- Reviews & Essays
- On Outrage in Loving Wives Stories
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Click hereAs someone who wants to start posting stories in the Loving Wives category, I wanted to put an observation about the category "on the record" so I could point to it later.
If you've read a lot of "Loving Wives" story on Lit, you'll have noticed that there are a few different genres within the category.
— There are Happy Swapping, Group scenes & Sharing stories: upbeat scenarios with lots of graphic sex, where the husband is into it and everyone enjoys what they get. Sexy fun.
— There is Fetish Cuckoldry: graphic stories where the point is the shame and humiliation the wife heaps on her husband. I think the mechanism there is similar to the amazing stories of Emma_Sub, whose female narrators get off on shame & humiliation. If you think of an Emma_Sub story, like "Learning About Myself" or "It Was An Accident" or "Discoveries" or "Emma Is Used In The House Of Her Mistress"; the shame & humiliation intensify sex for the narrator. I enjoy those stories a lot. On the other hand I'm very uncomfortable with stories where the shame & humiliation are heaped on a husband. But that probably just means those stories weren't written for me; everyone's got their kink, right? And at least I can see in theory how those stories are sort of the same thing, just aimed at a different audience.
— And there are the "angry" LW stories, which is what I want to talk about. These stories are the Pornography of Outrage. I mean that the same way we would say that Gourmet Magazine and the TV show Top Chef are food porn; or Hot Rod Magazine and the TV shows Top Gear / The Grand Tour are car porn. The "angry" LW stories are outrage porn. We avid readers of these stories get an outrage high: the anger, the righteousness, the injustice. And then how the outrage is processed: revenge, burning the bitch/bastard; or an adequate apology leading to an appropriate amount of making-it-up to the wronged spouse, and a hard-won reconciliation. The point of these stories is the outrage, along with the resolution.
Doesn't that seem a little weird for a sex site? It's very easy to see how the "happy" LW stories, swapping/group/sharing, fit on a sex site. There's lots of graphic sex, lots of enthusiasm; everyone has a big cock or a tight pussy; and everyone has a good time. It's slightly less easy, but still straightforward, to see how the Fetish Cuckoldry stories fit on a sex site, if you grant that there are people who crave the shame & humiliation. Powerlessness fantasies. But it's hard to see how these "angry" LW stories fit on a sex site. Very often there's no sex in them at all! Or it's offstage, or written around in a non-graphic way. The sex is not the point of these stories. OUTRAGE is the point. Not titillation, or spank material: what we're getting from those stories is the outrage.
Why do we fans of the "angry" LW stories crave outrage? I don't know: but we do.
This is a bit of a tangent, but I have to say: to me that feels just a little unhealthy. It's weird to substitute outrage for titillation. Like we fans of those stories have something a little bit wrong with us. Maybe we have some anger that we're not processing in our regular lives. Or maybe some of us are depressed and need to have some fiery emotions kick-started so we can feel a little something. I'm not trying to be insulting: I myself am a huge fan of these stories, and a huge consumer of them. If there's anything "wrong" with us readers of these stories, then it's wrong with me too. I am just trying to point out that the appeal of these stories on a sex site is not obvious at all. If I were preoccupied with "health", and tried to make some kind of "healthiness spectrum" of the Outrage LW stories - picture something stupid like USDA-approved Outrage LW stories - then I would probably say that the "healthiest" of these are the light-hearted romps from authors like Hard Days Knight or Papatoad. Those stories don't indulge in hurt feelings or outrage; the narrator often shows a sense of humor; the narrator is a little self-deprecating; he moves quickly to change his life with the cheating element removed; revenge is short & sweet, or maybe even skipped entirely. And I would say that the other end of the "healthiness spectrum" would have those stories that show the opposite elements: wallowing in hurt feelings & outrage; no sense of humor; a righteous preoccupation with "honor" and "respect"; a ton of effort & mental energy spent on revenge. Sometimes a character even attempts suicide: a wronged spouse for whom life isn't worth living anymore, or a cheater who is wracked by guilt. When our tastes spiral too far down into those rabbit holes, maybe we're not feeling our best mentally and spiritually. Maybe that's a good time to reconnect with some friends & family, and re-engage with restorative hobbies, etc.
