All Comments on 'On Housing Hunters'

enjoyed the story thanks for the work!

Not 'adolescent revenge fantasy'

The different twists & turns within the plot line were enjoyable to read.

What do you know, an author that write an entertaining story without the guy being a gay submissive. Keep it up.

Time he grew up. Not bad writing though.

I thought the story was pretty decent. The characters all seemed plausible. The story moved pretty smoothly. I think it was appropriate that the main character didn't feel the need to try to exact some kind of revenge, but let things go the way they were meant to go. There were a couple of spots where my inner grammar nazi spoke up, but those were minor and didn't give me too much trouble. Thanks for sharing.

A good story, a good read. 5 stars.

Sorry, HAD to do that title! First off, we ARE dealing with a Sweetie who is a NonWife (I did like the description MyHands gave her! Future and Never-to-be!) NonHubby (NH) is a sanctimonious ass, but his policies are wise, especially for him. I also think it is GOOD that NH did NOT marry NW! For BOTH of their sakes! NW screwing the cameraman was a total 'make the bitch out to be worse than she really is' addendum that came out of nowhere and went nowhere! It only served to obscure some of NH's santimoniety (sic)!

Details! NW was actually right (under most conditions) about buying a house rather than renting! Builds up NH's credit-rating in addition to saving money. UNLESS, he has NOT told NW (living with him) that he is living rent-free in his family's property, or with a sweetheart deal! Then, he is right...but untrusting and secretive. She was a bitch about several things regarding the house-hunt! Maybe Royal Bitch!

MyHands pulled Real Wife out of the same ass as he pulled the cameraman tryst!

Readers have a choice about when NH decides to drop NW, as she is watching one of her shows (WTF?) or after the final house-deal insult of selecting a poor choice!

Also, WHY does NH want to talk to Mommy (after Daddy)?

3*

first scene with her she would have been out of my life. I dont have time for fools no matter how cute they are.

Or just the character. Either way, out_fucking-standing. 5 stars

Lee

The only suggestion I have is to get an editor at this stage, not because of grammar and such, but because the story kind of wanders a bit, and also leaves stuff open that needs closing. You jump into him being in a relationship with Julie's sister but we get to learn little about her, other then she is a therapist (and in one sense, it is kind of creepy, you kind of think he is in a relationship with a therapist he is seeing, which is a no no). There is reference to an infamous wedding that we get no background on, and then at his wedding he is asked by Julie if he was going to forgive Laverne, who is at the church, and that is dropped. When writing a story, at least IMO, leaving threads like that open don't work well, otherwise, why have them? Maybe if Tom says to himself 'You know what, I am getting married, fuck the bitch, she doesn't deserve to be forgiven on this day" (or you could have him meet her, and have him pull a Godfather "you come to be on the day of my wedding, you never even invited me over for a cup of coffee, and you ask for forgiveness?"). We never find out what happens to Laverne, which would be okay, but you introduce her in the last scene....likewise, Tom tells his father he needs to talk to his mom, but you never meet her. There is also some idea of cheating in the past, in his conversation with his father, and seems to be about him, but that mom is coming home...so what is the deal there? Again, throwing things out like Tom has reason to be wary of cheaters, but not explaining it, leaves a big gap.

It was a great read. Even some laughs along the way. Thanks

when did she hook up with someone? There was nothing detailing that at all...The only suggestion I'd give is to actually put in the scene where she hooks up with whoever.

For your first effort in this category it was not bad. Others have pointed out some minor points already and there is no need to go over them again. Thank you for the story and most all of us look forward to more from you.

Lord knows LW section needs balance between wimp cuckold stories and Burn the Bitch stories. Your story skipped over the actual cheating and went straight to the confrontation. Confusing. Unfulfilling. Not very entertaining. The protagonist had some appeal, but skipped to the behavioral problems (seemingly from PTSD) often in explanation for his reactions, not normal based outrage. Anyway, good start. Keep trying.

