No Fool like April's Fool

Our son, Tommy, is a sophomore at VMI, contemplating a career in the military. Our oldest child, Carol Ann, doesn't live too far away but she is two months pregnant and she and her husband are on a three-week tour of Europe, having a last fling before beginning child rearing.

I called April's phone every twenty minutes or so and got the same recording. By 3AM, I was equal amounts of pissed and worried but with the help of a couple of glasses of scotch, I fell asleep on the couch. I was awoken at the sound of the garage door going up and glancing at my watch, noticed that it was just after ten in the morning. I guess the drinks had really knocked me for a loop.

My wife stepped through the doorway just as I sat up wiping the sleep from my eyes. I was about to ask her where the hell she had been but her appearance stifled my question. Her brown hair was a tangled mess, there were no traces of makeup and she was wearing a red cocktail dress that I had never seen before. She was standing in matching red spiked heels and was carrying an unfamiliar over-night bag. In other words, she looked as if she had just rolled out of bed.

She stared at me expressionless, then in a voice dripping with sarcasm, said"

"After your little adventure yesterday, I decided to go shopping to calm me down. Since I have competition, I figured I should make sure I still have what it takes. But, there was only one way to make sure of that so I wore my new outfit to the lounge at the Marriott.

There was a pause as I sat there in shock and with a little smirk, she continued:

"Guess what .......... I still got it. Guess we're even now". Without further elaboration, she turned and headed toward the kitchen, saying, "I'm exhausted, I need to get some juice and a coffee".

I don't know how long I sat there in stunned silence, contemplating the end of my marriage. Maybe my little joke was the catalyst for her infidelity or maybe it was just an excuse she was waiting for. Either way there was no way that I would stay married to her ......., no way in hell.

April was still in the kitchen when I dragged myself upstairs, to brush my teeth and change my clothes. It was Saturday so there was nothing I could do in the way of finding an attorney or protecting my finances but there was no way that I was going to stay in the same damn house with her. I brushed my teeth, ran a razor over my face and after changing clothes, went back down stairs.

We always hang our car keys on a peg just inside the garage door, it avoids frantically looking for them when you're in a hurry. I didn't feel like driving to wherever I was going in my work van so I intended to take her car. "Hell, I thought, she won't need it anyway, she'll be sleeping off her sex binge all day".

When I got to the bottom of the stairs and was heading for the garage, I thought I heard April on the phone but before I could open the door, she was standing in the hallway, smiling at me. "Imagine the nerve , I thought,........., laughing at my broken heart".

Her smile disappeared, replaced by a look of fear when she noticed my bandaged hand, for the first time.

Stepping towards me, she exclaimed, "Oh my god, John, what happened to your hand?

She reached out to put a comforting hand on my arm but I pulled away and replied, "long story ....... some other time", and headed for the door.

"John, she said pleadingly, come into the kitchen, please ......., just for a minute. There's something I need to show you"

"What, I said, angrily, you want to pull your cum soaked panties out of your bag and give them to me as a memento? No thanks"

A look of shocked horror appeared on her face and she started to cry. "No, no, please, John, just for a second, please". She took my arm and I reluctantly followed her the few feet into the kitchen.

The first thing I saw was Maryann sitting at the table with a cup of coffee in front of her and a smile on her face. When she saw my scowl and April's tears her smile was replaced with a look of confusion. Next, I noticed a large paper banner, printed with multi colored letters, taped to the cabinets, that read, "April Fools".

I wasn't laughing and my wife now looked scared. Maryann looked at the back door like she wanted to make a run for it.as April started babbling, "John, I'm sorry, I guess I went too far. I ran into Maryann a few nights ago at CVS and she mentioned George giving you the mannequin and I went looking for it and found it in the shed, so I started putting two and two together and had a pretty good idea that you were going to prank me and I had a good idea as to how, so I wanted to prank the prankster. You know how I am, always wanting to be the best at tricking people. I went too far this time, I know it and I'm truly sorry. It was way over the top. I told Maryann what I thought you were planning and I arranged to stay at her house ......, that's where I was last night, I swear. This is her dress and her shoes".

"So, I replied, slowly, instead of my little gag that would have lasted a minute or two, you decided to really go for broke and torture me for almost twenty-four hours"? Did you ever think while you were .........'supposedly' ...... at Maryann's, what kind of torment I was going through? Wow, I guess you guys had a lot of laughs thinking about my anguish. Then, to add icing to the cake, you came home looking freshly fucked, what better way to twist the knife. Oh, and I know George stayed in the city last night because in my desperation, I called him, and everybody else I could think of, in order to find you.

Of course, I believed her but I was getting angrier by the second just thingking that she would pull such a cruel trick, just to satisfy her compulsion and I wasn't too pleased with Maryann, either. I needed some small revenge, so I added, sarcastically:

"Soooo, George is out of town. You both know that he will not be home until the next day and now you want me to believe that you two spent the entire afternoon and evening just drinking tea or sipping wine. Pretty convenient, don't you think? You even went so far as to print up a banner, which by the way can be done on a home computer in a matter of minutes. It's just a little too convenient for my thinking".

With that I turned away from the two distraught faces and headed for the garage. I intended to get my pound of flesh so I took April's car, turned off my phone and headed out with no particular destination in mind.

It was a beautiful day and I was in no hurry, so I braved the traffic on 27A and headed out to the Montauk lighthouse. It had been years since I'd been there and, on the way, back I stopped in the village of Montauk and had a late lunch of clams on the half shell and a fried soft-shell crab sandwich. I had two leisurely beers while eating and admiring the scenery. While sitting there I briefly turned on my phone and was pleased to see that there were six messages from April, none of which I listened to.

It wasn't quite dark when I got within five miles of my house so I decided to go down by the harbor and visit a little, Tiki type, bar that my wife and I had frequented on occasion. After a couple of more beers I decided that I had had enough revenge, which was confirmed by five additional voice mails from my wife.

Epilogue:

I was greeted by an, almost, hysterical wife who swore on the lives of her children and her unborn grandchild that she had told me the absolute truth. I also extracted her solemn pledge that her days of April Fool's Day trickery would be a thing of the past.

However,. I made no such promise and I have an inkling of an idea for next April 1st. As they say, "he who laughs last, laughs best".