Old Wounds Ch. 03

"Then why are you telling me this?"

"She seemed to be able to see right into my soul. Into my subconscious."

"So you're telling me you think you're in love or some shit?" She asked, the disgust still heavy in her tone.

"Something like that," I groaned. "She was beautiful, smart, funny, hot as hell..."

"Sounds like you wish you would have slept with the slut," she interrupted with obvious venom in her voice.

"Woah! No need to call her a slut!" I challenged.

"Fine whatever. Why are you telling me all this?"

"Her name was Caty, but with a C. After I stopped us from hooking up we talked for a while and she said something that I have no idea where it came from, but I can't get it out of my head now that it's there."

"Ok...?" Allison asked skeptically.

"It's been on my mind all fucking night and this morning. I'm trying not to think about it, but fuck... I can't help it."

"For fucks sake Matt. Out with it!"

"I think there's a chance I'm in love with Katie."

"So you meet a hot stranger at a bar, you almost hook up, she said something to you, and now you think you're in love with her?" She asked, clearly not following.

"No. Allison. I think I'm in love with KATIE," I clarified, drawing out every syllable for emphasis.

She once again didn't respond right away. I'm not sure if it's because she was trying to process the bomb I just dropped on her or if she didn't understand still.

"Like Katie?" She asked slowly, "as in, my sister Katie?"

"Yes. That Katie," I confirmed with a sigh.

"I FUCKING NEW IT!" She yelled victoriously with what sounded like nothing but pure joy behind her words, "I fucking new it I knew it I knew it Matt! The fuck took you so long huh? The fuck have you been waiting for? I'm so fucking happy you finally opened your fucking eye-"

"Language Kiddo language!" I joked, cutting her off before she could finish.

"Oh shut the fuck up I'm so fucking happy right now Matt you have no idea I've been wanting you to figure out you two belong together for fucking years!" She exclaimed practically all in one breath.

"Years?" I asked in confusion.

"You two are perfect for each other Matt... soulmates. Everyone wishes they could only have half of that love in their life..."

"Caty with a C said pretty much that same thing last night."

"Well then I need to buy her a beer for finally making you think a little."

"It wasn't just her Kiddo," I chuckled. "When she kissed me before I flew out-"

"SHE KISSED YOU?!" She interrupted.

"Before she drove me to the airport. I didn't really think anything of it and we never talked about it. Has she said anything to you?"

"We're as close as two sisters can possibly be, and talk about most everything, but she doesn't talk about her love life really," she said, drawing out the last word like she was thinking on it. "My guess is she never talks about it because she feels the same way about you too."

"Allison don't fuck with me here."

"I'm not!" She said defensively, "it makes sense though. She loves you more than anyone else in the world, so it would only make sense she loves you in the romantic way too."

"Please don't tell her I said any of this ok?" I asked one final time.

"I won't. But you need to Matt. You guys deserve your happily ever after."

"I've got a few months to think about how I'll say it, IF I realize I truly do love her."

"What do you mean IF?"

"I just started thinking about her that way after she kissed me and after last night. What if it was just residual thoughts from the kiss and nothing more? If she's in love with me, it would break her heart if I told her now then came home and didn't feel the same way." I said sadly, the thought of hurting Katie making me feel physically sick.

"I mean I get it, but what if she meets someone while you're gone and settle's because she doesn't think you feel the same way about her?"

"Do you really think your sister is the kind of girl to 'settle'?" I asked.

"Well no..." she allowed, "but what if she meets someone and actually does fall in love?" She debated, "what then?"

"If she's in love that means she's happy. I want nothing more than for her to be happy Kiddo. You know that."

"Sounds like you do love her."

"More than anyone, I just need some time to make sure I'm actually 'in love' with her before I say anything that could change anything. The more I think about it and about her, the more I can't stop thinking about her. I've even got butterflies right now Allison... I never get those."

"Yep. It's love."

"Please just let me figure that out while I'm gone? If we're meant to be, we'll be. It's as simple as that. Besides, if I tell her now and she DOES feel the same way, then what?" I asked, "we start a long distance relationship with her having to go to bed every night wondering if I'll still be alive when she wakes up the next day?"

"Don't fucking talk like that Matt!" She yelled, "please don't talk like that. You need to come home to us... we can't lose you..."

