became naturally looser and wetter, eventually enough so that we didn't need to use lube to have sex. The orgasms he would get from his prostate became longer, more throughout his entire body. He told me it was like the difference between an orgasm from the back and front, but even more so.

Shannon did not have gender dysphoria. He was male and was perfectly content to remain male, but he admitted to me that it was interesting to sort of experience what it was like to be a woman. I myself never saw him as less of a man at any point. Shannon was still the same Shannon he always was, the man I loved and the man I chose to marry.

As expected, there were a lot of struggles that came with the pregnancy. He was uncomfortable spending all day at home before, but now he was pretty much getting cabin fever. The minute I came home from work he would be all over me, desperate for attention and interaction. It was a lot to handle, especially when I was tired after a long day. Usually I was able to return the enthusiasm, but some days I was too drained.

His emotions got more intense. He would cry more, laugh harder and be more irritable. I really did what I could to be patient with him, but it was a struggle at times.

Still, we never stopped loving each other any less. We'd argue, even fight, but at the end of the day we were still partners.

By the time he had been pregnant for five months he was really showing. His gut stuck out a lot and it started hurting his back if he spent too much time standing up. This had a definite effect on him, and he sort of slipped into a funk. One day I just found him laying in the middle of our kitchen floor, staring at the ceiling.

"You alive down there?" I asked.

"I'm not really sure anymore."

"Come on, don't talk like that. What's got you down?"

He kind of glared at me.

"Do you really have to ask? Look at me. I'm a freak. I can't even go out in public."

"The public isn't ready for you, baby. You know that."

"That's easy for you to say. You're not trapped like I am."

I clenched my fists. I wanted to let him know that it felt like I had been on my feet and running around nonstop for months. I wanted to tell him that it was hard for me, too, and he didn't seem to understand that, but I bit my tongue. Now wasn't the time.

"You're not alone. I'm here. Grant and the others are here."

He sighed. "I guess."

I sat down next to him.

"I feel gross, Val. I'm getting that cystic acne I had in high school again. I get sweaty and tired just by getting out of bed. I'm running out of clothes that fit me. I hate feeling this way."

I stroked his hair.

"You signed up for this. And you know it's all gonna be worth it when our kid is born."

He sighed again.

"I don't understand how women do this."

"They just take it one day at a time."

He rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, but every day feels like—" he cut himself off.

"What?" I asked.

Shannon sat up, rubbing his belly.

"What is it, Shannon?"

He turned to me.

"The baby just kicked."

My jaw dropped. "You serious?"

He nodded, grinning ear to ear.

That made both of our moods improve a lot the rest of the day. When we were in bed that night I stroked his bump.

"Personally, I don't think you're gross at all. You're just a different version of who you've always been."

"I can't agree with that."

I put my arms around him, playing with his nipples. Nibbling on his ear, I whispered huskily.

"Let me prove it to you, sweetie."

I pushed my cock into his ass and it slid right in. I began moving in and out, making sure to get his prostate.

"Your body is incredible. I love your curves. I love your ass. I love your hole."

Shannon moaned.

"So what if you have some extra meat on you now? Makes no difference to me."

He started meeting my movements with his own. Our flesh slapped together in the dark. I was getting close.

"You're still the best—fuck—I've—ever—HAD!" I thrust with each word and shot inside him. He made a little squealing sound.

I reached around and stroked his soft dick until he came. Then there was a blissful period of silence, us both just sitting in the afterglow.

"I love you, Val."

"I love you too, Shannon."

I thought he was going to say more, but he fell asleep about a minute later. I wasn't far behind.

*****

As shitty as the aches and pains and nausea and cramps and all the other lovely side effects of pregnancy were, looking back on it the worst thing was being alone all day five days a week.

I'm a social person. I don't do well on my own, but whenever Val was at work and the rest of the team was busy, I was stuck at our apartment.

The boredom was excruciating. I did everything I could to pass the time. I read through the entire Bible. I spent hours in the bathroom playing with makeup. I even got out my old Nintendo Switch and played Breath of the Wild until my vision got blurry. But only when Val returned was it like I could finally function again. I grew to count down the hours until he got back.

That was the worst part: the fact that I was growing dependent on Val to be happy. At best it made me feel like a clingy pet that can't wait for his Master to come home. At worst it made me feel like a lab rat in a cage who only existed to perform and do tests for the humans. But given my situation I couldn't see any other way this could go.

