New Year's Evolution

While I was working on a darker story for a different category at Lit, I hit a wall. Being stumped, yet still wanting to write, I switched gears and decided to write this. It's a flash story and late for the intended holiday, or it's early for the next year.

*****

I like the holidays and I hate the holidays. Holidays in my world mean being around extended family. That's the good part. That's also the bad part. My wife Nancy and I both have families that really make Christmas a big deal. Her parents and my parents always use their respective places as the designated gathering. Both sets of parents want us there every year. Like intelligent people, Nancy and I alternate where we spend that time.

This year, Nancy and I spent the holidays at my folks' place. One advantage of spending time at the home of my parents, is there are plenty of bedrooms. They'd had four children and should have had the wisdom to stop at three. After all, once you've achieved perfection, why continue? Not as wise as I am, my folks produced my younger brother Brian. They stopped after that, clearly seeing the error of their ways. Another advantage; they lived in Estes Park, Colorado. Nancy's parents lived in "Bumfuck," Maine. There's a reason Stephen King's horror stories set in Maine resonate. That state is fucked up. Estes Park, Colorado on the other hand, is what most people want the rest of the world to be.

My other siblings had suggested our parents downsize, I was the only one who discouraged it. As I told Mom and Dad, "Don't sell my inheritance for the comfort of not having to dust. That would be selfish."

The upside of them listening to my wisdom, is they usually always had plenty of room at family gatherings. Jennifer "the hot sister," Shannon "the smart sister," as well as their spouses and spawn couldn't come this year. The sisters were spending the holidays this year with their husbands' families. It was rare we were all together at the same time during the holidays. Just like Nancy and I, they switched every other year to spend time with the ball and chains' parental units.

This year it was Nancy and me. Brian and his wife, "No tits" April. Then there were our respective kids. The good ones, Jason and Judy, belong to me and Nancy. The other ones, Todd and Cameron, were proof that my gayish younger brother could get it up with a woman at least twice to produce two kids.

I am kidding a bit. Brian always had a sensitive side. He worked for HDK Greeting Cards. They made their bread and butter on the holidays, but particularly on Valentine's Day. They put out cards that had a bit of snark in them, but also had heart.

Brian was a whiz at writing pithy greetings that sold well. I admired him. I let him know that as often as I could by praising the fact he had made a living writing "fag cuck shit." As his older brother, I had given him a "purple nurple" from time to time. Clearly he'd taken the lesson to heart. At some point he made a commitment to a gym and never stopped. He was buff now. Really buff. I'd told him recently, "You look good. If you were a man, I'd so fuck you."

We unwrapped the presents on Christmas. We then spent the next few days going off with the groups we were most comfortable with. It was rare during those days before New Year's Eve that all of us would be together. The kids hung out with the kids, the women hung out with the women, the men hung out with the men. A typical holiday at the parent's place. No sex at all. If sex was on the table, a hotel would have been where we stayed. Or so I thought.

It was December 31^st when Brian caught me alone and said to me, "Hey Danny, I could use your advice."

He was serious, and I always had considered myself to be a mentor to him.

"Sure Brian, what's troubling you?"

"I've been seeing this woman, but she keeps comparing me to the guy she's with."

I hadn't realized Brian was fooling around on April. I knew he'd had difficulties with her in the bedroom, but I didn't know until that moment he'd outsourced the puss puss. It must have been worse than I thought.

"Who is the woman?"

He looked at me like I was crazy.

"Are you fucking with me? It's Nancy."

I punched him. I've never punched my brother, or really anybody. My preferred weapon was sarcasm. My hand hurt like hell. I wish I'd knocked him out. He just seemed irate.

"What the fuck did you do that for?"

"For fucking Nancy!"

"You suggested I fuck Nancy!"

"I did WHAT?! And I did the WHAT... WHEN?!"

"When I told you April didn't seem to like sex as often as she used to, you told me, and I quote, 'You should fuck Nancy, she needs way more than I can give her.'"

I was ready to punch him again, but my hand still hurt and I'm not good with my left. "You imbecile! Did you really think I meant I was getting sex all the time from Nancy? That was sarcasm. That was me commiserating with you. It happens in a marriage. You took that literally?"

Brian didn't respond immediately. He looked at me as if he was trying to figure out just what had happened. It was a look of innocence.

"You seemed so sincere." He paused. "Damn."

I don't like using the word "gobsmacked," because it has suspicious foreign and effeminate roots, but that was the only word that came to mind. I massaged my hand while making sure Brian didn't see me doing it, "So this woman you want my advice for, is my wife?"

