Off-Track Hookup

Codes- MF, oral.

Intro- This fictional parody story partially based on true events is meant for readers with mature open minds in a safe environment. It contains discussions of crime and adult dating. I wrote this for entertainment, not financial profit. Characters based on real people are depicted, but they are meant as fictional parallel universe variants of those people and not the actual people in question.

For continuity, this story takes place early in Danica Patrick's racing career. Imagine her as older if you prefer to do so. It also takes place within my ficverse between the first six chapters of "Ruleskirter" and the entirety of "Inside Out". For historical fiction purposes, I am also moving the construction research for the Austin Formula One race track known as Circuit of the Americas.

Feedback is appreciated.

***

Austin, TX. December 2001.

"Shit!" Danica Patrick slapped her steering wheel, cursing the flashing red and blue lights in her rearview mirror. "Shit! Shit! Shit!"

The nineteen year old petite slim brunette quickly checked her speedometer- yes, she had been driving over the posted limit. That and her expert lane changes had clearly been enough to earn law enforcement attention even though her lane changes had helped her avoid a crash. She quickly calmed her emotions and changed lanes again, then pulled over to the shoulder of the highway.

The officer was pulling over behind her. Shit!

She prepared a cover story- she would introduce herself to the officer, explain she was not used to the local highway conditions- true, she had recently returned to America after living in England and racing in their Formula One Leagues. There was a chance the officer would recognize her as a professional race car driver, maybe they'd even be a fan. Would that help her? Possibly, but it was also risky to rely on fame to get you off for breaking the law. Which she had been doing. Shit!

Her insurance rates would rise due to a ticket. They were already pretty high thanks to her age and driving record, despite her being a professional race car driver- there were remarkably few insurance companies that recognized that career as a discount motivator. She was in a bad spot financially right now also- a ticket fine would not be chump change. And if this encounter got on the news, if the officer was a participant in one of those live-action police reality shows...

Control yourself, Danica, she ordered her anxiety. This is no big deal to you. Your driving career is forever plagued by hazards- be they crashes, actual mistakes, the product of things you didn't ask for like being a young attractive woman in a profession full of idiot men...

Wait, that last fact! She was a young attractive woman! And this cop might be an idiot man! Yes! She would use that to get out of the ticket, if possible. If the officer was receptive, maybe...

She checked her mirrors. A Travis County Sheriff's car had pulled her over. It had tinted windows, so she could not see the officers inside. She decided to hope for the best. An attractive man who could appreciate that she was an attractive woman... she would act as sincere as possible, just in case. She was between relationships, after all. And she was a fast girl, with certain needs. The officer might be handsome and nice. She hoped flirting with the officer would work in her favor.

But she organized her license and registration paperwork while waiting for the officer. Just in case flirting did not work.

***

In the Sheriff's car, rookie Deputy Doug Ramsay grimaced at his training officer, Deputy Sonya Lakestrider. "Any pointers on this one?"

"Really, Doug?" Lakestrider rolled her eyes at the twenty-something stocky brown-haired man beside her in the driver's seat. Why did he have to have such an ongoing confidence problem? The thirty-something sharp-featured Native American woman in the car's passenger seat gave Doug her best appropriate smile. "This has to be your fiftieth traffic stop, almost. And you're still asking me for help?"

"Well, you've been at this longer than I have," Doug reminded her, smiling and adjusting his glasses. "And every incident we encounter is different."

"Hmm." Lakestrider had been working with Doug three months so far. His probation was about halfway complete. She knew he was an officer of appropriate mental strength and morality- she'd met him rescuing a sexual assault victim and he'd graduated his police academy class with honors. In nine months as a cop he had yet to earn any unforgiven disciplinary issues. He also had a reputation for certain things about which their department was concerned.

"The suspect is obviously a skilled driver," she advised Doug. "You saw how she was weaving between lanes at high speed. She could take off at any second and we'd be hard pressed to catch her again. She might also be dangerous."

"Yes," Doug agreed. "That's why I have backup on the way. What makes you think this driver's a woman?"

"Right, let's avoid profiling." Lakestrider grinned and decided to ignore her gut instinct. "You don't care about the suspect's race or gender. Remember what I told you your first day on the job?"

Doug nodded. "I call you 'Shaman' or 'Tonto' or anything like that, we're done." Doug hoped she would also recall his response- that he might be Caucasian per prominent physical characteristics, but he too considered himself Native American, having been born in Texas with Cherokee ancestors in his family tree. Profiling made little sense to him anyway.

