New Man Pt. 01

I turned and brought her chin up with two of my calloused fingers. Yvonne's eyes closed, and she gave me a soft "mm" when I kissed her. Against her lips, I murmured, "You don't even know me."

Her eyes opened. "Tell me I'm wrong."

I stared at her for a long while, and her smile only widened. Finally I pulled back, and sighed. "Fifteen thousand less than the asking price. I'm going to have to do enough work in there that shouldn't scare the owners off. Call me when it's done."

She nodded. "Did you want to see any of the other houses the rest of the week?"

"Any of them furnished?"

"Why would you...?" Her confusion broke, and her grin reappeared. "I think I can find a couple."

* * *

The owners at first didn't want to sell below asking, of course. No one ever really does. But I held firm, both because I knew what the work I'd have to do would cost me, and that there were two houses available just blocks away that would suit my needs just fine, and one of them even had a pool.

I ran my own electrician business, so I felt no guilt about closing up shop. But I told my new employers I'd be two weeks, largely because of Isaac. My little man deserved that time to say goodbye to his friends and both sides of the family in the area.

My half and a handful of his friends met up over the weekend at a water park. It was as fun a sendoff as we could have hoped for, but there were a lot of tears. My parents insisted on taking us out to a fun dinner afterwards. Isaac's cousins were great about keeping his spirits high, but more than a few times my boy sat as close to me as he had since he was a little kid. He was scared, and nervous, and all the things a kid making the biggest changes of his whole life was going to feel. My heart broke for him, but I knew what we were doing was the best thing for both of us. A fresh start. Healing from the clean break from Tina and his mom.

Afterwards, when I thought he was asleep in the car, his eyes opened and he asked, "Dad?"

"Hm?"

"Can we see Auntie Morgan before we go?"

I swallowed hard, fighting back a ball of emotion. Isaac had always held a special bond with Tina's lone sister, and I couldn't blame him. Morgan was always there for him. His ear, his best friend when he needed one. He spent more weekends at her and her husband's house than he did the grandparents or his friends.

Instead of an answer, I pulled over and dug out my phone. "Dad?" Isaac asked, on the verge of tears. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah bud." I dug through my text messages and brought up the last exchange I had with Morgan. I began to read out loud in a bad impersonation of Morgan's musical voice. "Lionel. We'd really love to see Isaac before you fly out. I know it's not easy. But please. We love our I."

My voice went deep as I read my response out loud. "Of course-" Isaac started to crack up even as he was sniffling, and I made my voice go even deeper for him. "-we'd love to see you. Wednesday good? We could surprise him with Chinese?"

Isaac's laughter faded off until there was nothing but the tears, and when I looked into the back, he was shaking with them. I pulled the keys and hurried out of the car to come around the other side and dive into the back with him. Isaac dropped his face against my shoulder, sobbing, and I held him, thinking about a wedding day so very long ago, and a gleeful woman smacking me with kisses as she held the pregnancy test high above our heads.

Maybe I cried too.

* * *

When I first started dating Tina, Morgan was all of fifteen and nothing more than a beanpole with braces. She was fun and a pain in the ass when it came to her insatiable desire to play video and board games. But I never thought much more about her than that, until a day five years later, when Tina and I had been married a while and Isaac was young.

Morgan was holding Isaac in her arms while he splashed around in her parents' pool. Tina and I were lounging on the side, our legs in the water as we talked about something inane. I couldn't help watching Morgan and the way Isaac was so happy with her, and the damnedest thought crossed my mind. It shamed me instantly, but it stuck its hooks in me.

It should be her I'm with.

At twenty she had filled out. Not porn star proportions, nothing like that, but every time I was around her, my chest tightened and my back straightened. Tina gave me shit about it all the time until it stopped being funny and I managed to control my reaction better. Slim, but with curves to her boobs and butt that defied her narrow hips and delicate frame. A strong-featured face, with an angular jaw, hollow cheeks, and doe eyes.

God, I wanted her. But it was too late and we both had other serious partners. I stuffed away the lust, and learned to enjoy her simply for the company.

But she had to go and marry Douglas.

