Nothing is Always Something

On the way home Carolyn asked if I was hungry and wanted to stop for a bite to eat. I nodded yes so, she pulled into Rocky's Luncheonette. I loved eating at Rocky's because they had the best burgers in town. We sat down and placed our order and I decided on a chocolate malt to wash it down with.

While waiting Carolyn said, "Jim what's the matter? This just isn't like you. Your mood today and your strange behavior since yesterday. What's the problem? I want to help." I looked into her eyes and did see her concern.

"Nothing. It's nothing babe. Nothing you can do right now." She gave me a puzzled look and before she could reply our food arrived. We ate in silence and as soon as I finished, I promptly got up and paid the check and went out and got in the car. Carolyn seemed bewildered but I told her I hadn't slept well in the hospital and just wanted to get home and rest. As soon as I got home, I took a nap in my recliner until Aimee got home from school. "Daddy! I was so worried are you alright!" Aimee cried as she ran up and jumped into my lap and gave me a giant bear hug and refused to let go.

"I'm okay baby, nothing to worry about. Is there Mommy?" As I looked directly at Carolyn. Carolyn answered, "No baby nothing at all, Daddy is just fine." I thought I saw some tears in Carolyn's eyes as she beat a hasty retreat to the kitchen. I played with my daughter all afternoon and helped her with her homework in the evening. After watching some television, I carried her up to bed and tucked her in.

As soon as Aimee was asleep, I left her room and closed the door. I told Carolyn that I needed to shower and get some sleep as I was returning to work in the morning. I went in and took a long hot shower. I accepted that she had cheated on me. I needed to decide what I wanted and what actions I planned to take regarding my future, Aimee's future and all our futures. I knew that it was something I couldn't be cavalier about. It required insight and wisdom as well as consideration for everyone directly and indirectly involved.

After a restless night I awoke before dawn and got out of bed. I took another shower in the guest bedroom and was out the door before Carolyn or Aimee were awake. I stopped at the local Denny's for some food and a much-needed infusion of caffeine. After devouring a Grand Slam® breakfast and three cups of steaming hot joe I was out the door and on my way to my office.

After I arrived at the office I was besieged by well-wishers and a lot of questions. I gave them each a hearty thanks but little else beyond catch up on work and small talk. After I had a chance to catch my breath, Julie came into the office with a welcomed cup of steaming black life's blood for a caffeine lift that was needed and greatly appreciated.

After a couple of sips Julie asked, "Jim, are you okay? You seem a little down and after what happened." Julie burst into tears. She was worried I tried to commit suicide. I got up and walked around the desk and gave her a shoulder to cry on. When she regained her composure, I asked her to sit down.

"Jules, first off, I apologize if I made you worry. I'm not fine but doing better and don't worry I didn't nor do I plan to hurt myself in any fashion. You remember the day I left early due to a migraine?" She nodded in the affirmative.

"When I got home, I went up to my bedroom and I found Carolyn in bed having sex with my best friend Tom Reynolds. I had to get out so I headed to the park to clear my head. I lost it and just spaced out. However, the next morning when Mike Flannigan woke me, I was suffering from mild hypothermia. I didn't realize that I had been there all night. I went to the hospital where they warmed me up and kept me overnight. Yesterday I stayed home and rested while doing my utmost to avoid dealing in any fashion with Carolyn."

Julie looked at me and I could see the shock as it registered on her face, "My God Jim! I can't believe Carolyn would do something like that. I always thought that you two had the perfect marriage."

"I did too Jules. It was the utter shock and disbelief of her betrayal of our marriage, our commitment to each other which caused me to space out the other night. I need to decide what the next step is. So, if you can handle things I'm going to work on my personal life and take the rest of the day. That will give me the weekend to deal with things at home."

"No problem boss! I've got things here!" With that she walked out the door and back to her office. I called my attorney Jack Rice and told him what I discovered and asked him about my legal rights. He told me he had an opening in 30 minutes and I told him I'd take it. I cleared my desk and headed out for the afternoon.