You hands must have been moving over the keyboard faster than your mind had a chance to flesh out the plot. In the beginning of the story you portrayed the guy as someone who thinks with the big head and not the little one. The guy is a Marine, therefore less likely to put up with anyone's bullshit. IMO the relationship would have been over long before the infidelity occurred. You listed several reason for not buying the house she finally chose but you left the biggest reason out until after the fact. And what did his family owning the property in the first place have to do with it? Where was there anywhere in the story a hint that she was getting it on with the camera man?? and last.... where did the woman he finally married come from and who the hell is she? If she is his therapist, she has committed a big no no by getting involved with a patient.

Try to flesh out the next story a little better with more details. I'll give this one a *** just cause the guy is a marine. LOL

Good read and a male character with some cojones for a change.Look forward to more

This started out strong with straight talk yarn spieling on in the Budd100, Woodmanone or DGHear mode. Things started to skew sideways with abrupt time & location leaps aka from narrator addressing Lit.readers at large, segueing to semi- transcript reading at therapists office and then to wedding.

The concept was pretty fair- the women on (un) reality TVare often in diva mode but the author got in over his head trying to switch literary styles in mid-story. This wasn't a disaster but the transitions was far from seamless. Comic potential was underutilized.

I think I understand and sympathize with where the author was trying to go. I wish Myhands316 luck on his next attempt. ***

Could have been a good story, but too many holes in the story. Authors comment at the beginning of the tale suggests that his story came to mind when he looked at his own 'bitch wife'. If the story was autobiographical, who was the bitch wife?

How did Tom find out that Laverne was cheating with the cameraman? Why did Tom not explain to Laverne his financial reasons for not wanting house 2 and that he would sign the mortgage & co-own house 3 if they chose that one? Is Mary Teresa the sister of Julie? How did he meet her? Tom was not much of a communicator with Laverne. As a short story, some things can be left for the reader to 'fill in', but in this case the fill in part was so large it sabotaged the integrity of the story. Gave it a '3' for potential, but a weak 3 at that.

I gotta say, I'm a fan of yours but this piece leaves much to be desired. The flow of the story was severely off. The end felt rushed and didn't make a whole lot of sense with regard to who and how he ended up getting married.

Stick to Lesbian erotica, you're so much better at it.

Thanks anyway.

IDB.

wasn 't the typical BTB story but pretty good. Most of the haters have never been anywhere and some are still suckling mom's tit. A great first start.

However, before the end of page one:

Chesnutt - I think you meant chestnut. Morris Chesnutt is an actor.

a tacit that can be very effective - perhaps a tactic

Lavern always sat next to me - So how DO you spell her name?

Once the damn had been opened - the damn dam?

“So, are you ever going to try and take this father?” - Priests do not marry...

I slid myself into her depts. - She's a department store?

we lay their gasping - their gasping fish? What did they have that was gasping?

Grated we were good together - I'm Parmesan, she's Romano...

So many fucking little dumbass errors.

Get an editor.

Not really a LW story, but kinda close. The actual cheating was sort of sprung on us, like "oh, yeah, and she cheated on me and I knew about it." When did he know? How? Confusing. I thought the therapist/fiance stuff was kind of clever, but almost a different story. How did talking to his dad about his cousin help him get closure and come to terms with Laverne's betrayal? The story lacked focus (and needed a touch more editting). Still, I enjoyed the characterizations, and found it entertaining. I gave it good marks.

It seemed to drag a little, however. Not a bad ending.

But you do need an editor. You have a lot of talent and it gave me pleasure to read your story, but I am sure that with more work it could become better yet! You really have to work on the jumps and continuity.

no more than that.

Congrats on your first contribution here. Take note of the other comments. I myself was confused in the latter part not knowing at first that "Ms. therapist" was Julie's sister. And I still don't know what's the relationship between "John/Lisa" and the Striker family.

In short, I don't think that the cast of characters was properly introduced.

Still, it wasn't all bad, so keep up the writing.

LeFrog

Thanks for the offering.

