No Fool like April's Fool

My usual admonitions: everybody is over eighteen, any names similar or the same of people alive or dead is purely coincidental, not a BTB story and no explicit sex in this one.

*

It was a pleasant fall day and since my wife, April, had gone out shopping with her sister, I decided to take on the onerous task of rearranging my garage. I had been putting it off for a month and my wife had been nagging me to get it done so that she could have a space for her new Honda.

We actually have an oversized, two car garage but since I keep a lot of expensive tools in my van I needed to keep it inside, for security reasons. The other half of the garage is occupied by a ride on lawn mower, which I no longer use since we now have a lawn maintenance service. There is a snow-blower that I have used only three times in the two years since acquiring it. The rest is filled with assorted stuff, like camping equipment, boxes of Christmas decorations, numerous metal shelves with outdated and never to be used again paints and chemicals.

It's not that I'm lazy but owning my own glazing company, I put in some hours hours, which is compounded by my daily commute from Suffolk County, Long Island to Long Island City, which is just on the east side of the East River, across from Manhattan.

My father owned the business and the building which houses it for many years and after two years of business courses at community college, I joined the business, full time. Of course, I had worked for him part time throughout high school and college, so I was quite familiar with the day to day operations. We could produce everything glass; mirrors, beveling, etching and we had a sub-contractor that could supply us with specifically designed stained glass. Most of our work was commercial, the concentration of which was in Queens County and Manhattan. When Mom and Dad retired, we worked out a financial arrangement and I took over the business.

Anyhow, I had purchased one of those large cedar sheds that looks like a mountain cabin and could house a family of three and it had been sitting in the back yard, empty, for over three weeks.

I had already moved the mower and snow blower into the shed and was about to relocate the camping equipment, which we hadn't used since Timmy, our youngest, had left for college.

The double, overhead, garage door was open and as I was about to hoist the four-man tent onto my shoulder when a red GMC, Yukon pulled into my driveway. I recognized the car to be the one owned by my friend and "around the block" neighbor, George Ponoulos. What I didn't recognize, as George exited the vehicle, was the attractive red-head, sitting in the passenger seat. She was wearing sun glasses and looking straight ahead but made no attempt to get out of the car.

George came into the garage inquiring what I was up to and after explaining my project, my curiosity got the best of me, and I asked, kiddingly:

"Who is the hot looking babe......., and better still, does Maryann know your tooling around town with her"?

He laughed, and with a wink said, "that's why I'm here, Buddy. That is Gloria .........., my 'special' friend". He added with a little satisfied smirk, if you know what I mean".

I glanced at the car again but the woman hadn't moved, she was apparently just looking at us. I didn't reply because, frankly I was shocked.

George and his wife are a few years older than us and we've known them for about seven years. They seemed like a solid, normal, everyday couple. Actually, I was a little pissed that George would flaunt his extra-marital relationship and bring his girlfriend to my house.

Speaking in a not too friendly tone, I asked, "you're only around the block from your house, what would you do if Maryann saw you"?

"Oh, he said, casually, Maryann has known from the beginning, she's fine with it".

I still couldn't believe what this man, who I thought I knew was telling me. "How could I have been so blind as to never have even suspected".

"So, you mean that you have an open marriage". I exclaimed in disbelief.

No....no ....no, George answered adamantly, there is only Gloria and me ....and Maryann, of course".

"Anyhow, he continued before I could reply, the reason I stopped by is to tell you that I sold my business. I've been in negotiations with a buyer for several months and we finally reached an agreement. I will be closing next week".

"As you know, we have a condo in Myrtle Beach and since Maryann retired last year, we're going to be spending a lot more time there. Obviously, I'm not going to be able to take Gloria with us and I thought you might be the perfect guy to hook her up with".

I was astounded and dumbfounded but finally found my voice and said, emphatically, "George, I have never cheated on April and I'm certainly not going to start now. What the hell got into you, I thought you knew me better than that".

I detected a slight smirk on his face as he put his arm around my shoulder and started to guide me out of the garage.

George is a big guy, about 6'3", 250 pounds. He is a retired Marine, Lt. Colonel who owns a high-end security company in Manhattan. He supplies personal security people for the rich and famous, along with meeting their needs for electronic surveillance.

