No More Charity

It's not over

I'd enjoyed lunch with a client who wanted me to do a fairly big piece of work for his company. It would be a great job, take a few weeks and pay me good money. After we parted, I walked over to my car and set off back to the office. I'd only gone about a mile when I saw a police car following me. I didn't pay it any attention for about another mile and then I saw the lights come on. I pulled to the side of the road and fully expected them to overtake me and set off to an incident. I was surprised when they pulled in behind me and the two officers then walked over to my car.

"Good afternoon Ma'am. Do you mind telling me where you've come from?"

"I've just had lunch with a client at the Trattoria Italia." I was slightly apprehensive.

"We've had a call to say that you have been drinking and you're now driving."

"Officer, I had soda water and lime and my client had an alcohol free beer. I'm sober."

They breath tested me and naturally, it was negative. They apologised and after noting my details I set off again, but something was nagging at me.

I spent the afternoon in the office and decided to finish early. As I walked to my car I saw a long scratch on the driver's door. It hadn't been there earlier and from where I'd been parked, it had to have been caused deliberately.

I told Hope about my day and she looked scared. "Could it be to do with Jimmy do you think?"

"It's possible, but try not to worry. You and I are great; I want to be with you." We spent the rest of the evening watching TV and cuddling before an early night.

Four days later I was on my way to the office early in the morning when I saw a police car behind me and my first thought was 'it can't be me again.' I was wrong; the lights came on, accompanied by a brief burst of horns. I pulled over.

"Good morning Ma'am. We've had a report that you were drinking until very late last night and it's been suggested that you're not fit to drive."

"Constable, I had a glass of wine with my dinner at about 7.30 pm last night and no more alcohol since then. Do you know who is calling you to report this?"

"I don't know Ma'am, but in any case, I require you to provide me with a specimen of breath." I knew the rest; we'd done it a few days ago. It was clear, as I knew that it would be.

"Officer, I have a suspicion that you're being used to get some type of revenge against me." I went on to explain the incident with Jimmy, the damage to my car and the two allegations about my drinking and driving.

They assured me that they would note this information, but somehow I had a fear that this was still not done.

The Return

Hope and I drove down to Heathrow airport and were waiting when Mum and Ellen emerged from the arrivals gate wearing flower necklaces and looking healthy. Well, Mum looked tanned and healthy, Ellen looked healthy and happy.

There were lots of hugs and smiles as we headed for the car. Once I'd negotiated my way out of the madness of the car park, airport roads and managed to get onto the motorway, the stories started. It was clear that they'd had a great time.

"Sorry to be home then?" I asked.

"Actually, in one way yes." My mother replied and we all turned to look at her. She laughed before going on, "Because, I need to allow my liver to recover. I'm not a beer drinker, but Ellen and her family fixed that. It would have been okay until, in a moment of weakness, I confessed that I didn't know much about rum. I know a lot about it now and given how much they made me drink, it's a miracle that I'm sober this minute."

I looked over my shoulder at Ellen, "Have you been leading my mother astray?"

She laughed before replying. "Faith, they loved her. After the first couple of days, when they were initially wary of each other, she fitted right in and she let go in a way I'd not seen before. She can limbo dance as well."

"Well, I'm sorry that it had to end, but I'm glad that you're both back home. I missed you, it's something new for me, never had this before." Hope took my hand and kissed the back of it.

It was the following day when I told them about Jimmy. Hope was embarrassed, but Mum and Ellen were supportive. "Don't worry too much. I've never had a daughter, but now I've got you and you'll be okay," said Ellen.

Mum got me on my own later that evening. "Do you think this thing with Jimmy is over?"

"Somehow I doubt it. I love her Mum and I've never felt like this. I see the way you are with Ellen and I think that I feel the same."

"Hope is a lovely young lady and she feels a great deal for you. Let's try to help her if we can."

*****

The next week was quiet and we all got back to normal, living life without drama. Hope and I were out on our bikes a couple of times and she seemed to love it more each time, constantly wanting to extend our runs. We tried to ride side by side, but I enjoyed being behind her sometimes, watching her backside in those lycra shorts!