I sat down with Jack and he advised me regarding divorce in New York State. He told me that I could file on the grounds of adultery but that it wouldn't affect the division of martial assets unless I could prove that Carolyn spent a significant amount of money on her lover. Also, since she doesn't work outside the home, I would pay alimony and child support. We would most likely have joint custody of Aimee.

I thanked him and at least I knew where I stood if we need to divorce. I decided to grab some lunch so I went to Rocky's for a burger and fries but skipped the chocolate malt. I did have a big slice of homemade raspberry pie and some coffee. With all the caffeine I've had so far, I should be wired but instead I feel tired.

I finished the pie and coffee, paid my bill and headed out the door to my car. I decided to head home and have a talk with Carolyn before Aimee gets home. I needed more information than I have currently and the only one who can answer those questions is Carolyn. When I arrived home, I noticed that Tom's car was in the driveway.

I thought, "I can't believe that she would bring him to the house so soon after I got out of the hospital. I sat in the car and tried to compose myself before going inside. The anger that had been building up inside was ready to surface and if I catch them at it I'm going to hurt him bad. I finally got out of the car and made my way toward the house.

As I opened the front door and entered the foyer, I saw Carolyn sobbing uncontrollably with her head on Tom's shoulder. It wasn't anything romantic or sexual, Tom was just trying to comfort her. They didn't notice me so I spoke, "Tom what are you doing here this time of day?"

They both jumped and Carolyn ran over to me and wrapped her arms around me while Tom stood there dumbstruck. Finally, he said, "Hey old buddy! I just dropped by to see how you're doing. I'm sorry I missed you at the hospital."

Carolyn piped up and chimed in saying, "Jim what are you doing home so early! I'm glad I've been so worried with all that has happened. Tom came by to inquire about you and I lost it for a moment."

I looked her in the eyes and said, "We need to talk. Tom, your concern is noted for what it's worth but don't bother yourself and if you will excuse us." Tom mumbled, "Sure." As he made his way out the door. I asked Carolyn to take a seat. I began by saying, "Carolyn, what ever is said stays between us. For now, it's our marriage and Tom doesn't belong anywhere near it, you understand?"

"Yes, Jim but why would Tom be involved with our marriage and why would you think I would involve him in private matters?" She asked with trepidation.

I replied, "Well, you involved him when you decided to start fucking him behind my back. The day of my accident I came home with a migraine to rest and recover until I found the two of you in our bed, MY FUCKING BED screwing each other! The pain and depth of betrayal forced me to leave before I killed Tom right in the middle of your orgasm. I left and went to the park where I went catatonic and nearly froze to death!"

She began to wail harder. She screamed, "I'm so, so sorry Jim!! Please forgive me." Suddenly, I heard the front door open and in strolled Tom. He looked at the pile of quivering mess that my wife had morphed into and looked at me and shouted, "What the hell have you done Jim!"

He took a step toward her, as she laid on the floor in the fetal position, and I stepped in front of him. "Hey asshole, get out of my house! You come in fuck my wife behind my back and now you want to insert yourself where you don't belong! I didn't and never would lay as much as a finger on her. You have no rights regarding my wife so if you don't want to get hurt GET OUT!!"

Carolyn in between sobs told him to leave so he finally and reluctantly left. I went to the window and made sure he drove away. I turned to Carolyn and told her to pull herself together before Aimee came home. I told her to, "Clean yourself up. As long as we're married, that bastard is not to set foot in this house! You are not to call, text, meet up, or message him in any way, unless of course you want a divorce then you are free to carry on carrying on. We'll continue this tomorrow after Aimee is gone to Jo's slumber party."

As Carolyn ran upstairs to shower I took the time to phone Jo's mother Samantha. I explained, without going into detail, that Carolyn and I were working on some issues and wondered if at all possible, could she take Aimee early. Sam said she would gladly have Aimee over to help them get prepared for the party and told me to bring her at 9am. I profusely thanked her and told her she was and always had been a great friend and I would see her at 9.

Aimee arrived home around five following basketball practice. Carolyn stayed upstairs in the bedroom while I worked in my home office. I called and made reservations at our favorite Italian restaurant so Carolyn didn't have to cook and in order to maintain some semblance of normalcy in our family life, at least for the evening.

