All Comments on 'Off The Wall'

You are trying to write an erotic story, NOT a play or a script. Written in this manner you can not enjoy the story, because you are too busy trying to flitter out all the crap.

I couldn't read past first page

You are making it too hard for the reader to enjoy or get involved with the story

But I had to give feedback as you can not get better without feedback

Writing this story in script form turned me off in less than 1/4 page. Maybe someone else might enjoy it, but I wouldn't count on it. Try again is a regular format and see what happens

not readable in this format

this screen play art of writing is a great waste of time... this isnt' Hollyood and we are not any producers who search for a new storybook.... stay to the "classical" form of writing.

Ditto, Ditto, Ditto. Pal, you left me short of the 1st page.

This was ridiculously hard to read. Not erotic in the slightest, it's way too clinical and detached. Just lose the pretentious screenplay writing style.

this site is for ""SEX stories"".... where exactly

is it.... every single time you got to any one

of the scenes you faded out you didn't describe

anything whatsoever.... don't get me wrong here -

it's awesome & it's well written + outstanding

job.... howwweverrrrrrr === there are absolutely

no real sex scenes in this entire story.... other

than that _ very nicely done

I agree with everything previously said. I had no idea what was going on in this story/screen play. Didn't even get 1/8 of the way down first page.

Nobody - myself included - is going to bother reading past halfway down the first page.

Whatever you were trying to achieve with this, it didn't work.

Sorry, but no stars at all.

What I was able to read of this was godawful. As with some of the prior comments, half of the first page was MORE than enough. And like other comments, NO STARS!