No Going Back

"Chris, once we do this there is no going back are you sure?"

I nodded my consent.

"Say it Chris, I need to hear the words."

"Ok, yes. Alright, fuck it yes."

We had talked about our sex life until I was sick to death of the subject, Bev was getting seriously depressed about it. I was put on a type of medication that would help save my life but with devastating side effects. I had a bad heart attack two years ago and had three stents fitted. My wife Beverly was at my bedside all week never leaving my side as I recovered. We have been married 27 years and I love her more than life itself.

Anyway the side effects are my sex drive, it is so minimal now that it is almost nil. The problem is that Bev has always had a very high sex drive, her libido on a scale of 1 to 10 is near 10. I try to please her but my heart is not in it, it shows. I try to look enthusiastic but she can tell. She says it doesn't matter but I know it does, I have overheard conversations with her sister about how I don't love her enough to satisfy her urges. We argue a lot now and it all comes back to how frustrated she is. Most of the time we are happy or at least I think we are but she gets very moody if she doesn't get laid often enough.

We used to have sex 4-5 times a week sometimes an all-dayer if the kids were out on a Sunday. She could always satisfy me but I know even if she had four orgasms she would want a fifth. Gradually over the last two years I have lost all interest in sex completely, I wouldn't care if we never did it at all. We bought her a vibrator but it is not enough, I perform oral on her but she says it feels like I just want to get it over as fast as I can. To be honest, I do.

I start with all good intentions trying to put as much love into it as I can but like I say, my heart is just not in it. Viagra helps but I can only use it very occasionally because of the heart problems. It got to a point where we argued too much and we had to find a solution. We tried porn to try to get me in the mood, all it did was get her more frustrated and I would lay beside her while she used her vibrator. Afterwards I would hear her crying by herself in the bathroom. I loved her with all my heart, I would die for her but since my attack our life had turned to shit.

It was during one of these angry exchanges that I said "I am sorry that my cock is just not good enough for you these days!" I regretted it as soon I said it.

We both knew it was not the sex act that was the problem it was my sex drive, it was non-existent now. But it did sow a seed in my brain, maybe another cock was the answer?

I tried to give her the affection that she craved, I still loved her madly. I adored the kisses and cuddles, the problem was that they didn't lead to anything. I didn't have the craving to follow up on the kisses, the worst thing was they made her more frustrated so we started to avoid the kisses.

A few days passed with us not really talking too much when over dinner Beverly said,

"Chris, really Chris, we need to do something about us. It is killing our marriage."

I looked up from my plate, "I know but I really cannot help how this medication affects me, for me the choice is sex-life or life!"

"I know love, you know I love you. I love you so much but I really need sex, not just affection. It's the way I am built."

"I do try but my brain is not the way it was, I love you, you know I do I just don't think of sex anymore. I don't want sex anymore, I don't seem to think about it."

She looked like she was about to cry again, I could see it in her face as her lip started to tremble.

"I said something out of anger the other night that had a little truth to it. about my cock."

"Chris, don't."

"Bev, listen to me. I cannot give you what you need, believe me I have tried so hard but with these meds it's out of my control. I have given this a lot of thought and seriously, I am willing to turn a blind eye if you need sex."

"Sorry?" she looked at me quizzically.

"Sex, if you need sex we can find someone."

"No! don't be so fucking stupid!"

She slid her plate across the table at me angrily "How fucking dare you be so condescending, how fucking dare you!"

She slammed the dining room door so hard on her way out it nearly came off the hinges.

I sat at the table alone wondering what I had said wrong. Five minutes later I ventured out of the room to hear her sobbing in the lounge. I entered the room warily to see her holding her head in her hands on the sofa.

"Bev?"

"Chris, I'm sorry you just really don't understand how bad this is for me, I am frustrated 24 hours a day. I love you so much but it feels like you don't want me. I feel rejected ALL the time!"

I took her in my arms as we rocked back and forth together, she was in a state her face wet with tears and snot hanging from her nose. I wiped her face and tenderly kissed her.

"The problem is Bev, we are at opposite ends of the sexual scale now and I have no idea if it is permanent. I was serious about what I said. I know you need loving as well as love. We cannot go on like this, we need to address it properly."

