All Comments on 'Once Upon a Time in Emmitsburg'

They are all fucking insane!

WRONG CATEGORY.

You've submit many stories already so you should know. Unless you're trying to farm vote from LW readers.

Ish

WOW!, complex and thought provoking, cannot say enough without sounding like a pompous AH. Love this story completely left of centre, please keep these coming, pity there are only 5 stars available. last but not least Thank You.

"She went on, "We both found the same one. We found him years ago. We used to laugh and giggle about it. Him, I mean. That's when we made our pledge."

That would be the pact to call him a retard, tell every girl interested in him he was a sexual deviant, and laugh as he got his ass kick by a gang?

Also how is it the virgin who has never has any kind of sex gives world class blow jobs?

And why does the heiress with the world class education and six figure job need the guy she called a weak apathetic retard to rescue her?

Also at no point was anyone married or cheating or having extra relationship sex so why LW?

I loved it, a well-written nice heartwarming tale. Tim had a pretty awful life but with help, he turned things around. I liked that he was what I call an unsuspecting hero. My exfather was a nurse problem was he was also a cheating asshole. It was such a relief when my Mom finally had some balls and threw him out. Been a long while since we heard from you but it was a great return story. 5 stars

This one's going to need reflection and s second read. My initial take is s lot of buildup for a short ending but I really enjoyed the first 7 pages. Your first person voice presented our hero's naive understanding of the world quite well. Yet aren't we all to some degree? It's really a quite enchanting story of personal growth and grabbing his golden ring...thanks for your work.

A beautiful story. I loved every word of it and just could not stop reading until I got to the end and then just wished there was more! Really well written and thought out. The characters were so alive and believable. Thank you for a great read.

Perfect 10!

I really enjoyed this story. I believe it to also be unique, since in my reads here, I have found nothing remotely like this. This is a 5 star + effort.

Just weak. All the redundancy. All the ill will from basically two very weak morally challenged girls. You drag things out for 9 pages tits one paragraph wrap up?

Nah. Meh.

2*

You are better than this

9 pages of this crap? is Carvohi going senile?

Great story. Glad to see you back!

Couldn't read any more after page 3. Nothing was happening. No disrespect but it was becoming an actual chore to read. Imo it was a very boring/nothing 3 pages and can't read anymore. Sorry.

I think this is your best

Your introductory statement made it so simple to skip right on by without wasting time. Thanks.

Unusual for this author. Absolutely long winded and worthless. Not at all his normally excellent writing.

Sorry.

😢

Well Done! Hank you

Wonderful story. One of the best in literotica

Hot mess. Confusing. Too long. Just not entertaining.

2**

Depressing story,i just couldnt hack it.

A masterpiece !!! Will be one of my all time favorites.

chur m8 awsum story

⭐⭐⭐⭐

very nice! thank you for an enjoyable story

This is a masterpiece. Thoroughly authentic. Loved the characters and the story. Way to go!!

An enjoyable homage to Papa Hemingway’s Francis and Margot, with a nod to the late great Buck Henry’s Ben Braddock and Elaine Robinson - especially that final wedding scene! I guess Wren would be the water buffalo?

*****

Now, like all the other literary dilettantes, I gotta go back and reread ‘The Short Happy Life of Francis Macomber. (and maybe reread some of Literotica’s very own author of the same name!)

*****

What a treat to see a new posting from Carvohi. I had other work on my Saturday morning agenda, so I promised myself just a quick peek at page one, and here I sit three hours later repriortizing my weekend honeydos. Oh well!

*****

Thanks very much for the new story.

All that next week, every single night I jerked off. I'd jerked off before...some. The guys all talked, and everyone was worried about losing their eyesight or wearing their dicks out.

You left out the little black hair in the middle of your palm.

Little sister was not his friend, and she's a BTB story in the waiting.

Wow. Well done.

5* good story, great writing at usual but as most I think, I wanted to grab Tim by the throat and shake him, screaming quit whining. You are so much more, quit waffling and get it done. But that was the plan and you saved it all with the ending. It was so sweet I think I need insulin, but I do love a story that ends the way it should. Thanks for a good read.

Carvohi is one of my favorite authors who provides stories for literotica. The stories provide depth and thought less experienced and talented authors usually provide. This story did not disappoint me. Everything was exceptional and interesting and it held my interest throughout. Truly a great effort.