"I'm going to do everything I can Kiddo. But let's face it, it's an honest to god possibility I don't. Anything could happen over there. I've seen it. I've CAUSED it. I wouldn't be able to concentrate on staying safe if my mind was an ocean away worrying about her worrying about me."

"I get it... I don't like it but I get it," she whined.

"Look at it this way: if she IS in love with me, she'll still be in love with me when I get home. Then I'll tell her how I feel and we can go from there."

"I guess you're right," she begrudgingly agreed.

"Plus, and please don't take this the wrong way. I'm not completely sure I truly am in love with her or if I'm just confused right now. It wouldn't be fair to her for me to throw that at her then change my mind while I'm over there."

"Then don't change your mind Matt. Don't be scared of it. Let yourself love her like you were put on this earth to do. That's what I believe. I've watched you two together. You're supposed to be together."

"I'm glad to know I've got someone in my corner Kiddo," I joked. "Thanks for talking with me about all this.

"Of course Matt. Anything you need remember? I'm here for you."

"Thanks Allison. It truly means a lot," I allowed, trying to not let my emotion show in my voice. "I got paperwork to do today then it's a plane to the sandbox for dinner."

"Be safe Matt. Please."

"I always am."

"Call us and write as often as you can."

"I promised I would this time."

"Talk to you later Matt, love you," she said in goodbye.

"Love you too," I replied in kind, pressing end on the phone and sitting back against the headboard to collect my thoughts.

That was a whirlwind of a conversation. I wasn't sure if I felt better or worse about my situation, but at least I was able to get some perspective. I didn't have to be to the office for a few hours, so I let my mind wander, and unsurprisingly, it drifted to Katie. Would it really be so bad to give my best friend, whom I cared about more than anything, my heart?

**

"Holy fuck Sir," I groaned as I stepped off the plane. "I definitely didn't miss the heat..."

"Give it a few days Son. You'll get used to it again," the Lt. Colonel chuckled.

"I've been over here about eighty-five times it feels like, and I've never gotten used to it."

"Yeaaaa," he drawled. "That was a lie. You'll never get used to it."

Hefting one of my duffles over my shoulder I turned to follow the Battalion Commander, who obviously wasn't in charge of his own bags. The flight over had been uneventful, and I'd wound up getting normal sleep so I didn't feel dead. We'd left later than I thought, so it was about ten in the morning, meaning the sun was already terrorizing the country.

At least the hustle and bustle of a main Army Base in a hostile country was enough to take my mind off Katie. Fuck. Even when I wasn't thinking about her I seemed to be thinking about her. This was going to be a long few months...

One of the perks of rolling with a light colonel was that I didn't have to walk across the entire base lugging my bags since he had a specialist to come pick him up in a gator. I mean I didn't get a seat and was sitting on top of my bags and whatever other junk was in the back, but it sure as hell beat walking.

A couple of minutes later we pulled up to the row of huts my platoon was staying in during their short stay here on a main post. They weren't luxury or anything, but they sure beat a tent on a FOB. Hopping out of the gator and grabbing my bags, I thanked the sir for the lift and headed towards the company TOC hoping to at least find our platoon sergeant so I could get some direction.

I pushed open the door and grounded my gear next to the entry way and made my way into the center of the room. There were two other soldiers in the room besides me. One I recognized and one I did not.

"Excuse me Sergeant," I interrupted with a grin. "I'm lost and looking for some help."

"Snake!" Now Sergeant First Class Daniels exclaimed, "welcome the fuck home!"

"It's good to be back Sarnt," I chuckled. "Where are all the guys at?"

"We've gotten a hell of a lot of new guys since you left so there's been some restructuring of leadership," he explained. "I'm not sure if anyone ever told you, but we only lost three guys during that attack. The rest got saved by good ole Doc."

"I've been wondering about that almost constantly. I wanted to reach out but recovery and life kinda put a stop to that before I could. How many of the injured wound up like me?"

"A few. We've got a few back already, a few still recovering, and a few already medically discharged. That's why we've got all the new faces," he continued. "Snake this is Second Loui Smith. Fresh off the plane two days ago. LT this ugly mother fucker right here is Sergeant Matt Richardson. He's one of the good ones so if he says something, I'd take it to heart."

"Nice to meet you Sir," I greeted, offering my hand to him.