"At least come over to the car and let me introduce you. I'd feel like a jerk if you didn't at least say, "Hi". Please, John, do it for me and if you aren't interested, fine".

He was forcefully guiding me over to his car. The window was open but the woman didn't even turn her head, as George, in his baritone voice, bellowed:

Gloria, Honey, I'd like you to meet my good friend, John Adams. John, say hello to Gloria".

"Nice to meet ........., I started, but stopped and turning to George, laughed, "you asshole".

My friend was laughing so hard that tears were leaking from his eyes and he had to lean on the car for support.

I started laughing, as well, and said, "you got me good, you son of a bitch'.

The beautiful red-head was a mannequin, but you would have to be up very close to notice it, especially with the sun glasses on.

Gorge brought me out of my stupor when he said, "how about a beer to celebrate your friend's good fortune.

After we clinked bottles, I asked, "Where the hell did you get her, and, better still, why"?

George laughed again and said, "Maryann and I picked her up at an estate sale, three years ago. She is one of those life-like mannequins that they used back in the day. Now they use those ubiquitous body, featureless molds, colored to represent every, politically correct skin color on earth. I'm surprised they haven't incorporated green, in case the old Martian legend is true". Gloria, on the other hand, has all working parts, bends at the knees, waist, elbows, head, the only thing she can't do is blink, ergo, the sunglasses".

"As soon as I saw her, I had an idea and they only wanted fifty bucks so I bought her. Maryann and I put her in the back seat and took her home. She didn't have any clothes on and in the fifteen minutes it took to get to our house we got a lot of shocked looks, especially at the traffic lights. I'm surprised someone didn't call it in but we didn't get stopped by the cops".

"Maryann dolled her up with a new wig, makeup, ear rings and ......, clothes of course. She even put authentic looking eyelashes on her. By the time Maryann was done you would have to be pretty damn close to see that she was a mannequin. We even put it to the test once when Maryann's cousin, Father Ed, came by the house to drop off some memorabilia, after her aunt, Elaine died. She sent him in to the den to say hello and I was sitting in the recliner with Gloria sitting on my lap, her head on my shoulder and my hand up her blouse. I didn't know if his eyes would pop out of his head first or his Roman collar would bust open. He just stared at me like I had gone mad and whispered, "what the hell, George". After a few seconds, I picked her up off my lap and placed her on the chair and when none of her body parts moved, he actually crept a little closer and bent down to look at her. Fortunately, Ed is a good guy and we both got a good laugh".

"So, you bought her just to pull a fast one on a few people? I asked.

"Nope, No one other than Father Ed and Maryann knew of her existence until today. You see, Gloria is my traveling companion in the HOV lane, every day. She has saved me countless hours of aggravation and wasted time, and you, being the only other poor soul that I know that has to travel the Long Island Expressway every day, I decided to gift her to you".

"Holy shit, George, what if you got stopped by the police?

"Buddy, he replied, I have had several dozen cop cars pass me over the years. I've even had them behind me for miles. No one has ever given it a second look. Besides, it's not illegal to have a mannequin in your car, so the worst that could happen is that I'd get a ticket for violating HOV regulation".

"Before Gloria became my ...... girlfriend, he chuckled, it used to take me an extra one and half to two hours, each day, every day, to get to and from. Now it takes me forty-five minutes. Think about it John, that's saves me seven hours a week, twenty eight hours a month. All of those hours could be spent with your family or doing something other than experiencing the frustration of bumper to bumper traffic".

A thought hit me and I asked, "what do you do with her when you park your car in a garage in the city, just leave her sitting there all day. Wouldn't that, eventually, draw someone's attention?

"It would ....... but, I don't", he answered smugly. She bends at the waist and as soon as I enter the Mid-Town Tunnel, I bend her forward and pull up a sheet that's tucked behind her over the torso. Simple. Then I reverse the procedure on the way home".

I fetched us another beer as I mulled over George's offer but I didn't see any downsides. I always park my van in my warehouse and I'm always the first to get in, since my guys load up for the next day's jobs before they leave at night. The problem might be that there are usually a couple of guys around when I'm leaving for the day, but, "hell, I thought, I'll work that out somehow".

