by cowgirlbrumby
Never you mind Annon's comments, I thought the story was yummy - more please!
gave it 5 stars, what else could do??
flowed well and hot...who could want more...me...part 2 soon please
EYE SURE DEW KNOT NO WHY SOME OF THESE HEAR READERS BOTHER TWO READ ANYTHING AS ALL THEY REALLY DEW IS TOO FIND FAULT WITH OTHER PEOPLES EFFORTS..AS FOUR MY-SELF EYE FOUND THIS SUBMISSION TWO BEE WRITTEN IN ENGLISH THEIR WERE SPACES BEE-TWEEN EACH WORD & ANOTHER VERY IMPORTANT THING THE SUBJECT MATTER WAS & IS STILL EXTREMELY INTERESTING BEE-CAUSE OF THE PROCEEDING FACTS EYE FOUND IT TWO BEE EASY TOO FOLLOW & UNDER-STAND NOW HAVING RED MY COMMENTS EWE ARE WELL-COME TOO INSTALL ( ,s ..s ?s ORE ! ) ANY PLACE EWE SEW DESIRE LOL
I'm sorry. But dayyyyum that was a terrible story. The only redeeming quality was the grammar.
I don't have anything to say about the plot of the story. It's not really my type but that's not an issue; you can't please everyone.
The problem is that the story has been written poorly in a number of places. One obvious example is the placement of comma's where they simply do not belong. I'll give a few examples from near the beginning of the story:
"Her identical twin sister, Sabrina just wants to settle down and have a family of her own."
(there should be no comma between 'sister' and 'Sabrina')
"Sabrina doesn't trust, Constance,..."
(why is there a comma in this sentence between 'trust' and 'Constance'?)
These kind of odd errors are distracting because rather than focus on the story, it just makes you wonder what the author was thinking making such blatant and strange decisions.
Obviously there are some 'critiques' out there that don't know the difference between 'porn' and 'erotic fiction'. Don't let the ass holes get to you Cowgirl! They obviously lack an imagination :)