All Comments on 'New Girl in Town Pt. 03'

Keep em coming

Thank you for writing

Enjoying this story a lot and ank shush for the next chapter!

Well written , just so predictable . Thought you might have something new here to offer but it's just a rerun of what a 1,000 others have submitted. Better written that 999 of them but too predictable to spend time reading.

Keep up the good work. I really enjoy the story and the effort that you put into writing it, especially the backstory and the build up with their relationship and the relationships around them. I wouldnt change a thing if anyone says to otherwise. The story and plot are great and I cant wait to see where this goes, keep doing you.

... I think you are writing in the wrong Tense.

Great story, its the only series one I like wish you'd upload more often but great work.

To Mr. Anonymous with the predictable comment; please tell us where are the same stories are. There are some grammatical issues with this series - chapter 3 seems a bit hurried - but its as good a story as I have seen on this site. I know that if it stands out that much, it is unique enough.

There are a lot of common character archetypes in this story (the good guy with a broken heart is a bit of a social outcast, the evil jock, the beautiful new girl in town, the adorable little sister, and more). But I honestly could care less. Your characters seem very vibrant to me and I am enjoying the story a great deal, even if not much has happened yet. Please keep up the good work and don't be discouraged by the nay-sayers. As someone else mentioned, I just wish you posted new episodes more often. Thank you for sharing this story with us!

I love the story. Just wished I could read it sooner. I'm hooked.

Leaving us hanging like that? Oh MAN! You are quite the writer!! Your characterizations and dialogue are amazing. PLEASE get the next installment to us...and I can't wait until Jake busts Patrick's ass.....

MORE PLEASE ! Loved the 3 parts so far , I hope you have more episodes planned . Well done .

I’ve really enjoyed your story so far, but it’s desperately in need of thorough proofreading. Please, please take advantage of the free editors here at Literotica. I’m eagerly awaiting your next installment.

Barry

Please don't wait too long to post the next installment, can't wait for it!

Not to often I find a story of this length that keeps me hooked especially with not much "action" yet. Am really looking forward to the following chapters. Has been a great read and build up so far with great character development/characterization. The anticipation is high.

I'm 'ank shushly' waiting for the next inshtalment

This series is amazing and I’d love to see it turn into a very long story if it could. So keep on doing what you are doing and this could potentially be a 25-30 part series. Great progression and I love all the characters. Sarah is the most innocent little thing, although her older sister seemed to have a quicker swing to back to lovin’ the boys, perhaps try to slow her rate of teasing as at the beginning she wanted nothing to do with the boys on the football team (Only 2 Chapters ago). Overall one of my favorite stories and I can’t wait for more.

~Seryllian

Hi.

I agree with the "Anonymous" poster who semi-signed as "seryllian" that this is a nice series, and that it is one which seems to be developing into quite a long one (with the first *3* installments covering no more than the first week or 2 of the school year, and indications that future developments in Jessica and Jake's love story (and in Jake's high-school football career) might not be (umm...) consummated/much-more-developed until at least much later in the first half of the school year).

I also agree that Jake (and his friends) seem to have *quite*-quickly changed Jessica's attitude toward getting involved with "boys" quite a bit since she is first seen arriving at her new school, with her mother.

I would like to suggest that if this series goes on to cover at least a month (and probably at least through the football season (and I imagine that it *should* go through at least November of this particular school year) that it be re-classified and placed under "Novels and Novellas" (or maybe as Romance) -- not least because (while I'm not complaining) it seems that it might take a while to get to the "First Time" installment itself.

(I also think that placing it in a category that tells potential new readers that the story is a longish series rather than short tale of a First Time would help potential new readers get an idea of the kind of series this is.)

Thanks for this series, "Aurora Incident" -- and best wishes for happy writing to you. : )

nycreader.

Cute story; likable characters, engaging dialogue. Did someone miss the title of this site?

It is not small town cliche fun town; it is literotica. Time to pick up the pace.

Please continue to write. I love the story so far! Can’t wait for the next part!

please carry on the story

This has been so good I'm hoping the next chapter is out soon :)

Looking to upload the next part on Sunday. It's the only day I have internet access so I apologize for the delay.

