All Comments on 'New Girl in Town Pt. 15'

(Although some problem with the Literotica interface is keeping me from logging in as "nycreader" tonight,) I am glad to see that Part 15 of New Girl in Town has arrived here. : )

(I believe that Part 15 was submitted to Literotica before the remains of once-Hurricane Florence reached Our Author's part of the world (and of his state).)

I am also glad : ) that "AuroraIncident" -- New Girl[...] 's author -- has felt able to more-clearly explain the "family emergency" that largely helped delay the writing of Parts 15 and 16 so that readers in Internet-land will understand better the reasons why this summer was difficult for Our Author.

Happy reading to other readers, with hope that "AuroraIncident" will be able to read "feedback" to Part 15 in the *near* future :fingerscrossed: .

E./"nycreader" -- in New York City.

I have found myself checking for the new story about every other day for the past few weeks. My condolences on the loss of your father. This story is your best so far. Definitely worth the lost sleep to stay up and read it! It's even more amazing considering what you were going through. You have a gift for storytelling. This is a great coming of age story. Please don't leave us hanging, even though it is a work of fiction you have made these characters live. Please let us know how their lives hopefully go on together.

You do well with the erotica but in your Grayson series and this one you show your versatility in non erotic fiction as well. In the foreword of your first published novel, you should throw in AuroraIncident somehow, so your fans know the genius behind the author. Bravo

I’m glad your doing better now, sorry about your loss but just know you gotta keep your head up! Amazing chapter today!

Wow, this was a fun one. I will miss this when it ends. And I know it must. But I hope for a few special episodes, like Christmas, spring break, prom, graduation and a visit to UCLA.

And I want to add my condolences to AuroraIncident and his family. I went through something very similar a few months ago, so I know what they are feeling.

Thank you for the new chapter. I have been checking daily and waiting patiently. This chapter was worth the wait and I am looking forward to the next one.

My condolences to you and your family.

So sad to hear about your dad. rather of had him in your life then this chapter in mine

A lot of people dislike stories told in present tense. I find this interesting as 95% of dialogue is in present tense.... I’ve never been bothered by it.

Just an observation.

sorry to hear about your dad hope for your peace of mind and the heavy heart to leave you and peace be with you. now for the story it's a great peace of work. you bring every one in your book alive great job

I always look forward to a new chapter and this did not disappoint. I will be sad to see it end. I have become invested in these characters and want to read about there future.

Sorry to hear about your father.

I've really enjoyed this series. You get it, it's not really about the sex, it's about creating characters that we your readers care about. Well done!

Great chapter, well worth the wait. Sorry for your lost.

Sorry you lost your dad....lost mine in April so I know how hard it is to get back into the swing of things. Keep up the good work and I really enjoy your stories.

I have no idea why you are waiting to abandon the present tense. It really detracts from a good story. You also had a little trouble with making mother plural. When Jake got in the fight, there were children and mothers in the area, not mother's. You have the action and angst down. If you can correct the technical aspects of your writing, you are destined to enjoy a long and happy career.

Sorry for your loss. Terrific chapter and wonderful series. Looking forward to the next. As another reader pointed out, its your character development and story telling that make this a really good read. The sex is simply part of the story and not the focus, which makes it far more enjoyable to this reader.

Keep up the great work and PLEASE don't stop writing!

My sympathies on your loss. We have missed your wonderful writing but totally understand. Keep them coming.

I am not an authority on writing, but a know a few people that are. Present tense is difficult to maintain and can easily get bogged down. Everything is happening as we read and that doesn't work too well. When you tell your buddies about an adventure you had last summer, you use past tense and it works great.

I have to tell you that you worked up a very nice plot for this story. A successful story, be it romance or a novel, needs conflict. There has to be some bad happening for the good to be enjoyed. You do a very good job of that. Keep it interesting, and odd as it sounds, do not get too carried away with sex scenes. You probably will not come up with something new in that regard. Do show the emotions and reactions of the characters, which you already do. You have a lot to be proud of with this story. Just build on it and you will do extremely well.

