All Comments on 'Not Yours, Tonight Pt. 01'

What a load of rubbish there would be no way a man with integrity would of even do this if this is your first time don’t write any more stories till you read other peoples work properly then email them for help then they could help you write a great story but at the moment don’t write anything else till you have done your homework and got proper advice because you write anything you will get slated big tip stop and think about what you are going to do ok

No idea who these people are. No idea what they're doing besides having some cheap, uninteresting sex. But it's obvious she wants a divorce. All Lucas needs to do is go home, pack everything he wants and leave. Of course on the way out the door take all the money, cancel the credit cards and cell phone accounts and leave his wedding ring on the table. Since his wife has shown him (she is his wife , right?) that she has no love or respect for him and that she doesn't care about her health (can you say sexually transmitted diseases?) why would Lucas do anything but drop her like a bad penny? Please don't continue. This was poorly thought out and badly written drivel.

1 star

The story was competently written. There were a few errors, but not too many. Congrats on publishing your first story on Lit.

Unfortunately, I find the story itself to be nauseating so this is as far on this journey as I'll go. I wish you luck and hopefully I'll find another of your stories down the road some day that is in a different sub-genre.

i dont get this. even as a fantasy piece. is he like some weirdo that is addicted to feeling anguish. u were giving this guy feelings that dont fit the scene. maybe it will become clear in the next pt

Guy needs to drop her like a very bad habit and grow a pair. Run away no pussy is worth that crap. Iit is sure not love on her part to him.

Nothing nice about this story. Divorce certain to come. Maybe an ass kicking for Xavier.

This story will be rolling, rolling to the trash bin...1* (where are the negative ratings when we need them?)

... One about a guy who used a hammer to repeatedly hit himself in the balls.

I mean... why? Why? Why the point of it? Why would any man allow himself to be so disrespected by their spouses? I completely understand what's Audrey's getting here - her cake and she can eat it too - but Lucas? Absolutely nothing.

Even more bizarre: he didn't enjoy it at all or get the least bit aroused at the situation. So why is he allowing it to happen? Why not simply divorce the slut and move on to better things? Honestly, being single sounds mighty better than whatever this arrangement is...

So yeah - yet another story that prove that cuckoldry is a mental illness. If the author's threat turns out to be true, and we will indeed suffer a sequel to this, all I am asking here is a REASONABLE EXPLANATION to why any man would allow such a thing to be part of his marriage, especially since he's clearly not a fan of it.

I know - I'll probably won't get a more decent answer for it than "He weak! He's a beta!" out of this nonsense... but it never hurt to ask, right?

Just stupid garbage so far.

Please, don't.

So if there is a part 2 then hopefully he does not come back to pick her up and when she calls she gets a number out of service message. If he picks her up what can there be in part 2? Just more of the same? Slut get fucked, slut comes home, sluts goes out again? And it was written "a new lover" so that implies this was not the first time so won't be the last.

I mean, she is lost in Xavier’s eyes, prostrating herself before him and surrendering everything she is for him, and not once does she think about her husband and his fears or worries. In fact, she allows him to be treated like a servant and summarily dismissed as though he was simply part of the hired help.

That alone tells me that she is not in love with her husband, that she doesn’t care about him.

Which is fine. Life happens and it’s better to find out after 5 years than before there are children involved. I am afraid that, like most writers, you will have the wife tell Lucas how much she loves him for letting her have this and how amazing and wonderful he is and blah blah blah. Talk. Is. Cheap. It’s actions that tell the truth because you can’t disguise actions, you can’t undo an action once it’s been done. And she dismissed him, worse, she allowed him to be dismissed as she presented herself to her lover.

This is not the actions of a loving wife, it is the action of a woman who isn’t in love with her husband and just didn’t have the courage to end it.

There's enough trash in the gene pool.

Willing cuck, instant 1

To any of you curious about cuckholdery, you better think hard about trying this. Once you do, your marriage is on the line. Your wife is not yours anymore. And she will never respect you again, if she ever did. Trust me. Its a mind fuck that you will have to live with for the rest of your life.

Just read this shit and leave it at that. You have been warned.

for sharing your story.

I found it very interesting, not the least because of your almost poetic style. Personally I would prefer the husband to be a bit less anguished, but it's your story and choice, not mine of course.

Please keep going. In case you aren't aware, this group has a large contingent of trolls that only like stories about husbands and wives who are getting divorced and revenge. Go figure why they think loving wives is strictly their territory and have to go pissing on all the bushes, but please ignore them and share more!

Says it all.

Some days the content on LW can make you sick. This is a real candidate for worst story of the year, and yet we are threatened with more.

Silly story, the guy is his wife's pimp. Dumb.

Says nothing about the story. This is the Loving Wives category.

In LW the scores and the comments say more about the scorers and commenters than they do about the story. The BTB mob will one-bomb a story that has characters doing things they don't want them to do, regardless of how well the story is written. (Why they read the story at all is the puzzle.) The Cuck mob are less likely to comment at all, positively or negatively.

Of the nineteen comments so far, only two (Bebop and one Anonymous) mentioned the quality of the writing, which could encourage the author a little. None of the others will help the author improve his writing if he decides to submit any further stories.

I too hate the idea of a husband behaving in any way similar to Lucas as he is depicted here. I find subservience and submission abhorrent. But I thought the story was very well written with no obvious errors in the use of language. As the one positive Anon said, the language was interesting ("almost poetic") and the use of third-person present tense actually worked well.

