Not in That Way Ch. 06

I raise my eyebrow, "Does it?"

He nods, "We fit together, Dust- always have."

I move my head to get close to his as those hands rest on my waist. I stay there, inches away, facing those blue eyes and feeling like they're reflecting back all the time we've been together. Gabe closes the gap and kisses me, softly at first before giving himself up. I slip my tongue inside, getting that hum of approval as I do.

We carefully cross the minefield to the couch, dodging pairs of sneakers and pillows in a stubborn effort to not pull away from each other. He's still kissing me as I walk backward, but I know that he's making sure neither of us fall. I'm relieved to feel the couch at the back of my knees as I sit down. Gabe gets on top of me, sitting comfortably on my lap as we continue to kiss.

It's slow, like we're getting used to being together. We're finding out what it's like to be this intimate- to feel his lips on my skin and see those eyes staring at me like they've wanted this just as long as I have.

"You taste really fucking good." I say with a chuckle as Gabe nods and pecks at my cheek.

"So do you." He gives me a few more kisses before pulling off, visibly mad that he has to.

"I think we should take this slow." He says, gripping onto my shirt.

I joke, "Nine years wasn't slow enough for you?"

Gabe buries his face in my chest in shame and I rub the back of his head while chuckling. "I'm just teasing." He looks up with a cute expression, "I think we should take it slow."

"I just don't wanna mess this up, Dust. I've messed up every relationship I've been in and-" He sighs, "you mean too much to me."

We kiss again, this time it's chaste and I pull off, longing for the taste of his lips. "We've known each other for so long. Gabe, that I think we need to see each other as more than friends."

He nods, "I wanna do this right." He holds onto my hand as he looks at me with those clear blue eyes, "Will you go on a date with me?"

I blush a bit, feeling like I'm seventeen and he's here finally asking the question I've been waiting for him to ask.

I lean in and kiss him, "Yes, you idiot, I'll go on a date with you."

Gabe's smiling so fucking hard as he gives himself a high five that would be lame, if it wasn't cute. "That was high school Gabe high-fiving me for not being a pussy anymore."

He pulls me in for a hug and checks the time. "Okay so it's just after five. Why don't you head home and get ready and I'll meet you in forty five minutes?"

I chuckle, "Wait, you meant tonight?"

"Fuck yeah! Our first night together as a couple isn't going to be spent ordering Pad Thai and watching Shazam.

I laugh, "Okay I guess you have a point." I gather my phone and keys and head towards the door before I feel him pull me back in.

"See you soon, Dust." He says before planting a kiss on my lips.

***

I take my time back at the apartment. Once I step into the shower, I feel like I can finally take a breath. Between everything that happened last night to the roller coaster of a day we've had, it's nice to stand under the stream. It feels like all those years have accumulated up to this point- and somewhere in that labyrinth of a friendship, we found a crack in the wall just big enough for the two of us to escape.

I mull that over, hoping to wash away the regret that I've held onto all these years. Sure, there's a lot we still need to talk about. But starting things off with "what ifs" will only lead us down the wrong path.

I go into my closet and look for something to wear, which proves difficult because Gabe has literally seen me in every piece of clothing I own. I settle for an olive button down shirt and roll up the sleeves so it's a bit more casual. I can't say I remember him ever commenting on it, but I like the way it looks and it feels comfortable. I check myself out in the mirror before cleaning up a bit around my place. Sure, Gabe doesn't mind the mess, but suddenly it feels like more pressure. I do what I can before I hear the classic three knocks on my door.

Opening the door, I see Gabe standing there looking nervous as hell. His face softens when he sees me and he breathes a sigh of relief while unashamedly checking me out.

"Wow" he says as he steps inside. "You look really good, Dust."

I blush a bit and flash him a wink, "You look really good too."

He gives me that boyish smile and we stand there, not knowing where else to go from there.

"I really wanna kiss you right now." He says, with his hands in his pockets.

I take a step forward, seeing those blue eyes twist in circles and figure eights. "What's stopping you?"

Gabe smirks, "I've been told you're not supposed to kiss on the first date."

I shake my head and reach for his face. Pulling him in, I kiss him softly, and feel those trembling lips settle down as I pull away.

"Maybe it's time we start breaking some of these rules."

He looks at me with a mischievous grin as he pulls me in for a second and third kiss- adding in the last one to hold him over until later.

We leave my place and I'm blindly following him as we chit chat down while walking. Gabe tells me more about the funeral- apart from any sad details that he glosses over. He asks me about work and listens intently as I tell him stories about some of my useless coworkers. He even asks about certain people which tells me that he indeed listens every time I vent.

Eventually after walking for a bit, I ask, "Okay so where exactly are we going?"

He smiles, "It's just up here. And I'm not going to tell you until you remember."

I'm puzzled but also intrigued as I follow him into a restaurant that looks a bit fancier than the places we usually go to. As we sit, I do a mental check of all the places we've eaten together- trying to see if somehow this place is significant. Gabe's watching me closely, almost like we're both watching the same movie and he wants to see my reaction to his favorite part. It's not until I open the menu before it clicks.

"Wait- is this?" I ask, looking over some of the items as it comes back to me.

"This is the first place we ate at when we moved here."

Gabe nods as he grins, "I knew you'd remember!"