"Yes." Lakestrider beamed at him. "Also, keep the flirting minimal. Focus on the crime. You're not in this job to pick up dates."

Doug was an out and proud polyamorous straight individual who regularly dated five women, Lakestrider reminded herself. He was friends with benefits with at least five regular women. Lakestrider knew those women's names were Lisa, Shauna, Tara, Elena, and Angie. Doug had also dated a few women in his academy class. Lakestrider had cautioned him against dating fellow officers, as was standard, and let him know she was not interested in making their relationship anything more than professional. Doug had replied that he was okay with that, of course. His reputation as a Casanova was more fiction than fact, anyway. He did flirt a lot, but he was accepting that no meant no. Lisa, the sexual assault victim Lakestrider had helped Doug rescue, was Doug Ramsay's primary girlfriend, and that would never change.

"Remember your bodycam," Lakestrider advised Doug further.

"Right," Doug nodded. "It's fully charged. I'll turn it on soon as I step out of the car."

"Switch it on now. And talk appropriately." She invoked a ritual they had developed between them.

"Yes ma'am." Doug activated his recording device. "December 9, 2001. Probationary Travis County Texas Deputy Doug Ramsay, monitored by Deputy Sonya Lakestrider. We've just pulled over a black four door sedan. Driver was exceeding the speed limit by at least thirty miles and weaving between lanes without signaling. Our location is..."

Lakestrider nodded as she watched Doug speak their location and describe the vehicle for anyone who might review the bodycam footage later. He was a good officer. Decent-looking and pleasant personality too. If not for their professional relationship, she told herself, and the fact that she thought he had enough sexual partners already, she might give him a chance with her. No, she put that thought aside. She could not develop feelings for her rookie. This was not a TV drama.

"Backup is on the way," she reminded Doug when he had finished describing the vehicle. "We can't see the suspect driver right now. What are your plans?"

"Get their license, registration, and proof of insurance," her rookie answered. "Remind them speeding and unsafe lane changes are illegal. See how they react. Then come back here and run their license for warrants."

"Right," Lakestrider approved. "Good luck, Deputy."

"Thank you, Deputy." Doug got out of their car and headed towards the suspect vehicle. Lakestrider monitored her audio link to his bodycam, also watching his approach with her eyes.

"Hello there," Doug addressed the suspect driver once their window was lowered. "I'm Deputy Doug Ramsay, Travis County Sheriff's Department. Do you know why I stopped you?"

"Uh, was I speeding, Officer?" a young female voice asked. "Um, are you from England?"

Spot on instincts, Lakestrider praised herself. She too had confidence problems at times, despite nearly a decade as a cop and time in the US Army before that. Suspect is a woman indeed, and that's a flirting tone in her voice if I'm not mistaken. Okay, Doug, this isn't your first time with this tactic. Let's see how you handle it. You have been warned before.

"Yes, ma'am," Doug replied to the suspect driver. "You were speeding. Also changing lanes without signaling. Please ignore my accent, it's used to correct a speech impediment. Are you trying to get somewhere important?"

"No, not really," the suspect driver admitted in a sheepish voice. "I'm just driving back to my hotel from a local race track. Guess my instincts took over. Traffic conditions made that happen. At least I'm driving on the right side of the road! I'm recently returned to America from England. My bad! Look, Officer..."

"Deputy, ma'am," Doug interrupted the suspect. "I'm a Deputy with Travis County and you were breaking multiple traffic laws on this highway. You're a racing fan?"

"Yes! A professional race driver, actually. I haven't raced much in this country professionally, you might not know me. I'm..."

"Can you hand me your license and proof of insurance?" Doug interrupted her again. Lakestrider recognized his 'literal demand' voice. He wanted the suspect to hand him their paperwork, not just let him see it. He was clearly cutting off the flirting, not caring about the suspect's alleged profession or any other details besides their lawbreaking. Excellent! Lakestrider made a mental note to praise him for his attitude later.

"Here you go, Officer!" Lakestrider saw the young female suspect extend a sheaf of papers to Doug. He took them and nodded at her.

"Deputy," he then spoke before the suspect could speak further. "Deputy Doug Ramsay, ma'am. Travis County. Wait here, please. I'll be right back."