Very well written. Very descriptive. I saw 0 pages and didn't think I would bother but I'm glad I did. No idea what some of the abbreviations were being a UK reader but that didn't affect my understanding. I will now have to start reading through your other 177 stories.

Both girls are terrible characters and the worst manipulators!

For the longest time while reading this at my slow pace, I empathized with Tim so much that I remembered negative events that had happened to me growing up. It made it more difficult to continue reading. I was extremely pleased that his life started to improve so much as he entered his 20's. I was totally amazed that he found the courage to step up and declare his love for Amber and her for him. Man, I love it when things work out for the good guy. Tim was definitely a good guy. Great story. Probably one of your best!!!

wonderful story.

5⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Thanks for sharing your talent.

Wow. What a roller coaster. I didn’t understand some parts but overall I really liked it. Felt bad for Timmy and rooted for him the entire time. The girls were an odd bunch. Very weird but very sweet story

Don't care what anyone else thinks about this. I liked it. A lot.

I'm sure some will say it was too long. Or too wordy. Complain about the MC. Or the way the sisters treated him. Some will gripe about the ending...want more when more isn't necessary. Don't care.

This was very good. Wonderful actually. I found it well written. Great story. I liked the ending. The writer was telling the story of this man's life. And he had experienced tragedy and pain and suffering, but he never gave up. And he loved and was loved. As the story of a life...naturally there were ebbs and flows. It worked for me.

Don't really care what other's thoughts are. Over all excellent. Thank you. Keep doing what you do please.

I loved it for many reasons, not the least of which was fifty-one years of my life spent in Maryland,..CINCO ESTRELLAS!

Wow, the sisters were horrible! They wrecked his teenage years and destroyed his self-confidence, just so they could keep him single as a backup plan. Talk about selfish and entitled! The poor guy was lonely for years, with no friends and no girlfriend.

I didn't understand what this whole cowardice thing was about at the end; it seemed kind of shoehorned in. Mrs Wrexler accused him of being a coward... but based on what? He fell in love with the two sisters and wanted to date them, but they toyed around with his emotions and rejected him. Tim had no problem sneaking out to work for Mrs Grummond, despite knowing his foster parents wouldn't approve. He also confronted the stealing cleaner, signed up for the military, and spoke up at the party about the Picasso... so it's not like he had any history of being scared of anything.

Loved the story and all of its painfull build ups. While some parts seemed almost unbelievable, I suspect either the author or someone close to him experienced that kind of upbringing. Too many kids fall through the cracks when dealt with separation from their parents even if just temporarily and, yes, there are adults who will gladly take the money for a foster child and give them little to nothing in return. The military is full of young men and women trying to escape the system and make something of themselves. Maybe not like this man but more than enough to raise their self-image. Could he eventually marry this young woman? It took two very strong people to make it happen!

WOW! Fucking WOW!

When I see your name in LW I can 't wait to read your stories. Your are truly a master. Thanks for the great read.

It was a bit long and drawn out but quite likeable

Those girls are the textbook definition of toxic. He should have ran away from that family as soon as Grandma died.

I’ve never read anything quite like this on this site. Wonderful ending. Skillful plot. Fascinating surprises. Easy five stars.

What an interesting read. A few gaps throughout, but I did see where you were going.

Great job ! Forest would be proud. Thank you for a wonderful trip this morning with my coffee.

Captivating writing. Every time I was ready to give up on the story, you did something that kept me reading.

An interesting read. I can't help but wonder what's going to happen to them in 20 years or so. Both the girls are manipulative and callous. I have doubts that time will change that. Tim is going to have a lifetime of emotional landmines to avoid.

Great Hollywood finish.

Well written, as most of this writer’s works are. I believe this submission is in the wrong category. If it were in the Romance arena, this would probably have 5 stars locked in.

Tim was a stupid, naive and malleable fool right to the end. Didn't he realize Amber would quickly tire of his blue-collar orientation and cheat on him with the latest wunderkind from the country club? Anyone with a brain would have ditched these two shallow, manipulative sisters long ago. I felt sad for Tim all through this tale, but saddest for his naiveté at the very end, with the Doobie Brothers' "What a Fool Believes" playing in my head. All the betrayal and diminution Tim endured will pale in comparison to what's to come for him. All in all, a very well told tale from Tim's pedestrian worldview, albeit with the saddest, emptiest of climaxes. If that was what you intended, you succeeded masterfully. If, however, you intended the final scene to be one of joy and victory, you must have figured your readers to be as clueless a sap as Timmy.