*****

The front door slammed, a bag was thrown down and curses were being muttered. Hope and I looked at each other as Ellen appeared at the doorway.

"If I ever meet that fucker, Jimmy, I'll kill him. Right now I'd run him through with that knife."

I was holding an eight-inch chef's knife and it would have made short work of most people. "Okay, what happened?"

"I got pulled by the police this morning, for drinking and driving. It didn't sit well with me, I lost the plot and they took me to the station. I ended up being late for work because they were not happy with me and I missed several patients."

"Did they say why they'd stopped you?"

"An anonymous call. I told them the story and when they didn't listen I lost it. They arrested me!

"Arrested you?"

"Yep, arrested! When I eventually calmed down I called a solicitor, who used to be a patient and she came to rescue me."

"Were you charged?"

"No. I did apologise, but wasn't charged."

Hope slumped to the floor sobbing, "I'm so sorry, this is all my fault. You, none of you, deserved this. I'm ... I don't know, maybe I should go away, alone."

Hope was clearly very upset and embarrassed. Mum, Ellen and I were supportive, but it didn't make much difference and Hope was quiet for the next few days. There wasn't much that we could do, except pray that Jimmy behaved.

Here we go again

I parked outside the office and sent a text message to tell Hope that I was waiting. Moments later she appeared and in that instant, it struck me once again how beautiful she was, but the thought was ruined when Jimmy closed in on her. By the time I reached them I only caught the end of what must have been a threat, "... if you don't come back to me I'll make life hell for your slut girlfriend, her mother and the black doctor. Think about it, you have 'till tomorrow."

He raced away just as I threw my arms around her. She was crying, looked sad and scared. I shepherded her to the car and drove home. She was silent all the way.

Mum and Ellen made all the right noises, but it was clear that Hope was very upset and nothing we said seemed to help. She went to bed early and was fast asleep by the time that I joined her.

The following day was much the same, she was sullen and quiet. I got the impression that something else had happened, but she wasn't saying. Hope picked at her dinner and eventually looked up, "I'm sorry about all this. I didn't want to bring this onto you, I'm sorry. I have a headache and feel tired, so I'm going to take some pills and go to bed."

As she reached the door she turned back. "Valerie, would you mind if I was a bit late tomorrow, I need to go to the bank to sort something out. I'll be in at lunchtime."

Mum asked me if I knew anything else. "No, not a thing. She's not saying anything and seems depressed. I feel useless and want to do something, but I have no idea what."

*****

I'd been busy all morning and was about to head for some lunch when Mum called me. "Do you have any idea where Hope is? She hasn't turned up, isn't answering her mobile or the house phone."

"I've no idea where she is. She said that she was going to the bank and that it would only take half an hour."

I tried her phone and it went to the answering service. I headed home, but there was no one there. The bed was made and I was about to walk out of the room when I saw two envelopes on the chest of drawers. One had my name and the other Mum's. I slit the envelope and saw Hope's handwriting, but the note had been written in a hurry.

My dearest Faith,

I so sorry to do this to you, but I've left. I got a message yesterday from the bank to say that I'd reached my overdraft limit. I didn't know that I had such a thing but it turns out that Jimmy and I still had a joint account that I had forgotten about. He'd taken two thousand pounds. I've fixed that and closed the account.

He must have guessed that I'd go there because he was waiting outside. He made threats again, about you, Valerie and Ellen, horrible things, including violence.

You have all been kind to me and I love you all. I can't stand the idea of him bringing violence towards the three of you. I love you very much, but I need to get away where he cannot find me and that means leaving my life behind, leaving you behind. You all deserve better than this.

Please don't try to find me. I'll make a new life somewhere.

I love you and I'm sorry for all of this, but please move on and try to forget about me.

Hope

I slumped on the bed in tears. Then I thought to check and found that her case was gone and most of her clothes. There was still no answer to her phone. I called Mum and told her what had happened. She was there in what seemed like a few minutes and found me in pieces.

She sat beside me reading her letter. "It says much the same as the one she left for you and she apologised for letting me down at work. We'll find her; she'll come back, maybe just give her a day or two to think things through. She'll be back."

