Omnia Vincit Amor Pt. 03

"A visitor? For me?" came Claire's voice from the living room. Who..."

By then Elizabeth had walked though the doorway. "Hello, Mummy," she said as she dropped her rucksack.

"Lizzie? But how? Oh my darling!" and the two fell into a tight embrace. The tears flowed down Claire's cheeks, and they were joined by Elizabeth's as the two wept with happiness.

"Oh, Mum!" her daughter whispered.

"So good! How?" sniffed her mother.

"As soon as I got your email, I applied for some holiday time. Dad paid my fare. I only get today and the weekend, I'm back at work on Monday."

John made tea, what else could he do? He brought it to them, who were now seated together on the sofa. He served them and then left them alone.

"I had to come and see you, you need to know that your family has not totally deserted you. But John's face! Did Dad really do that?"

"Yes, my love. It's a lot better now than it was. Your father pushed the front door open violently and it hit John in the face, then he fell back and cracked the back of his head on the wall. But, Lizzy, while he was unconscious, Thomas kicked him. He's got bruised ribs and other injuries."

"You mean his privates?"

Claire nodded. "But, Lizzy, I've had lovely emails from Mary and Philip and even a text from John."

"It took a lot of argument to get Mary onside, Mum: that newspaper cutting clinched it. She didn't believe you until then. Charles has been wonderful, he's so balanced and sympathetic. She's very lucky to have him. Oh, and there's trouble in Thomas's household, Sharon has had enough. She lost all respect for him when he carried on with his shit about John being a philanderer who deserved all he got. Then Mary showed her the press cutting."

Claire was silent for a moment or two, then, "Perhaps it's genetic."

"Genetic?"

"Haven't you noticed how like your father he is? I think they're both insecure, and thus they're jealous. Everything is a threat to their relationships. Thomas behaves just like his father about Sharon, and my visiting John tearing a hole in my relationship with your father is a real threat to Tom as well. I'm sure he's frightened that Sharon will find someone else and leave him."

Elizabeth's eyes opened wide. "Mum, you're right! I never thought of that. Trouble is, Sharon isn't going to put up with what you had to contend with. Her tolerance is at an end now."

Claire sighed. "It's a shame that his jealous efforts becoming so violent will bring about exactly what he's terrified might happen."

They paused to drink their tea.

"John seems nice," Elizabeth said. "Very calm and welcoming. D'you think he'll let me stay?"

"I'm sure he will. John!" she called.

"Where did you go?" she asked him when he appeared.

"I thought you'd want some time alone with Elizabeth."

"It's Lizzy," Elizabeth said.

"It's John," he shot back, deadpan. They laughed.

"John, Lizzy--"

"Will be staying with us until she goes back. I presume, sometime on Sunday?"

"How did you know?" Elizabeth asked.

"I was here when you told your mother when you had to be back at work."

He smiled. "Perhaps you'll meet some of my children. I'm sure they'll want to see you. That reminds me," he said, getting out the photograph album. "Here -- this is your Mum at your age."

He showed her and she gasped. The likeness was surprisingly accurate.

"So you'll know what you'll look like when you're fifty!" he said with a laugh. "I'll print off a copy for you. You can show a prospective husband that you'll still be turning heads years on! They do say, you know, that if you want to know what a girl will be like, look at her mother."

Lizzy laughed. "Mother, you're blushing!"

"I am not!"

"You are so!"

"So," John said to save Claire's continued embarrassment, "Will Lizzy sleep with you, or shall we make up the bed in the third bedroom?"

The two looked at one another. "We'll share," said Elizabeth decisively, then with a wicked smile, "I won't be pushing you out, will I, John?"

"I'll survive," he said affecting disappointment, and then laughed at her expression of amazement.

"You deserved that Lizzy," said her mother, "but I'm sorry to disappoint you. John and I have separate bedrooms. You could share with John if you like, he's not married!" She grinned at Lizzie's expression of horror.

"Mother!" It was Elizabeth's turn to act shocked, but she recovered quickly. "So you actually use both bedrooms?" Lizzy persisted with a naughty grin.