"Wait!" the suspect called. "Um, can you let me off with a warning, please? Or just let me go? I will drive better and obey the law, I promise! I'll have dinner with you too, if you're interested. I'm between boyfriends right now, and..."

"Ma'am," Doug interrupted her again. "Thank you. I will consider your offer. I'll be right back." He made a gesture and then turned away, walking back to his car.

Lakestrider nodded in approval when he got in. "We've seen that tactic before," she reminded Doug.

"Yeah," he agreed. "Not the first young attractive woman to try such a thing."

"Your bodycam is still on," Lakestrider reminded him.

"Right." Doug looked at the license the suspect driver had given him. "Suspect is named... shit! I thought I recognized her but I..." He moved to flick off his bodycam, but Lakestrider stopped him with a glare.

"Who is the suspect, Doug?"

Doug answered carefully, trying to keep his voice professional. "D-Danica P-Patrick, the pro r-race car driver! She's been r-racing in Formula One events for about t-three years as of today. Mostly in England. I guess she's back over here now. Wow, and she..."

"Calm down, Doug." Lakestrider refrained from chuckling. She had recognized Danica Patrick's name also, but was long practiced at dealing with famous people. She had pulled over multiple prominent celebrities, after all. Such things happened, working law enforcement in a capitol city known for its resident actors, sports teams, and live music. "The suspect was breaking traffic laws. We don't care about whether or not she's famous. Do we?"

"No. Of course not."

"And we both heard her invite you to date her, but that doesn't matter either. Does it?"

"No. I already have several female friends with benefits."

"And was she breaking the law?"

"Yes." Doug had by now recovered his composure. "We both observed her breaking the law." He grabbed their car's radio mike. "Dispatch, this is Car Tango Charlie 2654. We need a warrants and record check please. Suspect is a Caucasian brunette female, age nineteen, name Danica Patrick. Yes, that Danica Patrick. Date of birth..."

***

In her car, Danica tapped her fingers nervously on the steering wheel. The cute twentysomething male cop had stared at her for an instant, seemed to recognize her, but she was not sure. He had not condemned her flirting, but he hadn't accepted her offer of a date either. Had it worked? She did not know.

He was attractive, she thought. About my age, maybe a few years older. Handsome, looked good in his uniform. He seemed to like me too. Or can I be sure of that? No, probably not. He will have to do his job regardless of how he feels about me. I better remember that too.

Traffic was increasing on the freeway around her. She would have to drive more carefully on the remainder of her journey, whatever happened in the next few minutes. Danica decided to concentrate on her present circumstances and not wonder about whether she had a date or not. Or whether or not she had a ticket. She'd find out soon enough.

She tried to relax, suppress her anxiety. No way this was a reality show, right?

Danica blinked, looking in her rearview mirror and seeing two cops exit the car behind her. The young man who'd spoken with her earlier and an older female brunette. Possibly a Native American of some kind. Oh shit, she realized. Now I have to impress his partner too! And I'm not a lesbian! I only date men! There goes my flirting strategy! No, she's not my type even if I were a lesbian. She's too old, looks kinda hard-boiled even though she's a bit attractive... shit!

She commanded herself to relax as the two officers reached her car. Another police vehicle was parked just behind the Sheriff's car, she also realized. An Austin Police Department car. Its driver was staying inside the vehicle. Clearly, the police were ready if she tried to flee. Not that she would ever think of such a thing, of course! She clenched her hands on the wheel and tried to keep herself calm.

"Hello again," Doug Ramsay caught her attention, smiling and handing her back her license. "Please confirm something for my supervisor here. You are Danica Patrick, the famous race car driver, in this universe?"

"Yes," Danica said, realizing Deputy Ramsay's partner was probably also his supervisor. She'd drawn a rookie. Okay, flirting with this officer might work in her favor, but probably not.

"Thank you." Deputy Ramsay was handing back her insurance and registration paperwork. She took the offered items. "Your insurance paperwork is in order, ma'am," the Deputy said. "Your registration also. We've confirmed you have zero warrants and an acceptable driving record on local civilian roads. You are also being recorded." He tapped his bodycam lens.

"Um, yes..." Danica belatedly recognized the device on his lapel and remembered that not every reality show was obvious. Would these officers' bodycam footage be leaked to press later? She hoped not.

"Regarding your flirting earlier..." The younger Deputy grimaced. "I appreciate it, but I want you to know it will not deter me from giving you a proper citation for your offenses. Are you okay with that?"

