All Comments on 'New Girl in Town Pt. 19'

Looking forward to more as quickly as you can post.

Once again you have entertained … a darker story but I think a great way to continue this thread.

thank you - 5 stars as always

I've been reading this story since you started writing it so many moons ago...keep the chapters coming!

Please give us MOREEEEE

How you keep track of everyone in your stories is beyond me dude. Great work and I can't wait for chapter 20.

First thing 5 stars. 2nd thing amazing chapter i can't b wait for what happens next , keep up the amazing work

but i kinda miss the longer chapters still one of the best series on this page

This chapter seemed a bit like you were spinning your wheels as you tried to keep the tension high by not advancing the plot.

Your editing has improved and keeping the one POV makes the story flow. One thing I have noticed is you capitalize words after dialogue which should not be.( "I'm sure it will be fine if she stays," He said.) is an example. "He" is in the middle of the sentence and unless he is God, it does not require a capital. You make this mistake quite frequently.

Keep writing and improving. Your imagination and story telling are excellent. The mechanics will come. Every little improvement you make will bring you greater success. Thanks for the hard work for us readers.

Very entertaing with great plot and characters. Thank you. 5

I noticed some small parts of the text which could probably have used another round of review/of editing (Sorry), but this installment was almost as "page-turning" for me as the previous one was (and *that*'s good) -- and I am glad that the plot has started to move forward from the trauma and injuries and pall of anxiety, grief, and trauma I found in the previous installment -- and toward healing for Jessica (although Jake was left still in a bad state, at least he got no worse, and persons in the installment are sure that he will eventually recover).

I'm also glad that Patrick discovered within 24 hours (within about 12 after the accident?) that most people in his area (who pay attention to the television news -- or got it from word of mouth) have learned that Jake and Jessica were badly hurt, that he found out that his attempted "perfect" (as in no one suspecting him) vehicular murder of Jake didn't "work", and that his parents may actually start to realize that his social situation this New Year's Day is (ahem) "abnormal" (if it weren't, why would he avoid visiting a critically-injured former football teammate?).

( I am hoping for an eventual explanation of how Patrick was able to *know* that Jake's care would be at the very spot he (Patrick) had planned on -- on New Year's Eve -- *without* knowing that Jessica was in the car.

I had figured that he had followed them; in any case, I don't quite understand how everything in his scheme "fitted together" -- and *unless* he was delusionally "in denial" about Jessica's being Jake's girlfriend, he *should have known* that Jake and Jessica would be together on New Year's Eve (and as often as possible, otherwise). )

Thanks to Our Author, his Editor, and whoever else may have contributed to this installment (and I'm glad that the installment came as soon as it did -- although some more editing would have helped it, I think).; [Smile.]

E. in New York City/"nycreader" at Literotica.

Great as usual, checked daily for next chapt. I hope the next one will becoming soon.

Waiting on edge to read the next installment. Will probably re-read the last three a few times in anticipation.

This is one of my favorite stories. Please keep adding new chapters. I look forward to reading more of the story keep up the good work!

Thanks for another installment. I generally enjoy your writing, so please take the following as a well intentioned bone-picking.

** Jakes room in ICU

"I'll give you a few minutes alone with him then I'll bring Sarah back so she can see him too," Dr. Golden said. "She'll be insistent and worried if we don't let her see him." (Dr Golden leaves the room)

** scene w/Patrick

** scene w//Somer

** back to Jakes room

Dr. Golden says: "Let's go see them, get your test done then you can bring Sarah back after you explain to her how Jake looks."

I'm sorry, but stuff like this pulls me, the Reader, out of the story unnecessarily, even if its only momentarily. Characters saying or doing contradictory things within a few pages can have an explanation, (hell, they might even be a plot point), but short of that, they are annoying and do not reflect well on the author (or editor). I remember another instance of this in something of yours but I didn't comment on it at the time. If I remembered where it was, I'd cite it, but I can't remember anything more than it pulled me out of the story.

On the bright side, I think one of Patricks problems is that he doesn't watch enough TV: 1) he thinks his plan was perfect and 2) he has to google "critical but stable condition" lol. He does get points for knowing how to google though.

weak chapter,you are writing sideways instead of advancing the plot,the

jessica langston parts are just fluff.3 stars.

Can’t wait until the next chapter! Totally invested in the characters.

I have enjoyed this story very much and I always look forward to the next chapter. I got home late last night and was going to bed when I found out this chapter was out. I ended up reading it twice before bed and I will be reading it again tonight. Keep up the good work.

I love how impossibly sweet it all is.

Thanks for keeping it going.Write faster lol.

With everything that’s going on, does anybody really care about the love life of the volleyball recruiter?

I love this story! Read it a year or so ago and was kept waiting while it progressed, decided to reread and I'm so happy you're back at it. I really like the 'other' Jessica's point of view and can't wait to hear more about everyone.

Great series. When this chapter came along, I started all over again with the story so I could enjoy it again. Great characters and plot. You have a way with words that show all the emotions of people. One thing I thought was funny was when Somer was talking to Shelly at the hospital, Shelly asked for her phone number. You wrote that Somer gave Somer her phone number. Not a problem with it, just thought it was funny. Please continue this series and thanks for your time and imagination.

Thanks -- again -- to "AuroraIncident" and to all who may have contributed to Part 19 (including editor "Devir Ginator").