First person does work in a story, but you have not fully mastered that concept yet. You are doing great with third person, so keep it up until you want to again try first person, but seek the help of a very good editor the first time or two. I see good things in your future!

The loss of a parent can really derail your life for a while. The pain it causes takes time to slowly lessen. Thank you for carrying on with your excellent story. I think most of your readers feel they know your characters and will hate having this come to an end. As always it is 5 stars.

Loved this chapter!!! I was very sorry to hear about your Dad, it kinda makes this chapter a little more special knowing that you gave us all this awesome while you dealt with losing him, I still miss my Dad after 30 years, but it gets better

Sorry to hear about you dad. Other great section, looking forward to the next and last one. 5 stars

Definitely looking forward to the next one.

May your grief be blanketed by all your best memories!

Sorry

My condolences on the loss of your father. I’ve loved everything about this series. I would really love to see Jake and Jessica married at the end. You make them sound so perfect for each other it makes me jealous of them.

It's great to see a story based in my area of the country. If you were passing Mocksville then you had to be on I-40 going by my house.

Sorry for your loss, it's always hard losing a parent.

I really enjoyed reading this 10 page long chapter, it was certainly worth the bi-daily checks for the story being posted. I was very happy to see one loose end that has been nagging in the back of my mind forever being somewhat tied up, which is if Jake and Jess will have any possibility of going to college together. (As a current UCLA student, I was happy to see the name in the story!) Great cliffhanger on this story as well with jamie possibly getting a ride.

Thank you for delivering this amazing story to us as often as you can, with the circumstances in your creative processes, and your life. Lastly, I’m sorry for your loss. Myself (and others by the looks of the comments section) support you in any way possible, and if a break to mourn the loss of a family member is necessary, don’t hesitate to drop an update in your bio and take that break.

Some constructive feedback:

- some sports terms should be better explained or layed out somehow for those who do not know much about the sports discussed. (If possible)

- more dramatic tension. Maybe somebody needs to break up in the group, or jake doesn’t win the approval of someone. It seems that Jake is untouchable, and that can be an articifially feeling character at times knowing that he will always come out relatively scot-free.

- give some characters distinct accents in their dialogue. Some people simply do talk differently, and it’s something i attempt to incorporate into my own writing. I feel like it could be really helpful for immersion in this story.

(An example, grammy could talk more like an old person. Not over the top, but change up a word or two to make her sound old-timey could go a long way.)

I am sorry to hear of your loss - grieve as long and as hard as you need to. Distractions can be good - but sometimes we just need to accept the feelings for what they are.

Thank you for another great chapter - I look constantly for new stories and I am very happy when they arrive.

I look forward to the next one and any subsequent stories you author.

It was a pleasure to help with this chapter, as well as others before. I have lost both of my parents some years back and I too, know the pain of such loss. remembering the good times helps lessen that pain, but you never stop thinking about them. Especially the urge to phone them when you feel you need some advice.

AuroraIncident and myself have already been discussing the moulding of chapter 16, and some of the incidents that will arise. I have to leave the sport descriptions to our author, especially the American Football, as I am more familiar with Rugby than that sport (being in the UK).

I agree that the characters do tend to live in his stories and that what sex there is is not the be-all and end-all aim of the story-telling, just a nice little adjunct that helps seduce the emotional mind. I am, as always, happy to help out with some editing effort in this series and have already made some change suggestions in the entire series to prepare it for potential novel release. It is, I think, worthy of such.

I already know that, even though chapter 16 will be the last in this series, it will not be the last we hear of it's characters.

Share the Love. Devir Ginator (still unable to get logged in here).

More now now now more

I want to give my condolences for the loss of your father I can’t imagine what you went and are going through. I am very in love with this series. I want to see Jake and Jessica get married or something. I know it’s fiction but they make me want to find the same kind of relationship. Also if you were interested in expanding this I don’t think I’m the only one who will say you should write a book. This is an excellent story.

