Old Wounds Ch. 03

I shut off the car and ambled my way across the driveway to meet her at the now opened front door. Stepping inside I gave the place a quick once over before turning back to look at her.

Before I could do anything else she slammed the door and was all over me. Almost immediately cramming her tongue down my throat and reaching to untuck my flannel from my jeans. Holy fuck was she hot. It was everything I could do to keep up with her.

As she got her hands to my belt something changed. It wasn't the way she was kissing me. That was still hot and heavy. It wasn't my attraction to her. She was still hot as fuck. I'm not entirely sure what it was but something made me reach down and grab her hands before she could undo my belt.

"Caty wait." I breathed, breaking the fiery lip lock, "I'm not sure this is the best idea..."

"What do you mean? You're hot. I'm more than willing. I'm soaking wet right now Matt. Don't you want to rip my clothes off and take me everywhere in this house, any way you see fit?"

"Fuckkkkkkk," I groaned, momentarily taken aback by her forwardness.

"I promise I'll be the best you've ever had Matt," she said confidently before I had a chance to further elaborate. "I'll do things you never imagined. I'll give you whatever you want. Don't you want that? I've never done a hookup. I've only been with people I've dated and the thought of this has me so fucking turned on Matt. Don't you want me?"

Every word came out as a purr. Each more sexually charged than the last. It was complicated obvious she wanted me. It was very well known she didn't want to take no as an answer. Not after bringing me all the way here.

"Do you want me to beg?" She asked before I could respond, clearly getting more into the whole scene of me "resisting" her. "I'll get on my knees and worship your cock. I'll give you my ass. I'll titfuck you into next week. I have no idea what's came over me Matt. I've never wanted anything so bad as I want this. Thirty minutes ago you were just some cute guy at a bar, now you're some sexy hunk I want to plow my slutty little pussy until I pass out. Please baby. Give me this. Give me the wildest ride I've ever had in my life."

I started to lose sense of if she thought this was a roleplaying game or if she genuinely wanted me that bad. I couldn't imagine it was the latter, since we only just met and barely talked, so I had the gut feeling to go with the former and play along.

"Is that what you want? You want me to devour you? To pound you into a pile of orgasmic mush? You know you'll never see me again. You really want some stranger to violate you in every possible way only to disappear?"

That was obviously the right thing to say. Caty nearly came just from my words alone. It was obvious she was getting off on this.

"Yessss baby. Pound me. Use me. Use my body as your personal fuck toy then leave me in a pile of my own drool and pussy juice. You'd like that huh? Knowing some sexy little Brat is back in New York dreaming of how you fucked me like I've never been fucked before. Please baby. What do you want? Do you want to fuck my face until I cry? Shove your cock up my tight little asshole until I scream your name? Tell me baby. I'll be whatever you want."

By now she had my belt off and was working undoing the button on my jeans. Something still didn't feel right... Why the fuck was I getting into my head when I was about to have hot no strings attached sex with an absolute ten out of ten on the sexual dreams scale?

"Caty wait..." I said with a sigh.

"What's wrong? Too intense?" She asked with genuine concern.

"No I promise it's not that."

"Am I not what you want?" She questioned with a hint of worry.

"I promise it's DEFINITELY not that either..."

"What is it then?"

"I'm not sure. Something doesn't feel right," I offered lamely.

"Another girl?" Caty asked, pulling her hands away from my crotch, "I never wanted to make you feel uncomfortable or feel like you were betraying someone."

Did I head that right? Did she genuinely have concern for my thoughts right now even though I was basically leaving her high and dry? Some women would freak in this situation, throw you out of their house and call you an asshole, but apparently not Caty. Right then, in that moment, she seemed as genuine of a human as I've ever met.

"We can talk about it if you want," she offered before I could answer. "There's nothing to be ashamed of. And you don't need to feel like you're letting me down. I honestly had no intention of bringing anyone home tonight, and yes, I'd love for you to 'pound me' as it were, but I promise I'm not mad you're hesitant. This kind of thing isn't for everyone, even if they think it is at the time. Hell I second guessed myself the whole ride back here."

"You're serious aren't you?" I asked after a moment of thought.

"As a heart attack."

"Why? I'm basically standing you up right here in your foyer."

