Nilofar Pt. 03

"It's not like we were in love or in a relationship or anything, but it was more like friends with benefits. I hope you understand."

Understand what? I'm not too dumb to know what she means by "friends with benefits", but I wasn't expecting it. I'm standing as still as a statue, without saying a word, because I'm not sure what to say as my heart is broken into thousands of pieces. Nil continues to look at me as she awaits my response, but she eventually lowers her eyes when I don't say anything at all.

"I was only twelve, when I met—"

I stop her, mid-sentence, as I pull out the game for her.

"I better go and get dressed now, you can play the games until then. We have plenty of time to discuss this later."

I start toward my bathroom without waiting for her answer because I'm pissed and not at all interested in hearing the stories of her sexual rendezvous.

I'm standing in my bathroom with tears flowing from my eyes.

[Devil]: Are you sure you still want to go out for dinner tonight?

I'm not in the mood to go out right now. I'm not sure what I was expecting as an answer, but certainly not this! I don't want to be just another "friend with benefits" to her because I'm hopelessly in love with her.

For a moment, I wish I could cancel this dinner, but it's the first time I've accepted Becca's invitation. Above all, Nil's sitting in my bedroom, all dressed up to go, so there's no way I can pull out at the very last moment.

As I walk out of the bathroom, I find Nil sitting in front of the laptop with her head held low. She's on the same page I'd opened before going into the bathroom and the drops of tears on the keyboard confirm she's been crying.

I suddenly feel a sharp, unbearable pain in my chest—as if someone has stabbed me through my heart. I was hurt when I heard about her affair with another girl, but that was nothing compared to what I feel now.

[Angel snaps]: Now look at what you've done! She's young and beautiful. It's absolutely normal for her to have an affair or two. Don't tell me you were expecting her to be a virgin!

Yes, she snapped at the Devil side of me, but I know she's right.

As I move closer to her, I wipe the tears away before putting my hands around her head to pull her toward me. Nil leans forward and places her head slightly above my stomach as I feel her arms going around my waist and she drags me closer as she clings onto me and starts sobbing again.

"Hey, I'm sorry for being rude. I'm not angry and I'm not going to shout at you." I say, trying to comfort her.

I hold her tightly as I caress her hair while trying to sooth the pain.

Nil pulls back a little to look into my eyes.

"I never feel this bad when you shout at me, but it's worse when you don't say anything. I never mean to disappoint you, but I don't want to lie, either—I haven't seen her since we met. You do know that, right?"

As I'm looking into her eyes, I feel she's telling the truth and I nod, with a smile, to let her know I believe her. Nil smiles a little, which fills my heart, once again. I'm not sure if I owe an apology, but this is surely what I needed to hear.

I pull Nil behind me, and she follows without a word, as we walk toward my dresser.

"Come. Let me fix your makeup because we really need to hurry or Becca may have to wait forever."

Her makeup has been washed out completely by continuous sobbing, which actually saves me some time, and within a couple of minutes, we're ready to go.

"Are you ready?" I ask as we wait for the lift.

Nil nods with a smile, but I can still feel her uneasiness. I'm aware she's nervous about meeting new people, so I take her hand to reassure her everything will be fine.

As I step out of the lift, I'm surprised Becca isn't in the lift lobby. It's six-fifty already, five minutes past the time we'd agreed upon. I was quite sure she'd be waiting for us! I take out my mobile and search for a message or call from her but there's nothing.

I'm about to call her when I hear footsteps on the stairs and turn to see Becca coming down at a rapid speed. Her flat is on the first floor so it's not too far down for her, but she looks clumsy anyway.

"I just can't find—"

She starts just as she finds me waiting, but, stops midway as soon as her eyes fall upon Nil, who is standing behind me.

The look of disbelief on Becca's face makes me feel all gushy inside as she continues to look at Nil with wide open eyes.

I take Nil's hand and introduce them.

"Nil, this is my friend, Becca. Becca, this is Nil."

Nil blushes.

"Hi."

But there's no response from Becca as she continues to ogle Nil. I'm becoming jealous and I wish I could say she's my girlfriend to stop Becca from hitting on her, but I can't. Instead, I release her hand before putting my arm around her waist and draw her closer to show Becca that Nil is mine!