Fucking Douglas.

For one thing, that was what he went by. Douglas. Not Doug. Never Doug. He was a middle manager at a bank. He made good money but as far as I could tell that was his one endearing trait. He was a sarcastic know-it-all, the kind of unique asshole who would jump on a chance to correct someone else and then bluster his way through never looking wrong when someone called him out for getting something wrong. He would never apologize, he was always the loudest at a party, and he always thought he was the funniest guy around, even if no one else was laughing.

Douglas was that guy.

He was never mean to Isaac though. If he had been, it would have been easy to hate the guy unconditionally. But his wife's fondness for her nephew was one of the few things he tolerated about her family, though I had an impression he was always doing it to humor her, not out of any real love for Isaac. I didn't give much of a shit so long as he didn't get between Morgan and my son.

He greeted us at the door in sweatpants and an Animal House shirt on. I fought down the urge to punch him, as sweet a going-away gift as that might be to myself.

"Hey hey, big Sac!" he said, and my open hands curled into fists. Just one pop. Just one.

"Hey Uncle Douglas," Isaac said cheerfully. He hugged Douglas, and to his credit, the guy gave him a pretty good hug back. Okay, he could live for the minute.

"Come on in. Morgan's just doing her hair." He glanced down at himself and grinned. "Figured if we're gonna go get Chinese, why dress up, right?"

"Sure," I said tightly, trying to smile. I wondered why, and let it drop.

He closed the door after us and Isaac ran to look at the game Douglas had been playing. Isaac gestured at the controller, and Isaac grabbed it up to throw some digital touchdowns. Douglas turned to me and asked quietly, "So, finally cutting bait, huh?"

"Yeah."

"I think I'm supposed to be mad at you for Morgan and Tina's sake, but who could blame you, right? This fuckin' family."

I gritted my teeth and he must have noticed. Douglass wandered back through the ranch-style house to the master bedroom. Morgan emerged first, putting in a pair of dangly earrings. Like she was twenty again, I sucked in my gut. She looked... well, stunning. Shorts, a tank under a nice shimmery emerald green blouse. She had her long reddish-brunette hair up, a travesty. I wanted to set it free.

We hadn't really seen much of each other throughout the last couple months. She came by a couple times a week to pick up Isaac and take him to get an ice cream or see a movie or go to a bookstore, but she always waited outside. She never got mad at me, not really, but I could sense the hurt and betrayal in her. I had a feeling this was as close to an olive branch as we could afford between the two of us. I would take it.

"It's good to see you, Morgan," I said, meaning it.

"You too," she said. Isaac paused the game again and jumped to his feet. She grabbed him in a tight hug when he ran to her, kissing the top of his head, crying already. My throat tightened when I saw my boy was crying too. So many tears this last year or so.

They held each other for a long time, the only noises quiet sniffing and murmured words into Isaac's ear I could barely make out. Love you so much. I'm going to miss you. We will talk all the time. Things I pretended not to hear.

Douglas came out of the bedroom dressed in the same shirt, but this time in a pair of fancy dress slacks. Morgan gave him a look, one I'd seen mirrored in her sister's eyes a hundred times. Exasperated. It didn't take a genius to figure out she'd told him to change, and this must have been his quiet fuck you of rebellion. Ah, married men. We're all idiots.

Isaac rode with them while I dutifully followed behind. My son's favorite place to eat in the whole city is this chintzy Chinese place where the big draw is hot pots at the tables. Only here's the kicker -- Isaac didn't actually like hot pot. It amused me to no end and always baffled Tina. But hey, there was plenty of other stuff on the menu he did like, and me, I freakin' love hot pot. So all in all, definitely not the worst choice.

I stayed silent most of the meal, content to watch Morgan and Isaac. Douglas tried to engage me with a few racist Chinese jokes he'd heard, but soon enough, he got the hint and stopped trying. I blatantly stared at his wife, sporting an erection half the damn meal under the table, and wished with a final, open honesty to myself it had been her all along who raised my son with me.

