All Comments on 'Olivia's Back Seat Ride to College'

I enjoyed your story, so thanks for sharing your time and imagination. Your writing style is good and the paragraphs are short, which makes for a fast read.

For your next story I would suggest taking a bit more time with the scene setting. A really good story has a setup, transition, and a payoff. The build up of sexual tension in the setup and transition is what makes taboo stories exciting. The thoughts about 'crossing the line' are the taboo details.

Apologies for a negative comment, but I hope you take this constructively. Having the brother asleep and then the father asleep as well, was taking the easy way out. This would have been better if they were all awake.

The mother's character should have developed more slowly. As it was, she was totally unrealistic. That may have been your intention, but it would have been hotter if she was mesmerized by the sight in the back of the van and her lust slowly built from there.

I hope this helps with your future output and thanks for sharing.

Thanks for your reply and suggestions. Always trying to be a better writer.

You wrote a very sexy story. I particularly appreciate the editing you must have done before posting. For me, there's no bigger turn-off then trying to read a story that is full of typo/grammar/syntax/punctuation/spelling/etc. errors.

will they learn? First, the aroma of sex is strong. In a confined space it is even stronger. Located behind one of the parents, even stronger for that parent. Both brother and sister being aroused would alert the parents, one or both, that something was going on.

Basically, there is no way these kids could be having sex, or even be aroused, without alerting one or both parents. The aroma of sex does not dissipate instantaneously, at the source, as the writer of this story implies.