No Pressure Pt. 01

Beckett asked the obvious question. "So why do you need to be perfect?"

Kelsey's expression reversed again, anger now evident in her eyes. "I don't fucking know, ok? I just do. And making me feel like an asshole about it isn't exactly helping."

"Hey, hey, I didn't mean to-" Beckett tried to apologize but was cut off again.

"You and everyone else can sit here all day and tell me that I shouldn't feel like I need to be perfect but that doesn't change how I feel. It just..." Kelsey shut her eyes, her face scrunching in frustration. "It just makes me feel worse. Because there's something wired wrong up there," she continued, opening her eyes and pointing to her head. "I should be able to control it. But I can't. I feel myself spiraling and I can't get out."

This time, Beckett didn't fight the urge to place their hands over Kelsey's, holding her fingers still to keep them from picking at the rim of her plastic cup. They thought if they could still her hands, maybe she could still her mind. It worked for Beckett's little brother, maybe it would work for Kelsey.

"Kelsey, you're the best left fielder we've faced this tournament. Hands down. And these errors that you think you made... were they errors or good hits?" Beckett asked.

Kelsey opened her mouth as if to speak, but shut it quickly, her face forming a soft, understanding smile, albeit somewhat annoyed.

"You're not responsible for every run that scores. There's a lot of green out there, you can't cover it all. But you cover a lot more of it than most people and I sure as hell couldn't do it. Sometimes hits are just hits, runners are fast, and your teammates gloves aren't perfect. You wouldn't get mad at them, so don't get mad at yourself." Beckett squeezed Kelsey's hands in theirs. "But if you do, that doesn't mean there's something wrong with you."

Beckett slowed their breathing, another tactic they'd learned at a young age to help their brother control his own breathing. They nodded slowly, silently urging Kelsey to breathe deeply.

"Ok, you're pretty good at that," Kelsey said, a smile playing at her lips as she wiggled her fingers below Beckett's.

Beckett snapped out of the daze they'd been in when they'd shifted into auto-pilot to help Kelsey stop spiraling. They slowly released her hands, dropping their own back to their sides. Kelsey followed them with the hand not still grasping her red cup, threading her fingers through Beckett's. It sent a tingle straight up their arm, where it turned to warmth that spread through their chest and settled low in their stomach.

"My brother has trouble communicating. I had to learn how to help him feel what I mean because he can't really pick up on emotion in voices. Turns out it works with people who don't have trouble communicating too," Beckett said with a light shrug.

"Everyone has problems communicating," Kelsey said with a laugh before her face sunk into concern. "Not to diminish what your brother..." she trailed off.

"It's ok. I know what you mean," Beckett said, squeezing Kelsey's hand twice quickly but not letting go. "Do you want to head back?"

Beckett and Kelsey spent the rest of the tailgate party and the beginning of the Phillies game together before Beckett had to call it a night and get some sleep for their early game the next morning. Teams had been warned about early morning traffic leaving the city and heading down the shore for the weekend, so Beckett had set their alarm for an unspeakable hour, but one that would ensure that they and their roommates for the week made it to the fields in time to warm up for their fight out of the loser's bracket.

Beckett stayed just a few minutes after their team left, mostly so they could take a different train back to the hotel with Kelsey and avoid their team's interrogation until at least the morning. Kelsey insisted that she wanted to leave when Beckett did, claiming she didn't care about the outcome of the game, despite seeming to know many of the players' statistics off the top of her head.

"I'm glad you were the bigger person and came to talk to me. I wouldn't have. And I would have regretted that," Kelsey said as they approached her hotel room door. They discovered that she and Beckett were staying on the same floor of the host hotel, just on exactly opposite ends of the long hallway.

"I'm glad I did too. But that doesn't make me a bigger person, just different than you." Admittedly, Beckett still didn't know all that much about Kelsey, but it mattered to them that she did not feel small.

"I just know it's not easy to deal with me when I'm all worked up and I'm sorry you had to. And thank you. Usually, it takes a long time and a lot of tears for me to settle down. You have a skill, Beckett from Portland," Kelsey said, making no move to unlock her door and leaning back against it and facing Beckett.