"Honestly the sex isn't a huge deal. I don't ever do hookups. I really don't know what came over me tonight. You just seemed too good to pass up and I sort of got a little too into the game of 'random guy coming to my house to ravage me' and got a little carried away. I promise I'm not a slut or some self centered bitch who just wants her way. If there's something bothering you and you don't want this, then I don't want this. If you want to just let loose and fuck me, then I'll still spread me legs and love every minute of it, but I can tell that's not what you want right now."

"You have no idea how bad I want it Caty..." I groaned.

"Maybe not, but I can tell how bad you don't want it. You stopped me when no other guy would. Something's heavy on your mind man, and whether you talk to me about it, or to someone else, you've gotta figure it out. I know you don't know me, but maybe that makes me the perfect person to rant to?" She said with a bit of hopefulness.

"Probably not. Like you said. I barely know you. I just straight up stood you up for sex when you were practically throwing yourself at me. I'm not sure you're the best person to talk to about anything. No offense to you in the slightest, the situation just seems off."

"Yea yea yea whatever. I haven't been laid in a year. I've never done hookups. Something was maybe gonna happen here tonight but now it's not. Do you see my fucking crying over it?" She laughed.

"No, but I still can't help but feel like I hurt you a little even if you won't admit it."

"Ok, so obviously it's not a girlfriend you're worried about. A guy who's thinks that way wouldn't have gone this far with me if he had a girlfriend."

"Ok what's up with you and reading me like a book?" I laughed back, finishing fixing the button on my jeans and re doing my belt.

Caty grabbed my hand once I finished fixing myself and led me further into the house, not asking me if I just wanted to leave or talk again. She seemed to be taking charge of the situation and I wasn't in any mindset to protest. I was still kicking myself to stopping things and wondering what the hell was going on.

There's no way we just did all of that after a short conversation and a dance at the bar, and now she's acting like a life long friend out to solve my problems.

Parking me at the dining room table she headed to the fridge and pulled out a pair of beers and brought them back over to me.

"Listen. You don't have to talk about anything if you don't want to. But, you did pull me away from my night of drinking so the least you can do is have a fucking beer with me ok?" She deadpanned, her world lightening grin now back on her face.

"Well her I suppose I could do that," I chuckled. "Guess I owe you."

"Whatever you wanna call it," she grinned. "Now. Tell me about her."

"What makes you think there's a woman involved?" I asked.

"Please. I was about to pull down your pants and suck you into a coma and you stopped me. There's a girl involved."

"There really isn't..." I began, "I just didn't feel right."

"Ok so there's a girl involved but you're not sure what you feel towards her."

"The fuck are you?" I joked, taking a swig of my beer, " a physiologist?"

"Maybe. Now spill."

"My best friend. Her names also Katie. With a K. We grew up together and are thicker than two peas in a pod. Ever since I joined the Army things have been strained between us and I'm not sure why. Does she have feelings for me? Fuck, do I have feelings for her?" I asked, dumbfounded. "Where the fuck did that come from."

"I am so jealous of you Matt..." she said sincerely.

"Uh, why?" I asked confused, "what I just said makes no sense."

"It makes perfect sense. You have that super rare best friends since childhood who fall in love but are both somehow blind to it love that everyone wishes they had. You've got it. You subconsciously love her. She subconsciously loves you. You can't be with anyone else without thinking of her, or at least knowing you're with the wrong person if you can't admit to yourself you wish it was her."

"I think you're a little off base there Caty."

"Am I?"

Was she? Did I love Katie? I mean, I couldn't right? We can't be together. We grew up too close. It would mess too many things up. What if it didn't work? And besides, there's no chance she feels that for me. She half hates me right now remember?

"I think you're wrong," I said unconvincingly.

"Who are you trying to convince? Yourself, or me?" She asked with her trademark grin, but this time it had a knowing gleam to it.

"I should probably be heading home Caty. As amazing and strange as this night was, I've got a long day ahead of me tomorrow."

"No problem Matt," she said with a welcoming smile, "and please, don't feel bad about tonight. Learning that that kind of love exists was honestly worth it."

"I doubt you're right, but if you are, I'll let you know," I said with a laugh.

