Once Upon A Time: Not Forgotten

"What'd Cora tell you?" Regina demanded. "That you were her good girl? That you just had to do what she said and you'd be happy?Huh?That akingwould be such a good husband for you, take such good care of you, give you so muuuuch..."

With another insane howl, Regina pulled the silverware set off the china hutch next to her, throwing the pieces across the room, at Emma, everywhere, just to hear them smash into the walls. Framed pictures broke, plaster crumbled, Emma cried out as a plate bounced off her knee.

"What exactly do you think I did, Emma? Do you think I had a choice? Your grandfather... making me prove I'd be a good wife. Because it was what he wanted. It was what my mother wanted. Everyone wanted it but me. Have you ever been purified, Emma? Given a gift to your true love and then had it erased from your body so a king could have his preciousbloodfrom you? Did Cora tell you aboutthat?"

She'd run out of silverware. Now she pulled at the hutch itself until it fell over, smashing against the wooden floor with a perfectly resounding crash, the noise of destruction echoing through the house.

"You think I wanted to be queen?" Emma had long since fled, but she could still hear Emma. The woman was screaming. "I wanted torun! I would've traded everything to be the wife of a—stable boy," her voice cracked for a moment, like her rage was residing. Then it came back, stronger than ever; she pulled a poker from the fireplace and whipped it into the walls, clawing up the wallpaper, bringing down the evidence of her happy life, the signed certificates, the family photos, everything. "But she—wouldn't—let me! Your mother! She tookeverythingfrom me because she wanted a goddamnbabysitter!" Regina drove the poker into the wall, over and over again, cracking through the plaster until she hit wire. With a hiss of ozone, the room went dark.

It took a long time, but the poker slipped from Regina's hand. It seemed to make a lot of noise hitting the ground. Emma watched, hiding behind a corner, as Regina staggered through the room, crunching glass on unsteady feet. The only light came from the fireplace, the roaring fire that'd now burned down to red ash.

"Now he hates me too. Henry. You've stolen him from me. Just like your mother took Daniel. She wanted to be a daughter, you want to be a mother, and you always get what you want. Because you'reprincesses. You're special and I'm not. You should try being ordinary sometime. It's not very easy... I need some air."

She walked out the patio door, not seeming to notice the cracked glass, and disappeared into the night. That was the last Emma saw of her.

The woman that came back wasn't her... not quite. No one could really explain who she was. The rule was that if someone stepped over the boundary, they lost their knowledge of the Forest and became only their Storybrooke self. But Regina hadn't had one. She'd always been one and the same, the Evil Queen.

Emma thought that Regina Mills—the Mayor—was who Regina would've liked to have been. The family that she'd have wanted, dead now so they couldn't hurt her. The life she'd have wanted, a leader but not the kind Leopold had been, someone who gave to their people instead of taking. However Regina's intentions had warped in casting the Curse, there'd been at least part of her that just wanted peace.

It didn't really matter to Emma, what Regina remembered, what made sense to her and how it made sense. What concerned her—what kept pulling her to Regina, week after week, day after day, night after night—was whether Regina had known she was crossing the boundary. It seemed impossible that she hadn't, with the patrols. Had she just been unlucky enough to slip in between their route? Or had she waited for them to pass, thinking of what she'd done and what'd been done to her? A son who she'd never see, a head full of memories she'd crossed worlds to get away from, an entire town that hated her.

Maybe she didn't even know the magic would make her forget. Maybe, in her pain, she still thought it worked the way it did before. If you tried to leave, the curse stopped you. Permanently, even.

She'd wandered back, bloody and exhausted and cold, and collapsed, fever-ridden. By then the guilt had set in for Emma, the cold weight of Regina's words pressing down on her. She'd actually been cleaning up Regina's place, like a peace offering, when Regina collapsed outside.

Gold had figured out what'd happened to her and Emma had suggested the cover story, something out of an old movie. Regina couldn't be allowed to find out the truth about Storybrooke, because it would lead to the truth about herself, and that would lead to her trying again, maybe worse this time. So she was imprisoned in her own house. Paying for the crimes of a woman she wasn't anymore.

Now Emma had fallen in love with her, giving into the tension that'd always been there. Fallen in love with the woman Regina might've been, if not for Emma's family, fallen in love with the woman shehad been, sweet and kind and loving. Not a hostile bone in her body.

And it was killing her. Stabbing her with the same dream, night after night, her mind replaying the last talk she'd had with the evil queen. But different this time, as if it weren't bad enough. This time, Regina ripped away her clothes like they were one big coat, and her naked body had the bruises Emma had seen in the mirror after their fight. The body she had spent that evening caressing, turned from artwork into desecration.

"Would you like me, Emma?" Regina asked, still in the sweet voice of her youth. No wonder Emma had fallen in love with it. So had her mother. Just wanting a new friend. "He wanted me. Do you think you could do as good a job breaking me in? Make me your queen, Emma. Cora would want me with someone who can take care of me..."