"I just thought you'd know her best. Sorry I brought it up. I apparently misread the situation. I was distraught, because she hit my masculinity as a lover by comparing me to you, after you told me you weren't enough for her. I see the situation better now. Also, don't hit me again. It took all I had not to retaliate and destroy your face. What stopped me was my respect for you as my older brother and the fact that I may have inadvertently transgressed."

There was silence for what seemed like an eternity, or watching a bad episode of Star Trek.

Brian broke the silence by saying, "Well. Should I break it off with Nancy, or do you want to talk to her first?"

I tried to kick him, but this time he just grabbed my foot and I wound up on the floor. Now my foot and back hurt as well. I really should have injured him when he was younger, while I had superior strength so this scenario would have been possible.

He said, "I think you should talk to Nancy. Also the next time you try to punch or kick me, I'm going to punch or kick back."

I went to talk to Nancy. I gave her the signal that I needed to talk to her alone. We went into my old bedroom. Mom and Dad always assigned the kids their old rooms, if they were there.

"Nancy, I can't believe you cheated on me."

"What? You encouraged me to do it."

"When? When did I ever do that?"

"Dan I told you once when you asked why I didn't get off, that I couldn't explain why I wasn't feeling it. Do remember what you said?"

"I'm sure I said something humorous to let you know it was okay."

"Dan, you told me that I should find a therapist or another lover, then come back to you when I figured it out. Why are you holding your hand? Did you injure it?"

I ignored the last part and quit massaging my right hand. "Let me guess, you didn't choose a therapist?"

Nancy looked at me like I was high. "After all the things you said about therapists? I suggested marriage counseling a few times over the years, and do you remember what you said?"

Of course I did. "It's the same thing I'd say now. Why should we pay someone to tell our secrets to, when so many people are willing to hear them for free? As a bonus, the people who hear it for free also give advice, whether you ask for it or not."

"So why would I consider a therapist, knowing how little disregard you had for that opinion?"

"So you took a lover?! Gee Nancy, you might have mentioned that you were going to before just doing it."

Nancy's mouth just hung open for a moment. Then her lips started working again, "I did ask you if I should take a lover. You didn't even hesitate before replying."

"What exactly did I say to make you feel this was okay?"

"Dan, you told me to bring home my snatch full of cum so you could suck it out. You said that's how you could take the power of my lovers. I didn't feel it was 'okay.' I thought you were giving me guidance."

I felt fruitcake and eggnog previously consumed, about to make an exit from my mouth. The only thing that held it back was my certainty that fruitcake had to taste worse going out than going in.

"You took that seriously?

"Oh my God, I hated feeling dirty keeping another man's spunk inside me. I only did it for you. I wanted you to become more powerful. I fucked even more people than I wanted to; disgusting, despicable people, just to help you achieve your goal. I put myself at risk of disease to do that. I did try to be careful in choosing partners, but I had nearly 30 one-night stands just so I could come home with a cunt full of cum for you."

I stormed out of the room. This was unbelievable. I avoided everyone else and went to the back porch to cool off. I was seething for a few minutes when Mom joined me.

She said, "You seem troubled. Is there something going on?"

"I'm going to divorce Nancy."

"I support you if that's what you need to do."

I had expected more of a reaction. "You seem callously indifferent."

"Danny, what reaction were you expecting?"

"Asking me why maybe?"

"I'm sure you have your reasons. You know I'm your mother and you will always be my son."

I didn't know how to react. Mom had always liked Nancy. Had she been hitting the eggnog a bit hard?

"Mom! This is a crisis!"

"Of course it is, and I support you in this crisis like I've always supported you."

"Dammit Mom, I don't think you get how horrible this is. Let's discuss it with the family."

"We definitely should do that. I'm behind you all the way. My oldest son will have his mother's support."

I was glad Mom appreciated the situation. She was a great mother and person, which was something Dad apparently recognized. As far as sexy went, she was no MILF. Glad she pulled her weight after the looks went away. Amirite?

"Mom, gather all the family in the living room. I want everyone to hear this from my lips."

"Okay Danny, I like the idea of all of us being together before the new year."

Mom did gather the family into the living room two hours before midnight. I have no idea what she said, but everyone seemed happy, although the alcohol starting to get consumed may have played a part in that. Clearly Mom didn't exactly get the import of our conversation, but she had gathered all those in the household into one space. That was really the most important part.

Everyone there seemed attentive for the most part, although no one seemed to have an appreciation for the truth bombs I was about to drop. I began by tapping a knife, that had previously been part of a cheese log plate, to my wine glass.