I took a few days off, but there was no sign of her, no contact, no reply to messages or emails. Then one day I tried her phone and got a message to say that the number was no longer in service.

I was bereft; nothing Mum or Ellen could say helped. That weekend I sat down and thought about everything that we'd ever talked about and I made notes. It didn't help, but at least I felt that I'd done something. I managed to log into her email account and quickly discovered that she'd not accessed the system since she'd left.

*****

I packed up my laptop and headed for the door. I'd been at work all week but hadn't accomplished much and now I had a weekend to worry and puzzle. I wasn't paying much attention as I walked to my car. The next thing I knew, I could see stars and fell to the ground. Then a throbbing pain started in the back of my head. I'd been hit and now a boot connected with my ribs and side, twice, three times. I curled up and put my arms over my head as I heard Jimmy demanding to know where Hope was. I yelled, telling him that she'd run off to get away from him and us. He snarled and ranted. Suddenly it stopped and a Security Guard from the office was standing over me.

Ellen found me in the Accident and Emergency Department and that moved me up the queue. I had bruises, a couple of scrapes and a headache. It could've been much worse, but I was going to be sore for a while.

The three of us were talking about events and Ellen pointed out the flaw in Hopes plan. "Hope disappearing means that he won't find her. But now he might take it out on us, especially if he doesn't believe that she's gone." It was a good point, but there wasn't much that we could do about it.

A police officer arrived the next day and took my statement. There were several witnesses and the police were looking for Jimmy. I walked the officer to the door and a thought occurred to me. I asked if there was anything he could do to try and trace Hope.

"I'm sorry Ma'am. She chose to leave and therefore she cannot be treated as a missing person. Maybe she'll be in touch. Good luck."

*****

I was leaving the office a few days later, but this time I made sure to check out the area for signs of Jimmy. Then I spotted the police officer who'd taken my statement, walking towards me. "Ma'am, sorry to catch you here, I'd hoped to reach you at your office before you left, but I got held up."

"It's okay, what was it you wanted?"

"Jimmy was arrested. He was in court today and has been bailed. There are conditions; he's not to approach you or your family, not to come within a quarter of a mile of your home or this office."

"Thanks for letting me know. I appreciate that."

"There's one more thing." He dropped his voice, although no one was within earshot. "I shouldn't have done this, but I made some checks. The only thing that I could find was that Hope appears to have bought a train ticket to Penrith just after lunchtime on the day she left. I don't have anything else. I'm not sure it will help and please don't tell anyone. I shouldn't have done any of those checks."

I felt a sense of relief. "Thank you very much. I'm not sure how it will help, but I appreciate your efforts. Thank you."

I spent the next few days trying to think of ways to trace Hope but nothing seemed to yield any clues. "Anything?" Mum asked.

"No, nothing. Penrith doesn't mean anything to me. She could be there or she might have caught another train further north, to Glasgow, Edinburgh or crossed to the east."

I lay in bed hugging my pillow. I loved her; despite all of this crap, I still loved her and wanted her back. Maybe if I could find her the two of us could disappear and at least we'd be together. Tears overtook me.

Searching

I'd been finishing off some work in the study and headed through to the lounge where I slumped onto the sofa alongside Ellen and Mum. "What are you watching?"

"The news has just finished, more doom and gloom, the economy is in the toilet, wars are raging, refugees are struggling and it's going to rain tomorrow. This is a gardening programme; they're talking about daffodils and the poetry that they inspired. They're at Wordsworth's old home, in the Lake District."

I thought no more about it until the next day when I realised that there was something that I'd missed. I went through my notes one more time and then I found it. Hope had told me that years ago she'd been on a school trip to Wordsworth's home. She liked the poem about daffodils and spoke about how beautiful the Lake District was and that it was somewhere she'd like to visit again.

I fired up the internet and found Dove Cottage. It was at Grasmere and, according to Google Maps; Dove Cottage was twenty-five miles from Penrith. I was excited, but the map provided some other information; the Lake District was huge and it was unlikely that Hope would be in Grasmere. Still, it was something to check, I just didn't know how to.