I'm not sure if it's working or not, but I see Becca smile.

"So, what are we waiting for? Come on. We're late."

She waves for us to follow her. I'm in the middle of the three of us as we walk, side by side, on the way to the restaurant. I'm trying to keep my cool, but the way Becca continues to compliment Nil on her dress and attire, and continues to crack jokes to make Nil laugh, only makes me more jealous.

I've met Alistair, the guy Becca lives with, more than a couple of times and I've always thought she's straight, but at this very moment I'm doubting my judgments. My hand hasn't moved an inch since I've wrapped it around Nil's waist and I don't know what I can do next to indicate to Becca that Nil is already taken.

I thank God it's only a ten minute walk, and not a lengthy one, because by the time we reach the restaurant, I'm almost livid! A couple of minutes more and I might've had to kiss Nil in front of Becca, or maybe snap at her to keep her hands off of Nil. Neither of that is required though so when Becca walks into the restaurant, we follow her.

I'm surprised Becca doesn't wait outside for the others to arrive before walking directly in. Yes, it's true that we'd started late, but we recovered the lost time by walking as fast as possible—my watch shows it's only seven o'clock.

As we walk into the small restaurant, behind Becca, we find it's mostly empty, even though it's a Saturday night. I've never been to this restaurant, but I'm aware of their reputation for providing good food at a very affordable price.

I guess it's still too early and more people are going to come in as the night progresses. I'm not complaining though. In fact, the almost empty restaurant makes me feel relieved because the last thing I want is an unknown guy hitting on Nil.

Becca smiles and waves her hand toward a group of girls sitting at the left corner of the restaurant.

"Hello, darlings."

They wave back and indicate for us join them. As we reach the table, I'm surprised to see glasses of wine and platters of shrimp and prawn on the table. It doesn't appear they've just arrived because they'd have to have been here long enough to place the order and get it served as well.

Becca introduces us.

"So ladies, I want you to meet Jessica, my neighbor, and this is her friend, Nil."

We say "Hi" to the others and allow her to continue.

"And these are my friends (starting from the left) Susan, Bonnie, and Lamia."

"Such pretty young ladies. I hope you don't mind sitting by oldies, like us." Lamia says, indicating us to have a seat.

Before I can say anything, Becca speaks first.

"You must be talking about yourself, Lamia, because I'm still very young."

"I'm not sure about the age, but you're still as you used to be ten years ago." Bonnie chimes.

"Give her a break, she's only thirty minutes late. That's an improvement, for sure." Susan adds.

Now I'm puzzled because it's only five minutes after seven by my watch.

"I thought we were supposed to meet at seven!"

"And who told you that?" Asks Bonnie.

I turn to Becca for confirmation and Bonnie exclaims to her.

"Now you're lying, too!"

Bonnie is trying her best not to laugh, but the other two have already started giggling.

"Hey, I never lie!" Becca protests.

Bonnie turns toward me and looks for my explanation.

"But you told us to meet you downstairs at a quarter to seven."

"And I bet she was rather late coming down." Susan says.

I nod, which causes another round of laughter from all three of them and finally, when they stop, Lamia speaks first.

"Now, this is all very predictable to anyone who knows Becca so, from this time onward, you better call one of us rather than confirming from your neighbor. She has a reputation for being late."

"Hey! I'm not always late." Becca protests again.

This causes them to start giggling, again, before Susan chimes in.

"Now, you should know she goes to workout classes with Bonnie and, since joining, Bonnie has enrolled her in a batch of classes, which start one hour previous to her own, so they can work out together."

"Don't forget. You're here for dinner, not to pull my leg all night long." Becca pouts.

"Come over here, Nil. I'm the oldest and would love to have some young company." Says Lamia.

What she said is true. She looks to be in her mid-thirties and, at least, eight or ten years the senior of any of us. Nil stays rooted while looking down at me. As we continue to look into each other's eyes—I'm not sure if she's seeking my permission to sit beside Lamia—I become lost in them. Finally, it's Becca's tap on my shoulder from behind that breaks the spell.

"Excuse me, but if you'd please let her go, we can actually start with the dinner."