I, happily, accepted George's offer and when we finished our beer, I brought Gloria into the house. I sat her on a kitchen chair so I could see the look on April's face when she came home. Then, a more diabolical thought, started to take shape.

Next Friday is April 1st, my wife's birthday. Since she was born on April Fool's Day, she thinks it's her obligation to pull a prank or two on unsuspecting friends or relatives. She has pulled some pretty nasty ones on me, like the time she told me that her mother had filed for bankruptcy and she would be coming to live with us. Or the time that I came home and she was in tears because she had misplaced the payment book and didn't realize that she'd missed a couple of car payments and her vehicle was repossessed. Oh, and let's not forget, four years ago when she told me that she had messed up on her birth control pills and was two months pregnant. She let me sweat that one out for a full day.

I've tried to get even over the years but all my pranks failed miserably and since I'm finally on to her she directs her efforts to more unsuspecting victims. Well, now I saw a chance for a little payback and so I put my new traveling companion in the shed, under a tarp. I'd have to endure not using the HOV lane for another week, but it would be worth it.

I spent the next couple of hours moving the rest of the stuff to the shed and was just about to shut the garage door when April pulled into the driveway. I gave her a theatrical bow and swept my hand forward to direct her into her new parking space. She was thrilled, thanking me profusely. I even got an exceptional blow job that night.

At, forty-eight, my wife is still a looker. She's about fifteen pounds heavier than when we met but she wears it well. She has, shoulder length, wavy, chestnut colored hair, hazel eyes, 36C boobs and long shapely legs on her 5'8" frame. She dresses conservatively for work and wears "kick around casual" at home. But when we go out to dinner or to a party and she wears her LBD, with heels, she looks more like a fashion model than a forty-eight-year-old mother of grown children.

My plan needed a little honing but I had a full week to bring it to fruition. Somehow, I had to get her out of the house for a long enough time for her to catch me in bed with Gloria. It would have to be a time when I was expected to be at work and since she worked five days a week, I had to devise a way to get her to come home early enough to make this work. I was pretty much at my wits end when a near miracle occurred. It was Thursday evening when I overheard April talking to her sister,

"......yeah, I have an appointment for a cleaning, with the dentist at 10:30, but I'll meet you at Bristol Gardens at 12:30. No, it's my birthday so I decided to take the day off. No, nothing special but John is taking me to Antonius's Saturday, to celebrate. OK, see you then".

I had a scheduled, 9:30 appointment Friday but since I would be traveling east after the rush hour, there wouldn't be much traffic and I should be home around noon. On Friday morning, I rented a porn video from a sleazy little adult store, just two blocks from my business. While my crews were on the road and in the confines of my office, I recorded about fifteen minutes of, faked, female ecstasy.

There were plenty of moans, groans and occasional stock lines, like, yeah baby, just like that, right there, don't stop and ooooh, Honey, pound that pussy. I recorded it all on my mini-cassette recorder and although it sounded a little tinny, I figured that it would sound realistic enough under the circumstances.

Friday, I was home by 12:15 but I pulled into my driveway without opening the overhead door, so I could peek into the side window to ensure that April's car wasn't there. After I pulled my van inside, I went out to the shed to retrieve, my soon to be, new traveling companion.

Having already envisioned a few sexual positions that would provide the most realism, I brought Gloria upstairs, took her clothes off and placed her in bed. After fifteen minutes of arranging and rearranging, I decided that the best position would be for her to be on top of me, her arms would be bent so that her forearms were on either side of my shoulders and her plastic tits near my face. I tested the position a few times and it worked perfectly.

However, there was one problem. As realistic as Gloria looked in clothes, she didn't have an anus or vagina. I solved that by bunching up enough of the top sheet below her ass to disguise her lack of genitalia.

I had gone to the trouble of purchasing a cheap, gaudy looking purse, along with red satin blouse and a pair of black five-inch spiked heels, from Goodwill. I went through my wife's dresser and fished out a nondescript pair of white silk panties and bra, so along with a pair of my boxer shorts, I went downstairs to strategically place everything in the living room, where April wouldn't miss them when she returned. A spur of the moment idea hit me and I went to the kitchen and poured a little red wine in a wine glass and sloshed it around and left it on the coffee table next to a half empty bottle of beer.