2 main points I wish to post:

1) I noticed the "Somer" gave "Somer" her phone number sentence, as well (I imagine that Our Author wanted "Shelly", but was still thinking of "Somer" (and both have "S" as their initial letter & sound, and could therefore be more-easily confused than (say) "Somer" and "Roxie") ) ; I think that although Mr. "Ginator" 's quick editing helped get this Part of the story to us readers more quickly (which was indeed appreciated by me among other Commenters and other non-Commenting readers, surely) , this Part would truly have benefited from at least 1 more "pass" of editing review. ("Somer" giving to "Somer" was the most-"obvious" slip-up that I found when reading this Part, but other less-obvious things which deserved revision remain in the Part.)

2) About Jessica Langston (the "other Jessica" in California -- the UCLA volleyball team (fictional) recruiter (and coach? (I don't remember) ): I "get" that she's somehow developed an unusual (I think) "bond" with Jessica of North Carolina (possibly because of their names and similarities; possibly largely because Our Author wanted her to have one with Jessica of NC) , but 1) I found it a bit strange myself that in this Part, Jessica-of-CA seems to regard Jessica-of-NC not just as a "prospect" or coming team member, but as a (younger) friend she *really* cares about (and would call on New Year's day "just because") -- and wonder whether (say) the football coach at (University of Florida?) the university with an eye on Jamie would have called *him* on New Year's Day (or whether persons in their positions in our seemingly-real non-fictional world would make such calls on New Year's Day to incoming team members) ; 2) I somewhat-agree with the grumblers who have wondered why Jessica-of-CA's love life takes up so much of this Part (largely because going back and forth between one Jessica's life and another is distracting and pulls the reader out of what is happening in Jake and Jessica's town, and partly because -- *apart from* the expectation that Jessica-in-CA's support will help Jessica-in-NC's healing -- the "action" in California seems to do nothing to "advance" the plot back in North Carolina.

(On the other hand, I have the distinct impression that writing about Jessica-in-California makes Our Author happy, and I'm pleased that at least 1 or 2 Commenters seem happy to read about her as well.)

--------------

(The Somer storyline also -- I felt -- could have been left out, but I found that it fit in more with other earlier material in that 1) again, Patrick the Villain (well) did something that didn't-go-as-planned, 2) it shows that Patrick is running out of supporters in town, 3) Rick's enabling Somer to "join" the ever-growing-band of Jake-and-Jessica's friends (even though Jake is unaware of this so far) echoes lots of other "conversions"/changes-of-mind (notably Jamie's under the influence of Jessica's (?) help in getting him back in touch with Marie). )

OK: I have given at least "3 cents" rather than 2; I have to end this post.

Good Luck in advancing New Girl in Town (I hope that we will find out rather-soon how the investigation is going -- and that Patrick realizes he's (umm.. ) going to be in trouble for once for harming Jake (and Jessica, this time) -- *soon*). : )

E. in New York City/"nycreader" at Literoitica.

you need to get to the cause of the accident and get Patrics ASS !!!

Just a quick alternative take on the inclusion of California Jessica in this chapter. If our wonderful author would like to continue this story past high school there is a need for secondary characters that can provide continuity. California Jessica and her issues could provide that if the story follows Jake and Jessica to UCLA.

I liked your Comment about "California Jessica"/Jessica Langston at UCLA, "JustinCarolina" : if Our Author ("AuroraIncident") extends this series past high school graduation, Jessica Langston and Ken would certainly be good to have as supportive characters for Jake and Jessica to have at college; 2 Thumbs Up (mine) for looking at Jessica and Ken from another perspective. :)

(But... -- I think we have to get through the investigation of the Patrick-caused "accident" -- and the last 5 or 6 months (maybe 5 months, in their high school) of Senior Year of High School -- before Jake and Jessica would move on to their college/university/"higher education" years.)

I hope that Our Author and his Literotica team (including his editor) will be able to relatively-soon be able to give readers a chapter in which the local law enforcement investigators let others know what they are thinking about what caused Jake's car to be damaged so awfully and traumatically (including Patrick's blood found on Jake's car/in the area where it caught fire??) .

E. in New York City/"nycreader" at Literotica.

cant wait for part 20. and i was wondering how far were you planning to go?

I’m on the edge of my seat holy shit

when can we see the next one in the series?

Please don’t keep us waiting for too much long for the next chapter in this great series

I think I speak for everyone when I say, please release the next installment soon. We are bored out of our minds!

Also, seriously speaking, with all that’s going on, hope everything’s ok!

Just wondered when your next chapter is going up.

Hope you are ok given COVID - 19

Looking forward to your next installment

Trying to patiently wait for the next chapter but have read through entire story 3 times while waiting. Thanks for the entertainment

Neeeeddddd. Moooooore

For the next Paul Harvey moment.

You know, the rest of the story!

* * *

I am guessing your story board has a number of rest of the story segments planned.

Stay healthy please.

A number of your fans want to see those developments.

I come back to reread my all time favorite story and it has new chapters i hate you so much but i love your story please submit another chapter soon this accident is killing me i want patrick and his family to get whats coming so badly please please please best writer ever

great story and love the flow and how it is going, cant wait to read more... thanks

Don't fret now readers, on his profile he has an update saying "Update: March 18: the next chapter of New Girl is almost finished but with the current situation that's happening globally I'm not sure when I will be able to post it due to my lack of home internet. I will update when I know more. Everyone stay safe!" There is hope yet!

Anyone know how long it takes to get a story published on here? Per the author’s page, part 20 was sent in on 3/29/20. Still don’t see it showing up though.

"We should probably come back later, Rick."

"Shut up Morty." 😂

And the story keeps on rolling along...............

Still great! Third time through and it still evokes the same feeling as the first. Tears, lump in the throat you are a great writer. Keep up the great work. Don't worry about the slight mistakes. It makes the story better when you need to figure out what the writer means. If I wanted perfection I would buy a perfect, but duller book.