Nice post, a fine story, well done

thanks for posting

Mh316, I had to read this story of yours a couple of times to figure it out. The writing style for this storyline needs careful parsing by the reader. And I can see from the comments you received, a number of them hate the intellectual exercise. Good for you!

I admire how you developed those points about marriage that are important to you. I thought you were concise and coherent. For instance that "Trust but Verify" balderdash. Those who have read my stories posted to Literotica know that I have ridiculed the poor thinking involved by people who mindlessly repeat that phrase.

I actually believe you did a better job then I did, of explaining, why you have to give trust to earn trust. I may even wind up stealing your dialogue on the subject if needed for a future story of mine.

While we disagree on ranking several of those issues, I want to suggest one that you did not cover. And it is important to me.

That is the issue of the Marriage Vows as a Sacred Oath. When we swear such an oath, we are giving a bond to our respective Deity to preserve our bonding between spouses. The only human enforcement is punishment of the spouse who commits infidelity. That is a mere human lifetime.

Foreswearing an oath, of marriage or loyalty is to face the judgement of eternity. This is why, in my opinion, whether adulterers or secessionists, they have committed blasphemy.

The power to walk away from any relationship is a powerful tool. My ex-fiance started to talk to her ex-boyfriend, and I simply walked away. She admitted to feelings, and even though he was an abusive asshole, they had years of history while we had a year. Well, she got pissed off that I simply just walk, feeling as if I should do more. She sold my stuff from her place, and showed her true colors. Anyways, she went back and ended up breaking up again with him a couple of weeks later. I wasn't too sad for too long, I simply had fun and continue with life. Found out I like being single, and never wanted to get married. Just happy having casual girlfriends, and fuck buddies. I don't care for kids, and I feel free. LOl, I know what he was talking about when he stated that sometimes, women feel like they are the hottest pussy in town. If you read loving wives, it is a common theme. Well, I am still young, and I was only 20 when I was engaged, so maybe I will change my mind one day. But, I will never give up my individuality, respect, or my independence for any relationship. Thosepeople that end up in relationship where they end up needy, I kind of lose respect for them. They are clingy, needy, desperate, and don't make attractive mates. They will take all the blame for their relationship going wrong,they will smother their partners, and are delusional. They say they can't live without their partners, and well I guess people know what I mean.

And boy has this guy got problems. He should become a catholic priest as for sure no sensible woman would put up with him for long with all that hate inside him. Otherwise, the writing wasn't bad with a good bit of emotion there.

You laboured and mundanely carried on and on to make a point and...maybe just to make a longer story but - you wore it out.

I/we get the point. A real man would have had the issues you so laboured pointed out much sooner in a relationship and then you come up with the fact that she was fucking the camera man. Well, I would say that not only were you a bad judge of character but not man enough to have her respect.

I can easily read enough to realize that no intelligent, educated woman would want to put up with you but even the guys wouldn't be able to stomach much of you incessant ranting.

I thought you wrote well but just a lot of crap about an idiot...good for Laverne, she has probably learned a valuable lesson about herself, men, investments and will do well!

I agree with Britease!

2ndThoughts

Thanks for sharing.

Okay like I said in the beginning of this, I was trying to branch out from my usual fair and trying, not that successfully, to write a shorter story. I wanted this one to be more emotional and less drawn out. In some way I feel like I hit the mark whereas in others I wiffed badly. To be totally honest I got the idea for this from watching a cable show that had similar issues for one episode. And then try to give the main character some balls or at least a spine. So once again thanks for the constructive comments both positive and negative. hopefully soon I will have some new stories to post on this site.

Myhands316

Numerous commenters have mentioned the various issues: the number of lacunae in the story, the dead-end diversions (e.g., cousin Jimmy's castration, the protaganist's inference that mom cheated), the need for better proof-reading*, the totally implausible change of the not quite "ice princess" to a round heeled slut (with I think it was the camerman, but Laverne's ex-husband is also bandied about, so I don't know who she was boinking. (Perhaps both, and maybe the female producer as well?)). Then we have the probably felonious conduct of his therapist, if she is Mary Teresa, his bride, in having sex with him while he's a patient of hers.**

If the author had called this a fantasy, some of this would have been okay. But he didn't. He said it came from viewing one of those home improvement [not] reality shows and a bad mood. Hence the critical comment, referencing what I think is most people's concept of reality.

