On My Way Home

Another, final chapter of Student Support is in draft stage. But in the meantime, here's a self-contained story that came to me early one morning during a cold snap. Everybody is eighteen or older. Comments welcome.

*

It was snowing lightly as I made my way slowly along the lane that, according to my sat nav, should be where Louise Medhurst lived. There seemed to be no sign of a house though. I drove along carefully, aware that on either side of this narrow track there seemed to be very deep ditches, and a moment's carelessness could end up leading to a very uncomfortable night indeed.

Eventually my headlights picked out a small house up ahead, and I drove gratefully into the drive. I checked my watch. Around 6.30. It had taken longer than I thought to get here and it was perhaps a little above and beyond the call of duty, but I thought she'd be pleased and I liked her. Sometimes you get clients that you can't wait to see the back of. But Louise was quiet, determined and funny. And it didn't hurt that she was very attractive. Did that play a part in my decision to drop off the papers in person? No, I'm sure it didn't. Well, almost sure.

I parked the car and made my way gingerly through the snow that was already starting to pile up. The sky above was dark and looked ominous. I should drop off the papers and be on my way as soon as possible. Home was still another hour away for me under normal conditions; tonight I thought it would probably take me at least two.

I rang the bell and waited. As I did so I noted in some dismay that there was an obvious patch of the driveway clear of snow where a car must have been parked until quite recently. There was no car other than mine, and I could see no signs of a garage. Just my luck if she wasn't there. But there seemed to be some lights on.

I waited. Nothing happened. I rang the bell again. This time I thought I heard some movement inside. To my left a curtain twitched and I had a brief glimpse of a face peering out at me. Then the sound of a muffled discussion the other side of the door. I waited patiently. I should have called first to warn her. To turn up in the dark like this was really quite unprofessional. I began to feel a little embarrassed. Perhaps she had company? I should just pass the papers in, apologise for the intrusion, and be on my way.

Some snow made its way down the back of my neck and I shifted uncomfortably. The muffled discussions seemed to be continuing. Finally I heard a key being turned and the scrape of a chain. The door opened an inch.

A young female face peered out. I could only see one eye, but it seemed to belong to a girl of around eighteen or nineteen. One of her daughters of course. I tried to remember their names from the sheaf of papers under my arm.

"Can I help you?" said the one-eyed girl through the gap in the door. Her voice was soft and well-spoken and just a little nervous.

"Um... yes. I just wanted to drop these papers off for your mother. I'm her lawyer... well, solicitor. I know she wanted them as soon as possible."

I produced the papers and held them out. "If you could just take them for me, I'll be on my way. No need to disturb her if she's busy. It's just if she wanted to... well, sign them tonight, we could have it all wrapped up this week."

Some more snow made its way down my neck, and I shivered reflexively. The one eye continued to regard me.

"You're... Mr Collins?"

"Andy Collins. Yes. And you must be... Eleanor or Jennifer?"

The girl made a face. "Nobody calls me Eleanor."

"Oh... sorry. Anyway, if your mother would like to quickly sign these papers, I can be on my way before the snow gets too deep."

"She's not here," said Not-Eleanor. "She had to go and see her sister. She said she'd be back around now though."

"Oh." I considered. The snow was definitely getting heavier now. Perhaps I should just cut my losses and be on my way.

"Well... if you'd be kind enough to give her these, I should probably try and get home."

"Hold on a second," said Not-Eleanor. "Please." She was polite, but understandably cautious. The door closed. More muffled discussion followed. Then I heard the sound of the chain being removed and the door opened properly.

I blinked several times, partly at the strong light that now flooded over me from the hallway but also at the three young girls now solemnly regarding me. Not-Eleanor stood holding the door, and behind her stood two others, around the same age or perhaps slightly younger.

"Won't you please come in?" said Not-Eleanor, gesturing. "If you'd like to wait, I'm sure she won't be more than a few minutes."

I hesitated, looked at the snow, at my car (already the windshield was covered) and then at the warm, welcoming hallway. I knew I should decline.

"Thank you," I said. "That's very kind of you."

**

I stepped into the hallway, leaving a small trail of snow behind me. The smallest of the three girls, who looked a lot like Not-Eleanor but was a blonde to NE's brunette, stood gravely behind me and helped me out of my coat. The third girl, dark haired and with a very cute, pixie-ish face, looked at me more boldly and speculatively. There was mischief in her eyes.