I intended on driving home with Isaac after the meal, but he wanted to go back to Morgan and Douglas's just to say goodbye, he told me. I knew the gentle truth, and when we came into their place, he crashed out almost immediately on Morgan's couch. Douglas disappeared too, not bothering to offer up a goodbye or any other words. He was pissed, and I couldn't blame him. I'd been practically licking my lips watching his wife all night.

Morgan settled into an armchair, and after a moment's hesitation, gestured at the loveseat. "Get you something to drink?" she asked.

"No. Thank you." I nodded at Isaac. "I... sorry. I hope we're not..." I ran a hand across my face. "No. Truth is, if you'll have him for the night, it's... it would be nice for him."

She nodded. "Of course. I can make him breakfast in the morning and drop him off before work."

"Thank you."

"It's nothing you need to thank me for, Lionel."

"No," I said, and a weariness passed over me I'd been expecting for months and hadn't yet felt. I leaned back in the loveseat and rubbed my eyes. "I mean... thank you. For all of it. For not cutting him off. For being there for him. For..." I shook my head, unsure how to put into words the width and depth of my thanks. "...tolerating me."

Down the hall, Douglas called out -- or shouted, if you want honesty, "I'm going to bed!"

I met Morgan's look, and despite the coolness in the air between us, she cracked up. I started chuckling too, and she called back, "Oh-kay. I'll be in when I'm in."

Douglas grunted something and the bedroom door shut about as hard as a man could make it without slamming the thing. I shook my head and finally let slip words I'd been wanting to say for years. "That fuckin' guy."

"Hey," Morgan said. "That's my husband."

There was no real heat to her words. Just exhaustion. I chalked it up to the weird night we'd been having. We said nothing for a while, then I asked, "Do you hear from her?"

"Just about every other day."

"Is she...?"

"Doing okay," Morgan said, settling into much friendlier territory. "They're bunking up in these... these huts, and it looks so weird to me and uncomfortable, but she's excited."

"Good," I said, meaning it.

"And you? Ready to move on?"

I laced my hands behind my head, thinking about the last time I fucked Yvonne on a big comfy bed from some condo she was showing. She made so much noise the neighbors pounded on the walls. I smiled to myself. "Yeah. I guess I am."

"You could pretend, you know, for just a minute that all this hurts," Morgan said, and the pain and anger in her snapped me back to the moment.

"It does," I said. "Mostly..." I nodded at Isaac, whose breath had evened out, but who might still be awake. He was great at faking sleep. Morgan rose up, and gestured at the kitchen. I nodded and followed her. She grabbed a beer out of the fridge and we leaned against the counter as she cracked it open. "Saying goodbye to my family was rough enough," I continued. "Seeing him with you tonight... that hurts much more than any of it."

"Even the divorce?" Morgan asked. Bitter, but not so much as she had been. She knew the score.

"I love Tina. But I think we said goodbye to each other years ago." I shook my head. "I don't want that to sound crass. I really do care about her and I always will."

She nodded and sniffed. "I miss her. I miss her so much. But... yeah. I get the feeling she felt trapped here. And not just with what you guys had going on. The family, the stress, the city... Tina needed out of here."

"And you?" I asked, turning to face her. "What do you need, Morgan?"

A pause hung in the air between us, pregnant. She knew what I was asking. What I was really telling her. That if she wanted me, now was the time. She sniffed again, and her fingers rose up to tug at her hair. I reached over, and her breath came shorter and faster when I found the clasp holding her hair up. She stared me in the eyes as it fell down her back.

But the moment, charged as it was, passed. Neither one of us made the first move. She was still married, and I was still the bastard ex of her sister, even if the divorce had been amicable. She collected her beer bottle and drank deeply from it. I nodded, and headed back out of there, into the living room to kiss Isaac on the head, and to the front door. When my hand rested on the knob, Morgan said behind me very quietly, "Kids."

I turned, glancing at her.

"I want kids," she said. And this time, it was her looking at me. Telling me she wanted. Putting the ball in my court. I almost did it. Almost went back to her, to kiss her, to damn the future and gamble everything on an insane relationship both of us knew could never happen.

But I didn't. I opened the door, and I left.