Here I was, a 53-year-old man, lying naked in bed with an equally, naked mannequin. I was almost giddy with excitement. This was better than any of the pranks April has pulled over the years and I was finally going to be able to give her a dose of her own medicine. I wished I had thought of it sooner or I would have set up a video recorder to capture her face when she caught us, we could have laughed about it for years.

At 2;05 I heard the garage door opening and I pulled Gloria on top of me and arranged the sheet. I gave her a minute to get into the house and then I activated the recorder and dropped it next to the bed.

I had left the bedroom door open so that I could hear her reaction when she spotted the discarded clothes but the moans and groans emanating from the little speaker prevented me from hearing all but a few indistinguishable shouts. As I heard her pounding up the stairs, I went into my act.

I had my hands on Gloria's back and was pumping my hips as much as I could without dislodging the sheet that camouflaged her lack of sex organs.

My eyes were closed in sexual bliss but I could sense April's presence in the doorway. As I added my own chorus of ooohs and aaahs, something smashed against the wall, just above and to the right of my head. When I opened my eyes April was screaming obscenities, "John, you rotten, cheating, fucking bastard. How could you do this you miserable prick?

I had been so started by whatever smashed against the wall that it took me a moment to react but by the time I could respond, April's screaming had turned to sobs and she was running down the stairs. I pulled Gloria off me but her one leg got caught in the sheet and somehow my foot got entangled in the mess and I rolled off the bed onto the floor. When I stuck my hand out to break my fall, I felt a sharp pain in my left hand as a piece of something skewered my palm.

I pulled it out, ignoring the pain and blood and headed for the door, shouting, "Honey, wait, it was just a joke. It's just a mannequin", exited my lips at the same time that the door to the garage slammed shut. By the time I reached the top landing I heard the overhead door opening and by the time I had bounded down the stairs and ran naked into the garage, her car was squealing into the street.

Having enough sense not to go running into the driveway in my birthday suit, I went back inside. It was then that I noticed a considerable amount of blood on the wooden floor and some more on the carpeted stairs. I hurried into the kitchen to wash and wrap my wound with a dish towel.

"Well, that went well, I thought, Oh, well, she'll see the humor in it ......, eventually".\

After getting some clothes on I washed the blood from the carpet and floor, so it wouldn't stain.

Then I went into the master bath to retrieve the first aid kit and take a closer look at my wound.

The gash was pretty deep but there didn't appear to be any fragments remaining so I washed it with iodine and applied some antiseptic cream before wrapping it with gauze and covering it with adhesive tape. My hand was starting to throb so I also took some Advil.

When I went back into the bedroom, Gloria's lifeless eyes were staring at me and I started to wonder about the soundness of my prank. As I was picking up the shards of glass from the carpet and nightstand, I realized it was what once was a little decorative pitcher that sat on April's dresser, just inside the door.

I went back downstairs to find my cell phone but when I called my wife's number, I got a recording that her mail box was full. "Shit, now what do I do". I needed to get hold of her but had no idea of how to reach her, at the moment. I knew at some point she would come home or at least call, if for no other reason than to curse me out, some more. My only option was to wait it out.

By five o'clock I was starting to get a little worried so, after several more unanswered calls to her cell, I called her sister, Leslie. I figured that Leslie would be the first person that she would turn to, especially since she only lives a few miles away. After explaining that we had a little spat and that I couldn't reach her by phone, Leslie, said that she hadn't seen or spoken to her since lunch but that she would convince her to call me if she heard from her.

I couldn't think of one person to try to contact. Leslie is her only sibling, her parents retired to Tucson. She has friends from work but no one that she is particularly close to. April is pretty friendly with Maryann but I didn't have her cell number so I called George. George answered on the third ring and after outlining my situation, he advised me that he was still in a meeting with the buyer's accountant and would probably just stay in the city until morning. He promised to call his wife and if there was anything to report, he would get back to me.