Beckett took a step closer to Kelsey, placing their hands lightly on her hips. Kelsey looked back at them through lidded eyes, raising a hand to cup Beckett's jaw. "I'd like to kiss you, is that ok?" She asked, her gaze flicking up from Beckett's lips to their eyes.

"Yes, please," Beckett responded, dipping their head just slightly to meet Kelsey's lips with their own.

And what a kiss it was. Kelsey's fingertips danced down Beckett's jaw, leaving a tingly path in their wake. When they deepened the kiss, they caught a moan from Kelsey's throat as she gripped the hem of their Sea Dogs jersey and pulled Beckett against her.

Kelsey pulled back, breathing heavily and pressing her forehead to Beckett's. "I wasted a lot of this week being mad at you for no reason and then being embarrassed about being mad at you for no reason." She smiled and pressed another kiss to Beckett's lips. "I have my own room, do you want to come in?"

Beckett gripped Kelsey's hips more tightly, digging their nails into the soft fabric of her shorts. "I definitely want to," Beckett groaned. "But I have a game at eight and we need to win four to take the chip."

Kelsey pouted and it took all of the self-control that Beckett was barely grasping to ask, "Raincheck?"

"Only if you have that medal around your neck," Kelsey said, tracing her index finger along Beckett's collarbone. "If you're going to choose a trophy over me, you better make sure you win it."

Beckett laughed. "No pressure, I guess."

"No pressure," Kelsey teased.

The heavy hotel door slammed shut behind them as Kelsey pulled Beckett into the room, pressing her back to the wall cupping a hand behind their neck to pull them back into a kiss. The force made Beckett stumble forward, catching themself with their palm against the cold wall on the right side of Kelsey's head and pinning her to the wall with their hips. They gripped the bottle of champagne that they'd stolen from the closing party loosely in their other hand.

Beckett's team hadn't won the championship, but they did take third place, which came with a trophy for the team and a medal for each player, so technically they met Kelsey's requirements to redeem their raincheck. Not that Beckett thought Kelsey was going to hold them to those requirements. After all, she had given Beckett scouting reports on both teams they faced earlier that day and it was apparent that she wanted Beckett's team to win.

After winning their first game, they fell to their sister team, The (Not Trail) Blazers from the other Portland. The two teams had bonded years ago, before Beckett had even joined the team, over both their city names and their preferences for weed over booze. It was disappointing to have to face them in an elimination game, but The Stoners were excited for The Blazers to reach their first championship game and happy to be leaving with a third place finish and a trophy, which they'd never achieved at the tournament in the past.

But as soon as Beckett stepped off of the stage where they presented the trophies, Kelsey was waiting for them. She literally dragged them back to her room by the medal around their neck, which she was still gripping tightly.

Heat pooled between Beckett's legs, their stomach fluttering with anticipation as Kelsey released the thick ribbon the bronze medal hung from and moved to play with the top button of Beckett's shirt. "May I?" She asked breathlessly.

Beckett nodded, panting a little more desperately than they intended to. "Yes"

Kelsey slowly unhooked the first button, her eyes locked on Beckett's. "Should we talk about boundaries?"

Beckett nodded as Kelsey slowly slid her fingers to the next button, drawing it out to give them time to talk. No one ever asked Beckett about boundaries before they had sex and that inevitably resulted in Beckett having to find a way to bring up their limits and inevitably resulted in Beckett feeling like they ruined the mood. But Kelsey made it feel intimate, like it was part of the build up.

"Is there anything you don't like?" Kelsey asked.

Beckett drew in a deep breath. They'd been called a lot of names in the past by people who didn't understand the complicated relationship they had with their body. They loved their body and they worked very hard to keep it in the condition that they did. They didn't think anything was missing and there was nothing on their body that they wished wasn't there. But they didn't necessarily like to be touched everywhere. And while they didn't want to make any permanent additions, they felt most comfortable when wearing a strap-on during sex, even if they didn't directy use it every time. They'd tried packing in public but it just made them feel horny because they associated it with sex.

"I.. um..." Beckett wasn't often at a loss for words, but this was still hard for them, even years after coming to understand their identity and how it played a role in sex.

Kelsey tugged gently on their shirt, just below the second button that she'd just popped loose and kissed them softly. "I want to make you feel good, Beckett. Why don't you start with what you do like?"