"You as well Sergeant. I've heard nothing but good things about you," he returned in kind.

"I can't say I've heard anything about you Sir," I laughed. "How long ago did you commission?"

"About three months ago. ROTC out of the University of Miami Ohio."

"Well hell, at least it's not Ohio State!" I joked at him, being from Michigan and all, "if that were the case I'd probably have to find a new platoon!"

"I take it you're from the land of blue and yellow?" He asked with a grin.

"Maize and Blue," I smugly corrected. "But yep, the UP."

"It sure is beautiful up there isn't it?"

"No better place on earth Sir," I answered with a smile.

"Listen Sergeant," he began.

"You can just call me Snake or Matt in private Sir, whichever you prefer," I interjected.

"Snake?" He asked.

"Long story," I chuckled. "Anyways you were saying?"

"I know I'm fresh with absolutely zero military experience, so I'm going to be leaning heavy on you and the other NCOs to help guide me and not let me fuck up," he said lightheartedly. "Yes I outrank you, but if I'm doing or saying something you don't agree with, call me out on my shit ok?"

Well hell I liked this guy already. Most new officers think they know everything and try to run the damn show on their own. At least the ones I'd met.

"Hell you might be the first person from Ohio I like Sir," I said with a friendly tone. "I appreciate you saying that. I'll give you whatever guidance you need. Just ask. But if it's something small and you don't ask, I might have to let you make a little fuck up so you can learn as long as it won't effect my guys," I added jokingly.

"I appreciate that Matt," he said. "I gotta learn somehow. Just don't wanna fuck up too bad."

"Well you already said for me to call you out on your shit if it's wrong, I know for a fact Daniels here will do the same, so you can't fuck up too bad," I laughed. "How good are you at map reading?"

"I'm not a normal LT in that aspect. I'd say I'm pretty damn good at reading a map," he laughed back.

"We'll just have to see about that Sir," I kidded. "I won't let you get our sorry asses lost anyhow."

"Daniels if you got a sec wanna show me where the hell I'm racking out?" I asked, turning back to the other NCO.

"Yea lemme grab my rifle and we can get you squared away. I'll have LT here take you to go draw a weapon and any other gear you're missing from supply. On the way to your hut I'll get you caught up on the mission and what's been doing."

"Sounds good. Feels good to be home Sarnt," I said with a content sigh. Everything about this deployment felt sweeter knowing it would be my last.

**

"Can you hear me?" I asked.

"Loud and clear," she responded with an audible smile. "It feels so weird talking to you while you're over there."

"We FaceTimed the last time I was here," I said with a shrug. "This isn't the first time."

"It's the fist time it's not a birthday or Christmas," Katie said with a laugh. "This is a present on its own."

"How many times do I have to say it? I promised to be better. This is me being better," I chuckled.

"How has it been over there? Staying safe?"

"Want the honest answer or the one you want to hear?" I asked, hopefully with a joking undertone.

"Matt..." she started, "give me the straight answer."

I had been here about three months. Everything seemed as normal as I remember it. Mundane patrols, pointless briefings, some random guy in a turban taking a pock shot at me. Same ole same old. All in all I couldn't complain. One firefight that lasted all of five minutes. No more than ten rounds exchanged per side. That's all the action I'd seen. If it kept going like this, well, I wouldn't complain.

"Honestly this has been the easiest three months I've ever had here. Nothing exciting has gone down. Just a shot here and a shot there. Nothing that puts my dumbass in any danger."

"Why do I think you're lying?" She asked with a laugh.

"I'm not. I swear. We've had contact like twice. Each time was three or four rounds exchanged before they realized we were more badass then then and they fled for the hills."

"You got shot at?" She asked, her concern evident in her voice.

"I cant remember the last time I went three months without being shot at. So all in all this sounds like a win to me," I joked.

"What aren't you telling me Matt?"

"Other than every single boring detail of each day, nothing. That's it. That's all that's happened."

"I hope you're right... I don't like thinking of you in danger."

"I promise I haven't been in any real danger. Nobody has had the chance to kill me yet," I said pointedly. "And I haven't had the chance to kill anyone either. Just boring Army shit up till now."

"I'm so sorry..." she apologized.

"Sorry for what? That I haven't killed anyone this time around?"

"No. That you've had to kill anyone at all," she said sincerely.

