Once Is Not Enough! Or Is It?

I started to reciprocate.

"No, not necessary, please. Just show me your gratitude. Actually, I'm starving, but can we fuck one more time before we get something to eat?"

XI. WHAT? I KNOW, I KEEP SAYING THAT!

It was January, almost exactly a year since Germany. Sheila called.

"Let's have lunch. When is good for you?"

"I'm in Seattle, but I'll be home tomorrow, red eye, overnight, I get in around 10 a.m."

"Your car at the airport?"

"No, I'm cabbing it."

"I'll pick you up. We can go to lunch from there. We need to talk. I have to ask you a question."

"Okay, is everything okay?" Before I left, we had dinner. We met with Lana and had a nice evening. She was now living in an apartment and was working again. She seemed to be doing better. I hoped nothing had happened.

"Everything's fine. What time should I pick you up?"

We went to a deli in the renovated, "artsy" district - not my favorite part of town, but a damn good deli. Through our meal, we exchanged small talk. I was more than distracted by Sheila. When she took her coat off in the car, the silver-gray silk blouse she had on, was clinging to her and her pert breasts and even more pert nipples were well displayed. Ever since I saw them that night, what a century ago, or just three years, I had fantasized about what they would feel like, against the palm of my hand, between my fingers, my lips...

"What, oh, Olivia, she's fine. Yes, she met me there."

I had told Sheila about her several months ago. She knew I was getting laid, said it was obvious and wanted to know. I didn't tell her about any of my "one-night stands," didn't want her to think badly of me, but I told her about Annie and our "arrangement."

"Jack, you were staring at me. You've been staring at me since I picked you up at the airport."

"Crap. Sorry, Sheila. I guess I was. I didn't mean...I mean, sorry."

She laughed and put a hand on mine, "Jack, it's okay. I don't mind." Her voice dropped a bit and softened, "Actually, I'm glad you still get distracted by me. I hadn't planned on saying this, but, I'm a little jealous of Olivia. I always kind of felt like I might have been..."

"You have been, you are," I blurted out. Shit. Sometimes my mouth...oh well, "Sheila, you never have to be jealous of Olivia. I mean of course you don't. I'm not...you're not...but...oh, screw it. Sheila, I've been in some degree of love with you since we met. After Lana, you are the only other woman I have ever really loved. Olivia and I...well we are, are best friends, who are, well, lovers. But I have never felt for her what I feel..."

I stopped, embarrassed what I had revealed and actually to me at the same time - I wasn't attracted to her. I was in love with her, always had been. Good grief.

She took one hand and put a finger to my lips and took the other and gently squeezed my hand, "Jack, I love you too. I came to your room at the hotel in Belgium, and stood outside the door for ten minutes. My marriage was on the rocks and I fell for you like, well, all the way. Then I met Lana and you guys introduced me to Chuck, and he was so much like you...and I love Chuck. But Jack, I never stopped loving you. That night at your house, our anniversary...we weren't supposed to take off our thongs. Thank goodness Lana joined me. I just, in that moment, I wanted...and Chuck would have if you would have. But you were proper, and you were right. If we had, then the thing with Lana, we would have been in the middle of it and it would have destroyed all of us..."

"What? Sheila, I..."

"Jeez, Jack! This isn't why I invited you to lunch. Okay. We know. It's out in the open, but just between us for now."

"For now?"

"Let me go on. Jack, we have to talk about Lana. No, everything's okay. She's doing well, a lot better. She's working, taking care of herself, eating right. But...Jack, she needs an intervention. She asked me to talk to you."

"Whatever I can do. Does she...I mean, us..."

"No. She's not there, not ready for that. And Jack, I honestly don't know if she will ever...I'm sorry. But listen. She wants to get together. She wants you in her life again. She needs that more than anything. But not as a husband, as a friend."

She searched my eyes.

"Yes, whatever, however I can help."

"And, Jack, she needs something else, desperately...your permission."

"What? For what?"

"To have a life again, to have...sex again. No, please, listen to me. Lana hasn't been with a man since the last time she was with you. She is stuck, Jack. And she doesn't know I'm asking you this. And I don't know how to work it, but she needs to, has to move on. She is still living with guilt, frozen in an impossible situation..."

"What can I do?"