She gave a big sniff and kissed me, I told her "Tomorrow, we will talk properly tomorrow." We had an early night and went to bed both mentally drained.

Work the next day dragged on and on until finally it was 5pm. I got a Chinese takeaway on the way home. I got in 15 minutes before Beverly and had it all laid out on the table with a bottle of wine opened and breathing. Thinking how on earth do I put into words what I had in mind.

We both sat looking at each other willing the other to say something. I broke the awkward silence,

"Bev please let me talk without you interrupting, I need to say this. Now I know you need more than I can give you."

"Chris......"

"Stop! Let me finish."

"Ok."

"I know you need sex, we both know my head is not in the game. I have tried, god I have tried so hard but the urge is just not there anymore. Honestly I am not rejecting you, I love you. I love you so, so much. I love you enough to tell you it is ok by me for you to fuck someone, please do not fall in love it would kill me."

She got up from the table with tears streaming from her face and sat on my lap throwing her arms around my neck.

"You sweet, sweet man. I could NEVER love anyone else, you are my life, my sole-mate."

We both cried in each-other's arms, the dinner went cold and we heated it up later in the evening. We snuggled together on the sofa with hot chocolate as I tried to convince her that it was our best option for her to take a lover. Over the next four hours I convinced her and she really got into the idea, the hard thing was now how to go about it. Neither of us had ever entertained such a thing, sure we had looked at others like all red blooded people do but this was suddenly real now.

She tried to hide how excited she was by the idea but I could see she was coming around to it. That night she again tried to arouse me, she took my cock into her mouth but it did nothing for me. Again she had to resort to the vibrator. It just emphasised that this had to happen before our marriage crumbled too far.

The next weekend we had a house party to celebrate our son Michael's engagement to his girlfriend Jill, she was perfect for him. We both loved her. We had a fair sized four bedroom house in the suburbs and somehow we crammed over 100 people into it.

It was a wonderful night full of family and friends, most were Michael's university buddies and they were full of fun. Lots of drinking games, near all were very drunk by the end of the night.

Tony was Michael's dorm partner and he was a real charmer, we had met him a few times and he made constant cheeky remarks to Beverly. I didn't mind because I knew they were all in jest but this night at the party he was a little more forward with her, he was drunk and I saw Bev was enjoying the attention. She looked in my direction and raised an eyebrow nodding in Tony's direction. I raised an questioning eyebrow back and she smiled at me.

Towards the end of the evening she said to me,

"Well, what do you think?"

"About what?"

She punched me in the arm, "Tony?"

"What about Tony?"

"You know." She went all coy as she said it.

"OH.......Tony!" it became clear she was aroused by the idea.

"You know he is only 22 don't you?" I said.

She smiled back at me saying,

"Yes, but he is nice."

"Seriously? He is a kid!"

"Chris, he is a man in the prime of his life and you know he fancies me, you have often commented on it."

"I know but I was joking, he is our sons best friend."

"So its perfect, he will keep it secret. He would never tell." She said a bit too enthusiastically for my liking. I could see the cogs whirring in her mind. She was into this full throttle now.

She held my arm and pulled me close whispering "How are you going to ask him?"

"ME!"

"Yes obviously I can't can I?"

"Why is it obvious? Sorry but I am not going to ask a kid to fuck my wife!"

"This was YOUR idea Chris, YOU ask him."

Fate was against me because at that moment Tony looked in our direction and could see us looking directly at him. he wandered through the crowd to us,

"What are you two conspiring about?"

Bev said, "Chris, ask him," I was silent. "Ask him?" she punched me arm playfully looking me in the eye with one of her DO IT stares.

"Erm Tony, we have known you for a few years now and we do like you"..........

Tony seemed to sober up and interrupted me as I was speaking, "I'm not sure I like where this might be going, this sounds serious."

"Beverly wants to fuck you!" it just came out I blurted it out without thinking, one minute it was in my brain the next it was out there.

Tony just stood there in front of us almost open mouthed and stunned.

Bev was suddenly overcome with self-doubt, I could feel her beside me stiffen up and shuffle her feet. She started to stumble out words that were totally incoherent. Tony broke the silence and broke into a huge grin,

"Really?"

