by TexRiffraff
Such sensual descriptions...such sublime sex...a Ch. 02 would be soooo fine!
experimentation is good, and done well.. perspective is always good, because many of these stories lose the ability to project others thoughts... this way we have the view of all the characters.. this story thread has endless possibilties.. especially the next week... and then the followup back at home...
great job
more plse
The constant switching of perspectives made it way more interesting then I thought it would. Not sure I'm sold on the way you formatted it with the character names, but it's cool to see people experimenting. 5o5
Took a minute to keep the characters straight, but loved the story. The format (all in first person) worked and told the story from multiple points of view. Keep it coming and I will read more like this.
Put out negative comments but don't have the balls to put their name down and stay ANON. Yea lets see you write a story!
I must admit that I too, at the beginning, had trouble remembering who was who, but after I read the first page a couple of times, really enjoyed it!
And I don't think you should change anything other than writing another chapter or two!
I'm a happy ending type of guy so if you want my opinion I think while they should continue to swap however Mark should date Shannon and Jason should date Kristen. They seem good for each other. However I'm not an author and this is JUST MY OPINION!
Been there, done that 1957, living in Palo Alto. The 4 of us went to the Monterey Open, had two rooms, did the swap. JRW_MDUS
That was a very well written story. Humorous, sexy. loving, exciting, on and on. The thoughts expressed were on the mark but hilarious at the same time. It felt like reading their minds, Very well done.