"Usually," Beckett started nervously, "I prefer to... um... I prefer to wear... you know. That is if you like..."

"I do," Kelsey said with a grin, releasing the third button of Beckett's shirt and trailing her finger up and down their sternum. "Did you bring a strap-on to a gay softball tournament?" She asked in a teasing tone while tilting her head and raising an eyebrow.

Beckett flushed with embarrassment. "I did but it's not like I was expecting anything. I just... wanted to be ready? Sam and Sylvie met..." They caught themself before they made any implication that they thought they and Kelsey were like Sam and Sylvie. The last thing they wanted to do was make it sound like they went there expecting to meet the love of their life. "Sam said they were glad they had it a few years ago when they met Sylvie, so..."

"I'm sorry," Kelsey said with genuine concern in her eyes. "I shouldn't tease you. You don't have to explain to me." She drew them down to her in a soft, reassuring kiss and fastened the button she'd just undone. "Why don't you run down the hall and get it and I'll get ice for this," Kelsey said as she took the bottle of champagne from Beckett's grip and pushed herself from the wall.

When Beckett returned about a minute later, they found the door propped open. They peaked at the ice machine, which happened to be right next to Kelsey's room, but they didn't see her. They slowly pushed the door open and to see the balcony door wide open and Kelsey standing on the other side of it, her silhouette contrasting against the city lights. They flipped the deadbolt back to properly close the door, ensuring they heard it click.

They set the drawstring bag they'd frantically pulled from their suitcase on the chair inthe corner of the room and stepped onto the deck, wrapping their arms around Kelsey's waist and pressing their body to the back of hers. Kelsey sunk into their touch, reaching her arm back to tangle in Beckett's hair.

"You," Beckett said, sweeping Kelsey's long hair from her neck and kissing the newly exposed skin underneath. "Are very..." They trailed their lips up from the back of her neck to her ear. "Very... sexy," they breathed into Kelsey's ear, her body shivering under their touch.

She took a long sip from the champagne flute in her left hand and cleared her throat, which made Beckett pause and step back. "I feel like I should clarify that this isn't... typical... for me," Kelsey said, her nerves apparent in her shaky voice.

Beckett stepped to the side to stand next to Kelsey, taking the flute from her right hand and leaning against the railing.

"Please don't do that. Don't... lean on the railing," she said with anxiety apparent in her voice. "I have this irrational fear of heights and it makes me really nervous when people lean on railings," she continued, speaking much faster, "because I think they're going to break and the person is going to fall to their death and I know that's crazy but-"

"Hey," Beckett interrupted. "That's not crazy," they continued as they stood slowly, being sure not to push off of the railing too hard, which would likely make Kelsey even more anxious.

Beckett laced their left hand into Kelsey's right, tickling her palms with her fingers before holding tight and giving her a firm squeeze.

"What you feel is valid and real but you are not crazy," Beckett said, trying to reassure her. "Okay?"

Kelsey nodded. "Yeah."

"Please continue," Beckett said, rubbing their thumb along the back of Kelsey's hand.

"I don't... Go to softball tournaments and hook up with people. I'm not... I don't..." Kelsey couldn't seem to get the words out.

"I don't either. This is my first of these tournaments. I really only brought that," they said, motioning to the bag they'd set on the chair, "because Sam told me that I should just in case. And we don't have to do anything, we can just hang out on this balcony, drink this stolen champagne, and talk. Maybe make out a little," they said with a wink. "Whatever you want."

Kelsey turned to face Beckett fully, dark brown eyes even darker than they had been a moment before. "I want you," she said, pulling Beckett into a fiery kiss.

Beckett only broke the kiss long enough to place both champagne flutes safely on the small table on Kelsey's balcony. They momentarily considered dropping their glass in dramatic fashion and letting it shatter on the hard concrete of the balcony as if they were in a romantic comedy, but thought better of it. They'd been waiting all week to feel Kelsey's body pressed to theirs and all day to feel her lips again after the searing kiss the night before. They weren't trying to waste time cleaning up a mess and removing tiny bits of glass from their feet.

But they didn't want to rush either. Kissing Kelsey was unlike anything Beckett had felt before. A part of them hated themself just a little for even having that thought. They'd only met Kelsey a few days earlier and they were already jumping to superlatives. The best kiss they'd ever experienced. The sexiest person they'd ever laid eyes on. The most aroused they'd ever felt. They would have been totally fine just kissing her for the rest of the night.

