All Comments on 'Not What We Planned Ch. 03'

Good story, but you need to go back over your work and edit or have someone help you. you keep drifting from first person to narrative etc. even in the same paragraph. It detracts from the flow. Don't be so quick to post without reading it over. Keep it up

Hello. I hate saying this, especially about a cuckold and sissy story, since I enjoy them so much and they get so much shit on this site but, this really needs editing. Specifically on perspective. It jumps around in the middle of sentences, making it unreadable. It's just two distracting. One moment you are in first person with the main male character and the next you are in third person.

Here are a couple of examples:

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I quickly turned off his phone and jumped up, trying to conceal his hard on in the waist of his boxer shorts.

"I'm going to take a shower" I announced. I needed more time to himself to cool off.

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I would suggest writing it entirely in third person as you clearly want to show what the wife is thinking and feeling, and the main character couldn't know those facts.

I stopped reading when I got to the second example above. I didn't rate it, in part because I didn't finish it. Good luck and please keep trying. You seemed to have some good ideas.

Great story! Not structurally perfect, but so erotic and seductive that it leaves me wanting more. Please add another chapter soon!

This is fantastic! The careful and realistic build up is amazing! Please take your time but please don't stop writing this!

Hey everyone, just and FYI, but I copy/pasted the incorrect version here for upload. I sent in the edit almost immediately after, but it still hasn't been updated, so I apologize for that. Just a dumb mistake, but the correct edit will be up at some point. I know the team at Literotica gets a ton of submissions daily.

Good next chapter. Could do with sorting out which person it's being told in though. Can't wait for the next part. Looking forward to the inevitable Reggie plowing the feminised sissy. I hope she's in chastity by then.

Thank you so much for posting more….I had been waiting and checking for months…..more please!

Need to have someone proofread your stories. A LOT of mixed usage of him/I etc...

Even in the third person’s description it was still hot! Reggie and Eden need to plow both Abby and Anthony at the same time. Then clean up and switch. Reggie needs to open up Abby’s backside also.

Obviously same comments that swappimg 1st and 3rd was odd

Needs serious editing. Also, seems less about Interracial Love and more about wife becoming dominant, getting interested in hubby’s ass and prostate, and ultimately some pegging. Hard to believe hubby would be so willing to become a sissy sub. In real life, I think this marriage would be toast, but I am willing to suspend disbelief for a bit to see what happens.