All Comments on 'Old John'

Please stop putting random words in quotes, save quotes for speech. Also please stop putting random words all in capitals. Both these forms of word highlighting are drastically overused, we shouldn't see it more than once or twice in a story

just look around and see all those Miracles happening around us. TK U MLJ LV NV

The rest was kind of a book report. You told us what happened, but not why. And you reported what happened instead of letting the characters tell us as it happened. Why was his wife cheating on him? Why didn't he know what happened to Jimmy when his wife was dating him then broke up? How did the wife know the child was Jimmy's and not her husband's? How did the wife and husband reconcile her cheating, and what happened to Jimmy after John let him go? How long had the wife been cheating with Jimmy?

You wrote the story around your guardian angel plot device pulling the two people from the submerged car. But the real story was the wife and Jimmy cheating, then the birth of the daughter, then the subsequent relationship between Jimmy and his wife. Obviously Jimmy knew where the wife lived, and that the girl was his daughter. So what was the whole story of the wife and Jimmy's relationship?

You left the most interesting and dramatic part of the story untold. The guardian angel is cute, but, so what? Where was the guardian angel when Jimmy was fucking his wife?

Thanks for trying, but you choked.

Put a wimp warning on this shit so I don't waste my time.

A sex site with no sex.Post this crap in NON EROTIC PLEASE.

But it felt a little rushed. Would have benefited from a tad more character development.

Your own personal-redundant I know-catharsis.

Hope you have enjoyed raising his daughter.

Probably should DNA your son

I liked it...sure is a dark story, not easy to accept it, but brought to my mind @StangStar06's story "Chrissie"...In that story it was the car the family's "Guardian Angel"...And I think we have to look at this story with a special look. I don't agree with @kimi1990's choice of psychopath! I see one in it, but he is Jimmy. So a different but good story. In my opinion better than the first one from this writer...4*

Why the hell did I just waste my time reading this? 1*

This is simply one of these stories where author has the husband go through a series of unbelievably stupid assumption and ignorance in order to set up the marriage crisis.

Why would you even THINK about marrying a girl who is still deeply in love with her ex-boyfriend and defensive and all circumstances?

Why would you marry a girl who's response to a marriage proposal is well okay I guess so?

Let me say it's different but it's a good one

Second story about psychopaths from this author. I won't read a third.

A little paranormal for LW world this morning .

I think you should have saved this for one of the Halloween contests they have here.

I'm glad to see your first story is back up .

I'm gonna think on this for a while before I score it.

it was a good story. I totally agree about loving a child, easiest thing in the world to do. I also understand that a wife can take her husband for granted and end up fucking what she sees as a much more exciting lover. What I can't see in this story is why the husband didn't just kill "Jimmie" and "Tammy"(funny choice of names for this situation) and get on with his life. If she did it so easily and openly before, she will more than likely do it again. I would do DNA on the son. Aside from that it was a well written and gripping story. Thanks for sharing your talent and your stories. 5 stars, of course.