"Yes," said John, somewhat doggedly. "To remove all confusion, we each use only our own bedrooms. Have you forgotten that your dear mother is a married woman?" It was said lightheartedly, but the point was made.

Elizabeth did not pursue the matter any further having extracted all the humour there was to be had from the exchange.

Over the weekend she was there, Elizabeth and Claire spent a considerable time talking through the problems in Claire's marriage. John kept well out of the way. It impressed Elizabeth who was used to her father's constant intrusions into her life, as did her mother's relaxation, and it came home to her how much tension there had always been in her parental home. Her father always on edge, always suspicious; John so calm, peaceful, at ease.

Elizabeth also learned from her mother something of the relationship between John and her namesake, John's wife. Its startling contrast was at once instructive for her own life and it cemented the idea that her mother would be much better off with John than going back to her father.

She told her mother as much. Claire frowned.

"It's not as easy as that, sweetheart. I made a vow. It was to marry with Peter until death does us part. It was a solemn vow before God. My understanding of God and religion is markedly different from your father's but I did make that vow and I take it seriously.

"The problem is that while I do love your father, and I really do Lizzie, I've reached the end of my tether because of his domineering attitude and his lack of trust in me. Some of the things he's done make it impossible for me to live with him any more -- unless he changes. You know what those changes have to be.

"So while I may separate from your father and even make it permanent by a civil divorce, I have to hold to my vow. I could live with John for the rest of my life, but I can never marry him, and I have to remain only his friend."

"Mother, God loves you, and wants you to be happy, not frustrated."

"God wants me to do what is right, Lizzie."

"I just can't believe that God wills that people live in suffering when there is no other way but divorce."

There they left the matter. Lizzie admired her mother's steadfastness, and loved her the more for it, but still thought she was wrong.

Lizzie met John's two girls that afternoon, and John took her and Claire that evening to meet his son James and James's wife. They rehearsed the story and James looked thoughtful, but made no comment.

On Saturday Claire went to her sister's with Elizabeth, staying overnight. Again the questions came from Ellen and Simon, and Claire had to give her history up to the present. She asked Simon about the prospects of petitioning for divorce in England, with Peter and the family living in the Netherlands, and Simon shook his head.

"Not my field. It's a very specialised section of divorce law, but I know a man who could handle it. Leave it with me and I'll sound him out."

"So are you getting with John after the divorce?" Ellen asked. "You deserve a break, love."

"I don't think so," Claire said sadly. "In the eyes of God I'll still be married to Peter."

"You mean in the eyes of the Catholic Church," Ellen replied hotly. "Practically every other Christian denomination allows divorce and remarriage, especially after abuse. And, sister, you have been psychologically abused. Do you really think that God wants people to live in misery, just to keep a rule? Claire, you're so liberal in so many things, why not in this?"

"I have to follow my conscience," replied Claire. "I've not really thought it through, and until I do, I stay unmarried after my divorce."

Ellen sighed with exasperation but did not argue further. She knew Claire would never let herself off lightly. Elizabeth was listening intently to the conversation.

On the way back to John's, after attending Mass with Ellen, Claire glanced at her daughter.

"You think I'm stupid, don't you? I could see it in your face."

Elizabeth knew what her mother meant. "No Mum, I think you're wrong, but you're not stupid and you've got strong principles. Personally I think the Church is a lot stricter than God is. We are here on earth to be happy, not stuck in miserable or frustrating situations."

"So any time you're feeling frustrated, you find a man to fuck and so scratch your itch?" Claire shot at her daughter.

Claire could see the shock on her daughter's face at her language and laughed. "You should see your face!"

"No I didn't mean that," Elizabeth said when she had stopped laughing at her own reaction. "We do have responsibilities to each other, but when things are beyond hope, I think we need to move on. You only get one crack at this life, Mum."

"Hmm," was her mother's only reply. "I wonder if things are beyond hope. Perhaps if I get a civil divorce it will shake your Dad up."

The matter was not raised again and Elizabeth went back home with much to think about and to share with her siblings, except of course Thomas.

She visited her father.

"How is she?" he asked indifferently though she could tell the question was loaded.

"She's well, relaxed and calm." She saw the look on her father's face, a mixture of despair and grim resentment.