I told Aimee to shower and get dressed as we were going out to eat and to knock on the bedroom door and tell her mother were eating at 6:30pm and where we were going. Aimee shouted, "Yippee!" She bounded up the stairs and I heard her knock and tell her mother before she ran down the hall and jumped in the shower. As soon as she heard the shower Carolyn emerged from our room, crept down the stairs and looked for my reaction.

As she neared the bottom landing I told her, "Come down Carolyn, I haven't bitten you to date and don't intend to start now. It's been a tense and traumatic day. Tonight is a night for family, so let's put aside our problems and concentrate on taking a deep breath and enjoy time with our daughter and tomorrow we can be reasonable and civilized when we talk. That will give us time to consider where we are and where we are going forward, Okay?"

"Okay Jim, I'm so sorry!" She added.

"I simply replied, "I know you're sorry. Save it until tomorrow."

We went out to dinner and put forward a façade of blissful happiness for the sake of Aimee. If she sensed anything was amiss she didn't show it. She enjoyed being able to order for the table and gladly wolfed down her favorite meal, lasagna with Caesar salad and garlic knots. We went home and played a couple of board games and Aimee won hands down.

By 10 she was lights out and I reminded her of the slumber party and that she would be going early to help Mrs. Thompson (Sam) and Jo set up. She gave her mother and me hugs and kisses, thanked us for a fun evening and headed for bed. I told Carolyn I had some work to finish and I retired to my office. I really just had to gather my thoughts and I needed to be alone and away from Carolyn.

It was nearly 1am before I entered the guest room. The alarm on my phone was scheduled to ring at 7am. I undressed, rolled down the covers and crawled in. Exhaustion finally claimed me as a victim and I fell into a restless slumber until the alarm sounded in the morning. I awoke as the sun desperately tried to peek through the blue smoke clouds in the morning sky. These are clouds that hinted of a coming snow and foretold the shortened days of the coming winter.

As I looked out the window which faced the east I caught a brief glimpse of the rising sun before the icy cold sea of clouds swallowed it whole and wouldn't appear again that fateful day. I watched as a cold unforgiving wind blew the remaining rogue leaves of the maples and white birch trees that adorned our landscape. The house was warm and cozy but as I watched the merciless wind tear the last ruminants of brown detritus fall I felt, in my mind, the icy bite of the wind that blew and I shivered as it nipped at me in my imagination. The now barren trees appeared cold and lifeless and I thought it to be a perfect symbol of our marriage.

It appeared dead above the ground yet beneath lie a strong root structure. It would anchor the tree and help it to weather the harsh mistress that is winter and when it emerged in the spring it would bring greener pastures and renewed life but only if the parasite is removed. I wondered if the treatment I applied would be strong enough and timely enough to save our family tree.

I thought long and hard about my marriage and our family. I decided to try and work it out with Carolyn but since marriage is a partnership she would have a say if that was to be the case. I rationalized each outcome and was prepared to face any and all scenarios. I had conditions either way and if Carolyn didn't meet them I was prepared to pull the plug. Because we have invested so much together and created a beautiful little girl I promised myself to be amicable either way. The only deal breaker is if she in any way involved that sleaze bag, then the gloves needed to come off.

I heard Carolyn as she went down the stairs and soon after smelled the unmistakable aroma of a fresh pot of coffee as it brewed. I headed into our room and showered and shaved in my own bathroom. I came out refreshed and ready to meet any challenge the day offered. I woke old sleepy head Aimee and told her to she needed to be up and dress in 45 minutes. I told her we were going to IHOP and she sprung out of bed. That girl loved her pancakes.

I headed downstairs and into the kitchen. I saw Carolyn at the table as she sipped a steaming cup of liquid nirvana slightly altered by her prerequisite dash of cream and two sugars and she immediately jumped up and filled me a mug full of the nectar. I thanked for the coffee. I told her that Aimee and I had planned to eat at IHOP and I would drop her at the party by 9am. I told her once I returned we had the entire weekend to hopefully address the two ton elephant in the room that occupied and distracted us from living our lives. With that I got Aimee to say goodbye to her mom and we headed out and off to breakfast.