I gulped air into my lungs trying to breathe, it felt like I hadn't took a breath for a minute or two and I just stood there nodding like a fool.

Tony looked directly at her "Beverly?"

She stood there nodding like a fool too.

Tony was suddenly sober as a judge, he leant into me and whispered "You two are serious aren't you."

"Yes, I am afraid so Tony. We need to get together away from here and talk."

"You are really serious?"

"Yes, I will ring you tomorrow."

I grabbed Bev by the arm and turned her on her heels, we almost ran upstairs and rushed into our bedroom. As she was about to speak I took her into my arms and kissed her passionately, more passionately than I had in years. For some weird reason I was aroused beyond belief, my cock was bursting through my zip I was so hard. She felt me digging into her stomach and felt for my cock,

"Really?"

Again I nodded like a fool. She dropped to her knees and ripped the zip open pulling my cock into view engulfing it into her hot mouth. We fell onto the bed ripping each-others clothes off kissing and groping as we did. I entered her as she lay beneath me, we both came literally in 30 seconds, well I think she did. It was over nearly as soon as it started.

"Phew! Where did that come from?" she gasped looking up at me.

"I have no idea? Honestly I have no idea."

We stayed in the bedroom until we heard the music die down, there was a knock on the door it was Michael. He looked in and said,

"Mum, we are going to bed in my old bedroom ok. Everyone has gone and we will tidy up in the morning, goodnight."

The next morning over tea and toast Bev asked me "How on earth do we face Tony? What are we going to say?"

"I really don't know, I am not sure I can face him to be honest."

She reached across holding my hand saying "Do we really need him now? I mean after last night and us? Plus he never really answered us did he, I know he flirts all the time but does he really want an old 46 year old like me?"

I smiled back at her naivety "Trust me Bev, he wants you. He sooooo wants you. I mean just look at you!"

She squeezed my hand, "But do we...I....want him now?"

"Ok, lets avoid him for a few days and see what happens with us."

She nodded her approval and added

"But just what happened last night, that was the first time since your heart attack that I felt like a woman again, I felt you really wanted me again."

"I did, for some reason I was so turned on it was beyond belief, I really I mean REALLY needed to fuck you then and there."

"It was fantastic Chris, I saw my husband again for the first time in years."

I had a lot to get my head around, why had I felt the way I did. Was it because I might lose her to him, was it the excitement of the moment, was it the taboo subject we were dealing with or maybe a mixture of the lot. My head was in turmoil all morning.

The kids arose from the bedrooms about 11am, Michael thanked us both for allowing our home to be trashed the previous night and his new fiancée Kelly helped Bev and my daughter Alice get the house a bit straighter. I busied myself in the garden out of their way for an hour or two until Bev called me inside holding a beer in her hand. As I passed her she fondled my groin area whispering "They are going soon.....round two?"

She was happy and bouncy again, I was full of dread at the prospect of sex. The feelings of last night had gone completely, why?

I said my goodbyes to the newly engaged couple and Alice drove them to Kelly's parents.

"Bev, we need to talk."

"After, come on upstairs or do you want me over the table doggy style?"

"Bev, seriously we need to talk."

A worried expression came across her face as I led her into the lounge, "I don't know what happened last night but it was wonderful. The problem I have now is the feeling has gone."

She immediately dropped to her knees in front of me again trying to get my cock free,

"Let's see about that then!"

I stopped her, "I am so sorry Bev but it is just not there, the wanting it has gone again."

"For fuck sake Chris! One minute you want me the next you don't, this is fucking my head up! Last night you couldn't wait to fuck me now you push me away! what the fuck is going on?"

"I am sorry I truly am, I have been wracking my brains all morning thinking about it. Last night I was so turned on, it can only be that it was the thought of you with him. that's the only thing I can think of?.......I love you so much and do not want to lose you but if we carry on the way we are I know I will."

"So are you saying it would turn you on for Tony to fuck me?"

"I don't know what I am saying, it is confusing as fuck."

"Please let me suck you now, let's see if I can get you hard."

I stood and undressed and again she took me into her sweet mouth, she licked and sucked caressing my balls for ten minutes, nothing. She gave up and started to cry again. I rose and left the room to get my phone.

