All Comments on 'NewU Pt. 01'

Well you have a good start, please just don't turn this into some guy collecting women for a sex crazed harem. Have him do some good and the sex can be in there as well, it just doesn't have to dominate the story..

I'm looking forward to some more of this and see where it goes.

I really am looking forward to the next instalment. Without wanting to sound critical, there are some spelling errors hear (here) and there. These in no way detract from the story, and are relatively few.

Nice work!

Hey guys, thanks for the comments and feedback. I know there are some spelling mistakes, but after re-reading this story more times than I can count before submitting, I managed to find the ones you were talking about on a single read through... I can only apologize and thank you for bringing them to my attention. I will try to be more careful with future chapters

As for the plot, secretbunny... you have read my mind. I obviously dont want to give too much away, but there will be more to this story than sex... although there will be a fair amount of that. :)

Great start, look forward to next installment and I agree with the secret bunny.

You’re off to a good start, the only problem you dealing with is this exact story has been told like a million times. Don’t just retell the same story, try to put a unique spin on it.

To The Novalist

Many thanks for this first instalment. Love the way you are introducing the characters and storyline. Look forward to future instalments!

Nice start1

Is this on purpose?

"Slow down, Mister Roberts." The doctor said ....

The Doctor looked confused for a second before rephrasing the question. "What is your name?"

"Pete... Pete Richards."

The other typos seem like just the normal didn't-catch-because-I'd-read-it-too-much stuff, and you're telling a fun story here; nice to clean them up but they don't really matter. This one will confuse because it's not apparent whether Pete thinking his name is Richards, when everyone else seems to think it's Roberts, is a plot point.

Not only is this a very promising start but you realize you made some typographical errors, want to develop a plot with pacing, and are planning to not have Pete become billionaire playboy who is God's gift to women.

Thank you for taking the time to do all of this and also sharing it.

Thanks for more great feedback.

Distant Constellation, thank you in particular for spotting this massive typographical error. Originally, the plot was going to be that his parents weren't really his parents and the gift had opened up some memories...but it quickly fell apart and I rewrote the whole thing to include the MRI accident and familial alienation... I thought I had caught all the names changes but i must have missed one. In time, I will edit these stories to correct these and the other spelling/grammar mistakes that others have pointed out, but thank you for bringing it to my attention.

The Novalist

Awesome story! Keep um coming.

Great character background and development so far. The story moves at a perfect pace and doesn’t come off as rushed which is what usually happens in many other authors stories. Keep up the great work!

J.D.

Oh, Nova! Hooked me right from the beginning!

As a fellow author (aspiring anyway) I appreciate the time and effort you put into giving your characters substance and presence. Well done. I hope to read more of your work in the future.

-Frodov-

This is top-shelf. Really good setup, just real quality here. I might have done more with the doctor. The middle-of-the-night reveal sounds a bit campy and not as clinical as an actual doctor would try for: "the man in America" would have been a "test subject" in researcher-talk. But I'm only pointing this out because the set-up is so strong.

Wow. You know how to get a person drawn in. Your attention to detail is superb.

The details you pour into this story are what make it so captivating. I even cared for the cab driver because you gave enough character for me to do so. You have really set up the story well. I look forward to reading more.

Congratulations on a well written beginning to a story. So very different than most stories in the Mind Control genre. Crisp and clear knowledge of the the attributes in a hospital. Just a few snippets of what may happen when he gets some thoughts of the people around him which he does not yet comprehend is a part of what sets this beginning apart from other stories. Well written and comprehensive to setting up the rest of (I hope) are many chapters as he develops his abilities. 5 Stars absolutely.

It seems you have so many errors in syntax and style that it seems unlikely you write for a living. You don’t seem to know that capitals start a quotation, for example, nor other fundamentals that a writer “IRL” would certainly know.

How could a writer possibly make grammar and spelling errors! If that were the case, most books would have to go to an editor to correct those problems, and we all know that the publishing industry doesn't employ editors because the ability to write an entertaining story is fundamentally tied to perfect knowledge of grammar and syntax.

Sarcasm aside, the story was entertaining, which is the skill of an author. If there are errors that suggest an editor is needed, that says nothing to the skill of the author. It would only matter if the author refused to allow editing (or didn't listen to the editor).

I'll leave it at that, this was an amazing start.

Like someone said earlier, I even cared about Moe the cab driver.

Moe giving me a bemused look as a shook the water from my hair, but on my seatbelt and settled into my seat

Wow, a great start to this story! I can't wait to catch up. And please take the "Anonymous" comments with a grain of salt... This is your first story and you started off with a bang. If they cannot come out of the shadows and hold a dialog about your story, they're not worth your time. Thank you!

I’ve read through all these chapters and they’re so fucking hot. You. Are. A. God. Any woman is lucky to have sex with you. I mean, please have sex with me. I’ll send you a private message. Agh.

You've clearly done some research. And done a much better job in your story than I did in mine explaining the medical mumbo jumbo. You even used some of the same imagery i did. Good show. By the way, I wrote mine with no knowledge of yours, so great.minds and all that.

Very well written and most entertaining. Thank you.

Oh, this is good. I am really looking forward to the rest of it. I enjoy the way you almost casually throw away important information within the internal and external dialogue, making it very believable. And the two MCs are a lot of fun to be around.

Thank you, sir 5*

Definitely am hoping that in a future this Doc Harris finds herself bent over her desk in her office and thanked proper ;)

Loved it babe

So given no erotic content I am starting w chapter 2 and no ranking

Not exactly what I would call... the *least bit accurate*... but eh, "It's just a show; I should really just relax."

Some of these comments are a little slow minded!! Pun intended. He's already shown that he has ESP knowing about Mummies parents. Now he's going to read women's minds and have a distinct advantage!!

Well, this has me riveted... Can't wait to read the next part, but I would be more than happy if this was in a hard copy, because that's how good it sounds...Looking forward to Pete and his adventures🔥🔥🔥

Jimmy is an alpha bro.

Simply spectacular! The details given and the immediate instances where your characters became connected and how you have drawn me in … just spectacular!!

Bravo, bravo 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

You...have begun a tale that I am hoping will be more and more detailed, with some of the scientific jargon making the story interesting to those of us who appreciate THAT kind of thing...

Still, the nasty part should start...soon...and I agree, Dr Harris IS deserving of a good rogering from Pete in the (near) future...she went out on a limb for him, with the warning about his "Theta Wave" and new capabilities.

Nurses...Amy, Becky, and the others...hhhmmm...I detect the possibility of a 'nurse harem's...especially if Pete learns how to modify his appearance even a bit, to make himself more appealing to the ladies around him...his 'phallic tent' in the bed could also be altered in size...WHOOPEE!!!!!..FIVE**5**STARS...🌌🌌🌌🌌🌌💥💥💥💥💥🌋🌋🌋🌋🌋💯

Got VERY interesting at the end...

Author has some familiarity w/hospitals, and noticed long time line, high scores including one W, looking forward to where this goes.

Five and fave.

I'm digging the slow buildup for this one. Let's see where we end up ;)

I like the start of this story hope that it turns into a geat read

Nice opening. Doc Roberts seems like a good one.

Doc Harris, very ethical.