Nothing is Always Something

Officer Flannigan was making his rounds in the park when he came upon me. I sat upon a park bench nearly catatonic as the sun was trying to peek above the horizon. The late November morning had a foreboding chill. The maples, oaks, and the few elms that survived the Dutch elm disease were long barren. Their leaves danced in the in the icy wind that swirled around me. I stared out at inky blackness of the lake as the first rays of dawn had yet to illuminate the cold dark waters.

I vaguely knew that hours had passed when I sat down on this exact bench. After a while the very same sun, our life sustaining yellow star, faded into oblivion behind the lake as the darkness cascaded upon the sleepy setting. Sometime during the early morning hours, a heavy dew dropped all around me and the bench was dripping and wet save the place where my silhouetted figure prevented the dew from forming.

Drenched leaves clinged to the bench held captive by the morning dew indicating a cold wind that blew out of the north during the night an unwelcome harbinger of the winter that loomed in the dank shadows. As the sun continued to make its presence known, the sky a gun metal gray streaked with clouds that continued to amass. An ominous sky that promised a bone chilling rain reminiscent of late autumn in the northeast that revealed just a hint of snow.

I finally came to consciousness when I realized I was being poked with something hard and a deep baritone voice was raised above normal conversation but just under screaming or yelling. I heard, "Hey buddy you can't sleep here the park is closed!" I realized the object was the good officer's nightstick and as I regain some semblance of awareness, I knew that voice.

"Jim? What in the name of heaven and earth are you doing here at this time of day!" he said both shocked and surprised as he believed me to be one of the unfortunate vagrants that called the park home on any given evening. "Jim, you're shivering!" I heard him as he placed an urgent call for an ambulance for a possible hypothermia victim.

I wondered who was suffering from hypothermia? It just me and Flannigan here and he has a thick lined windbreaker, hat with earmuffs, and gloves. This caused me to do a quick self-assessment and as I looked at myself, I realized that it was me who was shivering uncontrollably. I then observed that I had sat down yesterday in just my suit, tie, and dress shoes. I was most assuredly underdressed for spending the night in the grip of the winter prelude before me. I thought to myself, "What was I thinking?" I knew that I'm normally not so foolish as to leave myself exposed to the elements ill-prepared.

The distant sun continued its creep above the horizon as I heard the distinctive wail of the ambulance siren approaching ever closer to where I was covered in a musty blanket from the back of Flannigan's patrol car and mildew was not the worst of odors that emanated from the cover. However, I soon felt the modest reflective warmth generated as my cold core began to slowly warm up which had slowed but far from stopped my considerable shivering.

My mind was still fuzzy. Any logical and reasonable explanation for finding myself in my current predicament continued to elude me as I was placed on a gurney, loaded into the ambulance and whisked away to the local hospital. During the 5-minute ride I was poked, prodded, examined and connected to many wires and tubes.

Once inside the emergency room I was assessed and diagnosed with moderate hypothermia and my core temperature was about 83°F or 28°C. They began a warm saline IV to slowly warm my core. The hospital contacted my wife who arrived at the hospital about 2 hours after I had been admitted. During that period and as I warmed up, I became more lucid and slowly realized why I had been in the park so late and why I sat upon that bench. Earlier events had traumatized me. In fact, I just became fully aware of the causation of my behavior when my wife burst into the room and began to scream at me while my mind fixated on what I had witnessed yesterday afternoon.

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My name is James Tyson I'm 32 years of age, married to Carolyn 30 and have a daughter Aimee 7. I always been prone to migraines and I began seeing an aura which is an indicator that a major headache is soon upon me. I called my assistant Julie into my office and told her that I needed her to hold all my calls for the rest of the afternoon, cancel my appointments and that I'm not to be disturbed.

I briefly explained my on-coming headache. She understood because she has witnessed some severe ones in the last dozen years. I closed the blinds and laid down on the floor by my desk in the darkest spot in my office. I placed a tablet under my tongue as the medicine was delivered sublingual. Julie opened the door slightly having turned the lights in the outer office off. She entered quietly and placed a bag of ice on the back of my head and backed out slowly shutting and locking my office door.