It wasn't that that made Emma wake up screaming. It was the kiss.

In the dream, Regina had the cold lips of a suicide, holding Emma's face with hands cut open at the wrist.

***

"Emma—Emma, stop, it's alright, you're just having a bad dream. Wake up, baby... it's alright." Regina's voice was cool and calming again, not the shriek Emma had heard in her nightmare, that soul-rending shriek as Regina had laid waste to her own home. She stroked Emma as she held her close, fingers smoothing over Emma's hair and back, feeling like sandpaper now.

"Let go of me," Emma said tersely, pulling away, falling to her hands and knees on the floor to root around for her clothes. In the bed, Regina pulled the sheets around herself, staring plaintively at Emma.

"What's wrong?" she asked. "Is it something I did?"

"No, it's not." Emma had found her socks. For lack of anything better, she pulled them on. "It's me. This was a mistake, it's my fault, I shouldn't be doing this, I'm sorry."

"Hey, hey." Regina went to Emma, the sheet still pressed to her body. Good thing too. Emma thought the sight of it might make her sick now. "Last night was a lot of things, but it wasn't a mistake. Now just... calm down and tell me what's going on. Is this about what you said before? About the truth?"

Emma couldn't say anything. Couldn't even move. She just stood there, a deer in the headlights, as Regina stepped closer. Her hands, like a torture device, cinched around Emma's head.

"You can tell me anything."

Regina's thumbs wiped at Emma's tears; her thumbs kissed away their moisture. It was too much for Emma to resist. "I was so used to you hating me. And now you don't but you're going to again. It feels like a part of me is being torn away. I didn't even know it was there..."

Regina hugged Emma to her, burying her mouth by Emma's ear. "Nothing could make me hate you."

Emma's head drifted from side to side. "It was my fault. We got into a fight before you had your... accident and that's why I had those bruises you saw."

"Oh my god." Regina petted Emma's hair desperately. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't apologize to me! It's my fault this happened to you!"

Regina stopped, no longer caressing Emma, just holding her tight. "I don't understand. Why were we fighting?"

Emma spoke like a dead woman. "It was because I wasn't going to let you see Henry anymore. I was going to take him from you."

Regina just stared, uncomprehending. "Why—"

"It's not important," Emma whispered into Regina's clavicle, still clinging onto the feel of Regina's arms around her, though they felt less and less like an embrace. More and more like a cage. "I was wrong about you, okay? I thought you were a bad mother."

"And now?"

"Now I think you were trying and no one made it easy for you. You were trying so hard..."

Regina finally let go. Her voice wasn't the self-satisfied purr of the evil queen, wasn't the sweet needfulness of Regina Mills. Wasn't much of anything. "What else?"

Emma couldn't meet her eyes, even though Regina wasn't looking at her. She was looking past her. "Henry isn't at boarding school. I thought you couldn't take care of him, so... he's with me." Emma's lips were dry. It was weird how much she wanted to lick them. "You haven't been having relapses either. We think that the memories you lost are just gone. Including the last few weeks. We couldn't let you walk around town, asking questions, so we... Regina, if you had seen Henry..."

"No, no that's not it." Regina walked behind Emma, making her expect a knife in the back. Maybe that's why she didn't turn around. "All that just to steal Henry? You wouldn't. Whatever I forget, I remember you. You're a good person, Emma. You came for me through the fire."

Regina reached for her again. This time Emma couldn't take it. She pulled her clothes on, not caring what she put on backward or inside out. "You wouldn't believe me."

"I'm naked in your bed. Credit me with some open-mindedness."

That actually pulled a laugh from Emma. "Get dressed. I'll try to show you."

***

Most cops had safes they kept their firearms in when they were off-duty. Emma's was a little more crowded than most, since her family had put Regina's dangerous magical items in it. Emma punched in the code, not worried about Regina seeing it. Her eyes were only on Emma.

"You remember that book Henry used to carry around?"

Even now, Regina managed to scoff. "The one that said I was the evil queen."

Emma's eyes went low. "There was a lot it left out."

Regina bit the inside of her cheek. "So everyone in this town is a fairy tale character and you're their savior. Is that why we can't be together? Because Doctor Octopus might be able to get to you through me?"

"I know, it's insane, but I can prove it." Emma found what she was looking for in the safe. A leather cover that felt darkly close to skin.

Regina crossed her arms. "Whatever the punch line is to your little joke, I hope you're not expecting us to be having sex again by the weekend."

Emma brought the book out slowly, like she was moving a bomb. It silenced Regina.

"Is this familiar to you?" Emma asked.

Regina shook her head, but it took an effort. "I must've seen it at a store, or in a magazine..."

Emma said nothing. She'd said too much already. Instead, she leafed through the book, looking for something harmless to prove her point. She didn't notice Regina backing away.