"Go on vacation with us. Chuck and I talked. We planned a vacation in Bali for May, the beginning of the dry season but before the high season. We reserved a bungalow. It's large, they can add a bed. We can't get another room, we checked. Jack, you need to seduce your wife...then set her free."

I didn't say "what?" but I thought it.

The day ended less enjoyably than it started. The combined red eye flight, jet lag, intimate revelation from Sheila, and her proposal, the trip, Lana - I was a mess.

I slept, but had horrible dreams - Lana naked, men in mirrors...I awoke in the dark, sweating. It was three a.m. I got up and fixed a drink and pondered what Sheila asked. I loved and missed my wife more than I can express. And though there was probably no chance of us putting our lives back together, and though I wanted to do whatever I could to help her, being the catalyst for her to start having sex with other men - was not on any list.

XII. BALI "HIGH!"

In the Michener classic, "Bali Ha'i," the mythical island represented an unattainable place of happiness. For me, for us, the real island of Bali represented a real place of beauty, challenge and uncertainty. I wasn't sure what else it would represent, but I was pretty sure "happiness" would be just as unattainable as in the mythical Bali.

The arrangement seemed untenable, contrived, and I just didn't see it working, but I agreed. And Lana agreed. Everybody agreed. If nothing else, we would enjoy relaxing activities on a beautiful, exotic tropical island.

After all, we were best friends - even if one of the friends was a conflicted, depressed, sex addict, albeit celibate sex addict, and one was a footloose, anything but celibate, bachelor who was in love with his best friend's wife, and one was a good wife in love with her best friend's husband, and the last was a husband who lusted after his best friend's sort-of wife.

Of course, let's not forget why I was there - to somehow convince my wife it was okay to move on, live without me, and have sex with other men - lots of them, I assume.

Yeah, I wasn't very happy as we sat in the airline lounge, relaxing before our 30-hour journey. Lana and I had only met and talked twice in preparation for this trip. Right now, we were sitting in two overstuffed chairs with a small oval table between us. Chuck and Sheila were at another table a small distance away.

"Jack, thank you for coming, for doing this. I honestly don't know how this is going to work, supposed to work. Sheila, and my doctor, insist that we just need to get closure and that we can't do that apart. I honestly don't know how..."

She was keyed up and obviously upset - and having more misgivings than she had expressed in our previous discussions.

"Honey, relax. I have no preconceived notions of how this will go. I mean, I don't expect either of us to do any particular thing. Let's try to just enjoy our time, enjoy it together, with our friends, and see what we see. I'm not placing any undue expectations on this. I just want you to be happy, and whatever is meant to be for us, for each of us, I think we need to move to that next step. Maybe this is the way to make it happen."

"Jack, you're...you've been..." she dropped her eyes, "thank you."

"Lana, just one thing," she raised her eyes, "don't ever think that I don't love you, that I've stopped loving you, that I'll ever stop loving you. I've come to realize we will probably never be together again, but I really hope there is a way we can be...friends again. I can't see us not, not being something to each other. I'm willing to be, to try to be whatever you need."

Tears were dripping down her cheeks, but she held my gaze, and for the first time in a long time, I was aware of her beautiful, light-brown eyes with those dark flecks. I felt tears in my own eyes, and her hand cover mine.

"Oh, Jack, I...love you so much...I..."

She withdrew her hand and reached in her purse for a tissue.

This was the stuff we were going to have to go through - for the healing, I guess. Healing can be very painful.

We were staying in a mountain retreat near the center of the island, in a protected forest. It was breathtaking. The resort was breathtaking. The women were...breathtaking. Lana had put on a lot of her lost weight and had obviously been working out. She was trim and beautiful as ever. And Sheila, ugh!

Before the trip, arrangements at the resort room had been discussed and worked out. Lana and I would be a couple and would sleep in the same bed. It was large and if we didn't want contact, there didn't have to be any, and if we did, well, unlikely, but we could. As far as sex went, we would each make time for the other couple, allowing them privacy, but no fooling around in each other's presence. Our first day there was not a problem, we slept, exhausted. I was extremely aware that my wife was next to me in bed, but extremely tired. We didn't touch and we both slept.

Surprisingly, after only one day, we did start to relax, and were almost like two couples on a regular vacation, enjoying the sights and activities, the excellent food, incredible service and the good company. Lana and I casually held hands as we walked. We talked about the things we observed and pointed out things to each other. At the end of the second, and long, busy day, we were riding back to the compound in a bus, and Lana fell asleep against me, one arm behind my back and one hand on my lap, and one of my arms around her shoulders. I dozed off, in spite of the jostling. When the bus stopped and we roused, she turned her head up to me and kissed my cheek.