The quiet and darkened room coupled with the medicine and ice pack helped to calm me down and soon the aura passed. It was 1pm on a Friday so I decided to head for home and enjoy a long weekend. I packed up my briefcase and headed to the door. I had put my sunglasses on to avoid the bright sunlight from triggering a more severe migraine. I drove slowly on my way home because I was afraid that the pain might distract my driving and I didn't want to risk an accident.

When I arrived home, I opened the door to my garage to pull in and I saw Carolyn's car inside. I found it strange as she was supposed to be at work at this time of day. I hoped either her or Aimee hadn't come down with something. I opened the door to the foyer where the washer and dryer is. I walked into the kitchen and saw nothing that indicated anyone had been here since this morning.

I walked through my living room and went upstairs and headed for my bed. As I approached the door to our room, I heard muffled sounds. I thought my fears had come true and Carolyn was under the weather and is watching television. As cliché as it was the voices I heard grew louder and more distinct as I approached my bedroom door which was slightly ajar. It appeared that she had not felt the need to close it. What I had heard was not the television but it was my wife in conversation.

As I approached the door a male voice spoke and it was the voice of my long-time friend Tom. I heard him as he said, "I don't have a lot of time today as I have a client meeting at 2pm. So can we get right to it?"

I heard Carolyn voice her disappointment as she replied, "Tom if I had known that we would even be here. I only get you once a week as it is and this is our time." Tom answered, "I'm sorry babe! Especially since I know that old pal Jimmy boy isn't up to task in satisfying you." By this time, I had gotten into position so I could see them through the door.

Carolyn winced a bit as she replied, "Tom that isn't so! Jim does satisfy me, just differently. Ever since you showed me that huge gun at the cookout at your place last year I knew I needed to try it. You provide me with something different, not better just different. You should be ashamed of doing this to your best friend and if you continue to bad mouth him you won't get any more of this pussy!"

Tom had been after Carolyn for some time and now that he had her he didn't want to blow it. So, he replied, "Your right babe, I should be ashamed but I'm not and that's due to the way I've felt about you for a long time. I would leave Mallory in a heartbeat if you just say the word because you know I want you all the time but, if for now, all I get is a weekday afternoon, I'll take it. I'm sorry I know you love Jim and I like him but I love you more. So, let's get to it shall we?"

With that clothes started flying all over the place and soon my wife was naked with my former friends' cock in her mouth. She slobbered all over it and got it nice and wet before he slammed it home in her pussy that I could tell was already glistening with her juices. When he lined up, he drove it in to the hilt in one thrust and Carolyn immediately orgasmed.

She said, "Fuck me Tom! Oh, fuck me hard and deep!" Tom began a savage assault on her pussy. His cock was pistoning in and out at breakneck speed and with every stroke Carolyn moaned and babbled incoherently between screams of ecstasy.

Tom's breathing became labored as he was nearing completion. Carolyn had sensed his impending finish so she screamed, "Come in me Tom! Fill me with your seed! It's so, so good! Come with meeeeeee!" The two lovers exploded in orgasmic bliss as I collapsed outside the door.

I heard Tom say that he needed to get going and suggested they grab a quick shower together. I saw Carolyn grab Tom by the hand as they ran off to the bathroom. The sound of running water brought me to my senses and I realized I needed to get out of there. I jumped into my car and drove for what seemed like hours until I passed by the park. I decided to watch the sunset over the lake.

I was numb by the time I reached the bench and as I watched the sun slowly fade into darkness, I realized what a perfect metaphor for my life and marriage. An inky black soon surrounded everything and my mind followed suit. It was then I lost cognitive awareness of myself and surroundings until Flannigan rousted me later the next morning. Now the woman who so utterly betrayed me and our wedding vows was standing next to me as I lay in a hospital bed yelling at me incessantly.

"James Tyson you had me worried sick! You didn't call and didn't come home. I thought the worst that you were with another woman and now I find out that you let yourself nearly freeze to death on a park bench! What in the Sam Hill is wrong with you?"