"Hello," I said, to the two girls to whom I hadn't been properly introduced. "I'm Andy. Andy Collins."

"Mummy's lawyer," said the girl holding my coat.

"That's right," I said.

"And are those..." She gestured at the papers. "Are they the... you know? The papers?"

I wasn't sure quite how to respond. Strictly speaking it wasn't for me to tell her what the papers were about. But she'd clearly guessed.

"Of course they are silly," said Not-Eleanor. "And about bloody time." She looked at me. "Excuse my language."

"Not at all," I said.

"This is my sister Jennifer," said NE, gesturing. "And that's my friend Kaz."

"Nice to meet you," I said.

There was a moment's awkwardness.

"You said... she'd be home any time now?"

"Yes," said the girl with my coat. Jennifer, the sister. Perhaps she didn't like to be called by her name either.

"Well, if there's somewhere I could just wait for a few minutes, I'll keep out of your way."

"Would you like a drink?" said the third girl, speaking for the first time. "We were just making drinks."

"Kaz!" The coat girl seemed embarrassed. Kaz just shrugged at her.

"Thank you," I said. "A cup of coffee would be lovely."

Kaz looked a little contemptuous. "We were making cocktails. Bloody Mary's, actually. But they're not very good."

"I think perhaps coffee would be best," I said. "I've got quite a long drive home."

She nodded, seeming a little disappointed. Not-Eleanor seemed to feel the need for decisiveness.

"Come and sit in the living room," she said. "It's the warmest room."

She led the way through a doorway where a fire was burning a little feebly. But she was right, it was noticeably warmer than the rest of the house. I knew Louise's husband had been very tight fisted during the previous few months, only paying his soon to be ex-wife the smallest amounts and those very grudgingly and very late. Probably they weren't running the central heating to save money.

I took a chair near the fire and settled down a little self-consciously. Jennifer was dispatched to the kitchen to boil the kettle and, after another slightly unsettling look at me which reminded me of a cat sizing up a bird, she was followed by Kaz.

I was left alone with the girl who opened the door. Now that I was able to see her properly, I realised just how attractive she was. Short brown hair, clear white skin and just enough curves in the right places to seem ripe and unmistakeably female.

"Er... What name do you prefer to be called?" I asked.

She smiled rather shyly. "Oh... well Mum and Jen call me Lennie. That's just a family name, really. At school they used to call me Rigby. After some song. You know, the Beatles."

"Oh, I said.

"You can call me Eleanor if you like," she said, blushing slightly. "I'm just not used to hearing it, that's all."

"I like Eleanor as a name," I said. "It's very pretty. Much prettier than... well, Lennie or Rigby."

"And girls should have pretty names, I suppose?"

She said this gently but with a touch of steel underlying it. Oh-oh. I'd strayed into patronising sexist pig territory and although she was a little shy and awkward and probably twenty years younger than me, she was putting me in my place.

"Sorry," I said. "You're quite right. That's the kind of gormless male wittering that really should be a thing of the past. My apologies, Eleanor... Rigby... Lennie."

She smiled. "That's all right. I suppose Eleanor is quite pretty, really. But mum always says we shouldn't let our looks define us, and let men pigeonhole us because of them."

"She's right," I said. "I like your mother very much."

I don't know why I said that, but it was true, and it seemed to please Eleanor.

"Oh yes," she said. "Mum is amazing, really."

I wondered how much she knew about the facts behind her parents' break-up. If she knew even a little, it would be enough to make her very suspicious of the entire male sex. Certainly enough to make her very dubious of a lone, unknown male in her house.

I shifted a little uncomfortably in my chair. The snow that had fallen down my neck had now become a rather large wet patch down my shirt and at the base of my back, and I could feel an unpleasant cold trickle beginning its descent down the top of my buttocks. But I didn't feel this was quite a suitable conversation for small talk, so a slightly awkward silence persisted for a few moments.

The door from the kitchen opened and Jennifer made her way through it, carefully holding a mug filled to the brim with some rather anaemic looking coffee. Kaz followed behind her, with a plate of biscuits that had clearly been quickly extracted from a packet.

I took the coffee and thanked them both. I tried not to wince at the first sip. It was hot, at least, but seemed to be about fifty percent milk and fifty percent water with a few token grains of coffee sprinkled on top.

"Lovely," I said. Lying is a key part of the legal profession.