One place where I differ from many on Lit, I reject the popular dichotomy between "Burn the B" vs "Reconciliation At Any Cost". There IS such a thing as a good reconciliation story, and reconciliation does not necessarily mean "RAAC". The good reconciliations are not "at any cost". They are hard-won, after adequate apologies and some form of making-it-up to the wronged spouse; and the wronged spouse has the option of rejecting the make-up. That's the point of real reconciliation. The actual opposite of BTB stories are not earned reconciliation stories; they are Fetish Cuckold stories. So when a commenter here calls a cheating story a RAAC, the true problem is either they expected an Outrage LW story and instead got a Fetish Cuckold story - which would bother me too! - OR they feel the erring spouse has not worked hard enough apologizing / making-it-up to the wronged spouse. That's a subjective judgment; different readers could feel different ways. But the commenters here tend to be way too harsh about it, at least the anonymous ones.
I guess ultimately it's up to the writer, if he's doing a reconciliation story, to make the errant spouse work hard enough for us readers to feel they've earned or "deserve" forgiveness & another chance. But most of the commenters here act as if there is never any possible amount of apology/restitution/whatever that an erring spouse could ever do to get another chance. That cannot be right. I enjoy a good Bitch Burning as much as the next guy; but there have to be SOME scenarios where forgiveness is possible, else the stories become too similar and the genre becomes stupid / impoverished / predictable. My advice to writers of reconciliation stories is to ignore Anonymous commenters who accuse you of "cuck" & "RAAC" tendencies. You know what anonymous internet commenters are: don't let them get you down. But DO make sure your erring spouse is put thru the wringer and really has to work their ass off for that reconciliation.
That doesn't apply if you're just burning the bitch/bastard. Then just make it thorough or clever!
For everyone working the "angry" LW side of the street: don't skimp on the outrage. That's what we want; what we're here for. And for my fellow readers: no reason to give up the pastime, especially when there are so many fun stories here and great writers; but it probably wouldn't hurt any of us to spend a few minutes reflecting on why we need that outrage so much; exactly what it is that we're getting out of it.
Best wishes all!
JZ
- COMMENTS
bruce1971about 1 year agoThanks for this--it's a different, very thoughtful take on the cheating wife stories. I've never looked at it as outrage porn, but I can see how that interpretation works.
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I think, for me, it comes down to self-valuation. In relationships, there's a tendency to put yourself second--to place the happiness of your significant other ahead of your own. In healthy relationships, this tendency is somewhat balanced--sometimes, one partner will put himself or herself second, secure in the belief that, when the time comes, their love and regard will be reciprocated. In less healthy relationships, it is more skewed--sometimes, I think, one partner or the other will begin to regard the martyrdom of their partner as their "due," as something that they have a right to.
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Needless to say, cheating wife stories tend to fall into the second category!
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In this context, I see the outrage as an explosion of self-valuation. The character feels that their sacrifice has been taken for granted, that their love has become something that is self-damaging, rather than healthy. Taken from this angle, the outrage could be some form of "Damn it, I matter! I have value! I deserve better than this!"
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Or maybe I'm just trying to justify my own enjoyment of the occasional vengeful loving wife story...regardless, thank you for giving me a different angle for viewing this!
Anonymousover 1 year agoFunny on an essay trashing anon comments, one of your best most thoughtful ones is from an anonymous. I have always said that the loving wives category is the only/ best repository for stories that need to focus specifically on a marriage. Wives means married. So I say, loving wives is the place for "complicated marital scenarios". Agreed that so many stories would fit better in other categories. Even ones for the non erotic. But stories that discuss the finer points of marriage can discuss a sex life without being too explicit. The point of the story is the marriage, over gratuitous descriptions of orifices and appendages.
I agree with the thoughtful anon better descriptor than merely the outrage, is the word drama. I tease about these stories being like soap operas. We enjoy following characters. The best stories have the best character development. The plots are secondary. The emotions well written usually require a strong narrator giving voice to their feelings, yes including outrage, betrayal, etc. But 1 dimensional characters don't successfully pull off outrage, even if EVERY one of the 750 words are a rant.