I responded by not responding. I just laid there in the bed with my eyes closed. I listened to the annoying beep of the alarm on my IV that ran dry, and the machine that monitored my vital signs and my wife's irritating caterwauling. Now that I had returned to the land of the living, or near so as it was, I needed time to process the events of the previous day. So, I simply chose to ignore her.

Of course, I knew that this wasn't a viable strategy for very long. I'm sure she talked to the doctor before coming in though I believed I could blame it on the medications for the rest of the night. Truth be told I was tired from everything that had transpired over the past 27 hours and I simply rolled over and went promptly to sleep.

I found myself awake in the middle of the night and alone with my thoughts so I began contemplating what went wrong and why. I wish I could say that I noticed a change in Carolyn's behavior but there were no red flags. Carolyn was occasionally distant but that in and of itself was not unusual though it was extremely occasional. I would ask her what the matter was but she always replied, "Nothing, it's nothing babe."

As a stay at home Mom by choice, Carolyn has quite a bit of free time on her hands. She spent a lot of time out to lunch, shopping, or going to the movies with friends during the week. Occasionally they go out in the evening if they wanted to see a film with more adult features.

She had started going out to the movies a couple of times a week in the evening. In retrospect I should've been suspicious but Tom told me that Stacey was also going so I never questioned it. Although it's most likely Tom was throwing some shade to cover their clandestine rendezvous. One evening when Aimee had a parent teacher conference Carolyn was headed out the door when I stopped her. I asked, "Where are you going?"

She replied, "Just heading out to the movies with Jan and Stacey."

"Hold up! Tonight, is Aimee's parent teacher conference. You need to be there." I reminded her. She slapped her forehead as it to say what a ditz I am. She crinkled her face into a frown and said she needed to make a quick call to beg off. She returned after several minutes and we headed out the door. When we arrived at Aimee's classroom, I saw Jan and Stacey they're with their husbands. I thought it strange at first but figured that Carolyn had phoned and one or both and reminded them as well.

I guess that is why the shock of what I witnessed had hit me so hard. I loved Carolyn, my daughter, and our family so completely. I was so happy and satisfied with my life that I could ill imagine that Carolyn didn't reciprocate my sentiments. I have read the myriad of excuses made by people who have cheated on their beloved and or betrothed or those who condone such behavior.

Some said its only sex it has nothing to do with you. Bullshit! If the other partner was fully satisfied, they would not seek something outside a relationship. Another is the need to feel desired by someone other than your significant other. Because complements a partner are a requirement or that somehow you fail to appreciate them as a sexy and desire woman.

I would concede the occurrence of complacency in relationships, especially if they are a little longer in the tooth. I've always hated reading about couples that have been together 2-3 years and lay claim that they are bored within the relationship so they seek solace outside of it. If you are bored or dissatisfied with your partner in such a short period of time then you shouldn't have committed to it in the first place.

As to compliancy in longer relationships, if you have invested a lengthy period of your life to another and developed a vested interest in that person you should've developed a level of communication within your relationship to work on your issues even if it leads to the end of that relationship.

When one person in a relationship decides to give of themselves either physically, emotionally or both to someone other than their significant other without ending the prior relationship the lies and deceit necessary to maintain an illicit relationship is nothing but pure betrayal to the love and trust of that person. To cause a person you profess love and devotion to this much pain and humiliation there is no reasonable or plausible excuse.

If someone has the right to seek out another then it's reasonable that their current partner be given the right to object. However, a cheated spouse has lost power and has been made less than equal in their relationship. Their thoughts and feelings no longer bear consideration when they should bear the utmost consideration.

Tom for his part is no better. He failed to consider his wife Stacey and two boys Mark and Steven. He has betrayed his wife and family, our friendship and the trust given him to be a part of our lives as well as Carolyn to be a trusted to be part of his family's lives as well.

Yet, such betrayal reaches beyond the walls of our respective homes. Our extended family and friends will all become causalities. As sides are chosen and accusations of blame are assigned, whether right or wrong, dozens of interconnected relationships will end or never be the same because of the selfish actions of two individuals.