"There isn't much I need to say tonight-"

I was interrupted by cheers and clapping. I tapped the wine glass again louder, sending pieces of Port Wine cheese still on the knife into the room.

"First, I want everyone to know that my wife Nancy has been fucking my brother Brian."

Everyone clapped and Jason proposed a toast, "To Mom and Uncle Brian!"

Most people drank to the toast. April just kissed Brian. That part pissed me off the most.

"April, I don't think you heard me. I said Brian has been cheating on you with Helen."

"I definitely heard it. That's what made me so happy. You kept making comments that Brian was gay. I'm relieved he isn't, because I couldn't see our marriage lasting if he was. Now that I know he likes women, I know I have a chance to right the ship. I just need to be more sexually desirable than your wife. Admittedly, that is a tough challenge, but now I have hope!"

Before I could formulate a response, Brian gave her a smoldering kiss while his kids chimed in with further applause and cries like, "I knew you weren't gay Dad!"

I knew my brother and his family were weird, but until that moment, I had no idea how weird. I concentrated on my own wife and kids. For my wife, I just wanted her to listen as I brought our children up to speed.

"Jason, Judy. I don't know how to say this to you, but you may not even be my children."

Jason said, "You told me that years ago Dad."

"I did?"

"When I got a C in English, you said, 'I always knew the mailman was your father.'"

"That was irony. It's something you would have understood if you had gotten an A in English."

Jason said, "I was 12. Dad, I really thought the mailman was my father."

"Son, that was a joke."

"Oh I eventually understood that, but for years I would cry because the mailman never wanted to do anything with me. He'd just drop off the mail then leave. I thought he was rejecting me."

"Judy, you can't feel the same way."

"Dad! You literally told me to stop dressing like Mom unless I wanted to get passed around the neighborhood."

"Judy, I was trying to teach you a life lesson."

"What lesson was that? The lesson I learned was that Mom was some kind of tramp and you knew it. Now you're mad at me because you feel I kept something from you I thought you had already told me? I was traumatized when you said that. I was mad at Mom for cheating on you, but then I realized you were okay with it somehow. It did take a few months with the school counselor."

I didn't know what to say. I looked over at Mom and Dad. Mom was just smiling as though everything was normal. Dad seemed to sense my discomfort and spoke. "Danny, are you being serious right now?"

"Dad! I've never been more serious!"

"Oh. It's always been so hard to tell with you."

I left the room and went to the back porch. No one seemed disturbed. As far as I could tell, everyone got festive again immediately. Eventually, Nancy came out and joined me.

"Dan, you seem upset."

"Why shouldn't I be? I've just heard some of the harshest things imaginable, and everyone I am close to seems fine with it."

Nancy's eyes looked like they were smiling. I hadn't seen her eyes look like that since we were dating. She put her hand on my shoulder, "Dan, you didn't really take that seriously, did you?"

I was about to get angry, and then it hit me. This was like a fucked up intervention. What they'd missed was the nuance I'd always provided when I was being sarcastic. As hamfisted as this was, I got it.

"Nancy, I see what you all did here. The timing is odd though. What prompted this?"

"Your sister Jennifer is pregnant. We'll hopefully be grandparents too at some point in the not-so-distant future. I'd like our grandchildren not to be confused on how to react to what I know will be an adoring grandfather."

When she explained it, I had no doubt Jason and Judy agreed with her concerns. As I thought about it even more, I realized my parents must have felt the same way as well. Now that I thought about it, so would my parents. Everyone present seemed on the same page. It was a lot to take in.

I went back into the living room with her. We all counted down as it approached midnight. Immediately after we all yelled "Happy New Year!" Nancy and I kissed, as we did every year.

She smiled at me and said, "To the next best year of our lives."

I smiled back and said, "To the next best year of our lives, and all the the next best years beyond."

I'd never forget this holiday year. I'd never believed in New Year's resolutions before. But I'd learned a lot about myself and those whose love I'd taken for granted. I'd uncovered a valuable lesson. For the first time ever, I made a silent resolution to myself. I smiled as I felt a warm feeling in my body. My family's intervention was effective. I had evolved into a better person.

My resolution was, "I'm gonna get you sons of bitches, and I have a year to do it. Next Christmas is gonna be a blast."

Muahahahaha.

*****

Lue was not available for editing over the holidays, so thanks to SPP for offering to fill that thankless role. Any errors are due either to negligence or gross incompetence on her part. Amirite?

I do appreciate comments and emails. I try to respond to comments in a timely fashion the week the story is published. I usually respond to emails no matter how late after the story has posted. I wish everyone a happy 2019.