"Here," she said as she scribbled a phone number on a sticky note that was on the table. "Take my number. When something happens with Katie with a K, I want to know ok? Unless that's out of line for me to ask."

With that we started making our way towards the front door. It felt weird leaving her like this. At first she was just a hot booty call that never happened, but I felt like I saw a side of her that she didn't really expect people to see. Either way, the night was something. That's for sure.

"I'd say it's fine. If I'm ever back on Post I'll look you up and we can grab a beer"

"Sounds good to me," Caty responded with a chuckle. "And if it doesn't work out with her you can always call me up for some hot sweaty rebound sex!" She called out as she shut the front door behind me.

Im pretty sure she was joking. Pretty sure. Either way, the night had given me a lot to think about. Such a strange, fucked up, hot, dramatic, confusing night it was.

**

"Fuckkkkkkkkkk", I groaned as I reached over to slap the alarm clock in the motel room.

I didn't really NEED to set an alarm this morning. All I had to do was fill out some paper work with the Battalion Commander then make sure my shit was in order for the plane ride across the pond. But from prior experience, I knew it was a long ass flight over there, and if we were leaving in the evening, it would be morning when we got there, so I wanted to make sure I was tired enough to sleep on the plane. Jet lag when jumping into a combat zone is pure hell.

Luckily, with the flight time and time change, it would be around 05:00 when we landed if we left Post at 20:00. With that being said, I still didn't know exactly when my flight was so all I could do was hope I'd be able to keep my sleep somewhat normal.

I rolled myself to the edge of the bed and put my feet to the cool hardwood of the floor. Seriously, what motel uses fucking hardwood, or vinyl in this case, as flooring? Seemed wrong to me.

It's not that I was used to sleeping in or anything, since I still got up early while I was home, but it still seemed like it was ungodly early for me to be awake. So early that I honestly considered curling back up in bed to catch a few more hours sleep.

Shaking that idea from my groggy mind I made my way to the bathroom to relieve myself and carry out my morning "duties". Usually when I was on duty every day I'd just dry shave in the mornings to save time since the hair was short enough to not hurt when doing so, but since I'd neglected to shave for a few days I figured I'd save myself the agony and use some shaving cream.

Before I took the razor to my face I glanced up to look myself over in the mirror. With my face covered in shaving cream I hardly recognized the man staring back at me. It wasn't the cream that had this effect, I got this feeling every now and again when I'd look in the mirror, but this morning, with the white foam making me look suspiciously like an old man with a kickass beard, I really felt like I was someone else.

They say a lot of soldiers and veterans feel this way from time to time. I'd done things that the vast majority of people are fortunate enough to never experience. I'd been in situations that made you stop caring whether you lived or died. I'd behaved differently towards my friends and family. Fuck. Maybe I really was someone different than who I was the last time I was able to gaze at myself in a mirror carefree. Back in high school...

These thoughts weren't anything new. At this point they weren't even conscious thoughts. The longer I stared at myself the deeper I got into my own head. Reliving the hell I'd been through without actually losing focus on the man in the mirror.

I'd near bled out. I'd been shot more times than I cared to count. I'd killed with my rifle. I'd killed with my bare hands. I had the horrible mental image of watching someone's life drain from their eyes as I sunk my K-Bar deeper into their chest after running out of ammo in close quarters combat.

I'd been through the hell of holding a good buddy as the life drained from HIS eyes. That one stung the worst. Don't get me wrong, I had no regrets about joining the Army. I was proud of my service to my country I loved so much. There was a thousand times more good experiences than bad. I'd do it all again in a heartbeat. If I got magically transported back to high school, I'd still join, even knowing what I did now. It had always been a part of me and who I was. Sometimes though, I figured I'd been through enough in my life to last a lifetime.

I decided right then and there this was my last one. I wasn't going to re-up. I was proud of what I'd done but I didn't want to do it anymore. Not when there was a life for me at home filled with what I'd experienced the short while I was home. THAT was living. Like my dad, I'd been there, done that, got the t-shirt, but now it was time to finish this up and get home. Leave the Army behind as a fond memory. Something to be proud of and love, but move on from all the same.

I was still young. Not even twenty-three yet. I still had plenty of time to figure out what I was going to do for the rest of my life. Still plenty of time to find the right woman, settle down, have a big family, and enjoy every day like it was the last. Hell maybe I already knew the right woman...