"Wonderful day," she said.

My heart leapt in my chest. It felt like a moment anytime in our life before a year and a half ago.

After a pleasant dinner, we retired to our room and had drinks served on our private lanai. After a while, Chuck and Sheila gave us a signal and retired to the room. We both nodded and smiled. We were relaxing on a wide "his and hers" lounger and after they went in, Lana turned her face up to mine. I leaned down and kissed her. She immediately returned the kiss, melting into me, her hand going to my chest.

Abruptly, she broke the kiss and sat back. Too fast.

"Jack," her voice was small, "I didn't stop kissing because...because I didn't like it. I just...I didn't...I hope you didn't, don't get the wrong impression. I'm not, we can't..."

"Lana, it's okay, I didn't, wasn't presuming anything. It was a sweet kiss." I hugged her against me. She laid her head against me and put her hand back on my chest again.

"You sure got in good shape, Jack."

"You're looking great, too, honey."

"Thank you. I love you, Jack."

"I love you, too."

We dozed off, holding each other. Maybe there was hope.

By the end of the first week, things felt like, well, not like before, but there was almost no tension, we were casually affectionate, there was laughter and shared smiles - but no talking - not about the real issues.

We were climbing a steep path to a beautiful waterfall that cascaded over 130 feet back and forth down the side of a rocky cliff. When we reached a lookout, we stopped and rested, a little winded and quite hot and sweaty. Lana and Sheila were both wearing simple, sleeveless cotton tops. Both braless, their damp bosoms were very apparent. Lana caught me looking. She smiled, and punched my arm.

"Sorry, couldn't help it."

She grinned, and patted my leg, intentionally bumping my semi-erection.

"I wasn't punching you for looking. I was punching you because of that. Who did that to you, me or her?"

Sheila turned, catching what was going on and gave a knowing smile.

I caught her eyes, "How do you know it wasn't both of you?"

"Oh, Jack, you've seen these things a bazillion times, you only saw Sheila's once..."

I interrupted playfully, "Yeah, well I haven't seen yours in forev..."

Her face immediately clouded over and I caught myself. I had hit a nerve. Hadn't meant to. She dropped her eyes.

Sheila, quickly interjected, "Well, I think it's both of us! What do you think hon?" she said to Chuck to get his attention. He had been looking at the falls.

"What?"

"Whose boobs gave Jack his stiffy? Mine or Lana's?" she asked as she unbuttoned and opened her blouse turning towards Chuck then back to me and Lana.

Chucked laughed, "I can't see Lana's. Hard to make a call..."

"Sheila!" Lana barked, laughing, "Stop that."

"Well, no, come on, you're not going to leave me hanging here?" Sheila challenged Lana, still holding her blouse open with no sign of closing it.

"Jeez, Sheila...Oh crap." Giggling she opened her top and did the twist, showing Chuck then me." When she turned back to me, we made eye contact, she blushed and whipped her blouse closed, apparently embarrassed by me staring at her breasts, which were still exquisite.

"Okay, so what did that settle?" she joked, laughing a little.

"Well," Chuck said, "it didn't settle anything. Cause I couldn't tell you which set of beautiful breasts just caused me to start sporting wood."

"Exactly," I said, "What we settled is that you both have beautiful breasts and either set are sufficient cause for wood. And thank you for the lovely views. I forgot all about that boring waterfall."

After laughs and the breaking of the tension, we finished our outing and had a very enjoyable day.

But the evening got strange...

...and then...

We ended the night with drinks on the lanai, and though we had been in it a couple times, we hadn't really spent much time in the sunken hot tub that sat at the end of the deck. We were sitting in the loungers and chatting, and sweating - it was warm and humid, with no breeze at the moment.

Sheila said she had to get in the water. Chuck said he would turn the Jacuzzi on and started to go to the switch located on the wall of the bungalow. But Sheila stopped him, informing him she wanted it left off. She just wanted the cool water and no lights. With that she stood and peeled her clothes off as she headed to the tub.

Chuck shrugged and followed her over and started removing his clothes. Lana and I were stuck on the lounger, exchanging looks with each other and then looking at our friends getting naked.