I want to say I’m sorry for the loss of your father. As your going back through your story of this wonderful time in your life, it’s amazing. I envy Jessica so much to have found such love and compassion in you. The first time the characters actually did it was written beautifully. My first time was rushed so I love that there is love and a partnership between these two. Keep up the good work and glad writing is therapeutic for you at these times.

Mary

I just skipped to the comment section to say bravo for the good work done so far

Now I'm gonna go back and start reading this long awaited chapter

First my condolences on the loss of your father.

I really enjoy reading this story and like everyone check for new chapters almost daily. I noticed calls for turning this into a book and if you do I would appreciate you considering making a change that I feel is more true to life. When Coach Pennington was at the volleyball finals, all refences to him were Mr. Pennington. I have never known a coach that doesn't carry his title not only on the field but in the classroom and throughout his daily life. No one refers to Mrs. Golden, she is Dr. Golden. He should always be Coach Pennington. Thanks again for all the pleasure you bring to your readers.

I want to offer my condolences. We lost Dad two years ago so I feel for you. I am very impressed that you can write at such a high standard with what is going on in your life. I look forward to the next chapter. Thanks.

My condolences for the loss of your father and thank you for your wonderful writing.

First and foremost condolences to you and your family! Secondly I’m glad you took your time to write this chapter as it is definitely the best yet. I’m glad to see you’ll add another chapter and round everything out! As I’ve told you in an email before, you’re top two on my favorite authors along with Callicious (who is no longer with us unfortunately.) Great chapter amazing story line so far, keep up the amazing work!

Loved it, another amazing read

My condolences about the family emergency

Thanks for continuing to give us your stories at a time when you certainly have other things on your mind. I’ve read every one and enjoyed them all, but this chapter has the best balance. You commented once that there was a lot of football technical stuff in your story. I’m a Brit and know nothing whatsoever about American football, but you have written clearly enough so that I can understand and still enjoy. Thanks and keep up the good work.

First, I want to say how sorry I am about the loss of your dad. Losing one's parents is never easy, but you seem to have handled it well, all things considered. Second, I've got to say how much I appreciate your strong characters and this story line. Jake and Jess (and even Sar-Bear :) ) are so well written! I am really looking forward to the next chapter, but am really sad that this will be the last installment. Maybe pick up Sar-Bear's story when she is a senior in high school??? Not being creepy, I just love the family! :)

First of all, condolences on the loss of your father. I've been there but I know the loss experience is different for everyone.

Chapter 15 was great, and I'm looking forward to the finale.

Started reading from the beginning a couple of days ago and the story just sucked me in. First time commenter - thanks, it's worth losing sleep over. 5 stars

Not just good but very good and the sex was a bonus

i love this story so much,i look forward to the next one,hopefully you keep doing more for this story after the next chapter, keep up the amazing work

Sorry for the loss of your dad. It's always painful with lots of I wish this and the other but the best thing you can do for him now is be the child that makes him proud where he is, yes there is an after life and he gets full reports.

Great writing and keep it coming with shorter breaks inbetween if possible. That's one way to make him happy, not the sex scenes (kidding) but keeping people entertained by your efforts. Glad you were raised to write as you do.

Brilliant stuff.

by throwing up a little in my mouth because of the super-sugary-sweet (and a little bit stupid) dialog between Sar-bear and Jake, and everyone else. You are definitely channeling the Olsen twins with her. Then you seem to get it out of your system for a little while and write well the rest of the time. Enjoyable series, although you could have given Patrick one little redeeming quality/skill to make this a little less saccharine.

I know that I've already opened my trap after this chapter, but I wanted to take the opportunity to make things worse. Joking aside, telling the story in the present tense is a big part of what drew me into the tale. Past tense will be a jarring change. Just my extra two cents. Thanks for the fun of meeting these characters.