More than a hint of Great Expectations about this. Kept waiting for Magwitch to pop up.

Good read.

Great! I didn't think you had it in you 5*

One of your best stories!

5

matt moreau meets the graduate - wrong category - the grand mother was the only normal one

Thanks for a wonderful story.

Too long and drawn out and literally every woman in it was the same exact type. Not sure how everyone can applaud this they way they are. Maybe it got better but by page 6 its was the same thing over and over again. I threw up my hands and walked away.

Youre writing is very good, tedious, but very good, just wish the character templates were more varied and deeper.

I enjoyed this and thought it was good writing but also thought you left a lot unsaid in the early part and to much in some places. I will definitely be reading more of your stories.

It’s 7.15AM here! I’ve been up half the night reading your story. Well constructed and presented. Really, really seriously good stuff!!! Thank you for a great read.

Defiantly not something I expected in this category.

And they all lived happily ever after.

What an ending! Everything flowed perfectly, the story line put me right in the middle of a day to day life.

Probably not have read if in Loving nice fanatics. LOVE. Slap hapy papy #9

Know all of the areas you site this tale within, so that’s fun

Also like the Cinderella Gump life of this poor dude, what a weird tale

So very different and for that I’m grateful, Jedd

However there’s nowhere good to eat in Emmitsburg. Except at the Mount when the freshman girls drift in.

~Enkidu

Wow, that was awful, yet somehow interesting enough to keep going. Then about page 8 I found myself hating both girls, then by page 9 I was just sick to my stomach for that poor guy. Two evil, conniving rich bitches that want to cuck a guy with a lot of mental and physical impairments? Hell's too good for them.

I thought it was too long.

But I didn't dare skip.

I'm glad I didn't.

5 stars.

Again.

What a fantastic story! Loved it. It kept me interested and 9nvested in the main characters all the way through. I thought the pace was perfect and there was an inevitable resilience about it. Hreat stuff, thank you so much.

Original

Might be a little long, but anyone who doesn't rate this a 5 has a problem they really need to work on.

WAY TO GO CARVOHI! CD

Very different story. Not likely to happen but that’s one of the joys of fiction.

EXCELLENT 5 STAR STORY! AS USUAL. THANK YOU carvohi.

from a great writer. Captivating and original, a pleasure to read! Thanks for the story, the effort to write it and the time spent writing it. Above all, keep writing.

terrible ending for a story, but nice to read

Another excellent work by Carvohi, a well told tale. Jake should really become a surgeon, but even knows what to do he just did not get into the ritual early enough. The girls were fascinating.

This story was remarkable to me because of the familiar territory geographically. Born and raised in the Hagerstown area. Beyond that, the "on again; of again" aspect of each of the girls paralleled one of my relationships. I could identify with the confusion and heartbreak on the guy's part. At least he got the girl; I didn't. Great writing!

Top tier writing and an interesting plot. I wouldn't have married Amber but Tim might actually be a good match for her. Five stars. (Pity about the dying Easter eggs, though.)

Like watching a train wreck in extremely slow motion you know what is happening but you can't look away. All through most of the story you know he will marry one of the Wexler girls just not which one. When Amber couldn't sleep with him you had to see it would be Amber. The only unknown was how it would come to be.

5 Stars even though my eyes are burned out from looking at the computer screen for this long. Thanks for the story.

Loved it

A terrific read. I always enjoy your work. And compared to so many of these stories, your use of vocabulary is phenomenal. Looking forward to your next story, as always.

Wonderful tale, long, but held my attention. Interesting that we never got a definitive diagnosis on the results of his accident. Also fond of familiar geography.

Your writing reminds me of William Faulkner. Well, at least one of his novels. I got as far as page 5 and realized the only mentally retarded person here was me, for trying to make sense of the stilted disjointed meandering train-of-thought train wreck. You should have titled this story "The Ground And The Plymouth Fury." When's the last time you saw a mechanic laying underneath a car to repair it? Or how about "Great Masturbations." Another orphan aspiring above his pay grade for women who are lower than whale shit. I'm going to start reading it backwards from page 9 now and come back to finish this comment.

Sorry, I'm back after reading page 9. Preposterous. After reading page 9 I have no need to read pages 6 through 8, its all in page 9. Did I even need to read pages 2 through 5? Yeah, I'm the retard. Or at least the sucker.