The best LW stories are complex characters who find themselves in complicated marital scenarios, and along the way, give the reader something to think about.
I don't think you need to be titilated to have enjoyed that, when well done. And we all know it when we read it. This remains one of the best archives and easiest to use.
The thing that LW or any category has zero place for is any hate directed at any author or contributor. It happens, but we would all enjoy our time here without worring about therapy being needed if there was less of the hate.
Thanks.
yowserover 1 year agoAnalysing the LW readership is a frequent hobby/obsession over on the AH forum, but you've provided some thoughtful comments. It is indeed a multifaceted genre, with the various subsets not in the same boat most of the time.
I don't go for or understand the outrage crowd, but I also appreciate that sexual arousal triggers can accommodate a huge variety of interests. The main problem of the category, as far as I am concerned, is that the BTB crowd is so angry and righteous that they don't permit any other perspective. Perfectly good 'wife sharing' stories get trashed with uncommonly vicious commentary and 'punished' with deliberate, malicious low scores. More than once I thought the category should just be retitled 'Hating Husbands' to clarify the ambiguity.
It is unfortunate that LW cannot seem to function as a 'Big Tent' genre, and many authors who might otherwise post worthy LW stories choose either not to post or put their tales in alternative categories.
Anonymousover 1 year agoPart of the problem is clearly laid out in your early categorization of the stories. The first type of story is appropriate (and appreciated) in the Group Sex category that Literotica has for those types of stories. The second type of story is appropriate (and appreciated) in the Fetish category that Literotica has for those types of stories. You skipped over the racism based stories, but most of those writers already know to put them in the Interracial category that Literotica has for those types of stories because they are appropriate (and appreciated) there. You also skipped over the ones where the husband is less than a bit part in the story and would be more appropriate (and appreciated) in the Erotic Couplings category that Literotica has for those types of stories.
Another part of the problem is that "Loving Wives" is not just another way of saying "Hotwives". Even if it was, a lot of the "hotwife" stories are about women being abusive to their husbands rather than loving. Many of the stories I have read and seen lambasted are just as much about the wife forcing her husband to become gay/bi, which means the stories would be more appropriate (and appreciated) in either the Nonconsensual/Reluctant or Gay Male categories that Literotica has for those types of stories. Many more include forced chastity for the husband which leads to them being more appropriate (and appreciated) in the BSDM category that Literotica has for those types of stories.
In your regards to the lack of titillation, I laugh when I see that lame argument. First, Literotica even has a specific Non-Erotic category which undermines that claim. Second, while the Reviews & Essays category is for things like this, I find absolutely no titillation in it, which makes you a hypocrite, does it not?
As to reconciliation stories, I agree that RAAC is not really reconciliation. It is simply giving up and surrendering. I have no problem with legitimate reconciliation stories that do it right. In fact, I enjoy them and rate them as such. Unfortunately those are few and far between. Part of this comes from the author overdoing the offenses to build tension and not leaving themselves a believable road back. Of course, most fail simply because it's easier to right a surrender and call it reconciliation than it is to plot and right a genuine one.
Finally, as to your big point about this category being largely about outrage and not sexual. I agree and disagree with that. I think a more correct categorization would be drama. These stories are about conflict, adrenaline, and overcoming hardship. I agree that the average Loving Wives story is not a quick FAP story. However, I disagree that the emotion generated by these stories are worthless or inappropriate for this site. I know that one of the reasons I like a good BTB is that it reminds me that the problems I have in my own marriage are minor in comparisons. So, if reading these stories improves my marriage (and my sex life) by letting deal better with these issues, how can you say they aren't sexual? :-) A good reconciliation story can do the same thing, but they simply don't provide the same intense level of emotion and catharsis that a good BTB does.
So, in summary, the stories that struggle in the Loving Wives category do so largely because they should have been posted in a different category. Of course, a lack or misuse of tags and misleading descriptions can easily increase the scorn heaped upon an author, both of which happen frequently in this category.
PS: I find it interesting that two "different" authors posted such similar essays as their first post on the same day...