The girls, understandably, didn't know quite what to do with me next. They'd probably been having a lovely girlie night in, giggling and gossiping and being silly, and now a much older male was in their midst and the dynamic was completely different. Jennifer had brushed her hair, I noticed. She was slighter than her sister and also very pretty, though I thought Eleanor just shaded her. And Kaz... had a more blatant sexual appeal, much less subtle than the two sisters. Kaz had been wearing a sweater before but now it was gone and she was down to a blue man's shirt with several buttons undone. A hint of cleavage was just visible, though I like to think my eyes didn't linger for more than a split second.

I sipped my hot liquid for another few seconds and regarded the fire. It was not doing well and the room was cooling. I noticed Eleanor -- it was safe to think of her as that now -- was shivering slightly and some goosebumps on her arms indicated Kaz was paying the price for losing her sweater.

"Should we perhaps put a few more logs on the fire?" I suggested.

Rather sweetly the girls all looked at each other to make a team decision. Solidarity in numbers, even on such a minor decision. Keep a united front against the predatory, unknown male.

Eleanor nodded. "We probably should," she said.

I knelt down from my chair and reached for some logs in a nearby basket. I arranged them carefully in the fireplace, made a few strategic adjustments with the poker, and blew gently to encourage the fire to spread a little more evenly. A minute or so later the fire was blazing much more satisfactorily and the room seemed several degrees warmer. I stayed knelt in front of the fire, enjoying the blaze but still rather aware of the moisture all over my back.

It had not escaped the girls' attention either.

"You're all wet," said Jennifer, looking at me with some dismay.

"Jenny!" Eleanor seemed to think this was a breach of propriety. Kaz, for her part, seemed to be smirking. She was certainly the most confident of the three, and I had a sudden mental flash of what she might look like naked, on a bed, legs apart and welcoming, those eyes daring me...

Jesus. I tried to gather my composure but I feared my face turned red. They'd blame it on the fire, I hoped.

"Well he is," said Jennifer, stubbornly.

"It's fine," I said smiling. "Just a bit of snow. It'll soon dry off now."

We sat for another few minutes watching the fire. I was aware of time passing and the snow gathering on top of my car.

"Do you think we should perhaps call your mother and find out where she is? If she's going to be much longer I should probably just leave the papers and be on my way... I could pick them up tomorrow. Or she could drop them off if she's coming into town."

Another look between them as they conferred. Eleanor nodded. "I'll go and call her."

"I'll do it," said Jennifer suddenly. "I want to speak to her anyway."

She sprang up and went out into the hallway, closing the door behind her. I noticed there was a phone in the corner of the room we were in, but perhaps she wanted to speak to her mother in private. Perfectly understandable.

Once again we were reduced to staring at the fire. I tried desperately to think of some conversational openings but they all seemed terribly cliched and tired. Are you still at school? What are your favourite subjects? Did you go away last year? What terrible weather we seem to be having! I felt the age gap between us yawning like a ravine. To them I must seem ancient, much as seventy year-olds seemed to me.

"Do you enjoy your work, Mr Collins?" Eleanor, bless her, making a valiant attempt at conversation and in doing so proving herself much braver than I.

I considered. "Some of the time," I said. It seemed important to be honest with that grave, beautiful looking girl. "There's a lot of paperwork that even I admit seems pointless. There's a lot of... the unpleasant side of life, I suppose. Families fighting, greed, abuse.... That sort of thing. But every now and again you get the feeling that you've really helped people. And that's... well, pretty great."

Eleanor nodded and smiled at me, a little more warmly and genuinely. I would have done a lot to get another smile like that. Be careful, I told myself. She's just being polite.

"Are you married?" asked Kaz.

"Kaz!" Eleanor, once again the guardian of what was socially acceptable.

"What?" Kaz was unrepentant. "It's a question, isn't it?"

"It's a bit... personal." Eleanor looked at me apologetically.

"I don't mind," I said. "No, I'm not married."

"Are you gay?" Kaz's eyes danced with the reflection of the flames. Very appropriate, I thought.

"Kaz!" Eleanor, up an octave of distress this time. "Mr Collins definitely doesn't have to answer that!"

A kind of devilment entered me at that point. I don't know why, and I don't know if subsequent events would have turned out any different if it hadn't, but suddenly I felt like going up against Kaz. I'd known a lot of girls like her, too aware of their attractiveness and too keen to make men squirm. There was an easy way to take the advantage away from her. Or so I thought.

"Call me Andy," I said. "And actually... yes I am. Gay, that is."