And take your time on this chapter. I know that you've got things to work through.

Firstly I offer my deepest condolences for your loss. Can I get a rough estimate for the ETA of the next chapter pls

I don't normally comment on stories unless it is to offer constructive criticism (or the rare advise that they never write again). I can find no fault in this story up to this point. I've had your profile bookmarked since around chapter 6 or so when they were coming fast. I like the characters. They all behave the way they would if they were real, which some authors forget to do. Just because it is fiction, doesn't give you license to make the characters do something ridiculous. Keep up the good work, and my condolences for your loss.

Firstly, sorry for your loss. Loising a parent like that must really hurt. Though nothing can change that, take it one day at a time.

Now, as for Chapter 16, I really hope that it will be a humdinger, much longer than 10 pages.

So sorry that you lost you father. The only thing you never loss though is the memories and you would have loads of them to remember.

Very enjoyed this story so far and with its final chapter i know it will be a very enjoyable read. Also i now know any story you decide to write in the break will be as enjoyable as all the others ive read.

This series is the best I’ve read on here, I check couple of days to see if the next chapter is up... Please keep them coming..

New Girl has been a fun read and hate to see it end,, Looking forward to an explosive ending.

Thank you for both of your stories, New Girl and Rescue ... can't wait for next story

Eric

You’ve really created a great story with substantive characters and I really hope you reconsider ending the story. I don’t care if you take a year-long break before chapter 17 (fingers crossed) is published. Hell I’ve even thought of some ways I’d like to see the story go on because of the character development and background you’ve woven into the series. I’d be happy to share the ideas with you if you so desire. Thanks you for creating something worth reading that uses intimacy to move the story along instead of being its sole focus.

I have read and enjoyed most of this story. You have created great characters with depth to them. Your football scenes have gotten much better. There are things you need to fix. There are no 2minute warning in high school football. High schools only play 9 regular season games. Football play offs are done by Thanksgiving. I truly hope you rewrite and post the whole story in noveldvand novella's.

You should do a story where Jake and Jessica are old in there 30s and Sarah is a beautiful grown mature dangerous smart girl who meets a great guy and Jake and Jessica are getting ready to be married

Very sorry to hear of the loss of your dad. Know you will treasure the times and memories you had, and hope that pleasure in your writing gives some comfort. Thank you for this story as it is so satisfying to read.

5 ☆ 5 ☆ 5 ☆ 5 ☆ 5 ☆ 5 ☆ 5 ☆ 5 ☆ 5 ☆ 5 ☆ 5 ☆ 5 ☆ 5 ☆ 5

Great Story. Please continue with this story before starting another one. This story is too good for you to just leave it hanging. I hope to read manymore chapters about Jake and Jessica.

This is an amazing series with fantastic character and plot development. This is downright the best series I've ever read on this website. I'd really want you to reconsider dropping this series off. You can work on something else alternately if you'd want to. We can accept breaks of 3 or 4 months is the story is this good. But, try not to end it right here Sir, if that's alright for you.

Thank you so much.

Dear Anonymous Commenter who just posted "Does it really need to end?":

I haven't been in touch much with Our Author ("AuroraIncident") recently, but I have fairly-recently been in touch with "Devir Ginator" who has been somewhat of a collaborator and "sounding board" for "AuroraIncident" for this series and I have read Our Author's latest update about this series in the Biography section of his Literotica Profile; I can say with some certainty that although Our Author does wish to work on other fictional ideas (including returning to the characters of his other series "The Rescue") and although he really does plan for the next installment of this series to be the end of this particular series, he has (!) read favorable Comments and realizes the favorable response from readers of this series (which he very much appreciates) -- and does seem to intend to write more stories about (at least) the central couple Jake and Jessica of this series (and their parents and Jessica's sister Sarah and at least some of their "Misfit" friends).