"Are you drunk?" Beckett asked while their lips created a path from Kelsey's jaw, down her throat, and to her collarbone. They were absolutely dying to take Kelsey back inside of the hotel room to explore every inch of her - to learn how to make her feel good, to find her most sensitive spots, to see how many times they could make her come apart - until they were forced to check out of the hotel the next day. But they never broke the rules they'd set for themself. Buzzed sex was totally fine, but drunk sex was never on the table. They never wanted anyone to wake up the next morning regretting a decision to sleep with them. Or worse, Beckett didn't want any of their sexual partners not remembering their decision to sleep with them.

"No," Kelsey replied breathlessly, swallowing hard when Beckett nipped at her clavicle. "Are you?" She asked.

"No," Beckett murmured against Kelsey's skin, "not at all."

Beckett's hands slid from where they lightly gripped Kelsey's waist down to the hem of her t-shirt. Kelsey threw her head back with a moan when Beckett worked their mouth back to her neck and traced their fingertips along her stomach just above the waistline of her shorts. Her body was so responsive to Beckett's touch. Every time they even lightly brushed their fingers or lips across Kelsey's skin, she shuddered sharply as goosebumps formed in their wake.

"Fuck, Beckett," Kelsey groaned as she rubbed her palm across the short prickly hairs on the back of Beckett's head before pushing her fingertips into the longer, blonde hair on top. Beckett's hands had been slowly sliding higher and their thumbs were now stroking softly across Kelsey's ribs, just below her sports bra.

Kelsey closed her fist in Beckett's hair, pulling their mouth back to hers and kissing them deeply. She walked Becket backwards until their back hit the cool wall that separated Kelsey's balcony from the next one over with a thud, knocking the breath from their lungs - at least, what was left of it - and drawing a grunt from Beckett's throat.

She pinned Beckett there with her hips and picked up where she'd left off their shirt. This time, she didn't waste any time. She didn't toy with the remaining buttons, practically tearing the thread in the process of unfastening them. After releasing the final button, her hands quickly found their way back to the collar of Beckett's shirt and pushed it over their toned, tan shoulders.

Beckett shimmied the shirt down their arms and let it fall to the floor. They wrapped one arm around Kelsey's waist and gripped her thigh with the other, pulling her up to wrap her legs around Beckett. The two kissed feverishly as Beckett walked them into the hotel room until their knees touched the bed where they dropped Kelsey onto it. She giggled when she landed and bounced just a little on the mattress. Beckett leaned down and kissed her smiling lips before whispering, "I'll be right back."

They grabbed the bag from where they'd dropped it on the chair and darted towards the bathroom. Once inside, they stripped their shorts and boxer briefs, replacing them with a brief harness. They inserted the small bullet vibrator into its pocket and pushed the posable dildo through the built-in ring, bending it up so they could tuck it in the athletic shorts they'd also packed in the bag. It was important to Beckett that it felt as natural as possible. They wanted Kelsey to strip them of their clothes, they didn't want to just walk out of the bathroom with a dildo pointing directly at her. There was so much more that they wanted to do to Kelsey before they even got to that part.

When they emerged from the bathroom, Kelsey was sitting on the edge of the bed in a matching black lace set, leaning back on her palms. She raked her eyes up Beckett's body slowly as she ran her tongue along her bottom lip. It took the entirety of Beckett's self-control to approach her slowly when all they wanted to do was run to the bed and pounce on top of her.

"Did you do all that just for me?" Beckett asked, raising an eyebrow and gesturing to the black lingerie that they knew she hadn't been wearing when they stepped into the bathroom. At least not the top, because Beckett knew for sure that Kelsey had been wearing a sports bra just a few minutes earlier.

"I figured you put on something special for me and it was only fair that I return the favor," Kelsey replied.

"I see," Beckett said as they reached the edge of the bed, stepped between Kelsey's legs, and leaned over her, making her shift onto her elbows as Beckett captured her lips with theirs. Their right hand slid slowly down Kelsey's side until it reached her hip, where Beckett gripped her tightly and dug their fingers into her creamy skin.