There was a moment of silence. I like to think there was also an undercurrent of disappointment.

"Oh shit," said Kaz. "I'm sorry."

"What for?" I said innocently. "Perfectly fair question."

Kaz looked awkward. "It's just... well, I mean... if I'd.... you see, if I'd..."

She was saved by Jennifer coming back in.

"Mum's staying there," she said. "She says the snow's too thick and she'll try and come back in the morning. We're to have the rest of the chilli and do pizza tomorrow from the freezer if the snow's too bad. And use the long-life milk in the pantry for cereal if we run out."

Eleanor looked distraught. "Oh no! Did you tell her Mr Collins was waiting for her here?"

Jennifer looked down. "I forgot to tell her," she muttered. Which didn't quite ring true.

Nor did it for Kaz, it seemed. "He's gay," said Kaz to Jennifer, with the air of somebody passing on news of a terminal disease.

Jennifer looked at me. "What? No! Not really?"

"It's none of our business!" Eleanor was really appalled.

"Are you really?" said Jennifer curiously to me. "Like a hundred percent gay? Or just a bit gay, like we're all supposed to be?"

"Mr Collins should go," said Eleanor firmly. "I'm sorry, Mr Collins, we had been having a few drinks before you arrived... please, don't tell our Mother about this. We're not normally this rude."

"Don't worry," I said. "I really enjoyed meeting you all. And thank you for the coffee. But you're right, I should be on my way."

**

I was helped back into my coat by Jennifer -- coats were her area of expertise, it seemed -- and was offered the loan of an umbrella and some boots which I declined. The girls all seemed a little subdued, probably more by the thought of a night alone in the house than by my imminent departure.

Then we opened the door and looked out.

"Oh shit," I said, unthinking.

"Fucking hell!" said Kaz, from somewhere behind me.

"Oh dear," said Eleanor.

"Wow!" said Jennifer. "Your car's like, almost completely disappeared."

The light snowfall had become a blizzard. My car was just a lump of whiteness looming out of the dark. There was no way I was going anywhere.

And just at that moment all the lights went out.

Jennifer screamed.

**

Using my mobile phone as a torch we made our way back into the living room where the fire was still blazing brightly. The girls seemed rather upset and panicky, and I did my best to reassure them.

"We're absolutely fine," I said. "There's probably a power line down somewhere, but we've got lots of wood, it sounds like there's plenty of food in the kitchen and in the morning we can clear the snow off my car and I can take you into town to a hotel if the power's still off. But I bet it'll be back on very quickly."

"And you'll stay with us?" Jennifer was the most upset of the three and was still a little tearful.

"Of course," I said, reassuringly. I would have liked to have given her a gentle hug but those days of touching without consent, even with the best of intentions are -- sadly I think - behind us. Even if I was gay.

"I don't want to sleep on my own," said Jennifer. "Not without any lights."

"Do you have any candles?" I asked. "You could each take a candle to your room."

"I'd be too nervous about them falling over and setting the house on fire," said Eleanor. This seemed unlikely to me but all the girls were skittish and I could understand their nervousness.

"OK," I said. "How about this. You all bring your mattresses down here. We'll push the furniture back, and you can sleep in front of the fire. It'll be like a camp."

"Yes!" said Jennifer. "Can we do that? Please, Lennie? Please!"

Eleanor looked at her sister. "All right, we'll do that. But what about you, Mr Collins?"

"Call me Andy," I said. "I can sleep out in the hallway. There's a sofa there."

"But it's teeny," protested Jennifer. "And you'll freeze!"

I wasn't keen on the idea myself, but it seemed the best option. Eleanor was having none of it, however.

"You'll sleep in here with us," she said. "It'll be much warmer. The sofa's much bigger in here, and we'll take the blankets off Mum's bed for you."

I hesitated, but not for long.

"OK," I said. "Let's do that."

**

I helped them carry their mattresses down from the rooms upstairs. Well, it would be more accurate to say that they showed me where their rooms were, and I carried their mattresses down while they watched and made vaguely positive and helpful noises while I did so. In Eleanor's room there was a second mattress on the floor, intended for Kaz. Eleanor's room, even in the dark lit only by my phone, smelt mysterious and feminine. Even though my breath was steaming in front of me, I felt a warmth grow in my groin at being there. I told myself off severely, picked up a mattress under each arm, and tried to look as manly as possible as I struggled down the stairs with them.