After a moment of panic, seeing all the curses that could be cast, she found something suitable for her purposes. There were no instructions though, just a set of strange runes. Her eyes blurred. When she closed them, the black was tinged with purple. She opened her eyes, looking at Regina. And in a moment, Regina was pulled up in the air nearly to the ceiling.

Regina was only as surprised as she usually was, her eyes slightly wider than usual, but then her legs started to pedal in the air. She looked to Emma again, her face full of fear. "Set me down, Emma! Set me down right now!"

Emma tried to, thinking hard on Regina hitting the ground, then redoubling her thoughts on Regina floating down, like a feather. Instead, Regina just dropped. She hit the carpet tangling arms and legs, and left herself splayed out. Emma ran to her, putting no more than a hand on Regina but needing that one connection like air. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," Regina said between deep breaths. "It just—felt wrong."

"That's okay, we're okay." Emma jammed the spell book to the back of the safe. "There. It's locked up and we're never going to touch it again."

Regina nodded. "Magic comes with a price." And then, like her body was being wrenched back from somewhere, someone, else—She threw her hands around her ears. "Why did I say that? Where'd it come from?" She looked at Emma like there was nothing else, and it might've been true. What else was any comfort to her? "Who am I?"

Emma sat down on the floor beside her. "Come on. You're Regina Mills. You're the most prepossessed woman I know—"

"And who else? A queen? A witch? A monster?" Emma was shaking her head. "Tell me!"

She threw her against Emma, pushing her against the wall, but even that was wrong, not threatening, not evil, just pathetic.

Emma ran her hands over the arms holding her, soothing the achingly tense muscles. "You'reRegina. You were born poor and grew up only wanting to marry your true love. But an evil witch cast a spell on you. You became someone you didn't want to be and you hurt people, even though you only wanted them to love you. But the curse is over. You're you again."

"And is that all I am?"

"All that matters." Emma drew her close. "Take it from me, you don't just go to prison. You lead a life that takes you there. And when they let you out of prison, they let you have a choice. You can go right back in, or you can start a new life. We have a new life, Regina. Just don't give up on it."

***

"Tell me... would you love me if I were still her?"

"No. I love the woman you've become."

The answer seemed to satisfy Regina. She went back to her coffee, her newspaper. Her eyes had a way of sliding off Emma that stung a little each time, but more and more their eyes would meet. Hold.

Around them, the diner was at its usual bustle. Over the past week, they'd gotten used to Emma bringing Regina in, sitting with her. Sometimes they didn't even order, sometimes they didn't even look at each other. But Emma looked at anyone who stared too long, gave them a dead-eyed glare that sent them on their way. Regina was with her. Anyone who didn't like it could go jump a beanstalk.

Emma stifled a sudden grin. Regina's stocking-clad foot, free of its shoe, was caressing her leg. Not looking up from the crossword, Regina smiled as well. "Six letter word meaning to bring someone to your own point of view or position; third letter D."

"'Seduce.'"

"And people say you're not smart."

"No they don't."

"Of course they don't."

All said in the time it took Regina's toes to climb to Emma's calf.

"Hi, uh... guys."

Like they had been lassoed by the same rope, Regina and Emma's heads swung to the side. Henry was standing outside their booth, his backpack dangling from his hand.

"The lunch lady served bone-bread again, so I thought I could get lunch here. Is that okay?"

"It'd be fine," Regina said, scooting down to make room for Henry.

He looked to Emma; she gave the slightest nod and Henry climbed up beside Regina.

"So, the new mayor lets the school district grind bones to make bread?" Regina asked Emma.

"I'll have a talk with the lunch lady. Apparently, bones are very nutritious."

"Well, nutrition isn't everything." Regina held up the menu for the two of them. "What looks good, Henry? Is it too late for waffles?"

"Waffles are fine."

"Excellent." Regina held up her hand, expertly summoning Ruby's attention. "An order of waffles. Use the low-sugar syrup."

Emma groaned. "Regina, syrupissugar. If you're going to spoil the kid, at least do it right."

Regina looked between the two of them. Henry was innocently draining his glass of water.

"Brussels sprouts tonight," she insisted, pointing at Emma. "Don't let him get away with sneaking them to the gnomes, I don't care how amusing you find it. I'll know."

"You're not coming to dinner?" Henry asked her.

"Well, I..." Now a little frantic, Regina looked at the two of them. "As you know, we're taking things slow and we'd hate to... confuse you or in any way leave you emotionally vulnerable."

"Mom, it's just dinner. I'll eat my Brussels sprouts. No big."

Henry grabbed at Emma's menu, looking for an appetizer Regina might spring for as long as she was spoiling him. He didn't catch Regina looking at Emma, stunned and proud, mouthing "He called me mom."

Emma looked back, ineffably pleased with herself, and winked.