"We had just moved over from Berkeley and spent the day unpacking all our stuff. We'd just finished at your place and we wandered around trying to find somewhere that was still open and the only place was this Chinese restaurant."

He adds, "I still remember your face when you opened the menu and saw that pretty much everything was well over twenty bucks."

I laugh, "We spent so much money at Ikea and Target that day but we were starving because we hadn't eaten anything." I scanned through the items, "We ended up sharing a beef fried rice because it was the cheapest thing here. It was the best fried rice I ever had and I was a bit annoyed that we had to share it because I was still hungry after."

He looks at me with pride that his plan worked. "That was three years and two smaller bank accounts ago." He extends his hands, "Well, Dustin Green, pick whatever you want." He chuckles, "And this time, we don't have to share one item."

I laugh and shake my head at this ridiculous guy in front of me. Only Gabe would remember something like this and insist on bringing us back here after all this time.

I feel special.

We decide to get the same fried rice to see if it holds up to memory and pick out a few dishes to add to that- something that would make broke Dustin and Gabe jealous. He goes for two of his favorite steamed dumplings and I pick out some pork buns along with an order of kangkong.

We talk naturally, easing in and out of topics the same way we always do. I tell Gabe about some recent visits with Grace and the kids, and he tells me about his visit with his mom a few weeks ago. There's this simplicity in our interactions- with neither having to search too far for something to talk about. We talk like we normally would- apart from the few instances of checking each other out.

The food comes and once we take a bite, we're taken back to that first night. Gabe scarfs down his first helping of fried rice and follows that up with some shrimp dumplings and some veggies.

"It's just as good as I remember!" he says, taking a sip of his water.

I nod as I rip open a pork bun, "I don't even care how much this costs, it's worth it."

We laugh and eat and continue to talk until we've finished everything on the table. Gabe reaches for the check when it comes and I make a fuss about paying, or even splitting it. Still, he doesn't budge and says it's him working his way towards thanking me and my family for everything they've done these past few days.

Eventually we leave and end up at my place. We're cozied on the couch, pretending to watch TV but really, I'm just enjoying being with him. I sat down on the couch first and he came up a few minutes later, setting a pair of cokes on the table before cozying up behind me. I lean back once he's settled and I can't help but feel giddy being so close to him.

We let the episode play, but really neither of us are watching at this point. I'm so focused on his touch and when I look back, I catch him staring at me with that dorky smile that tells me he's happy. It's all still so new, but yet it feels like years in the making for us.

When the show is finished, I see him reach for the remote and turn it off. Our coke bottles are nearly finished, and our positions on the couch are basically the two of us lying on top of each other.

"I want to talk about sex" He says while I snicker in the background.

"You know, I'm much more of a hands on person, myself." I say, palming his chest.

He laughs as he shakes his head, "We'll get there, Dust." He says, as he bites his lip and looks at me seductively.

Gabe stops himself, "And when we do-" he pauses, "which i hope is very, very soon, I want us to be prepared."

The tone of his voice helps me catch on. I raise my eyebrow, "Bareback?"

He nods, "Yeah, that." He tentatively asks, "Have you done it before?"

I wince, knowing that this is new territory for the both of us. Just weeks ago, we argued over how involved we were in each other's relationships. And now that we're together, the topic of sex and past partners comes up again. It's not nearly as invasive or embarrassing as I expected it to be- I think the both of us are past that.

I sigh, "Yes. Tom and I were monogamous and so eventually we stopped using condoms."

Gabe doesn't react poorly. He simply nods, knowing his place in all of this.

"And how about Ethan, did you-"

I cut him off, "Ethan was just a one night stand, so no, we used condoms." I sigh, feeling like I owe him more, "Honestly, Gabe. Part of the reason I went through with it was because I was so angry with you and I felt like I needed to prove something."

My words falter, "And yet, somehow, I felt worse.:

Gabe rests his head on my shoulder, "I'm sorry for hurting you that night."

I pat his back, "I forgave you already."

He nuzzles into me a bit before I bring the conversation back, "How about you-have you ever?"

He sits back up and nods slowly. "Kyle and I tried it out after we both tested negative, but it felt too intimate." He sighs, "At that point, I knew that there wasn't going to be a future for us, and so I told him that I was uncomfortable with the whole thing and we stopped."

"Is that why you guys broke up?"

He shrugs, "Partly." Gabe shakes his head again, "Kyle took me wanting to stop having bareback sex as some sign that I was cheating on him. Having to deal with that and knowing that we wouldn't end up together kind of made breaking up with him the right call."

I hug him and he kisses my cheek. Gabe's in a much better place now, but I can't imagine how it must have felt to be in a situation like that. I spent so much time either hating his exes for being with him, or hating them for leaving him broken. I never took the time to realize how one sided it was.

Gabe wasn't some prize to be won. He was a person that dealt with some shitty circumstances. He's my best friend.

"I don't want anything between us when we get to that point" He says.

I nod, "I want that too."

Gabe smiles and hugs me before I motion us towards the bedroom. He makes no attempts to think about staying over- at this point, it's safe to say we won't spend many nights alone anymore. We make plans to get tested tomorrow and then wait out the week until we get our results back.

This clearly isn't the way I picture a typical first date going. Gabe and I have pretty much thrown all the normal steps on the floor and are navigating this relationship in whatever way we want. It's messy and nonsensical, but it's us and I can't be happier