So please don't mourn the end of this particular story "universe" even before the release (which I hope will be soon) of the final installment of this particular series of stories about Jake and Jessica: we should be seeing at least some glimpses of parts of the rest of their senior year of high school -- and quite-possibly at least some glimpse of their life after high school (from what I've gathered) -- at *some* point in the future.

(Please don't count on installments on them every month or on him to exclusively concentrate on this "universe", though.)

Thanks for writing your Comment, and please try to "hang in there" for a while longer.

Sincerely,

Ethan in New York City ("nycreader").

Great story. Please don't stop

I first started reading this story a few months ago. But I stopped because it seemed to be about high school crap. My mistake. I noticed it again 2 days ago and I'm hooked now. Wow is all I can say. I too hope the author can extend this series. With his writing talent, there are innumerable stories and directions he can go. I'll hang out and keep an eye out.

I can’t wait for the final chapter to be released. Thank you for your wonderful efforts!

I saw in the author's update that he has sent the first part of Part 16 to his editor, because 16 will be 'a big one'. Just as an observation, wouldn't it be easier to chop this 'big one' in two? I'm pretty sure that his fairly large fan base could live with 17 parts instead of 16, and he won't have to rush anything. HTH

"We'll see you at the game Friday in Raleigh, right?" Mr. Gibson asks.

The team is named the Wildcats. Am I correct in thinking the high school name is inspired by the Millbrook Wildcats?

Series like this bring back memories. A story doesn't have to be all about sex to be good. Some of the best stories I've read are ones that are many chapters or a single 20+ page story. Like those other stories, I would say this is something worth considering trying to publish, or perhaps compile into one singular giant story, for those of us who love reading for the pure enjoyment of it.

Thanks for putting UCLA into the storyline. I am a Bruin alumni from many years ago. Jessica would indeed like southern Calif. It would be cool to see Jake go there as well. IMHO, the team could benefit from someone of his character and even better if others could follow his lead. I roomed with the backup kicker for UCLA's football team. He was a good guy, humble and easy going. Many of his teammates were not. Many were the worst examples of character I have ever seen.

I think Sean and his friends got off easy. It would have been fun to see Antoine, Ray, and Bobby flatten Sean's friends and then see Sean cower and beg for leniency once he was on his own.

Not sure what to think of Jamie. He attempted to deliberately inflict severe bodily harm on two teammates for the flimsiest of reasons. He could have caused injury that would have ruined any chance for future athletics or worse for Ray and Jake. A part of me is hoping someone caves in his knee in a future game and end his athletic career.

I am thoroughly enjoying this story! Something about the warmth and depth of emotion between the two leads really appeals to me. In lengthy stories or big franchises, I often find myself drawn to the secondary characters and especially secondary couples. For some reason I like Staci and Ray's story a lot as well. I like how they broke away from Patrick's group on their own after recognizing what was wrong. And how they found each other.

Hope you are still writing right now and letting your creativity flourish!

Something I found a bit curious. Somer, Michelle, C.C., Tonya, and Tabitha, did not take an interest in or pay attention to Jake until this last year of high school after the scrimmage game. Staci's previous attitude and change of heart were explained. However, I am a little surprised that Jody or Roxie never made a move on Jake. Even Caitlynn has said a few things that seem to indicate an interest in him and she specifically points out they are only fourth cousins.

Sorry to hear about your Dad although I know it's a while ago now. Thanks for writing this, really appreciating the fun distraction.

Thanks for a great chapter. I dropped in at this chapter ( might have read one early chapter of this story a long time ago. Not sure though) and just had to binge read this long chapter. An endless chain of well-written scenes just became addictive. Emotionally appealing as well. Laughed and cried a lot.

Not many writers can trigger that. In this case the later has more to do with the loss of my own family than sad ‘Motives’ (hope that’s the right term) in the story.

Thank You for sharing and all the best. May good karma be with you.

Best chapter so far!!! Karma is taking care of Patrick and Sean!!!