"Hi Tony, yes its Chris.....yes.....yes we did mean it.......yes........no it is no problem........ok see you soon."

Bev was looking at me as I spoke to him after I hung up she said,

"What did you say to him? what did he say??"

He is coming over in an hour, we will chat then and sort this out once and for all.

"Fuck it, fuck it." she jumped from the sofa "I am a mess look at me, shit look at me, eyes all puffy mascara down my cheeks, fuck, fuck!"

She ran from the lounge and flew upstairs, she had answered my question without saying a word, she wanted this. I heard the shower running then she disappeared into our bedroom shutting the door. I made a coffee and sat at out table wondering what I had done, was I doing the right thing, did I want this?"

Forty minutes later I heard the bedroom door open and she came down, "You think he will like?"

She looked stunning, her hair was straightened and hanging to her waist. Her makeup was flawless not slutty, it was perfect. She had on a light strappy summer dress with high heels to match. I took her into my arms with tears in my eyes, she looked into my face and said,

"Chris are you sure, I can see it in your eyes that you do not want this."

"Beverly I love you more than I could ever express and I know you need this, I know WE need this. I am ok, it will not be nice I admit but I am ok with it I promise."

Just then the doorbell rang, we both jumped apart flustered. She sat on the sofa and I went to the door.

"Hello Tony, thank you for coming. Please come in."

I ushered him into the lounge and Bev rose to formerly shake his hand which I found absurdly amusing, he leant in and kissed her cheek.

"Please sit down Tony, do you want a drink? Beer, coffee?" he shook his head no. I sat beside Bev as he took a seat opposite us and took a deep breath.

"Tony......."

He interrupted and said "It's ok, I know it was the drink talking last night. I don't want it to spoil anything, I know I can be an ass sometimes and I am sorry."

"Tony, shut up for a minute!"

He went quiet, Bev shuffled in her seat.

"Tony I meant every word. Myself and Bev are having problems and you could help out, if you want to that is?"

He looked at us both with shock on his face.

Bev looked to the floor the whole time I was talking looking as embarrassed as I had ever seen her.

"Tony, we want you to take Beverly to bed."

"What, now?"

"No not now, are you interested?"

"Seriously!"

He was fidgeting now as bad as Bev was, like he had stinging nettles in his pants. He was wringing his hands in front of him as he rocked back and forth.

"Yes, seriously but it has to stay secret. I mean like you life depended on it secret."

I was starting to sweat now and fidgeting myself like the fidgeting was contagious. You could cut the atmosphere with a knife. He looked first to Bev then to me, I could see in his eyes that he didn't know quite how to respond.

"Just say yes or no."

"Yes, YES. Please yes."

He was a bit more enthusiastic than I would have liked but it was a yes, the tension had been lifted from the room and Bev at last looked up.

"Beverly are you sure you want this.....want me? I have always fantasized about you, you know that right?"

My turn to interrupt.

"It has to be our secret though, I am deadly serious."

"Chris, Bev, I might be young but I would never do anything to jeopardise our friendship, I love you both and your son. I would never say a word I promise. Plus the fact that Michael would rip me limb from limb if he ever found out."

"Ok, well I need a beer, I'll get us all one."

I left the room and I heard them both whispering behind me. I returned with three beers giving one to each of them and said,

"Another thing and this is the most important thing for me, NO secrets between us. I heard the hushed whispers from the kitchen there is no need for them. I want this to be total transparency between the three of us ok. No secrets! I mean it."

They both looked at each other and nodded yes.

"If you two are to go through with this I need to either be there or I must know about it. If you are going to be fucking him I need to know where and when every time ok. That is my only stipulation. Plus the first time I have to be there, I have to make sure I can deal with this and the only way is to see it first-hand."

"I am not sure." Said Bev looking sheepish again.

"Those are the rules Bev, if you really want this I will be there the first time, no negotiation."

She nodded again yes.

We finished our beers and I shook Tony's hand and made our goodbyes saying we would talk and make arrangements later as I needed to talk with Bev alone now.

We spoke at great length about what was going to transpire between them and how and when. We decided on the upcoming weekend, Saturday night and although I would not participate we worked out how I would feel part of it.