I dropped Aimee off after she polished off a double stack of chocolate chip pancakes. So it was a stuffed and sated little girl that got out and off to spend the weekend with her best friend as she celebrated her birthday which actually fell on the following Monday. I said hello to Sam and she told me she hoped things worked out. I thanked her and told her I'd pick up the munchkin Sunday afternoon. I got in the car and as I drove I realized that time had come to clear the air and that the fate of my family's future hung in the balance and I had no clue as to which way the scale would be tipped come Sunday.

I became increasingly nervous as I neared my home. I was willing to fight for my marriage but Carolyn needed to meet me in the middle. One thing I knew for certain, I would never agree to be a cuckold nor would I capitulate to any type of wife sharing open marriage bullshit. Like Texas Hold Em she needed to be "all in" on our marriage or go bust.

I pulled into my drive and as I stepped out of my car I felt an icy blast of north wind as the door to the garage closed and shielded me. I instinctively pulled my collar up around my neck and hoped upon hope it wasn't a harbinger of things to come. I walked slowly through the door and I found Carolyn dressed and at the table as if she had anticipated the exact time of my return. She had poured me a fresh mug of Joe and motioned for me to sit down.

She started to speak but I raised my hand to stop her. I said, "Carolyn, I promised you a chance to fully explain what has happened in our marriage that was so bad, so unsatisfying, that caused you to step outside our marriage and why did it have to be with the likes of that sleaze ball that used to be my best friend. Don't try to defend was cannot be defended."

I don't want to hear that he's really a nice guy or any bullshit that serves to try and excuse that which cannot be excused. He is persona non grata and dead to me. So beware that any defense of him and his behavior in even the slightest manner ends this discussion permanently followed by the irrevocable termination of our marriage."

I added, "If your intention is to try for reconciliation I've a few ironclad ground rules that must be strictly adhered to. Again, if you cannot or will not agree to capitulate to what is laid out today, again, the result will be termination and dissolution of our marriage."

I began, "First, I expected and demand fidelity that is expected of a married couple bound by bonds of love and faith. I pledged and have maintained my fidelity to your over the course of our marriage and I expect nothing less in kind." That statement caused Carolyn to turn on the water works. I added, "Carolyn, please, you've got to stop with the tears! It wasn't meant as an attack, it's just a statement of fact and an affirmation of what I expect should we decide to move forward. I gave her a couple of minutes to regain her composure.

I could tell she wanted to speak but I told her to allow me to finish uninterrupted and I would do so in kind. I started again, "Whether or not you agree, you betrayed me, our daughter and our family by lying and cheating. That being said, it pales in comparison to what I consider the ultimate betrayal, the mutual decision made by you and Tom to "hang the horns" on me. He the brother I never had and you the wife I loved with every single fiber of my being held me in such low regard as to violate our bonds of trust. You both disrespected and humiliated me to the point where the shock proved nearly fatal."

I plowed on as the tears continued to fall like a soft steady summer rain and I felt the warmth as they ran down my cheeks and I tasted the salt as they ran across my lips into my mouth. "Carolyn, because of that fatal flaw, that vile contentious act set one perhaps two marriages on the brink of collapse and a nearly lifelong friendship flushed like any other waste, down the toilet. So, my second condition is that you and by default, Aimee and I, must permanently sever any and all connections with Tom, Stacey and the boys."

I told her, that, "It's a hard price to pay. It's up to the sleaze bag to decide how to explain the end of a nearly thirty year friendship. Hopefully, he can spare Stacey and the boys some pain. So far the kill zone encompasses our two families. Every single member permanently and painfully impacted by the wanton lust and misguided narcissism of two adults who should've known better and most assuredly behaved better."

"I heard him say he wanted you to dump me, that he had wanted you for a long time and wanted you to leave me for him. I wonder if either of you thought ahead or considered the impact a divorce or divorces upon our extended family and our other friends. Feeling obligated to choose sides. I love your parents, it has sickened me to think that I may lose that close relationship we developed over the years. To lose friends who felt the need to choose a side or jettison both sides to avoid such a decision. The loss of our children relegated to live in a one parent home with either a part-time father or mother. Family sacrificed like sacrificial lambs upon the loathsome and perverted altar of infidelity, and for what, some cheap thrill?"