Amber just wanted him to grow a set of balls. Otherwise she was going to marry for money and convenience and image. Except he already had a rather spectacular set of balls, and brains, and virtue. Yeah, you morphed his inner voice to make his indecision and self denigration fit your plot, but it was ridiculous. You have an arrogant supposedly talented and intelligent woman preparing to screw up her life and her first marriage because, . . ., Tim was too mild and respectful in temperament and manner. You displayed him being clever, skillful, diplomatic, even brilliant under stress and crisis, but Amber couldn't see it, wouldn't have him, until he made an ass out of himself in front of most of her family and friends, to beseech her favor. Which she then bestowed upon his now deserving self. Amber ignored his substance, but was swooned by his new found arrogance and rudeness. Guess she now had the wren she really wanted, the one she could totally control; her little bird.

I wonder who's cum he will be sucking out of her faithless cunt, once she becomes bored with his innate calmness and indifference to fame and fortune. Amber is a glory hog, the queen bee. All she needs is a drone to keep her company between matings and hiving. Wren should send him a thank you card after the first time he fucks Amber; probably knocks her up. Tim will blame that on himself.

Glad everyone else liked it. I think it is pathetic. Thanks for making it easy to skip most of the story and still completely understand the entire plot. It wasn't too hard.

Thanks for the effort.

Good thing the story ended when it did. Based on the characterization provided (in detail and at length) the reader must conclude that this guy is about to be emotionally disemboweled and then eaten alive!

I hoped Mrs. Grummond would have left him something in her will to help put him on a more equal status with the girls and far above the Camerons. Brandon was the unsung hero of this story. He helped so much behind the scenes and never asked for the thanks he deserved. Great story 5*s.

One of the best stories you have ever written for this site, I loved it

ahhh...confusing?

also, typos, grammar, apostrophes, malapropisms...

i still read it...but that´s my problem.

Different and Wonderful….Did I mention Wonderful!

This would almost make me think you were one of us on the spectrum. Thank you for your insight.

Post this in romance or erotic coupling. There is nothing in this story indicates it's for loving wives category.

Interesting, but not for nine pages. At 6 or 7, it would have been fine -- and blessedly shorter.

pretty unique story. for once in this section we didn't have a protagonist who is a lifelong loser until the very last.

I believe this might actually have been written by someone on the autism spectrum. YEESH!

'Teat a teat' ... 'Suave affair' ... pretty funny stuff. Not the first time someone's tried to insert French words into English text to sound extra cultured, but ended up botching the execution and going in the other direction. But tis just a minor quibble, and they were amusing anyway. Decent story, could have used a lot of trimming, though.

really well done. Can't think of a thing I would change. This is one of a 100 or a 1000 and the reason I keep trolling through literotica

Fucking retarded just like your character.

Not really right for LW category, but very well written, sweet story with excellent character development. Thank you for this.

Cracking tale. Incredibly well written from that pov. The slow growth of the story really bought his problems to life. Well done and thank you.

Fantastic story and I couldn’t put it down. You made me miss the start of the football match on tv I was waiting for.

I see a book in the future. Well done.

So I did give him and his story five stars. Despite there being WAY too much character-development detail. Much more than enough to make Almost-Hubby-Finally clear to We-The-Readers. One of the Master Wordsmanship parts was Carvohi’s development of a substantial number of Main Characters from AHF’s perspective, then disclosing them as different (and more accurately) from WTRs’ PoV. At least six MCs’ (at different times) are uncovered by this process, while four (or more) Necessary Characters were pretty much constant throughout. That is not easy to do (nor necessary in all stories!)

A sweet tale of "GODS Children", and of how his love can prevail regardless of what life throws at you.

I always enjoy this writers stories. Thanks for writing.

I was however interrupted a couple of times near the end of the story, when a couple of things just didn’t make sense. I finally figured out that, I believe, “decollate” (which means beheading) was supposed to be “décolleté” (referring to the neckline of her dress or the view it reveals). Likewise, “Nuevo-riche” looked wrong somehow, and it against n took me a minute or two to sort it out: “nuevo” is Spanish and the Spanish expression would (I suppose) be “nuevo rico” (not “riche”), but I’ve only ever seen it expressed in French, as nouveau riche.” I realize that these are accidental, but I’d rather stay with a story then spend time figuring out what seems to be wrong.

Everything took place