One day in the seventh month of pregnancy I was waiting for Val when he called me.

"Hey babe. What's up? Are you picking up dinner?" He would often pick up food on his way home.

"No, I'm actually going out to eat with some friends from work.'

There was a pause as I processed what I just heard.

"Do I get any say in this?"

"It's one night, Shannon. If anything happens you can call me and I'll come running. There's plenty of food."

"That's not the point, Val—"

"I gotta go. You'll be fine. Bye."

Click.

I put the phone down slowly, trying to get my emotions in order.

I was kind of pissed that Val would do something like this on a whim. Yeah, I'd be okay by myself for one night, but he just left me alone without any warning. We were definitely discussing this when he got back.

I reheated leftovers and bided my time, but found myself getting more and more upset. What, was I such a burden that he needed a break from me? He wasn't the one trapped in the apartment all day. He wasn't the abomination who couldn't even go outside.

I was fuming by the time he finally got home.

"Hey, baby!"

I was about to give him a piece of my mind when I smelled his breath. It was faint, but the scent of alcohol was unmistakable.

"Did you drink, Val?"

"I just had a couple beers, nothing extreme."

"Are you fucking serious? We swore that we would stay sober together!"

There was a pause.

"Yeah, you're right. I'm sorry. It was a moment of weakness."

"Oh boo-hoo, poor boy is suffering so much and he can't even drink!"

"I already said I was sorry, Shannon, what more do you want from me?"

I was really agitated now.

"I don't know, maybe not running off out of nowhere and leaving me all by myself? You have no idea what it's like being alone all the time! I need you and you abandoned me!"

Val got this annoyed look I hadn't seen before.

"I need some time to myself. I'm still my own person."

"You're also my husband, Val!" I held up my ring hand. "Remember, for better or worse? Ring a bell? Did that mean nothing?!"

"GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK! ALL I'VE DONE FOR SEVEN MONTHS IS TAKE CARE OF YOU! I WORK, DAY IN AND DAY OUT, AND NOW I'M THE BAD GUY FOR WANTING TO HAVE SOME FUN FOR ONE FUCKING NIGHT?!?"

I was so shocked that I physically took a few steps back.

Never, not once in the years I knew him, had Val ever yelled in anger. He was almost always soft-spoken and composed. Even when we fought, he never shouted.

For about ten seconds neither of us said a single word.

Val eventually spoke.

"I shouldn't scream like that. I'm sorry."

I blinked a couple times.

"I shouldn't have talked to you like that, either, but Val...is there something more to this?"

He sighed before sitting down at the kitchen table.

"Yeah, you're right. I'm pretty sure I've been bottling up my emotions."

I sat down with him.

"Well, you can always talk to me."

He rubbed his temples.

"Babe, I know this is really hard for you. I understand that. But this is hard for me too and I'm not sure if you really know."

I looked and saw some tears forming.

"I love you, and I'm happy to take care of you, but it feels like I've done nothing but work for forever now. I can't keep doing this without any break or I'm gonna go crazy."

He took a deep, shaky breath.

"What I did today was a dick move. I can admit that. But I really needed a night where I could decide what I was doing."

After a few moments I put my hand on his shoulder.

"I've been a dick, too. I shouldn't expect you to be perfect for me. I've been too focused on my own problems."

He finally looked at me.

"So...are we okay?"

I smiled.

"We're fine."

He yawned.

"Are you tired?" I asked. Val nodded.

"Then go to bed. I'll be there in a few hours."

He gave me such a thankful look before he stood and went to our bedroom.

*****

A few days later we had a major check-in with the team. This is where they would look at Shannon's body and determine if it was necessary for them to remove the baby prematurely. If that was the case, everything would get much more dangerous.

Thankfully, after several tests and examinations Grant concluded that the digestive track wouldn't be blocked, and the baby could mature fully to term. Shannon and I were so relieved.

To celebrate, Grant ordered us all pizzas and we had lunch together at the facility. Over these months, the five of us had formed a pretty strong friendship. These were people I could count on, people I could confide in.

Marlena let us know that she would take the reins during the birth.

"I'll be the best midwife you'll ever have," she assured Shannon.

The two of them in particular formed a particularly close bond. It was almost like mother and son, though in a lot of ways it was also like mother and daughter. Shannon told me that if he ever had awkward questions about the pregnancy, he would always contact her first. Carter and Grant were both geniuses in their own way, but they didn't have the social skills and calming effect on others Marlena did.