"Guys, come on. What? We've seen each other naked before. Oh, the water feels awesome," Sheila cooed as she climbed in.

"Lana?"

I couldn't see in the light of the torches on the deck, but Lana was blushing. She was embarrassed to get naked - in front of me, not the others.

I sensed it, though. "It's okay," I assured her and stood, starting to unbutton my shirt.

She reached a hand up and I stopped and helped her up. She stood up directly in front of me and put her hands to my shirt. She began releasing the buttons, removing my shirt, all the while holding my eyes with hers. I couldn't read her expression in the dim light, but I reached for her blouse. I undid her buttons and I pulled it off her shoulders. She dropped her eyes at this point and reached for her own shorts instead of mine. I think she lost her nerve. So I turned and removed my own shorts and stepped out of them and headed for the hot tub, allowing her to finish undressing. I slid into the slightly tepid water, and while not exactly cool, it was refreshing.

I felt Lana slide in next to me. I had my arms on the side of the tub, on the edge of the deck. On my right side, Lana placed her left hand on my leg and with her right she reached up for my right and pulled it down over her shoulder to her right breast, mirroring where Chuck had his hand on Sheila, lightly caressing her breast under the water. I could see Sheila's right arm flexing. She was on Chuck's left and she was most likely stroking him under the water. I caught her eyes. She was looking from me to Lana, just glances, checking things out, not staring. Then she closed her eyes and moaned. Chuck was obviously stroking her, too.

Had Sheila planned this? Was this to make something happen? If so, Lana still had her hand on my leg and was not moving to do anything else. I contented myself to gently touching my wife's breast and feeling her lovely body against me. I was good with that. I closed my eyes. After a couple minutes, Lana's head fell against me and her hand moved, slowly, till her fingers felt my cock, still just semi-hard. It jumped at her touch and she jerked her hand back. But just momentarily then she wrapped her long, slender fingers around its girth and very slowly, as if testing, she slid it from the base to the head, then slowly over the head.

"Big Jack," she whispered.

I was silent, slightly nodding my head.

Again, she whispered, "You can kiss me."

I turned my upper torso and with my left hand, I tilted her lovely face up and met her lips with mine in a gentle, soft, closed-mouth kiss, until I felt the hot tip of her tongue press against my lips and I melted into her wet, hungry mouth and we kissed passionately. I heard Chuck and Sheila get out of the water and head to the bungalow.

Lana and I kissed and held each other for the longest time. It was at the same time familiar and new. I couldn't get enough of her, nor she me. She felt on fire, moaning into my mouth, her body thrumming against mine. We stood together and got out of the water and went to the wide lounger. When we got to the side of it, she turned into me, and with her arms around my back and her head down, she started crying.

"I can't, Jack. I've been unfaithful to you. I don't deserve you, this. I'm messed up. I don't want you to think..."

"Lana, honey, if you don't want to, or can't...it's okay. Just don't think that I feel the way you do. I don't feel you've been unfaithful...in Germany, or after. We made a mistake. We did. I wish you didn't feel..."

"No Jack. I'm not...I understand what happened. I'm okay, now. I mean, I understand how I got where I am. And we didn't do it, Jack. I did it. I forced you to. And it's not your fault that it affected me the way it did. Jack you are the best lover and husband, and it's not about any of...not about you. And Jack, I don't want to hurt you anymore than I have. I just...I'm sorry. We shouldn't have...I let myself..."

She choked and started crying harder, sobbing.

"Honey, no." I pulled her tight against me.

"Lana, you're just human. And what's happened doesn't have to...look, I'm human, too. You need to know..."

"Jack, I know. Olivia. It's good that you could..."

"You know, Sheila told..."

"No, Jack. Not like that." She had reached a hand up and grasped my neck, pulling my head down as she looked up, capturing my attention, "After we had lunch one day, I told Sheila that you had someone - that you were making somebody happy. I could tell. You were happy and I hadn't seen you happy like that and knew it had to be because you had somebody. I knew. I asked her if she knew. She told me about what Olivia was going through and how you two...Sheila's my friend, too, Jack. She didn't betray you."

"I just...okay. I still feel guilty...I..."

"Don't, Jack, no. I don't want that. You would never have if...but so you know, I was, am jealous. Knowing that you were, are pleasing her. No." She put her finger to my lips before I could protest.