I thought it was a description of a situation rather than a story with a beginning, middle and end. There was no character development or motive, but the husband's conflicted and confused emotions were done well.

I will be interested to see where The_Reader takes it from here.

Lue

Ps: My thanks to the LW commentariat. You put this story at the top of the 'Most Comments' list. It obviously attracted interest.

so when he leaves he will never see the bitch again let alone pick her up or call her in sick just go home pack and leave the slut

Im going to write in an "arty" way to convey the husbands twisted anguish.

No, it's just pretentious twaddle about a fucked up relationship.

echo Bebop's comments that is. please pick a different topic, she doesn't love her husband anymore

A good effort for your first story. Your writing style transmits the anguish that the husband feels seeing his wife get fucked by her lover. Your subject matter is a difficult one to sell for the LW fans (too many are just seeking revenge BTB stories and are not interested in human psychology) so be prepared for lots of BS comments - just delete the personal/hateful ones. If you decide on a Part 2 for this story you might want to be careful of repeating the same story if you decide on a different lover for the wife. You’ve painted the husband into a corner so it will be interesting to see if you can write him out of his predicament. If you want to that is. It’s your story so it’s up to you.

no part 2 required

Anguish and misery are the images you needed to get across and you succeeded.

Nice writing. You said much with a minimum of words.

We heard you the first time. Just kidding. I look at the number of comments, running 11 to 2 againsr, as being more a reaction to a bad cuckold story than anything positive.

This was in the author's biography note. His "giving it a try" of the English language is better than the ability shown by many English-speaking authors on this site and even more of the commenters.

Lue

That the English is good is debatable. That the story is more cuck sewage drowning the LW category is not.

From the small view we are given she appears to me to not be concerned with her husband’s feelings. He seems to have agreed to this reluctantly. The only way he may be able to get his message of fear and loathing across to her is to leave his ring there and just walk away. Not pick her up. Let her find her own way home.

Welcome to the Loving Wives Swamp, the place where many readers, who can’t understand English hang out. Why do I say they can’t understand English? Just look at the description of the LW category: (Loving Wives - Married extra-marital fun: swinging, sharing & more.)

How can anyone read this and expect to find a story about a wife that really loves her husband? And yet time after time we read comments by those who obviously don’t understand what the LW category should include, AND they get pissed when someone points out their error.

Now, back to your (story?)—BTW I assume you’d like constructive criticism. I think you have presented a few well written scenes with an unwritten story. Personally I abhor your story line, but can still read with an open mind, and you surely present the angst of the hubby very well along with the selfishness of the wife and the arrogance of the lover.

What you don’t have is a complete story, since a story should have a beginning, a middle, and an ending. Instead you have dropped us right in the middle of something and we don’t know how we got there. Why is Audrey treating Lucas like this? Why has he agreed to it? How does Xavier fit into the picture? How did Audrey meet him and why did she decide she would treat Lucas so shabbily?

I know—all stories have to pick a point in time to start and the characters always have a life that made them what they are, but writers really must give readers some of that background so we can identify with the characters.

On the plus side, as Lue says, you do a darn good job with English, and you obviously have story telling talent. I think you will develop a good following if you stick with it.

Thanks for the read! cd

What a loser.

Maybe in your sick fantasy you have a psychological need for humiliation, but the rest of society doesn't find this amusing/entertaining.

Get yourself some help!

Smokepole

Just another wimp cuck story. He will cry ,she will pacify him with a hand job. He will then have make up sex and she will go back to her lover for more sex and he will cry some more with a hard cock. Same same same wimpy stuff

Well you set the table, now what are you going to serve? What's his motivation? What's hers? Why would he put up with such cruelty from his wife? He doesn't seem to enjoy it. Erections come and go, don't mean much as far as if he likes watching or knowing. Seems like he'd be better off without her.

Please don't let this guy be another brainless loser.

R.

Yet another cuck story, what is it with this shite theme. Do husbands actually want another man to steal their wife ! ?

So far all I get is a bad idea of a knock-off Handmaid's Tale where she's the f-ing prize in a cult lottery. Not even a decent plot. Learn to write as an author. No one wants to read of continual wife banging. It gets boring.

I hope the next chapter gives us some backstory about why they're doing this.

Well written though, very descriptive. It was hard for me to read, the author put so much of the husband's anguish into the words.

Is the marriage is over. He did something terrible, and this is her way of punishing him. Take the ring and give it to someone who loves you. Someone who loves you would never do this to you, especially not to your face. Unless this is one of those rare fictions where the husband gets off on humiliation and the wife's sexual satisfaction with other men. If he is a weak man , kill.himself, or drink himself to death. Stronger beat the shit out of the lover , and walk out of there with the ring in hand. But since he just sat there and took it , either he enjoys the humiliation or he is taking punishment for something he did. This is definitely not an act of love, but one of humiliation and punishment, if not a lack of respect. Any thing else is truly a work of fiction.

We don’t know the backstory of how they got to this point. We also don’t know where it goes to conclusion

All we know is what we have in front of us. A piece of literature that draws our ire evokes anger and generates empathy

Job well done good sir

With no backstory I was punished as much as the husband

WTF I hope this cuckold sissy is at least getting paid for the uses of her body, if not he needs to pull his gun now and use it, on both of them..