I'll admit, in a lot of ways I felt like the fifth wheel. The team had three brilliant minds, all experts in their fields, Shannon, the brave subject willing to put his body and life on the line...and me. I figured all I could do was be there and help Shannon in any way I could.

"There's something else I wanted to talk to you guys about," Grant said at one point. "Have you made the decision for if you want to keep the uterus?"

After the child is born, we had a few options about what to do with Shannon's womb. According to Grant, it wouldn't produce enough estrogen to make serious changes to his body when it wasn't housing a fetus, so if he wanted he could just keep it and even have another child down the road. The downside is that he would get periods. He only had two periods before he was pregnant and he hated them, so there was a trade-off. Besides keeping the womb he could also get his tubes tied or get everything removed in a hysterectomy, a surgery Carter specialized in. That was part of the reason why he was chosen for the team.

We hadn't really discussed what to do with his new parts after the pregnancy. I had already let him know that that decision was up to him and him alone.

"I can't imagine that I'll be eager to go through all this again, but who knows? I'll probably just decide after the child is born."

"That's fine, Shannon. Take your time."

The excitement died down and by the late afternoon we were all ready to go home. At the beginning it was so simple to get Shannon to and from our apartment. But now we had to hide his giant pregnant belly from anyone who might look. We ended up getting a giant coat that hid it reasonably well. Thankfully our child would be a March baby, and the Ohio winter was brutal. I'm sure at worst people would think Shannon just gained a lot of weight.

Once we were back I took of Shannon's coat and gave him a kiss.

"I love you, babe."

I patted his stomach gently.

"I love you, too."

Time marched on and Shannon went through his final trimester of pregnancy. By now his bump was aggressive. He had all but given up on wearing normal clothes and had taken to wearing my shirts and some underwear. It was cute, if a little silly.

He also showed he a few stretch marks and how his feet would get swollen if he wore the wrong kind of shoes. So many times I marveled at his conviction, how much he was willing to put up with for our child.

Shannon had also taken up the habit of ordering baby items online during the day. It seemed like every time I came home from work, there would be a new package outside our door. He bought a crib, pacifiers, toys, blankets, even a mobile. The two of us spent a Saturday turning a room that up until then had been empty into our future child's nursery. Once everything was put together it looked totally legit.

One side effect of being so late in his pregnancy is his energy going down a fair amount. He was more lowkey and reserved during that time, which was definitely a change for him. We also had sex less, but it wasn't anything extreme.

The weeks turned into months and it was getting closer and closer to our child's due date.

It was during the middle of the day, two weeks before the date that Shannon called me.

"Val, my water just broke."

I was out of the building and on my way back within two minutes. When I returned I found my husband laying on our couch, moaning.

With some effort I picked him up and carried him to the car, not caring who saw him anymore. Grant, Marlena, and Carter were waiting for us at the facility.

"How are you feeling, Shannon?" Grant asked.

"I can't really describe it besides saying I feel like I need to take the biggest, meanest shit of my life." A few of us smiled at that, but we were far from laughing at that point.

Marlena took charge, giving us orders and getting things organized. Before Shannon even got in a bed he and I went to the bathroom and douched him until his colon was squeaky clean. None of us wanted him to shit the bed while he was pushing.

Once that was done with Shannon was gowned, bedded, and made about as comfortable and he could be in the situation. He had water, both from a bottle or IV, protein drinks, and an epidural if he ever felt like he needed it.

I held his hand and gave him a kiss.

"We can do this, baby."

He nodded. Even despite everything, he had a fire in his eye.

We were ready.

*****

I compared to the contractions to taking a shit, but during those hours of intense pain I was able to come up with a better analogy.

One time I got a burger at Applebee's that I realized was way too pink for my liking and sent it back after a few bites. I didn't think much about it, but the next day I was really nauseous, enough so that I couldn't go to work. It didn't take long for me to conclude that I had food poisoning.

That afternoon it all came to a head and I felt like I vomited everything I had ever eaten. If you've ever puked that hard you'll know what I mean. It was like there was a giant hand grabbing my torso and squeezing me like a tube of toothpaste.

That's was labor was like. My whole body was being wrung out, putting more effort than I even knew possible into getting this baby out of me.

Hour after hour I was in labor. I couldn't move. I could barely think. The other four were scurrying around like ants getting things for me and all I could do was lay there and try not to pass out.