One of the best story I have read, keep up the good work many thanks

I kinda wish I's had a HS schoo; experience like that, but mine wasn't bad. Good story, can't wait for Patrick to blowup or starighten up one of these days.Keep'em coming! 5 stars

Am I the only person over 40 who is laughing at how sucked I am into a story about high school drama? I can't help it! It's a good fuckin' story. To be honest, I thought it was going to be a little, I don't know, rougher. Like, I thought maybe Jake would have taken a stronger beating - had to go to the ER - no permanent damage, but how would Jessica perform knowing her Jake didn't show up for the game because he's in the ER over a fight with her Ex-?

I'm pretty sure this happened before this chapter, but if you're reading this then you've already read what I'm going to write about. That entire "let's show the DVD of "Jake" fuckin'" was so lame.................for someone as devious as Patrick, I mean. Honestly, I was expecting him to roofie Jessica or who knows what?

Don't get me wrong. I'm not complaining. The author does not need MY help whatsoever... These are just thoughts I'm sharing. I can't believe there are still 10 more chapters to read. I might actually shed a tear of happiness. LOL

Oh...I totally forgot to add. I'm so into this story, I find myself thinking about it when I'm not even reading it. Like, last night I was watching TV with the girl but I was daydreaming about what I thought might be coming up. This was immediately after reading about the pathetic attempt by Patrick to humiliate Jake and have Jessica running into his arms for comfort and maybe a revenge lay.

I was thinking to myself... I was kind of hoping that Jake spoke up after Jessica fileted Patrick and said something to Jamie, like, "Why do you put up with this dude's bullshit. He's not your friend. He's nobody's friend. How many times has he allowed you to be #1 for the night? To do what you want to do or go where you want to go? How many times has he said, 'Ya know what Jamie...I'm gonna be YOUR wingman tonight. You let me know who you have your eye on and I'm going to pump you up to that girl, get her interested in you, so when you swoop in she's easy pickin's.' How many times? Why should you always be taking HIS sloppy seconds? You're a better-lookin' guy than that assclown (pointing to Patrick)." The girls wouldn't lie, ask 'em!"

Before saying all of this, Jake would have had to tell his group of misfits that the death blow to Patrick was coming and just go along with whatever he says - improvise!

At this point, Jake turns a bit toward the girls and a couple are slightly giving the head nod like, "I hate admitting this 'cause you're a dick, but you are the better looking of the two of you..." Even Jessica nods her head YES. I agree.

Without missing a beat Jake would have then turned to Somer and said, "And Somer...You should be with Jamie. Not Patrick's toy he plays with when he feels like it. Do you feel good when he says he wants my girlfriend? I'm sure you feel used...because that's what Patrick does. He uses people. Patrick didn't hurt me in the scrimmage. He had YOU do it, Jamie. He didn't get a week's suspension and miss a game...YOU did, Jamie. What if a recruiter saw that late hit and thought, 'if this kid could do that to his own teammate, do I really want to take a chance on him?' Will Patrick be there if you lost your chance at a full ride? Now, why don't you do the smart thing and walk over to Somer, take her hand and go for a walk and just talk...before it's too late."

Jamie would have wised up...Shit, he had already been telling Patrick to cut the shit and stop being a baby. Jamie was already sick of the talk of going to N. Carolina to be a Tarheel.

If you are working on something new, where have you posted it?

The whole series is written, as I have already commented a few chapters ago. The editing is still marginal, words dropped/missing...makes reading a bit of an issue...luckily, I am bilingual and have experience with dialects/patois', etc.

The whole thing progresses at just the right pace...things happen especially in sequence, make the story interesting and fun to read...I am over 40, by quite a bit, and am sucked into the whole premise.

That Jake is written as is makes me appreciate him that much more, as I am also a nerd...always have been, always will be!! This "status" is NOT a bad thing, actually makes looking at the world more fun, and makes others think they are ' so superior'...I just sit back and laugh to myself!!

Five**5**Stars...all the chapters have received fives, they are that good!!

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