"Dad, I met John's son and daughters, and we went to see Aunt Ellen and Uncle Simon. They were all telling Mum to have a full relationship with John if there's a divorce -- you know, start sleeping with him.

"Dad, she won't. She refused even to consider it. She said that after the divorce she'll have to remain single. Can't you see? She's got strong principles, and I'm absolutely sure she's never been sleeping with John -- ever. I arrived out of the blue, and it was obvious they were not sharing a bedroom."

Peter did not look convinced, and Elizabeth shrugged and left the matter there. It confirmed her suspicion that her father would not or could not change enough to effect a reconciliation.

She was able to convince her sister and brothers more easily, and to reassure them that their mother, if not happy, was relaxed and at ease with John, but certainly not sleeping with him. Except Tom of course. Except Tom.

Chapter 14

Claire daily looked for a reply from Peter to her letter, but none came. After a week she gave up. She sighed and at breakfast she told John.

"I think it really is over, John," she said. "I can't go on like this. He's not going to talk with me, and I need to get on with my life. I hoped I would get some sign from him to give me some -- any -- hope we could repair things, but I see now that's unrealistic."

"So?" John's voice was soft and affirming.

"So I begin divorce proceedings, though Simon says trying to divorce internationally is troublesome. We married over here, but I've lived there for most of my married life. He says I'll only know if I engage a solicitor who specialises in such things and he's going to find me one. He thinks that if Peter goes along with it, it should be straightforward, but I doubt he will."

John laughed in agreement. "Can you see that happening?"

"I think it mainly matters when it comes to finances. All our children are well on the way to independence, only John remains, and he's now talking of leaving home. English courts don't have any jurisdiction over there, but according to Simon there are EU rules about divorces. It sounds expensive, but Simon reckons if I go through him to the other solicitor it will be much cheaper."

Another week passed. Then came a phone call from Simon.

"I asked my colleague about the divorce," he said. "Roughly speaking it goes like this. The only problem would be money. Legally the courts here in Britain have no clout in the Netherlands. The courts here can serve the petition on Peter, and if he does not reply I can get a bailiff to go across and serve him at home. If he still doesn't reply, the legal proceedings will go ahead anyway over here."

"But will the divorce have any standing in the Netherlands if he doesn't reply?" asked Claire with a worried frown.

"Oh, yes," Simon asserted. "You will be divorced in every country's eyes. The only drawback is that while we can ask for maintenance, our courts cannot impose it. You took half the savings when you left, didn't you?"

"Yes."

"He could try to get that back, but he'd have to do it in the British courts and since the money belongs to both of you while you are still married, taking half is effectively taking your own money. If you'd cleaned him out, that would be different."

Thanks Simon, if you'll send me the bill..."

"No charge, Sister-in-Law. There has to be some advantage in being related to a solicitor! D'you want to go ahead?"

"Let me think it over, would you? I want to write to Peter once more."

"Good thinking, Sis," said Simon.

"And thank you for everything."

She had taken the call on her mobile as she sat in the living room with John. Now it was over she stood. John looked up from his book, and she shrugged and sighed. He smiled as she left to make for her bedroom to write once more to Peter.

Dear Peter,

I've been trying to save our marriage. I've tried to be constructive. I've written to you and I would have thought that the least you could have done was to answer my letter, or communicate in some other way: a phone call, a text. But nothing. You have ignored me.

So reluctantly I have to accept defeat. I can't go on like this in limbo.

I keep getting reports from our children that you are depressed and that your depression is getting deeper. It is all so unnecessary, Peter. Stop punishing yourself and take steps to save us.

As I say, I can't carry on indefinitely waiting for some sort of response. So I'm asking, no begging you to respond to this letter, and the one I sent you earlier. Talk to me.

I've waited the best part of two weeks for some sort of reply, but nothing. So I'll wait another two weeks and if you've not replied in some fashion by then, I'm setting the divorce in motion.

Simon tells me that the courts here will grant a divorce even if you fail to respond. It will just take a little longer.

As I said in my last letter, it's in your hands.

I still love you very much, please reply.

Claire.