"Um..." Danica bit her lip.

"Ma'am," the older female Deputy caught her attention. "We need you to confirm for our cameras that you were not flirting with my trainee Deputy in an attempt to get out of a citation, or if you were, you understand that his possible acceptance of your offer to date him is not a factor in whether or not he'll be citing you."

Danica quickly recognized her circumstances. "I... I accept your trainee's statement. Thank you, Deputy..."

"Sonya Lakestrider, ma'am. No, that is not my birth name, if you care, though it is a translation. And I am of the Chippewa Native American tribe." Lakestrider hoped her sunglasses would hide that she was rolling her eyes.

"I understand," Danica said. She had not asked for any of that information, but she could recognize a profiling deterrence tactic when she saw one. "Um, am I..."

"You're getting a warning," the younger Deputy told her, handing her another piece of paperwork. "Please drive more carefully. This highway is not a race track. You might have crashed."

Danica accepted the warning paperwork from him. The young Deputy had also handed her a business card with his phone number and the word "Yes" written on it and underlined in fresh blue ink. Guessing what this meant, she smiled. "Thank you."

"I hope you will not disappoint us, Ms. Patrick," Deputy Ramsay said next. "If at any moment, you were not sincere..." He shrugged nonchalantly.

Danica smirked at his earnest look. "I... you'll find out if I call you. Thanks, Deputies."

"Thank you, ma'am," said Lakestrider. "You're free to go." Doug Ramsay nodded in confirmation.

Danica again commanded herself to relax as the Deputies walked back to their car.

***

Later, back at her hotel, Danica further considered the encounter.

Danica was staying in Austin another few days. She was one of several drivers vetting the area for a possible Formula One race car track that might be built at a later date. If the area had a high number of fans and appropriate land areas... she recognized that a local police officer's opinion might be useful on those matters, no matter how junior he was. And she had not been lying about being between boyfriends. Doug Ramsay was attractive also. His professional attitude had impressed her. She didn't have the specific phone number for any other local cops. Maybe...

She took a chance and made a call.

***

They soon were having dinner at a local Chili's. The young Deputy further impressed her with his knowledge of the area and willingness to split the restaurant tab and keep her presence below the radar. Their waiter did not seem to recognize Danica, thankfully.

"I have to be honest with you, Ms. Patrick," Doug said at one point during the meal. "I was not expecting anything from you when I gave you my business card or the warning. Nor am I expecting anything now beyond immediate attention. To be further honest, I'm dating multiple women already."

Danica blinked when she heard that. "Um, I'm sorry...?"

"I'm polyamorous," Doug explained, waving her to please let him speak. "My most prominent girlfriend is a University of Texas psychology graduate student named Lisa Coleman. However, we are not exclusive. I have hooked up with her friends with benefits Shauna Shapiro, Tara Shapiro, Elena Ruiz, and Angie Messina on multiple occasions. I have also dated other women during the four years Lisa and I have dated. If you're okay with all this, I am willing to date you also, but if you're not... that's fine too. We never need to see each other again after today."

"I..." Wow, Danica realized. I really rolled a crazy fortune here! The man I want to date already has multiple girlfriends on a level close to James Bond. Perhaps I should just accept his opinion on whether the Austin area would be suitable for a race track and leave it at that. Or maybe...

"Your girlfriends are okay with you dating multiple women?" she asked, curious about his dating situation. She had considered polyamory at times. Every mature woman in the multiverse needed to consider it, right?

"Yes. Lisa also dates multiple people. Her family is in the lifestyle. Her Aunt Darcy is also her mother's girlfriend. Lisa has several other friends with benefits here in Austin, and at least two in other cities. I only date women. I experimented with guys, but it wasn't for me. As for the other girls I mentioned..." He shrugged. "They accept that Lisa is my primary girlfriend. Shauna and Tara are foster twin sisters in love with each other. They like to invite other people into their relationship on occasion. Elena is the primary girlfriend of my male platonic friend Boris. I'm free to hook up with her when he's indisposed or at orgies when she makes or accepts a request. Angie is a recent presence in my life. I was already dating others when I met her. Lisa is close to earning her Master's Degree and Angie is my designated primary girlfriend for when Lisa moves to USC for her doctorate. That's happening soon. All my girlfriends whom I wish to date regularly are aware of my polyamory and accepting of it. They've all been with Lisa too."