Thanks for telling us when the next part should arrive (and why), AuroraIncident.

(I hope that the Blue and Orange Scrimmage will be in there somewhere.)

nycreader

Literotica -- and life -- is divided up into interest groups, as evidenced by the categories (First Time, Romance, etc). However there are niches within the categories. For example, when I read Loving Wives, I prefer reconciliation/forgiveness stories. Although I appreciate certain revenge stories, I dislike harsh or extreme getting-back-at stories. This probably puts me in a minority niche. Thankfully, certain writers write to that niche, at least sometimes. They often get a hail of protest, some of it dripping with venom.

Here's what I'm saying. You are writing to my niche. This is the kind of First Time/Romance story I like. A great plot with clever dialogue, even without sex scenes, and I'm a happy reader. Even moreso if is lacking crude, crass, disrespectful talk -- thanks.

Keep writing in your (which is my) niche. I hope the detractors do not throw you off course.

A fan,

Paul in Oklahoma

What a great read. Have gotten really into these characters and cannot wait to enjoy more of this engaging story.

I love this. Everything. My brain fixes the typos for me. Still 11/10. Also Patrick is an asshole and I also love it

Literary criticism isn't my forte, but I'll try to describe how I'm feeling.

I'm very much liking it, don't get me wrong. But it gets a little too Aaron Sorkin-y, if you know what I mean, from to time. The dialogue's sometimes a little too snappy. Again, it's still great, but it'd be great if they were a little more fallible at times.

Oh, and also, it'd be great if you described their state of being a little more during the crux moments like when "drama" is taking place. Like what they're doing, or how they're acting or whatever. "Reams of dialogue" works when it's just them talking shit, but the lack of descriptiveness can detract a little when there are actual stakes.

That being said though, absolutely still loving it, great job, 5 stars and all that. This is right up my alley, and looks to be going into that same direction Charlie and Miney went, which is great thing!

This is actually a well constructed story, good character development and a upbeat plot line. I look forward to reading the rest, and be assured that the lack of sex to this point, has not been a problem to me. Really Great Story.

MindOverMatters is spot on. A few issues, but nothing I can't get past on one of those nights when I drink too much because my ghosts won't shut up.

Jake is a little wimpy. Patrick must die...

I really fucking hope Patrick doesn't get his way. Jakes first GF is obviously a cunt if she actually cheated on him with that slime ball. Ill be really disappointed in Jessica if she even so much as willingly kisses Patrick. Great story though so far. Youve done a great job making us hate those who we are supposed to hate and root for those that we are supposed to root for.

Can't wait till the two creeps get there's!

Grammar is dreadful. And the “I said,” “she said,” is beyond obnoxious. The author should read more to understand how dialog should be written.

Jake has low confidence and is a pussy. It seems very likely the Jennifer story is part of that.

Ooohhh....some of the comments here, especially about Jake and his character!! Readers are obviously modern men" who do not believe in chivalry, respect, and being attentive to a girl's/woman's needs and expectations. Just because Jake is NOT jumping her bones already means he is sensitive...not in a "SISSY" way, but in a manly way!!

Something that Patrick, Jamie, and the rest of the football players who make up Patrick's "posse" will NEVER understand; Patrick's 'father' (term used very loosely here!!), his head football coach, and apparently the men in the other players lives have not set a very high example for these "BOYS"...that IS what they are, as exemplified by their behavior so far. Really, stalking Jake and Jessica, on a Saturday night that, according to the dialogue, was beautiful out?? (Oops, just realized this is Monday night, homework & tea party after football practice... still...STALKERS AND FUTURE JAILHOUSE BOUND FELONS here, y'all!!)

Upcoming exposition football game...somebody is gonna get hurt, I think; Ray seems to be a real target, hopefully whoever it is comes out not too-badly missed up; of course, with Dr Golden in attendance...ER trauma doctor and all that, this is a real story in the making.

Jessica and Jake are real peer examples for classmates/schoolmates...looking forward to the whole series!!

Five**5**Stars...🌌🌌🌌🌌🌌🌪️🌪️🌪️🌪️🌪️🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥💥💥💥💥💥💯