A fortnight passed and there was still no reply. Lizzie phoned and told Claire that Peter had received the letter, and was looking more and more wooden. He was like a robot, mechanically going to work and coming home, never going out or meeting friends. At weekends he did chores and then sat watching television. Sunday Mass was the only outing apart from necessary shopping and work.

Chapter 15

On the second Monday in September, Simon petitioned the court, and the court sent the petition to Peter, allowing an extra week since the petition was to be sent abroad.

John watched the proceedings feeling like a bystander, which he was, of course. Claire and he lived comfortably together, both managing to suppress their attraction to each other. He thought that in spite of their platonic closeness, she seemed to him to be lonely. He told her from time to time she could always talk to him, but she did not discuss with John her problems with Peter, as if such an action would be disloyal, and seemed to be withdrawing further inside herself.

John felt a sadness that she was keeping herself from him, but inwardly shrugged and settled for the physical presence of his companion. If he could find no way to help her, apart from providing a comfortable, solid and secure place for her, that was good in itself. He supposed that if eventually she needed to talk or ask advice, she would do so. It hurt him that she was unhappy.

She spent much of her time on dry days in the garden, and it was with a wry smile that he thought the garden looked as good and as well cared for as when Elizabeth was in charge of it! There was fruit picking and she spent two days making jam, and he assisted as he used to do with Elizabeth.

So began the period of waiting.

As expected there was no response to the first divorce petition. Claire's only reaction was a sigh. Another four weeks passed after the petition was delivered in person by Simon on behalf of the court. He returned with a signed receipt but was tight-lipped about what passed between himself and Peter.

The following three weeks passed even more slowly than the first, the only relief being visits from Claire's son John, on Saturday the 12th November and then Philip the weekend following.

John acted as the generous host as always, and left them alone with Claire.

Each of the boys relayed information on their father's state of mind, which briefly put, was that he was sinking into deeper and deeper depression and spending longer and longer at work. The evening after Philip's departure, John was surprised by a knock on his bedroom door.

"Come in, Claire," he called, and a tearful Claire entered. She was wearing her silk pyjamas which did little to hide the shape of her body beneath.

She said nothing, but was quietly sobbing. He flipped back the duvet, which again revealed his nakedness, though neither of them really noticed.

She climbed into the bed and laid her head on John's shoulder as he sat up in the bed, her body nestled against him, so that he could feel every curve and hollow. She continued sniffing and sobbing for a while until she quietened and lay against him.

He said nothing, but his arm was around her, and his hand stroked her side. He thought she had fallen asleep when she began to speak.

"I'm sorry, John." and the twitching of her silent sobbing began again.

"What is there to be sorry about?" he asked quietly. "You've not upset me," he added to forestall an answer from her.

"I know I've been distant," she said. "I've shut you out."

"You mean about how things are with Peter, don't you?" he suggested.

"Yes. Oh, John, you see everything so clearly. You read me so easily."

"Philip upset you?" he asked.

"I feel so guilty!" she sobbed. "Peter is... it's my fault... I'm hurting him more and more."

"He's missing you." This was an assertion, not a question. John continued. "You're here, and he's there, and he's imagining all sorts of activity between us."

"But Lizzie told him, and so did John, and now Philip, they've all told him we are not sleeping together."

John couldn't suppress a giggle, at that, and Claire immediately understood the joke. She was in John's bed and in his arms. She gave a half laugh.

"You know what I mean!" she said In reproof, but it had the effect of stopping her crying.

"Yes, I know." He let the statement lie. When she had crawled into his embrace and he felt her charms he had become somewhat aroused, but her sorrow and distress soon put an end to that, and now both were talking in subdued tones, as if half awake.

"I feel so guilty, John," she repeated, and it felt to John as if she were begging for forgiveness, or at least that he would gainsay that statement.

"You left him, my love, so he's depressed. It was not just on a whim you left him, though, was it? It was a reaction to his continual behaviour. Ask yourself: how many chances have you given him? I mean, from the first time you came to stay here though to the present?

"You went back home and were very badly treated. He tried to turn the family against you. You wrote to him, did he reply? When your children went back to him and told him there was nothing between us, did he then try to make contact? I don't know what Simon and he said to each other, but even that did not provoke a response from him.