But the biggest problem for me was the protaganist's total lack of honesty and candor with Laverne. What sort of a scum bum, piece of dirt knowingly lets the wonan who wants to start nesting with him and buying a house for their future, the woman he was looking for to share his life with, buy a house that is going to be worth less than half of what she paid for it in six months because of the new construction of some city center? What an absolute asshole the protaganist is! A lying, deceiving piece of offal stuck to my shoe sole is what he is! There are suggestions (again, not real clear, due to the lack of clarity of the author) that the protaganist is living in the apartment rent free. Laverne, quite legitimately doesn't want to throw "sixty to a hundred thousand dollars" down the drain by paying rent. Does our hero protagonist tell her by staying in the apartment they can save that sixty to a hundred thousnd dollars? (Or whatever discount he's getting? ). No! Not a single word! He just says he doesn't want to buy a house now. Laverne should have dumped the scum bum then! He's the one who repeats the U.S.M.C , "Semper Fidelis". In English, Always Faithful. He wants someone who shares his morals--someone "who knows what the words fidelity, monogamy and honesty mean". He's real honest, isn't he? He was looking for a real partner, so he said. He's a partner who lets her lose her down payment, waste the closing costs, and ties her to a house worth less than what she's contractually on the hook for without uttering a word about the coming drop in price. Absolute vermin is what he is!

______________

*(I'm not a grammar Nazi, long since having given up on anyone on this site being able to recognize the difference between contractions and possessives ["who's" v. "whose", "it's v. "its"], but when the mistakes are egregious enough that the story stops in the reader's mind and the reader must construct the proper meaning of the words, the story suffers. Some mistakes are so bad they make no sense at all. Anon (2/27/13) pointed out some that cause this. Indeed, the second example ("tacit" instead of "tactic") was so confusing to me I didn't even think the protaganist must have meant "tactic" until I read Anon's comment. I was wondering how a silent understanding or unspoken agreement (the dictionary definition of the adjective "tacit") was being incorrectly used as a noun. The protaganist's sentence structure calls for "tacit" to be a noun (or its substitute, a pronoun). A noun is a person, place or thing. The protaganist's sentence structure is that "it was an unspoken SOMETHING that can be very effective". I was wondering --an unspoken WHAT? So that took several moments (including opening up my on-line dictionary to see if "tacit" had developed a new definition and a changed part of speech. Finally, not being able to figure it out, I moved on with the story. Now I've read Anon's comment and suggestion of "tactic" as the word the protaganist meant. But if that is what you meant to write, that only irritates me more! A U.S. Marine with combat experience who can't spell "tactics"? I'm a U.S. Army veteran, and I know Marines. They can spell "tactics"! That's a star right there.

So spellng and grammar matter to the reader. Mistakes slow down the reader's train of thought, forcing re-reading, reference to a dictionary, and finally, as in my case here, concluding the author didn't know what the, err, hell, he meant to say.

________________

**Where I live, in Minnesota, sex between a pyschotherapist and a patient (or within two years after the patient-therapist relstionship ends), OR while the patient is still emotionally attached to the therapist; is Criminal Sexual Conduct in the Fourth Degeee; and Mary Teresa is looking at imprisonment for ten years. Minn. Stat. Section 609.345. Our protagonist CANNOT consent to sex with his therapist. The

Minnesota State Legislature took that ability to consent away from him when they created this crime. Since the protaganist sppears to be marrying his therapist, can anyone possibly say he is not emotionally attached to his therapist?

1 out of a 1000 still puts you on the score board. TK U MLJ LV NV

Mary is a therapist, does not mean she is his therapist.