The hell was it with last night anyways? Some random girl from a bar saw deeper into my soul than I'd even seen. It felt like one of those supernatural encounters or something. It couldn't have been real.

If it wasn't real, why hadn't I been able to stop thinking about what she'd said? Why hadn't I been able to stop thinking about Katie? She really was the perfect woman. Smart. Funny. Caring. Drop dead gorgeous. Exactly my type in every way...

Blinking my eyes to clear my head, my focus shifted back to myself in the mirror. My eyes hadn't closed. I hadn't stopped actually seeing myself, but somehow I'd been gone, sent somewhere deep in my subconsciousness or something.

Moving the razor to my face I made a pass down my sideburns, humming a random tune to keep my mind on the present. I'd had PTSD dreams. I'd daydreamed. I'd zoned out, but never before had I been so deep in my own head than I have been these last twelve hours or so. Where the hell was all this coming from?

**

"Matt?" I heard questioningly from the other end of the phone.

"Hey Kiddo," I said. "Who else would it be?"

"I'm not too sure, the caller ID has your name on it, but you've never once called before a deployment so I'm not too sure," she laughed with only a hint of hurt behind it.

"I'm sorry about that Kiddo," I apologized. "I promised I'd be better. This is me being better."

"Any day our estranged soldiers name lights up my phone is a good day," she responded, her smile almost audible.

"I'm sure you've heard by now, but I'm cleared for duty. Heading back across the pond tonight."

"I heard..." she began, her happiness falling from her voice. "Be safe over there ok?"

"I always am Allison," I promised, using her name instead of 'Kiddo' for emphasis.

"Good."

The line was silent for a few seconds, neither of us knowing exactly what to say next. Rarely was I at a loss for words, but with everything on my mind last night and this morning, I guess I wasn't all that surprised.

"Hey Kid?" I asked tentatively, "can I talk to you for a second?"

"What do you call this then?" She giggled.

"You know what I meant." I groaned, "I've got some serious shit on my mind and need someone to talk to."

"You know I'm always here for you Matt. Whatever you need. Whenever you need it," she offered. "But what about Katie? Isn't she usually your go to for that stuff?"

"She hung up on me last night when I told her I was leaving and won't answer my calls so that makes you next in line," I chuckled.

"Above all the guys? I feel so honored," she said, the smile back in her voice.

"Will you promise anything I say here never gets repeated to anyone but me? Not even Katie."

"Oh shit it is serious," she gasped. A moment later I heard her sit down on what I presumed was her bed.

"Very. Part of it I want to keep a secret for a while, and part of it I'm not even sure what the hell I'm thinking."

"Lay it on me."

"Once this tours over I'm not signing another contract."

She didn't reply. Not right away at least like I expected her to.

"Allison?" I asked, using her full name again.

"You're coming back to us?" She asked quietly.

"Once I come back and my contract expires, the only way I'll ever put on another uniform is if they recall me"

"Recall?"

"Once I get out, if we go to like full blown war or some shit there's a window of time they can call me back to duty. But I've honestly never heard of that happening so yes. After this contract I'm done. I'm coming home."

"OH MY GOD THANK YOU!" She squealed. "We all miss you so much when you're gone Matt. We try to put on a brave face and all that but the truth is, it kills us when you leave."

"Well I won't be leaving anymore Kiddo," I laughed, honestly touched by her sentiment.

"Why do you want to keep that a secret?"

"I really don't know. Part of me wants to surprise everyone with it when I get home. But mainly it's because I just decided it about thirty minutes ago," I laughed.

"I don't care when you decided it, I'm just happy you did," she exclaimed with a smile I couldn't see but knew was there.

"That's the easy part of this conversation. This next part is what I'm not sure how to even talk about," I sighed, not sure how to begin.

"I'm all ears Matt."

"Promise nobody ever hears a word of this?"

"I promise," she reassured me. "What's up?"

"I met a girl last night at a bar..." I finally exclaimed.

"Matt...." She said with obvious disgust in her voice, "I don't want to hear about who you've slept with."

"I didn't sleep with her Kiddo," I laughed. "I almost did, but I stopped it before it got to that."