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When the nurse woke me the next morning for meds, I noticed that Carolyn was no where to be found. That surprised me given her long-winded diatribe that she delivered ad nauseum yesterday about how "worried" she had been about me. She knew I'd be awake this morning so where was my so-called loving, caring, and concerned wife so long after the rooster crowed?

I thought "we mustn't let something as terrible and traumatic as nearly losing the man she professed to love with every fiber of her being stand in the way of true love or was it simply true lust?" Either way it prevented her from being here to welcome me back among the living population.

The doctor stopped in to say that he had signed my discharge papers and I was free to go as soon as a transporter could be sent to wheel me down to the front lobby exit. He asked about my wife, but all I could do was shrug my shoulders, in frustration, sorrow or was it simply relief? The nurse said several calls to the numbers she gave them went unanswered and straight to voicemail.

The last over an hour ago. I received a call from my assistant Julie asking how I was doing. I told her I was a bit tired but otherwise fine and I would be back to the office in a day or two at most. I had just hung up from Julie when my sister Cindy and her husband Jeff appeared in the doorway. They dropped by yesterday but I was out of it so they happened to arrive as I was being discharged.

We chatted for a minute before the nurse popped in and said I should be released in the next thirty minutes. That prompted Cindy to ask, "Where's Carolyn?" I shook my head and said that I didn't know. I told them, "Several attempts to call both the house and her cell by myself and the hospital went directly to voicemail, so I'm not sure."

Jeff offered, "Maybe she is on her way and her cell is dead. In all of the commotion she must have forgot to charge her phone."

I replied, "Sound's reasonable. However, I've called home several times in the past hour and got nothing but the machine. Our house is just 15 minutes from here."

Jeff just nodded in confusion and didn't know how to reply. I looked at my sister and asked, "Did Carolyn call you the past evening?" Cindy shook her head and replied, "No, she didn't. Why?"

I said, "No reason really. She was looking for me that night when I didn't come home. I just thought that you would've been on her call list that's all."

The nurse came in with my discharge paperwork for me to sign. I asked the nurse if my wife had called and she told me no, she hadn't. Cindy and Jeff agreed to take me home and as I was being wheeled through the lobby Carolyn finally decided to make an appearance. She was in such a hurry she nearly rushed past us unnoticed.

After recognizing Cindy, she jammed on the brakes and then saw I was in the wheelchair headed out the door. "Cindy I... oh Jim darling! Where are you going?" I told her I had been discharged. She replied, "Why didn't hospital or you call me?"

I replied, "Carolyn, both myself and the hospital staff tried calling you both at home and on your cell. You never answered. All calls went to voicemail and you never called back. So, Cindy and Jeff came to see me and offered me a ride. Speaking of visitors, I wonder what my old buddy Tom is up to? I'm surprised my old pal didn't drop in. Did you talk to Tom by the way?" Carolyn stammered a bit and told me that she hadn't spoke with Tom in quite a while. "Well no never mind. You're here now and that's all that counts. You're ready to take me home?

Carolyn looked at me and wondered why I said that. She replied, "Of course babe. What a silly thing to ask. I'm sorry I missed the calls but my cell phone died and I went to get my hair done this morning so I wasn't home. I didn't realize you would be released so soon or I would've skipped my appointment and been here earlier."

Plausible. Her hair did look freshly coifed. Perhaps she hadn't been with my former friend since I espied them in flagrante delicto yesterday afternoon. Jeff pulled up so we said our goodbyes after I thanked both him and Cindy for coming and the offer of a ride. As they pulled out Carolyn went to get our car to pick me up.

While I waited the orderly, a young man about 22-23, said, "You're a lucky man Mr. Tyson, your wife is beautiful." I thanked him. I had always thought the same until yesterday. Somehow, after seeing what I saw the other day it's as if her beauty somehow diminished overnight, flawed and now paled in comparison to my memories of her prior to the events of yesterday.

As Carolyn drove up and got out to assist me, I looked her over and tried to find the beauty my young friend saw so effortlessly. But alas, it was nowhere to be found. Her betrayal of me, of us was so repulsive and so ugly and it reflected outward so all I saw was the meduslan hideousness and it tarnished my image of her so thoroughly it bordered on repugnance and aversion.