"That's just part of the job. I can honestly say I haven't shot at a single person who didn't deserve it for shooting at me," I offered. This is why I never talked about what I did. I hated these conversations. I did what I did. Yes it was hard and brutal sometimes, but that was my job. I didn't expect anyone to understand so I didn't bring it up ever."

"I know... but I'm still sorry. Nobody should have to go through that. I love you

Matt. I'm here for you if you ever need to talk."

There it was. The 'I love you'. I'd heard it from her a hundred times over, but now, all of a sudden, I couldn't help but feel it meant something else. Maybe she did truly love me.

"Katie you know I'm not one to talk about it. Not because it haunts me or anything, but because nobody understands it. It's not a slight on you at all. I know you've got my back no matter what and I love you so much for it. It's just how it is. This tour will be up before you know it and I'll be back in country. We can hang out and catch up all we want then." I said, trying so hard not to tell her I was getting out after this.

I don't know why I didn't tell her. There wasn't a reason not to. For some reason I just felt it would be more significant if I surprised her with it.

"You have no idea how much I'm looking forward to that Matt." She sighed.

"I'll be all yours before you know it," I offered, hoping she didn't hear the truth in my voice.

"I can't wait," she said, her tone feeling more joyful already.

"I gotta get back to work Katie Kat," I resigned. "I promise I'll call you as often as I can."

"You better."

"Hey Katie?" I asked.

"Yea?"

"You know you're my whole world right?"

"I did, but I can't say I'm not happy from hearing it."

"Seriously Katie. You're my best friend. My rock. My everything. If I didn't have you in my life, I'm not sure who I'd be." I said sincerely.

"Same with you Matt. You make me who I am. I'm so thankful I have you in my life."

"Me too... me too... I just wanted to tell you because I know I've been bad at that in the past. I'm being as safe as I can, but what I do is dangerous. I couldn't bear the thought of you not knowing how much you truly meant to me I'd something happened to me."

"Please don't talk like that Matt."

"I'm just saying it how it is. You know what's how I am."

"I know... but it scares me."

"I know Katie. I'll be home before too long then you can worry all you want. Until then just have some faith ok? You having faith and being confident in my abilities is how I'll get through this."

"I know you Matt. I know you're completely capable. You got this. Just come home to us ok? Come home to ME." She said, putting emphasis on that last word.

"Nothing could ever keep me away from you Katie. Nothing." I promised.

"Be safe Matt."

"Always."

"I'll talk to you later."

"Of course. I'll call you when I can."

"I love you Matt."

"I love you too Katie," I answered as I hung up the phone.

I wasn't sure how she felt in that moment. I didn't know what was going through her head. I didn't know if she loved me or 'loved' me. I knew what I was feeling. With each day that went by I only felt stronger and stronger about her... it's like I couldn't get her out of my mind even if I tried. I knew then and there, for sure this time, that I was completely and helplessly in love with her. I just hoped she felt the same.

*********************************************

To everyone who is still here, to everyone who has stuck by though this unforgivable break, I truly thank you. Life got crazy and I lost motivation. I've said before my girlfriend was all my motivation to keep these stories going, and about eight months ago we split up. So on top of everything that was going on in my life, when I finally did get the chance to write again, the driving force behind it all was gone.

I'm not sure if she'll ever read these stories again, but if she does, I want her to know that the motivation she's given me through everything still remains, even if it took me a little while to get back to writing.

I hope y'all enjoyed this long overdue chapter. Please please leave a comment and tell me where you want this story to go. Should I continue on longer or wrap it up in the next chapter or two and start something else. It'll never happen is almost done, and I'd say you can expect the final (maybe, if I can wrap it up how I want in one more) chapter to come out hopefully within the next week or two.

My stories are based off events in my life, or at least what I wish had happened given a situation I'd found myself in. Just picking and choosing and elevating them for dramatic effect. I've actually never seen combat during my time in the Army. I write those parts off of first hand accounts from my buddies who have been there and done that. If any of you ever find these stories, I hope I did you proud.

Once again I'm sorry for the long delay. I'm still alive. I'm still well. Hopefully now I can get into a more regular schedule of writing. You guys, my fans, mean the world to me. I started my first story because I had an idea I wanted to write. I never expected so many of you would love it as much as I did. Thank you all so much!