Therapists are not forbidden to have relationships or sex.

(It would be really hard to get anyone to become one if they were)

I was reading along about mid-story, he leaves Laverne and all of a sudden I felt like I was in a completely different story. Then the tangent about the cousin and I was done. This guy has some serious problems. Why would ANY woman want to marry him? In the first half of the story it felt like he wouldn't really talk to Laverne - just throw out bits and pieces but never the whole truth. How is that ever going to be a good relationship? Then, in the second story, he's sharing his inner most feelings with a woman and she realizes how screwed up his head is and STILL wants to marry him? Too many divergent issues in this to have it be a good read. I think there was a decent idea for a story in there, but you just failed to bring it together in any type of cohesive fashion.

To read about a guy who knew what he wanted out the of life. What seems to confuse your anonymous readers (other than basic reading comprehension) is the idea that someone would choose to be moral in order to get what he wants; a faithful wife. Laverne only appeared to be moral because Tom was. In time, her character was revealed as a manipulative, self-centered bitch that used her pussy as a bargaining tool to get what she wants. To me, the big question is whether Tom was lucky they played house before marriage; and he found out about her true character before it was too late; or would she had just left him if she was unable to use sex to manipulate him.

My high school buddy was the most fun care free guy you would ever meet... Then Viet Nam happened! He became a pilot on a helicopter gun ship providing cover for medevac helicopters. In his two and a half tours he was shot twice by ground fire and his helicopters were shot down four times. He spent almost more time in the hospital than he did flying. After being shot down for the fourth time it was his psych evaluation that sent him home with four purple hearts and the silver star. For two years he tried to go back to Nam but the military was done with him. While home he wouldn't have anything to do with his former friends, family or anyone else. Another pilot buddy of his told him to go to Louisiana and apply for a job flying choppers out to the oil rigs. He left Seattle in 1970 and has never returned. I have talked to his sister a few times over the years and she tells me he is doing OK but never recovered. War is Hell!

Sorry to say but this story mainly consists of incoherent blabber shit. I really couldn't tell what the story was about. Thumbs down.

You have no understanding of how to write a story. Your writing is like the spoken word not like a story. Your story is very difficult to read. You should just give this past time up for the sanity of the readers of Literotica!

I thoroughly enjoyed all three of your “Loving Wives” stories. I hope you keep contributing to this category.

the grammar Nazis etc may be right about things but the foundation of a good story is there. Keep it up and see what happens youll get better like riding a bike or skiing. I do like the fact that the man acted like one and didn't take any shit. I also think you did a good job with showing PTSD without selling it short or overdoing it dramatically. Nice job hands

Enjoyed your story, it was a pretty gentle BTB though.

I would normally rate the story as a 3. I very rarely give 5's. But this one I went to a 4 because I liked the creativity of the plot, thought Tom's personality was well developed so that the ending should not come as a surprise to the reader.

Specifically Tom is forward focused. He's makes it clear he is looking for a life partner who shares his dream and he is willing to negotiate to develop a shard dream. He knows when to walk away from a bad situation. He made it very clear to LaVerne and the reader that he's a black and white kind of guy but if you are true to him and respect him, you'll never have to doubt his loyalty or love.

Many commenters have revealed the loose ends of the story. How did Tom know about the camera man? Who is Mary, was she HIS therapist, or just a girlfriend who happened to be a therapist? What was she reading? What did the comment about "being ditched at a wedding" mean.

I thought the infidelity device actually degraded the story. Tom experienced disrespect throughout the "home buying" sequence. That was the real deal breaker. The relationship was over when she ignored Tom's input and bought the house she wanted. Whether she cheated was irrelevant.

But oddly none of these questioned distracted me from the essence of the plot.

Nice to read about a guy who uses commen sense and has some self-respect not to put up with anyone's bullshit. Thanks for the good read.

very good story and characters.

Good story, but can't help wondering if he may not have been better off by himself. Julie seems OK but what if she slips up even a little. Not sure he won't walk away again since he was burned pretty bad.