I'm quick to lose my grip on Nil, but the damage is already done. Nil takes her seat and blushes deeply as the girls continue to giggle. Though I'm embarrassed, too, I hurriedly take the seat next to Nil. There's no way I'm going to allow Becca to sit beside her.

"Relax, Jess, no one here is trying to steal your girl."

[Devil, shouting]: Uh, huh. What about the previous drooling and flirting?

I manage to keep my mouth shut. In fact, the phrase "your girl" makes me feel all mushy inside. I'm not sure if it's been that obvious between us or not, but I'm not going to complain.

"She's worthy of stealing, though." Bonnie says.

Before I can protest or say anything at all, Becca chimes in.

"I won't mind kicking my boyfriend out, but only if she's interested."

I'm speechless and turn toward Nil to find her blushing deeper at Becca's comment. This is supposed to be a fun night so I didn't expect I'd need to be on high alert to keep these ugly predators away from my girl.

"Stop scaring her unless you want this to be their last outing with us."

I'm not sure if I look scared or panicked, but it's enough for Lamia to speak up for me.

"Don't mind them. These girls have a very bad habit of pulling each other's legs whenever possible." She adds.

I sigh because I'm relieved from knowing there's nothing serious behind those comments.

"Are you okay with beer or wine? You can order your preferences, otherwise." Becca says, as she takes the only empty seat on my left.

"Beer for me." I say, before turning towards Nil and wait for her to make her choice.

"Me, too." Nil adds.

"And how old are you?" Almost immediately, the question slips out of my mouth and Nil shrugs.

Yes, it's true. I'm expecting her to order cold drinks or juice, as other teenagers...not alcohol!

"I'll be nineteen this November." She replies sheepishly.

"Congrats and that means you're still underage to drink in public. So, it's only cold drinks or juice until you turn twenty-one. Is that understood?" My voice far from being polite.

"Yes, ma'am. Cold drinks, please."

As I turn toward the others with a winning smile on my face, I'm surprised to find them looking at us with complete shock. I'm clueless, but only until I realize Nil had actually addressed me as "ma'am".

"Holy mother! What have you done to this poor girl?" Susan taunts.

I blush deeply as I know, for sure, I'm in for some serious teasing tonight.

"Ya, this is supposed to be a fun night. Give her a break. No one really cares how old she is." Adds Bonnie.

I point toward the waiters serving us and hope it's a good enough excuse to prevent them from pushing further.

"I know, but what about the others?" I say, pointing towards the waiters serving us and hoping it's a good enough excuse to prevent them from pushing farther.

"We come here often and we know they don't really care, but if you're insisting, we can order cold drinks for her and then corrupt it!"

"No need to corrupt anything, she can live on cold drinks until she's of legal age!" i protest.

I'm still feeling embarrassed, but I stick to my point anyway. I don't know what's wrong with these girls, but I was certainly expecting them to act more mature.

"But—" Bonnie begins but she's interrupted by Becca, who puts her hands up and stopping Bonnie from arguing farther.

"Stop! You're only wasting your time while trying to win a lost battle."

As I take a long sip of my beer, I'm actually feeling grateful to Becca for stepping up for me. I know I would've argued until the end to prevent Nil from drinking in public, but I'm not sure how long I would've been able to do it without saying something stupid to embarrass myself some more.

"Only Jessie has the right to corrupt her girl in each and every way she wants." Becca adds.

I choke on the beer I'm drinking before turning toward Nil only to find her blushing as deep as a beet and I blush as well. I'm feeling embarrassed because everyone else at the table is laughing at Becca's comment. I'm totally aware of what she tried to mean by "each and every way", but I don't protest.

Instead, I sneak my right hand under the table to find Nil's left hand and she immediately clings onto it. I know we haven't spoke about dating or being in relationship, but there's certainly something between us—an invisible bonding or an unknown chemistry—which is so very prominent to others, to treat us as a couple.

I know it's too early and I've already given myself a lecture to take it slow. There's so many things to know and say before jumping into any final decision, but that doesn't change the fact that I've been truly, madly, and deeply in love with this girl since the moment I saw her. The way Nil is blushing only confirms that the feeling is mutual.

No, I don't need her to tell me because her silence has already said what millions of words might fail to describe.