I got away from work sharp on Friday afternoon and headed north. It took no time to work out that Hope wasn't in Grasmere, so I found a hotel room in Windermere and visited a few pubs. I felt like a bit of an idiot asking staff if they'd seen the person whose photo was on my phone, but it was my only option.

I'd stopped sobbing not long before reaching home on Sunday evening, but I must have looked a mess. Mum took me into her arms and held me. "No luck obviously, but you knew it was a needle in a haystack job."

"I know Mum, but I had to do something. I want her back."

Ellen handed me a mug of sweet tea. "I know that you want her back and I miss her as well, but you have to consider that maybe she wouldn't want to come back."

"I don't believe that. If she stands in front of me and tells me that herself, then I'll need to accept it."

*****

I tried everything that I could think of over the next two weeks, but there was nothing. I wasn't giving up, so I took a weeks' vacation time. Early on Saturday morning, I packed a bag and drove north again. Over the next few days, I visited every shop, bar, hotel and restaurant in Windermere and some of the towns nearby. By mid-afternoon on Saturday I'd run out of ideas and energy, so headed back towards my hotel in Ambleside, sad that I'd failed, but not surprised. As I drove past the garden centre I had a thought - they have a cafe which I hadn't visited. It was one last place to try.

I walked around the displays and showed Hope's picture to a lady on the service desk but no one who looked like my picture or called Hope worked there. Depressed, I realised that I hadn't eaten all day and sat in the cafe with a sandwich and coffee. I decided to head home the next morning, I need to face it, the next move had to be Hope's.

I was taking my tray over to the collection point and heard something break. I spun around to see that someone in an apron had dropped two ceramic planters. The woman had turned away. I hadn't got a good look at her, she had short dark hair, but still, there was something about her. I wandered around but couldn't see her and someone else cleared up the mess.

I sat in my car where I could see the door and waited. Half an hour after the place closed several of the staff left and one of them walked away alone. Her hood was pulled up and I couldn't see her face, but there was something in her walk that made me think it might be Hope. I thought that she might recognise my car and that driving past could spook her, so I followed on foot, trying to stay hidden. The woman kept checking behind her and looked nervous.

She paused, waiting to cross the road at traffic lights and I managed to get up right next to her. I touched her arm. "Hope, don't run it's me. We need to speak."

She was in tears. "What are you doing? How did you find me? Please go away and forget me. Jimmy will kill one of us if I come back. Please just go away and forget about me." I took hold of her arm and stood right in front of her. She was thinner, her hair cut into a bob and the blonde locks were now almost black. Her face looked drawn and then I caught sight of the name badge hanging from a lanyard "Charity? Charity?" I yelled. She nodded and I almost laughed. "I'm not going anywhere without you until we've talked."

We walked to my hotel which wasn't far away and ordered some food in my room. Hope sat on the chair huddled up. She looked terrible, but still, her natural beauty was there, it was just hidden away. The heart-shaped face, full lips and hazel eyes were still there.

"I had no idea where to go and I remembered the school trip here. It was as good a place as anywhere and I hoped that I'd be able to get casual work and lay low. I've been miserable and I missed you all. I thought that if I stayed out of sight for a few months, one day I might be able to let you know that I was okay. I know that I could never come back."

I smiled at her, but she looked so sad. "I've cried night after night. I love you," I told her.

She looked up at me from beneath hooded eyes. "I've cried as well. I couldn't believe it was you in the garden centre. I just ran because I needed to keep away so that you were safe. Do you mind if I go to bed, I feel like hell?"

I held Hope all night, scared to let her go in case she ran off. Just after dawn, she looked at me with sad eyes. "You really should go and leave me. I don't want you to get hurt. I'll be okay, eventually."

I stroked her sad face. "Do you still love me?" She nodded and that was all that I needed. "Then come back with me and we'll keep you safe. I don't know how we'll do it but we'll find a way."

I ordered breakfast and we made a plan. We'd go and collect her clothes, pay her bills and let the garden centre know she wouldn't be back. I was stuffing my things into my bag when my phone rang.